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I am tonicmole, the prince of unicorns. Straight unicorns.....that breath fire and crap rainbows of destruction, like in the bible. They also feast on the souls of fire imps and pee on them....with fire. They constantly sing a wonderous song about the dangers of premarital sex, and how the danger is what makes it fun. I ride them to the top of Mount Airious where I cry to the god of good feelings known as The Southern Dandy to show me the way to the Happy Land. He replies, "All you have to do is believe in the magic of imagination." I then track his voice through the clouds and harpoon him in the face. As the god plummets from the sky he cries out, "Why!?" and I reply, "Because I am god damn tonicmole!" I then pee on him.
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tonicmole
1:22 AM on 03.07.2014

Tony Hawk Pro Skater 3 on the Playstation 2 was one of the first games I can remember that allowed the player to create either a male or female character.  It was like time traveling from the wild west, taking a crap in a public toilet via 1998 and watching in eye blasting amazement as the toilet flushed itself.  Yet, the debate continues on whether this is an important feature.  Some argue that the addition of a female alternative takes resources away from important features, while having little effect on a players enjoyment of a title.  They also enjoy claiming that the main character must be male for the story to work, because we all know that women don't fight time traveling ninja zombies.  That would be just stupid.  Some even claim that it's a waste of time due to the shear lack of people who create female characters.

First let's tackle the waste of resources scenario.  The main complaint is that all of the unique animations for a female character would just take too much time.  As an amature animator I'll say horse shit.  Have you used a modern animator lately?  It literally does 90% of the work for you.  Also, almost all the the male animations would be identical for both sexes.  They act as if women swing a sword by emitting a number of clicks from her vaginal gills located on the back of her head and then spin in a 360 15 feet in the air before exploding.  I personally have found that most women just swing the fraking sword.  

Secondly, they argue that the story may be male specific.................story?  Uhhhhhh, I really have to play this "story" game.  The fact of the matter is I would excuse games like Elder Scrolls, Dragon Age, and Saints Row from having female characters because that is alot of work, but I don't have to because they said, "Fuck it!"  Saints Row 2 didn't only record full voice work for male or female, they did so in three different dialects a peice.  That means they recorded every word the player says six times not including the localized versions of the games in other countries.  So let's look at games who just couldn't possibly have a female character do to epic story and amazing gameplay.

Two Worlds:  A surprisingly shitty game.  I knew it was going to be shitty, yet still surprised me by how shitty it was.  Kinda like going to prison knowing that butt sex was in your future, and then being humped to death by a grizzly bear in the shower.

Tony Hawk: American Wasteland/Proving Ground:  Activision is notorious for reusing last years assets in annual games.  Yet some how Tony Hawk lost features year after year, but don't fear.  They have made it very clear that features like character cutomization will not affect the sales of their games, and that the steap decline in sales from American Wasteland to present day is most likely black magic.

Every sports game ever (except Volleyball):  Because chicks don't play sports unless they boobs be giggle'n.  

The fact of the matter is that to have a female character in any game is treated as an automatic Teen rating.  What is that all about?  How is it that women have suddenly become offensive!?  Their existence a smack on baby Jesus face!  Okay....I'm going to end this because I literally started writing this years ago, and just found it.  I'm gonna post this thing with no ending.  Enjoy.



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