Associate Editor for Tomopop.com Still, Destructoid's Number One Awesome Bad Ass guy thing...that went to Cancun.
Name: Tazar "Tha Yoot" Tha Yoot
Blood Type: Jazzy Neapolitan
Fighting Style: Irish Wobble and then fall down drunk
Favorite Stance: "Anal sex is still safer then regular sex"
Weapon of choice: by Fatboy Slim
Drug of choice: You know that smell of socks that haven't been washed for years, and have been worn by the same fat steel mill worker for years and years and years. And then you take those socks and you douse them in kerosene and feed them to a large quad-pedal animal (my personal preference: Hulk Hogan), and then subsequently rip them out of the stomach through the rib cage of said animal, and then slather them in mayonaise and leave them in the sun for several days?
That's not a drug, that's just silly.
1st Alternate Drug of choice: Hamsters
2nd Alternate Drug of choice: The Jazz Stylings of Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass
Favorite Book: Def Jam's How to be a Player: The Abridged Version
Favorite Movies: Gonorrhea
Favorite Game: Failing at life.
Weakness: Favorite writer: Paris Hilton
Current room status: "Fucking Mansion"
Mood: GOD DAMMIT I TOLD YOU NOT TO SLAM THE DOOR.
I have been apprehensive to try to buy into any hype around most new games, especially since my fallout I had with Fable years ago. I almost never read or follow anything on upcoming games, in hopes that they will not build up my hopes and then immediately pull the rug out from underneath me. So is Dead Space yet another example of false hope and ruined expectations?
Make no mistake, Dead Space will be one of the best games of 2008, and looks to live completely up to the hype, as far as this blogger is concerned, as I was able to sit down with Chuck Beaver, producer on Dead Space, and try out one of the levels in the game.
Braving a rather long line, myself and Colette were finally lead into a closed off room in the EA booth at this year's Comic Con. There I met Chuck Beaver, who sat me down and handed me a 360 controller. He asked me if I had known much about the game, which thanks to our dear own Husky, I knew that it was amazing, but not much else. Chuck grins and asks me whether I want to fight big enemies one at a time, or go into an area with tons of enemies attacking you all at once.
"Bring them on," I say proudly, and Chuck quickly guides me into a room once the level boots up.
Something you will notice immediately with Dead Space is how gorgeous it looks, even in this stage of development. The main character's suit is extremely well done, and the level that I played on, although rather sparse, completely added some suspense and tension to the game as I slowly walked down the empty corridor that Chuck was leading me into.
Chuck told me that they wanted to make Dead Space a very immersive experience for the player, and as such, there is no HUD or health bars. Your character's health is displayed on the spine of his suit, letting the player know how close to death they are, while at the same time keeping you feeling like you're actually experiencing this game, not just playing it. Menus and inventory management is done through a holographic pad on your character's arm, which is accessible at any time during gameplay. The menus are also designed to keep you from being pulled out of the experience; they're all in real time (meaning if you are being hunted by baddies, inventory management is not gonna be something you want to be concerned with), and they are directly linked to your character. Rotate the camera around 360 degrees and you'll see the menu stay in the same static location as your character.
As I am walking through a corridor to a doorway, Chuck stops me to show me how to use my weapons. Your character has four regular weapons at his disposal, as well as additional abilities such as telekinetics and a very awesome power known as Stasis, which will freeze enemies in their place for a short period of time, which gives you the opportunity to get away to safety to heal yourself and reload your weapons, or blast the crap out of the frozen enemies. Your main weapon in the game's focus can be changed on it's axis, so blowing the limbs and legs off of the various enemies in the game can be made easier depending on your current location in the zero-g world compared to the enemies.
After showing me how to quickly jump from weapon to weapon (all with the D-pad), I am told by Chuck to open the door in front of me and walk inside. I cautiously enter the room and begin walking to the opposite side when all of a sudden I hear a loud disturbing noise coming from my side. I turn around to see three separate enemies slowly making their way towards me. I ready my weapon and aim for their chest, to which Chuck quickly yells at me for. "Don't ever aim for body shots. Take out their limbs first, then take out their legs."
I aim for the closest enemies legs and fire, and watch as the enemies leg is ripped right off of it's body and it falls down to the floor. As it begins to try and get back up, I walk up to it and, with the tap of one button, crush it's head between the floor and my boot. Blood flies everywhere, and the haunting screech of the enemy quickly ceases.
I throw my hands up with joy and start to laugh happily before I notice that the other two enemies flanked me and being to attack me. One lunges for my head with it's mouth, which activates a QTE where you have to tap a button quickly to prevent the enemy from turning you into lunch. I push the enemy aside and kick it in the head, then run away to regain my bearings.
The room I run to has two explosive containers sitting on the ground. Chuck tells me I can use my telekinetic powers to pick up the containers and launch them at the enemy. I pick up the container and turn for the doorway, waiting for the two baddies to try to enter. As soon as I see their ugly faces in front of the door, I hurl the container at them, causing a massive explosion and leaving the two enemies in a bloody heap all over the room. Chuck throws his hands up with joy and starts to applaud me.
I spent another ten minutes playing through the level, blasting and slicing enemies apart and watching Chuck over and over raise his hands above his head in violent, joyous rapture before I reached the end of the demo. I asked Chuck if he ever gets tired of his job, which he laughs and says that it's the most fun he's ever had, and I have to completely agree.
Dead Space will be arriving on October 21st for the PS3, PC and Xbox 360.
I just woke up after having stayed the night at Aerox's house here in LA. Last week was without a doubt the most amazing time of my life, and I couldn't have been happier to be a part of it, despite the fact that my legs and feet are sore and I am so tired I could just fall down and die at any moment.
I'll be posting some hands on previews of Dead Space (FUCKING AWESOME), Ghostbusters (FUCKING AWESOME), and Street Fighter IV (REALLY FUCKING AWESOME) in the next few days, until then, however, I leave you with this amazing photo.
That's right, I met the Sess. Be jealous, bitches.
Do you like toys? Do you like art? Do you like steampunk stuff? Do you like to win art by a steampunk and custom vinyl toy artist by doing just about nothing? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you should head over to Tomopop, like, right now. We've got a contest up to win a signed, limited edition print by renowned UK steampunk artist Doktor A! All you need to do is sign up for an account and tell us about your favorite figures in your collection (if you have one)! And if you answered no to any of those questions, you should be ashamed of yourself!
Oh, and in case you were wondering why the ruggedly handsome and brash lady-killer Tazar would be plugging Tomopop, it is because I'm now an official editor over there. So you guys should stop by and say hello some time!
We all know GTA IV is one of the biggest selling games of all time. With over 6 million copies sold in the first week, there is just no questioning that it's hot. With all things that are popular, it was bound to hit the late night circuits, because cashing in a hot dime is what these horrible shows are known for.
GTA has appeared on several different shows in the last few weeks, including SNL, MAD tv, and Conan O'Brien. Which one of them spoofed it the best? I sat down and graded the skits based on their understanding of the game, reference to actual in game characters and moments, and of course, LOLocity™.(LOLocity™ is ™ by Tazarthayoot, all other uses of said word without expressed written consent to the all knowing and handsome Tazarthayoot are invalid and users should be beaten to within an inch of their lives)
SNL:NIKO AND VLAD HAVE A CHAT WITH WEEKEND UPDATE
The writers of SNL haven't been what they used to be even fifteen years ago, but at the very least you have to give them credit for playing the game long enough to get THREE of the ingame characters names right. However, their "joke" of them being nothing but wobbly people with block hands shows that the only games they've only ever seemed to play was the PS2 versions, as those who have played GTA IV can attest that all the characters have fully fleshed out fingers (and possibly toes).
However, in terms of LOLocity™, the skit is unfunny. Their only hook is the block hands, and they completely missed the mark. Props to knowing Roman, Vlad, and Niko (and getting their clothing somewhat correct), but overall, you just missed the point.
Score = 3/10
MAD TV: GTA: THE BOARD GAME
You know when news companies like Fox News do "stories" about how games are bad for you, and they'll sometimes show you clips from other shows who have already responded about said games (because, you know, it's easier to just show clips than to do your own FACTUAL research)? This is what they show.
Where do you start on something like this? They obviously did no research of the game or anything about the game, and just run with the whole "hookers, drugs, and killing" theme that so many uninformed journalists and heaven-sent pariahs latch onto. Leroy the pimp and his hookers and drugs and O NOES SHOOTING MOM!
Something that GTA has almost never really shown is people using drugs. Sure, Little Jacob is a pothead, but you never actually see him rolling a fatty boom batty and lighting up. Sure one of the girls you see in a mission is on Meth, but you never see her do it. Several of your contacts do coke or heroin, but again, you never see them do it, only mention it.
It really makes me angry when I see shows blatantly rip on a game and it is so completely inaccurate it's not even funny. I used to like MAD TV, but this is just dumb, and not to mention completely unfunny. The LOLocity on this is so low that if you did actually laugh at this for being anything other than poorly done, you may very well be a writer for MAD TV.
Score = Fuck you MAD TV.
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: The New Version of GTA
Both examples I have written about here are obviously the worst ones, but there is one show I've seen spoof GTA that I feel did it in a very funny and well done way, and of course it's Conan O' Brien. If any of you have seen his show, you know he's a gamer, or at the very least his writers are, and they seem to know exactly what is and is not funny when it comes to spoofing on games.
In the above clip, obviously, they show GTA as a very toned down game from the previous titles. They use actual in game walking around footage of Niko just being a common (possibly gay) citizen of Liberty City going about his regular day. Things such as getting a hot dog, taking the kids to soccer practice, and listening to the Tootsie soundtrack at day's end (something I do daily). I actually find this to be funny, if only in stark contrast to what the actual GTA missions ask you to do.
Plus, Bed Bath & Beyond really do have amazing sheets.
Score = 8/10
Games are quickly becoming a more accepted form of media in modern mainstream culture. However, it's very apparent that the people with television shows still know extremely little about them. Hopefully we'll see more shows take the route Late Night did, and produce skits and spoofs that gamers can enjoy while at the same time not completely missing the mark (as well as failing to even play the fucking game first) and produce something that only late night couch potatoes will laugh at because a prerecorded laugh track tells them to.
As I'm sure you all know by now, this last weekend's NARP at Joe Burling's crib was without a doubt one of the best NARPS on record. It had everything you could ever want:
1) SuMizzle, he's back ya'll (and he's black ya'll).
2) Riser Glen drinking and succumbing to the dangers of Hostess Zingers (seriously, those things fucking suck).
3) Cheeburga making Halo 3 by Itagaki his bitch.
4) Ron's penis.
5) Calvin's penis.
6) Droobie's penis.
7) Pedro's...uh...I don't even fucking know.
8) Ron's ex girlfriend.
The night was full of alcohol, cigarettes, and rape, but the following day marked something I thought I'd never see in the entirety of my entire life. Entirely.
Ron Workman played Brawl.
That's right lady and gentlemen, Ron "Greybush here and I'm talking to Aaron Greenburg" Workman played Smash Bros Brawl at some random EB Games along I-75. Now I know what you're about to say: "pics or it didn't happen"