Over the years there have been many games that featured yours truly in some way. Many of these have sucked Bantha Cock while many others had The Force guiding them to become decent or good games. As you all probably know, many licensed games are terrible, and just because I'm featured on the box or somewhere in the game does not make something win. Well, ok, it helps, but not if you're already an Epic Fucking Fail in other facets of Epicness.


Me using The Force to show this kid who's the man

Anyway, today I'm going to cover some attempts at using my films as material for a video game. We shall start with the first attempt ever: The Empire Strikes Back, which was released sometime in 1982. I have never personally played this game, but many people claim it be a good game for the time. The first thing you should know is this: It was developed by Parker Brothers, who have used my likeness time and again for their ridiculous Special Edition Monopolies. At least I get payed. But anyway, they aren't exactly known for their video game prowress, so take what anyone says about this with a grain of salt. Let's start with a pic of some gameplay:



If this is not catching your attention, then a winner is you! Sure, I've never played it, but then again I'm not a fan of people destroying my AT-ATs and killing my loyal but stupid men. How stupid are they you ask? They couldn't tell my son was in their armor, and he's about as tall as my cock and lightsaber put together. Needless to say, not very tall at all. But back to the game. The idea here is to use one of those iconic Snowspeeders on planet Hoth to destroy the Imperial Walkers and shit. According to our source, this pretty much required the player to avoid incoming fire while somehow managing to go shoot the AT-ATs 48 times each. Fortunately, my men have the upper hand, as your lowely Snowspeeder can only take two hits before it's conquered by the Empire. Yes, we fucking rule.


Box Art has come a long fucking way, eh?

Alas, Parker Brothers is not quite as win as the Empire, so they are nice and give those bitch ass Rebels a chance to land and repair their ship on occassion. No matter, for the Dark Side of the Force has made this a game of repition, one that weak Non-Force users will most likely give up on quickly. Such is the power of the Dark Side.



Well, hopefully this has further enlightened you about the Dark Side, and I pray you'll soon join me in the quest to take over the Galaxy and assfuck Emperor Palpatines ragged wrinkly ass until he dies. That piece of shit. He's right though, Padme is a bit of a hoe.

Source: Atari HQ