I am tonicmole, the prince of unicorns. Straight unicorns.....that breath fire and crap rainbows of destruction, like in the bible. They also feast on the souls of fire imps and pee on them....with fire. They constantly sing a wonderous song about the dangers of premarital sex, and how the danger is what makes it fun. I ride them to the top of Mount Airious where I cry to the god of good feelings known as The Southern Dandy to show me the way to the Happy Land. He replies, "All you have to do is believe in the magic of imagination." I then track his voice through the clouds and harpoon him in the face. As the god plummets from the sky he cries out, "Why!?" and I reply, "Because I am god damn tonicmole!" I then pee on him.
Alot of people refer to people like us as Gamers. We even refer to ourselves as Gamers, or at least the stupid parts of us, yet what we are has little to do with gaming. Admittedly if you are ONE OF US, then you probably play Vidia Games, but is that all it is about? In fact it is totally possible to be ONE OF US, and never have had the pleasure of wasting your pathetic life staring at an LCD monitor. What defines us has more to do with our shared idea's and beliefs then our hobbies.
We all believe Batman is the all supreme ruler. FACT. We all agree that a T-Rex wearing sun glasses while riding a snow board and shooting a Rocket launcher into a Bee Hive is super cool. SUPER FACT. We are the only group of people who would say, "Being homophobic is super gay, and 10% retarded." FACT-ISH We are offended even more then we can possibly offend. KINDA. We are paranoid, cynical, angry little cock smokers, hell bent on bringing the world to an apocalyptic end through witty complaintancy. We argue over anything, and fight over everthing, all without physically doing anything. We are many, yet have no physical form. We are the first fully functional homicidal artist. We make art until someone dies. Half of us try to be the calm voice of reason. The rest of us mock the other half for being jag-offs. FACT-O-ROMA!
We are nothing. We are, as far as I can tell, a digital anomaly. A bizarre side affect of human's staring at screens. It reminds me of the Matrix. "I know Kung-Fu?" But instead of Kung-Fu it's Pedobear. Our brains gush with pointless random ideas. We are a mixing pot of stupidity. One moron, times a billion. We are a GOD! A really stupid God that has very low self-esteem, or at least should if it ever took the time to look at it's self in the mirror. Maybe brush it's hair once a month whether it needed to or not. We are the Hydra.
WE ARE GOD-ISH!
There is no such thing as "GAMERS". There is only the Anomaly. A digital tidal wave, of chaos. We are a virus, spreading distruption through the world at no less then the speed of your Internet Connection. You don't have to play games to be one of us, but if you are one of us, you probably do. Ironically enough, but it has more to do with being a creepy wierdo then anything else. One massive, digitally bound wierdo. "I can has Cheezburger?" Of course you can.