hot  /  reviews  /  videos  /  cblogs  /  qposts


tazarthayoot's blog

2:39 PM on 07.28.2008

Comic-Con 08: Hands on with Dead Space

I have been apprehensive to try to buy into any hype around most new games, especially since my fallout I had with Fable years ago. I almost never read or follow anything on upcoming games, in hopes that they will not build up my hopes and then immediately pull the rug out from underneath me. So is Dead Space yet another example of false hope and ruined expectations?

Make no mistake, Dead Space will be one of the best games of 2008, and looks to live completely up to the hype, as far as this blogger is concerned, as I was able to sit down with Chuck Beaver, producer on Dead Space, and try out one of the levels in the game.

Braving a rather long line, myself and Colette were finally lead into a closed off room in the EA booth at this year's Comic Con. There I met Chuck Beaver, who sat me down and handed me a 360 controller. He asked me if I had known much about the game, which thanks to our dear own Husky, I knew that it was amazing, but not much else. Chuck grins and asks me whether I want to fight big enemies one at a time, or go into an area with tons of enemies attacking you all at once.

"Bring them on," I say proudly, and Chuck quickly guides me into a room once the level boots up.

Something you will notice immediately with Dead Space is how gorgeous it looks, even in this stage of development. The main character's suit is extremely well done, and the level that I played on, although rather sparse, completely added some suspense and tension to the game as I slowly walked down the empty corridor that Chuck was leading me into.

Chuck told me that they wanted to make Dead Space a very immersive experience for the player, and as such, there is no HUD or health bars. Your character's health is displayed on the spine of his suit, letting the player know how close to death they are, while at the same time keeping you feeling like you're actually experiencing this game, not just playing it. Menus and inventory management is done through a holographic pad on your character's arm, which is accessible at any time during gameplay. The menus are also designed to keep you from being pulled out of the experience; they're all in real time (meaning if you are being hunted by baddies, inventory management is not gonna be something you want to be concerned with), and they are directly linked to your character. Rotate the camera around 360 degrees and you'll see the menu stay in the same static location as your character.

As I am walking through a corridor to a doorway, Chuck stops me to show me how to use my weapons. Your character has four regular weapons at his disposal, as well as additional abilities such as telekinetics and a very awesome power known as Stasis, which will freeze enemies in their place for a short period of time, which gives you the opportunity to get away to safety to heal yourself and reload your weapons, or blast the crap out of the frozen enemies. Your main weapon in the game's focus can be changed on it's axis, so blowing the limbs and legs off of the various enemies in the game can be made easier depending on your current location in the zero-g world compared to the enemies.

After showing me how to quickly jump from weapon to weapon (all with the D-pad), I am told by Chuck to open the door in front of me and walk inside. I cautiously enter the room and begin walking to the opposite side when all of a sudden I hear a loud disturbing noise coming from my side. I turn around to see three separate enemies slowly making their way towards me. I ready my weapon and aim for their chest, to which Chuck quickly yells at me for. "Don't ever aim for body shots. Take out their limbs first, then take out their legs."

I aim for the closest enemies legs and fire, and watch as the enemies leg is ripped right off of it's body and it falls down to the floor. As it begins to try and get back up, I walk up to it and, with the tap of one button, crush it's head between the floor and my boot. Blood flies everywhere, and the haunting screech of the enemy quickly ceases.

I throw my hands up with joy and start to laugh happily before I notice that the other two enemies flanked me and being to attack me. One lunges for my head with it's mouth, which activates a QTE where you have to tap a button quickly to prevent the enemy from turning you into lunch. I push the enemy aside and kick it in the head, then run away to regain my bearings.

The room I run to has two explosive containers sitting on the ground. Chuck tells me I can use my telekinetic powers to pick up the containers and launch them at the enemy. I pick up the container and turn for the doorway, waiting for the two baddies to try to enter. As soon as I see their ugly faces in front of the door, I hurl the container at them, causing a massive explosion and leaving the two enemies in a bloody heap all over the room. Chuck throws his hands up with joy and starts to applaud me.

I spent another ten minutes playing through the level, blasting and slicing enemies apart and watching Chuck over and over raise his hands above his head in violent, joyous rapture before I reached the end of the demo. I asked Chuck if he ever gets tired of his job, which he laughs and says that it's the most fun he's ever had, and I have to completely agree.

Dead Space will be arriving on October 21st for the PS3, PC and Xbox 360.   read

10:28 AM on 07.28.2008

Comic Con 08: Amazing!

I just woke up after having stayed the night at Aerox's house here in LA. Last week was without a doubt the most amazing time of my life, and I couldn't have been happier to be a part of it, despite the fact that my legs and feet are sore and I am so tired I could just fall down and die at any moment.

I'll be posting some hands on previews of Dead Space (FUCKING AWESOME), Ghostbusters (FUCKING AWESOME), and Street Fighter IV (REALLY FUCKING AWESOME) in the next few days, until then, however, I leave you with this amazing photo.

That's right, I met the Sess. Be jealous, bitches.   read

4:59 PM on 07.03.2008


So the other day I was searching for information about everyone's favorite singer of the mid-to-late 90's, nu-metal hero Fred Durst. Why? Because the man is a fucking god.

For the uninitiated, allow me to tickle your nostalgic memories of the year 1997:


And again, this classic gem from 1999:


God how I wish nu metal never died.

Anyway, while googling to find out what old Dizzurst has been up to, I happened upon this photo:

wait..a..minute...I think I've seen this person somewhere before...

Where on earth did I see...OH MY GOD

It turns out Durst didn't go far. He just became a community member of our fare Destructoid. It kinda makes sense, if you put no thought into it.

Disclaimer: This is not a flame or hate blog. It is a lul blog. I don't hate anyone on Destructoid.

Except namelessted.

Fuck namelessted.   read

2:15 PM on 06.25.2008

Contest over at Tomopop!

Do you like toys? Do you like art? Do you like steampunk stuff? Do you like to win art by a steampunk and custom vinyl toy artist by doing just about nothing? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you should head over to Tomopop, like, right now. We've got a contest up to win a signed, limited edition print by renowned UK steampunk artist Doktor A! All you need to do is sign up for an account and tell us about your favorite figures in your collection (if you have one)! And if you answered no to any of those questions, you should be ashamed of yourself!

Oh, and in case you were wondering why the ruggedly handsome and brash lady-killer Tazar would be plugging Tomopop, it is because I'm now an official editor over there. So you guys should stop by and say hello some time!   read

11:40 AM on 05.21.2008

GTA in popculture: We get it, it's got drugs and guns.

It's funny because he has WACKY HAIR!!!!(kill me)

We all know GTA IV is one of the biggest selling games of all time. With over 6 million copies sold in the first week, there is just no questioning that it's hot. With all things that are popular, it was bound to hit the late night circuits, because cashing in a hot dime is what these horrible shows are known for.

GTA has appeared on several different shows in the last few weeks, including SNL, MAD tv, and Conan O'Brien. Which one of them spoofed it the best? I sat down and graded the skits based on their understanding of the game, reference to actual in game characters and moments, and of course, LOLocity™.(LOLocity™ is ™ by Tazarthayoot, all other uses of said word without expressed written consent to the all knowing and handsome Tazarthayoot are invalid and users should be beaten to within an inch of their lives)


The writers of SNL haven't been what they used to be even fifteen years ago, but at the very least you have to give them credit for playing the game long enough to get THREE of the ingame characters names right. However, their "joke" of them being nothing but wobbly people with block hands shows that the only games they've only ever seemed to play was the PS2 versions, as those who have played GTA IV can attest that all the characters have fully fleshed out fingers (and possibly toes).

However, in terms of LOLocity™, the skit is unfunny. Their only hook is the block hands, and they completely missed the mark. Props to knowing Roman, Vlad, and Niko (and getting their clothing somewhat correct), but overall, you just missed the point.

Score = 3/10



You know when news companies like Fox News do "stories" about how games are bad for you, and they'll sometimes show you clips from other shows who have already responded about said games (because, you know, it's easier to just show clips than to do your own FACTUAL research)? This is what they show.

Where do you start on something like this? They obviously did no research of the game or anything about the game, and just run with the whole "hookers, drugs, and killing" theme that so many uninformed journalists and heaven-sent pariahs latch onto. Leroy the pimp and his hookers and drugs and O NOES SHOOTING MOM!

Something that GTA has almost never really shown is people using drugs. Sure, Little Jacob is a pothead, but you never actually see him rolling a fatty boom batty and lighting up. Sure one of the girls you see in a mission is on Meth, but you never see her do it. Several of your contacts do coke or heroin, but again, you never see them do it, only mention it.

It really makes me angry when I see shows blatantly rip on a game and it is so completely inaccurate it's not even funny. I used to like MAD TV, but this is just dumb, and not to mention completely unfunny. The LOLocity on this is so low that if you did actually laugh at this for being anything other than poorly done, you may very well be a writer for MAD TV.

Score = Fuck you MAD TV.

Late Night with Conan O'Brien: The New Version of GTA

Both examples I have written about here are obviously the worst ones, but there is one show I've seen spoof GTA that I feel did it in a very funny and well done way, and of course it's Conan O' Brien. If any of you have seen his show, you know he's a gamer, or at the very least his writers are, and they seem to know exactly what is and is not funny when it comes to spoofing on games.

In the above clip, obviously, they show GTA as a very toned down game from the previous titles. They use actual in game walking around footage of Niko just being a common (possibly gay) citizen of Liberty City going about his regular day. Things such as getting a hot dog, taking the kids to soccer practice, and listening to the Tootsie soundtrack at day's end (something I do daily). I actually find this to be funny, if only in stark contrast to what the actual GTA missions ask you to do.

Plus, Bed Bath & Beyond really do have amazing sheets.

Score = 8/10

Games are quickly becoming a more accepted form of media in modern mainstream culture. However, it's very apparent that the people with television shows still know extremely little about them. Hopefully we'll see more shows take the route Late Night did, and produce skits and spoofs that gamers can enjoy while at the same time not completely missing the mark (as well as failing to even play the fucking game first) and produce something that only late night couch potatoes will laugh at because a prerecorded laugh track tells them to.

So, you guys seen any good ones lately?   read

8:20 PM on 04.22.2008

CINCI NARP: Ron Workman plays SSBB!

As I'm sure you all know by now, this last weekend's NARP at Joe Burling's crib was without a doubt one of the best NARPS on record. It had everything you could ever want:

1) SuMizzle, he's back ya'll (and he's black ya'll).
2) Riser Glen drinking and succumbing to the dangers of Hostess Zingers (seriously, those things fucking suck).
3) Cheeburga making Halo 3 by Itagaki his bitch.
4) Ron's penis.
5) Calvin's penis.
6) Droobie's penis.
7) Pedro's...uh...I don't even fucking know.
8) Ron's ex girlfriend.

The night was full of alcohol, cigarettes, and rape, but the following day marked something I thought I'd never see in the entirety of my entire life. Entirely.

Ron Workman played Brawl.

That's right lady and gentlemen, Ron "Greybush here and I'm talking to Aaron Greenburg" Workman played Smash Bros Brawl at some random EB Games along I-75. Now I know what you're about to say: "pics or it didn't happen"

Fuck you asshole, I's got video.


N****R'S FOREVER!   read

10:37 PM on 04.01.2008


French President Nicolas Sarkozy: Man of the people. Fan of Counterstrike.

PARIS, FRANCE: Previously I reported about the formation of The Coalition of the Gaming Masses Who No Longer Wish To Fight Amongst Each Other and Find a New Scapegoat to Hate, a group of gamer fanboys who have united as one to declare a holy "l33t-had" on John Romero, developer of the early 90's guts-and-gore filled game Doom, and late 90's abortion Daikatana.

Shocking news has just now surfaced that John Romero is being aided by the PC Gaming Coalition, a group of PC gaming enthusiasts (read: fanboys) who are deadset on saving their beloved messiah. The most shocking relevation of all, however, is that the entire French Army (all twelve of them) are joining in with the PC Gamers in fighting the console threat.

"Ve are pretty French sometimes," says French President Nicolas Sarkozy. "Ve like to be cheeky, ve like to drink wine, and ve like our PC games. John Romero es very much like us, and as such, we are fighting to protect him from ze vile console gamers."

Thousands upon thousands of the "PC Gaming 3l33t," as they are referring to themselves, have armed themselves to the teeth to fight their console gaming foes. Head leaders in the PC Gaming Coalition are confident they will be able to defeat their enemies on the battlefield.

"It's very well known that PC gamers are far more adept in combat then console gamers shall ever be," says a PC enthusiast only known as "Dyslixic." "Everyone knows that PC gamers have the edge because of our expertise in building our own gaming rigs, as well as the fact that we have more precise aiming skills from our years of using a mouse, which is clearly a far more accurate control then analog sticks will ever be."

A representative for CGMWNLWTFAEOFNSH could not be reached for comment. Stick with FOXToid for continuing updates.   read

9:17 PM on 04.01.2008


Pictured: Members of the Nintendo Party of CGMWNLWTFAEOFNSH training for a "Search and Destroy Romero" Operation in the Middle East.

Redmond, WA: Shock and Awe-mazing news coming down the pipeline today, and FOXToid is your one and ONLY source for this exclusive news.

April 1st, 2008 will be a day that will be remembered by all those leftist bastard gamers for the rest of their lives. It was announced today that fanboys for Microsoft, Sony, and Nintendo have thrown down their flame cannon and held up the olive branch of peace. The Coalition of the Gaming Masses Who No Longer Wish To Fight Amongst Each Other and Find a New Scapegoat to Hate (or CGMWNLWTFAEOFNSH for short) was formed today on the front steps of Nintendo of America. A representative of each fan group was in attendance to announce the Ceasefire between message boards.

"We have realized that we have been fighting the wrong enemy this entire time," says SuMizzle, a former fanboy of Sony and now a head member of CGMWNLWTFAEOFNSH. "For nearly a decade this war has been waged for all the wrong reasons, pitting brother against brother, e-girlfriend against e-boyfriend. Today we now realize who the real enemy is."

That enemy, they have claimed, is John Romero, designer of such games as Commander Keen, Doom, and Daikatana, the latter of which CGMWNLWTFAEOFNSH is citing as the reason for their war.

"For the last twenty years, we have been fighting over which one of our fellow man has the greater system. In that same amount of time, John Romero has created schlock such as Daikatana and Red Faction for the Nokia N-gage," says Adam "Blindside" Dork, a member of the Nintendo party. "For these reasons, we have called upon Mr. Romero a l33t-had. We have the belief that the great gaming gods, Miyamoto, Allard, and Harai, will help to deliver this infidel to justice."

Since news of this Console Alliance has been released, John Romero has gone into hiding. Reports are coming in saying that Romero was possibly identified in a Houston airport booking a flight to Romania.

We should have known better than to allow gamers to assemble en masse. I've always said that eventually they will unite and wage a holy war against someone instead of growing up and getting a real job like I did. They'll never learn, but we already knew that they were nothing more then sad, disgusting losers who live in their parent's basements. Unlike me.

I live in the upstairs guest room.

Stay tuned for FOXToid for future updates on this crisis.


8:58 AM on 04.01.2008


The porn industry struck back at EA and Bioware's Space RPG title Mass Effect today because of it's use of "rampant, unprotected, unsolicited sex with humans and aliens."

"This is just wrong, and completely unfair," says the guy who made all of those World of Whorecraft movies. "I mean, my whole career is based around making porno based off video games for pathetic, lonely nerds to jerk off too, but thanks to Mass Effect and its fuck shots, there's nothing I can parody that they haven't already seen!"

Not only was that one guy pissed off, but about three dozen or so B list porno celebrities were upset that they aren't going to be able to put "the blue alien chick who does DVDA" on their acting resumes. "I've done a lot of roles in my career," says Trixxxie Suxxxalot (misspellings = sexiness), star of game-based pornographic films, such as Crash Inhercoot, Super Monkey Balls in my Vagina #31, and Pong: The Musical Porno, "but playing a blue alien that gets fucked is a dream of mine, and I'm very disappointed that thanks to the sex scenes in Mass Effect I'll never get the chance!"

"I already had a name and a plotline picked out," said that creepy director guy again. "Instead of the obvious Ass Effect, I wanted to try something a bit edgier. I was gonna go with Mass Erect, get it? Obviously with a name like that, we were gonna have a whole group gangbang of different alien races. It was gonna be a porno, sure, but it was also gonna be a message of hope and tolerance in an otherwise racist and bigoted world."

Neither EA nor Bioware have commented at this time, but some guy I met at the local Lion's Den said "I'll whack off to anything."

Stay tuned to FOXTOID for all the latest schlock that rocks.   read

9:23 AM on 03.28.2008


On this day 11 years ago, Cheeburga was born. To celebrate the surprising conception of one of my best friends, I bring you this:


In all cerealness, happy birthday, Chee! I <3 u, and you'll get your buttsecks tomorrow!


9:59 PM on 03.03.2008

Tazar Tirade 02: Michigan NARPapalooza!

This version of the Tirade is not so much me bitching about shit that pisses me off, as I have already addressed that once today. No, this tirade is aimed simply at recounting what little I remember from this past weekend's amazing NARP that was had here in the shitacular state of Michigan. What follows is a tirade full of anecdotes and some ranting, so be sure to pull up a comfortable chair and your favorite snack and/or beverage.

The NARP really started for me on Friday, as I had to drive to pick up Cheeburga from where he lives east of me, then start the trek north toward Grim's house.

As most of you may or may not know, I am not a native of Michigan. I have lived in Louisiana all my life up until the last few years, and did not see my first snowfall until about two years ago. I hate the snow with a fevered vengeance, so you can understand my frustration when I woke up Friday morning to the realization that it had A) been snowing all night and B) it was going to be snowing all day. If you read the previous posts, you know my car is, for a lack of better words, a piece of shit. Driving in the snow is so hard, and the slightest bit of speed over the "sweet spot" sends my car in a death spin.

Driving to Chee's, I noticed five cars strewn along the highway that had spun out and landed in the ditch. It was not very helpful for me to see this as I made my way to Chee's city. Luckily, my car made it no problem, although I got lost twice trying to get to his house.

Dear Michigan: make fucking street signs that are fucking visible from the road. Also, fuck you.

I pull up to Chee's driveway and see him peering out his front door like he's waiting for his package from the cock of the month club. I have to admit I didn't know what to think of Chee at first. The kid wears girl pants for fucks sake.

But Cheeburga is an amazing kid. He's funny and fun to talk to, and he actually likes good music. The fact that I didn't throw him out of my car at any point during the trip should be proof positive enough that Chee is awesome.

After a quick pit stop at the local 7-11 to get my Friday drank (MT DEW AND CHERRY SLURPEE FTW!), we were on our way for a three hour trip to Grim's house...

...and got lost again...twice.

Once again, fuck you Michigan. Mark your roads and your fucking detours so that people can SEE them. Because of your bullshit, we almost went off of a huge fuckoff bridge that was closed. WE COULD HAVE FUCKING DIED!

Anyway, after we found our way again, we finally got to Grim's house. Grim's house is amazing, and so are his parents. His mom treated us like royalty, and made us the best cookies ever, and amazing nacho cheese salsa.

We played some Rock Band, helped Grim out on skate.(because he sucks at it), and watched the Thing on HDDVD.

We also played Dynamite Cop on the Dreamcast. If anyone can remember that game, you know how amazingly bad it was. I used to love the game as a kid, but holy shit, this was terrible, and has not aged well as all.

Grim has like twenty HD DVD's. lawl.

Grim is a super quiet dude but fucking awesome as hell. Seriously, I love Grim.

We fell asleep around 1 am, and got up at about 9 am. After watching a little bit of Family Guy, Grim's mom made us some AMAZING cinnamon rolls. She is amazing.

We were back on the road at by 10ish and on our way to pick up Aertyr and CannibalCalvin. Aertyr is like nine feet tall and reminds me of the Giant from that Billy Crystal movie, When Harry Met Sally. Calvin is amazing, and so is Aertyr.

After we picked them up, we drove back to Grim's house (because Cheeburga fails and can't remember to bring his fucking jacket anywhere), we were finally on our way to Lark's.

Highlights of this trek:

+Calvin and Cheeburga are connoisseurs of drawing dicks on Pictochat. That was also the ONLY reason Pictochat was ever created.
+Michigan still sucks.
+Birds in Michigan are the dumbest mother fuckers on earth. Seriously. If you see a car coming at you, YOU DO NOT FUCKING DRIVE DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF IT. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU JUST LEFT THE SAME SPOT YOU FLEW BACK INTO 10 SECONDS EARLIER.
+Aertyr likes taking pictures.

After five long hours, and two times when taking the wrong exit and/or missing the exit, we finally arrived at Lark's house. NihonTiger had gotten there just minutes prior.

Lark scared the shit out of me at first. He has this beard that made me think he was going to rape us. No offense Lark, you were a really cool guy, but holy shit my butthole clenched up.

NihonTiger is a nerd. But in a good way.

We immediately clear the top of a broken tv, placed a working tv on top of it, and started up on the Rock Bands. And a lot of Rock Bands was to be had. I sang for almost the entirety. Seriously, I can barely speak right now because of all the singing I did Saturday.

Highlights of Lark's house:
+Asian Joe was at the narp, and he is my bestest friend!
+Brawl does fucking suck. Fuck that game.
+Crazy dog looks like Wishbone. Wishbone, if he were a psycho dog who would tear your throat out.
+Lark's brother and nephew are also batshit insane.
+Michiana is a fucking stupid name for the border of Michigan and Indiana.
+Rizer Glen was missed terribly.
+Kwaselow's lolcat speech of why he couldn't attend was lolarious.
+Lark's wife is nonexistant. Seriously, I was screaming and singing my head off, and I never saw her once.
+Brawl really fucking sucks.
+You can never go fast enough. You must always go FASTER FASTER FASTERFASTERFASTER!
+Dtoid Stickam = Reboot and Sonic porn.
+Chad Concemo riding a dolphin is infact the background to my Xbox Live blades, and it will be like that until the end of time.
+Fuck you Brawl.
+Cheeburga can't comprehend MST3K.

So Sunday morning we all headed out for the long trek home. Lark's dog chased us down the road for a good fifty feet, which was fucking creepy. We stopped at an Applebee's halfway between Grim and Lark's house. Highlights of Applebees:

+They can't get my order right.
+The waitress almost lost her shit when I was talking about fajitas.
+Bowling is a terribly boring sport. Whoever watches that shit is either in a catatonic state, or severely retarded.
+Every one of us ordered cheeburgas. Every one of us ordered our cheeburgas by saying "I want the cheeburgas..."
+I am quite knowledgeable of teh vagina.

After Applebee's, we pulled out Grim's ipod and noticed he had a lot of REALLY AWESOMELY BAD SHITTY MUSIC.

We spent the entirety of our trip singing in unison to all the songs, including, but not limited to: Ocean Avenue, Welcome to the Black Parade, a shitload of No Doubt, a bunch of Queen songs, Trapt, Linkin Park, Staind, Sum 41, etc etc etc.

We dropped off Grim, Calvin, and Aertyr at their homes, and then it was just me and Cheeburga left.

We listened to the Lost Odyssey soundtrack until my mp3 player battery died. The Lost Odyssey soundtrack is incredible. It will make you want to play Final Fantasy VII all over again. Go buy Lost Odyssey.

Once my mp3 player died, we plugged Chee's DS into my car adaptor and listened to the sultry sounds of a Bidoof in heat from Pokemon Diamond. At about 6 pm I dropped Chee off at his house, and started my trek home. I got home around 7 pm last night, brought all my stuff in, and lol'd at cheeburga eating a cheeburga.

This weekend was one of the greatest weekends of my life. I seriously love everyone who I hung out with to death, and hope that we can hang out again real soon.

I know nobody is going to read this, but I just wanted to put my perspective on the trip. It was amazing guys!

Finally, I want to end on a good note:


2:54 PM on 03.03.2008

Failed criticism, and the failed journalists who excel at it...and the gamers that play them.

My good friend Grim just showed me this article by the Daily Texan's Hudson Lockett. Lockett poo poo's all over Gametrailers TV, stating the show is full of misinformation and is completely unorganized, yet manages to shit all over himself in presenting any proof to his claim that the show is such.

In the article, he says that Gametrailers TV is a "bad show, paved with good intentions." If he were talking about the stupid non-gaming bitch of a cohost that Keighley has on the show with him, I'd be willing to agree, but instead Lockett says that the thirty minute game show fails to "encapsulate relevant gaming news and analysis."

Okay, I'm game Mr. Lockett (if that is your real name, it sure does sound like a spiffy fake name, like Jim Sterling or I used to be on Road Rules). Let me know what, in your opinion, makes Gametrailers TV a mega failure.

While commentary comes from generally respectable sources, some appear uninformed about certain subjects. Shane Satterfield, editor-in-chief of, is particularly noteworthy.

No one buys the Wii as their primary console," Satterfield said of Nintendo's popular platform, ignoring the company's appeal to a demographic that doesn't usually play video games. Satterfield insisted that the Wii is bought largely in addition to competing consoles rather than on its own. your argument is that because an EDITOR has an EDITORIAL OPINION, he is wrong?

My fair Communitoid, I ask you this: how many of you own ONLY a Wii? How many of you consider the Wii to be your PRIMARY (read: most played video game system on a weekly basis overall) game system. Nintendo fanboys need not apply, I already know what you're going to say.

Alright, so one strike so far, Mr. Lockett. Let's see what else you've got.

Meanwhile, the show's featured previews are essentially ads. A segment for "MLB '08: The Show" adeptly points out, "Baseball wouldn't be baseball without the teams, players and stadiums." Perhaps most telling is the narrator's suggestion that the game will drop "just in time for the new season." Each preview also points to more substantial coverage at the program's partner site, is this an argument? You're saying they fail because they preview games, and tell people to go to their site to watch more content? Thank god you're on the scene, Matlock!

How could a preview of a video game be anything other than a fucking ad for the game? The point of a preview is to allow consumers to see the game before it comes out, give them what the game hopes to achieve gameplay and etc wise at retail, and then allow the consumer to decide for themselves whether or not they want to buy the game. Had it been a REVIEW, I'm sure it would have featured a grading scale comparable to stars 1 to 5, or llama's balancing on a ball, whatever your feeble mind needs to process information of whether a game is bad or not.

Also, they TEND to release sports games near the start of that particular game's season. You know, when the most rabid fan is willing to buy whatever assorted goodie there is out there that is associated with their beloved team. That's called a marketing strategy, Mr. Lockett. If they released a baseball game during football season, the game would probably not sell very well, I would imagine.

Thirdly, the show is, as you already stated, thirty minutes long. Obviously they can't fit EVERYTHING they want about the game into the show, otherwise they wouldn't have time for anything else. Also, considering came BEFORE Gametrailers TV, why the hell wouldn't they link to their own damn site? I'm sure your business card reads "Jackass, Journalist for" Or do you just bring printed out versions of everything you've ever written everywhere with you, so people don't have to fully research your bullshit on their own?

Okay, so that's two strikes, Mr. Lockett. Your closing paragraph is about how Keighley is a "competent proponent of video games as a respectable medium." (unlike you, who is a competent example of why children shouldn't eat paint chips as a child) Then you poopoo on his show by using his own quote about Mass Effect to sum up. Brilliant, I'm sure you were on the Dean's list at whatever technical school you attended to get your writing degree. (DeVry FTW!)

So that leaves us with two strikes though, doesn't it? What could I possibly come up with to add for the final three strikes?

Your third and final strike has to do with that picture you used to accompany your article. What the fuck does it have to do with anything? EA and Rockstar are never mentioned once, not even Best Buy is mentioned. Nor pricing, alphabetical order in retail stores, games you wish you could play if you didn't have the intellect of a marmoset. I don't get it, and I'm sure you don't either. Thank god for the subquote to explain to me what the fuck it was, but even then, why use it? Did you just buy a new camera that day and that was the first picture you took with it? You're a regular fucking Savant, but even he can read better than you.

Mr. Lockett, three strikes and you're out. If you were trying to encapsulate relevant reporting of a television show about gaming, or wanted to comment on video game tv shows and how they confuse you with their bright colors and talking hosts, you failed on both accounts. I blame your breakneck pacing and unfocused format for it.

[Via Fucking Idiots, thanks Grim!]   read

Back to Top

We follow moms on   Facebook  and   Twitter
  Light Theme      Dark Theme
Pssst. Konami Code + Enter!
You may remix stuff our site under creative commons w/@
- Destructoid means family. Living the dream, since 2006 -