Nerd Nation - Destructoid

Game database:   #ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ         ALL     Xbox One     PS4     360     PS3     WiiU     Wii     PC     3DS     DS     PS Vita     PSP     iOS     Android

click to hide banner header
I am tonicmole, the prince of unicorns. Straight unicorns.....that breath fire and crap rainbows of destruction, like in the bible. They also feast on the souls of fire imps and pee on them....with fire. They constantly sing a wonderous song about the dangers of premarital sex, and how the danger is what makes it fun. I ride them to the top of Mount Airious where I cry to the god of good feelings known as The Southern Dandy to show me the way to the Happy Land. He replies, "All you have to do is believe in the magic of imagination." I then track his voice through the clouds and harpoon him in the face. As the god plummets from the sky he cries out, "Why!?" and I reply, "Because I am god damn tonicmole!" I then pee on him.
Player Profile
Follow me:
tonicmole's sites
Following (4)  

10:12 AM on 01.26.2012

What is this thing you call Nerd? Well, surprisingly enough it has nothing to do with testicals. What it does have to do with is much more confusing. You see, back over 200 years ago in the 1980's a Nerd was a super intelligent being with no social skills who would later become a billionaire. All nerds looked exactly like this:

Now, not all Nerds became Billionaires. Most were beaten to death and murdered by a physically superior Alpha Male, like Conan The Barbarian, or The Flash. Bill Gates is one of the products of this "natural selection". As the 80's bled into the 90's Alpha Males began to evolve and become more accepting of these so called Nerdites. Oh, the streets still ran red with the blood of pathetic Nerds, but to a lesser and less sexually stimulating extent. The tides that changed were those of persception. Nerds were the underdogs, and everyone loves an underdog. So stabbing a Nerd to death with your own penis became not nearly as cool as it was in the 80's. Some states even made it illegal! As the end of the world approuched in the late 90's much of the world turned towards the Nerds to stop Y2K from awakening from it's underground layer and purging the world of life with it's Bastard Sword of +10 Flame damage. It appears that they succeeded, since it is currently the future, or as we now call it, THE PRESENT. Though it is still most certainly the future of the past, though still being the present of right now.

The New Era of the Nerds began at that exact moment, or at least gradually over 10 or 20 some odd years before or after that moment. You see, what happened is that as the popularity of insanly rich people grew, many other sub cultures saw their chance to gain acceptance under the guise of NERDISM. For instance, the Pedophile. The current "Nerd" population is made up of 99.9999% pedophiles as seen in this graph below:

Ironically, a Pedophile is neither intelligent or rich. Just a Pedophile. Kinda like the country known as Japan, or as Asian children know it as, "Land of Bad Touching". This is the primary reason Japan now uses cloning for reproduction......because they are 100% pedophiles. Some might say a "Brony", or male "My Little Pony" fan is not always a pedophile, but scientific research has proved they are infact 110% rampant murdering pedophiles.

It doesn't end with Pedophiles though. Another group to merge themselves into the Nerdistic society is the loser, or the sub group "Gamer". A gamer is usually of lower intelligence, unemployed, habitual masterbater, and plays alot of Call of Duty, WOW, or Japanese RPG's (see pedophile). Oddly enough many times they are married and even have children. This is the sad result of a poor woman believing she is in fact marrying a Nerd and not a filthy loser. See the pictogram below to know whether you are infact a loser:

A loser traditionally will purchase another month of "WOW" instead of doing things like "supporting their family" or "paying attention to their wives". Women can also be losers, but usually they merely fall under the catagory of "Fat Chicks" like seen below:

The more unusual new comer to the Nerdtopian Society is the super hot chick nerd. The oddest fact is that the super hot chick nerd, is just a super hot chick with glasses, and not really a nerd at all. This is do to the social infection know as "Go with the Flow". Hot chicks do what ever it is that will make them the cool hot chick. Being a super hot chick nerd is the new.......normal super hot chick. In no way should you get confused. This does not mean a 500 pound chick named Destiny, is suddenly a "Hot Chick". No, no, infact only Hot chicks, are hot chicks. It's just that now, they sometimes wear glasses.....

In conclusion, losers are still losers, pedophiles are still not cool and fat chicks are in fact still fat chicks. Attractive, and/or intelligent people are still very much better people then fat losers. Bill Gates does not know what a WOW is, and in his free time he delivers vacc ines to 3rd world real life. As in non-digital. Instead of having a level 50 woodelf, he has a beautiful wife and billions of dollars. He does not play with friends online, he instead hunts real humans like you in a secret billionaire reserve in India (possibly, I really don't know). He does not "get" boners. Boners get him! He is not, and never was a nerd. He was a genius, with little to no ethics. Saying that the pioneers of Home Computing were Nerds is like saying RoboCop was a can opener. THE END.

Photo Photo Photo

Is this blog awesome? Vote it up!

Comments not appearing? Anti-virus apps like Avast or some browser extensions can cause this.
Easy fix: Add   [*]   to your software's white list. Tada! Happy comments time again.

Did you know? You can now get daily or weekly email notifications when humans reply to your comments.

Back to Top

All content is yours to recycle through our Creative Commons License permitting non-commercial sharing requiring attribution. Our communities are obsessed with videoGames, movies, anime, and toys.

Living the dream since March 16, 2006

Advertising on destructoid is available: Please contact them to learn more