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11:26 AM on 08.20.2009

Top 10 reasons it's Samit's birthday

10.

9.

8.

7.

6.

5.

4.

3.

2.

1.   read


10:48 AM on 08.20.2009

10 Reasons why Obama's from Hawaii


I apologize to NO MAN.

10. Because his birth certificate says so

9. Homie loves his luaus.

8. It's the only other place besides Washington he can easily roast a pig.

7. The beaches, obviously.

6. THERE IS NO REASON 6.

5. NO pooftahs.

4. His lifelong dream was one day to be the guy on the Hawaiian punch can

3. Fox News thinks it's somewhere between Iraq and Egypt.

2. Because his birth certificate says so!

And the number 1 reason why Obama's from Hawaii *drumroll please*

1.   read


1:04 AM on 06.18.2009

Why both Prototype and Infamous suck

Because. I. Said. So.



I cannot understand why people are so unbelievably up in arms over the two games and the desire to make a huge to-do over it. What Prototype and inFAMOUS attempt to do are complete opposites from one another. Aside from the fact that they are both open world sandbox games with a gruff-voiced lead who involuntarily become something they never asked to be, the games play in a way that completely counter-act to the other title. That's not to say that one is better than the other, but to say that the games should not become a cock measuring contest as to who's gaming system is better.

And yes, that is what this really comes down to, yet again. Which is better, the Xbox or the Playstation. Bear in mind Prototype is not a console exclusive to the 360. It seems that the hidden agenda with these community blogs and comments speaking out on how horrible it is that inFAMOUS is better than Prototype is less about the games and more about the constant, never-ending battle of which system is better. and that, my friends, is petty fucking bullshit.

I have not gotten the chance to play the full game of inFAMOUS because I don't own a PS3, but I have played the demo, and read the comic. Although I would most likely prefer the story of inFAMOUS over Prototype's, I prefer the gameplay of Prototype over all because, quite frankly, I like running around and being near-omnipotent in video games. That's the whole reason I play games, to escape reality. inFAMOUS is no different, aside from the fact that they try to make the game be a tad more realistic than the world of Prototype and oh my fucking god what the hell am I doing.

I started out wanting to write a blog about how the two games should NOT be compared, and I go on for over three paragraphs doing just that. Let me restart-

ahem

PLAY THE GAME YOU FUCKING LIKE. IF YOU PREFER A STORYLINE, PLAY INFAMOUS. IF YOU LIKE BALLS TO THE WALL PSYCHOTIC GAMEPLAY (a la Hulk: Ultimate Destruction) THEN FOR CHRIST'S SAKE PLAY FUCKING PROTOTYPE.

Or, better yet, play them fucking both. If you have a PS3, you should be able to do this with ease. If you only own a 360 (like myself), then get some friends and force them to let you play it. Once you've spent a decent amount of time in both, decide which one you like more.

And then keep that fucking opinion to yourself.

In the end it should not come down to which game has better story, which game has more fun, which game is a fucking system exclusive. It should come down to what you enjoy is what you like, and in turn, what you continue to play. Don't get insanely offended because Jim Sterling didn't like such and such as much as you did, because that is one man's opinion, and you should not expect them to change that just because you don't agree. Nothing Jim Sterling says can sway your opinion on the game, so what makes you think anything you have to say about it will sway his?

We're all forgetting one of the key rules that this website and it's community was made upon, and that was:



Each and every one of us on this site have an opinion and judgment on every single fucking game, and much like snowflakes, they're all different. Instead of fighting over consoles and games, let's just FUCKING PLAY THEM.

And maybe occasionally meet up, have a few beers together, and not hate each other just because we didn't like the grade of 6.5.

Don't like it? Fuck you, it's my opinion, which I happily give 11/10.   read


10:20 AM on 05.16.2009

New Orleans Dtoider Meet Up!?



Alright Dtoid, so I'm back home in New Orleans for the next few days with absolutely nothing to do. I have every intention of getting shit ass drunk and rambling through the French Quarter without pissing/shitting myself. Then I had the thought, "Hey, why do this alone when I can force other Dtoiders into my own misery!?"

So, any Dtoiders in and around the New Orleans area want to meet up to hang out/drink/stuff? I would like to hit up some arcades (if there are any left) or some retro game stores (if there are any at all), and since I have no fucking clue where to find any, I'd have to enlist your help to find them.

If you aren't busy this weekend and want to hang out with me, you can email me at theswagga (at) gmail (dot) com so we can schedule a get together.

Hope to hang out with some of you fuckers soon!   read


8:53 AM on 05.10.2009

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAMETTE!



It's been done. It cannot be undone.   read


3:11 PM on 08.13.2008

UPDATE!Red Faction: Guerrilla destructifest tonight. We want you in!

Setting up teams, since it seems there will be quite a few people joining us. Also set back start time to 10 pm eastern instead of 9 due to the fact that I'm a fucktard.


BOOM AHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Tonight, my fair Communitoid, we will be creating a massive game of Red Faction Guerrilla. After several hours of play last night, myself, alongside DVDDesign, -D-, Butmac, and LostCrichton decided that the best part of the game, by far, is having buildings fall down on top of your head and crush you. So tonight, my friends, that is what we plan on doing.


None of this will happen tonight.

We want to make a room of twelve people tonight in Red Faction, and spend the evening trying to find more and more inventive ways of bringing the house down, literally, in the game. Want to join in? All you have to do is leave your gamertag in the comments below, and be available to play Red Faction Guerrilla tonight starting at 10:00pm Eastern time. Oh yeah, you also need to have the Red Faction Guerrilla beta.

The following people are confirmed for play:
TEAM ONE:(hosted by myself, Tazar)
Grim (warchiefgrim)
Tazar (tazartheyoot)
-D- (suckerpod)
DVDDesign (metalocalypse)
LostCrichton (LostCrichton)
Butmac (Butmac)
Kryptinite (Kryptinite)
king3vbo (king3vbo)
Justice (TheSolidSound)
Vlambo (Vlambo)
The Bez (The Bez)
The Gamegoblin

TEAM TWO: (Needs a host)
Eternaldeathslayer (Kobewan0869)
sTo0z (sTo0z)
reaprar (Reaprars)
xmalachi (xMalachi)
darktravesty (darktravesty)
Ub3rSlug (Ub3rSlug)
Deadmoviestar (Goei5)
Bslashingu (Bslashingu)


So if you want in, as I said above, go ahead and leave your gamertag in the comments below, and I will update accordingly. If we have more then 12 users, we will designate another Dtoider to be the party leader for a second Communitoid destructo-fest lobby.

LET'S GET BREAKIN!   read


2:39 PM on 07.28.2008

Comic-Con 08: Hands on with Dead Space



I have been apprehensive to try to buy into any hype around most new games, especially since my fallout I had with Fable years ago. I almost never read or follow anything on upcoming games, in hopes that they will not build up my hopes and then immediately pull the rug out from underneath me. So is Dead Space yet another example of false hope and ruined expectations?

Make no mistake, Dead Space will be one of the best games of 2008, and looks to live completely up to the hype, as far as this blogger is concerned, as I was able to sit down with Chuck Beaver, producer on Dead Space, and try out one of the levels in the game.

Braving a rather long line, myself and Colette were finally lead into a closed off room in the EA booth at this year's Comic Con. There I met Chuck Beaver, who sat me down and handed me a 360 controller. He asked me if I had known much about the game, which thanks to our dear own Husky, I knew that it was amazing, but not much else. Chuck grins and asks me whether I want to fight big enemies one at a time, or go into an area with tons of enemies attacking you all at once.

"Bring them on," I say proudly, and Chuck quickly guides me into a room once the level boots up.

Something you will notice immediately with Dead Space is how gorgeous it looks, even in this stage of development. The main character's suit is extremely well done, and the level that I played on, although rather sparse, completely added some suspense and tension to the game as I slowly walked down the empty corridor that Chuck was leading me into.

Chuck told me that they wanted to make Dead Space a very immersive experience for the player, and as such, there is no HUD or health bars. Your character's health is displayed on the spine of his suit, letting the player know how close to death they are, while at the same time keeping you feeling like you're actually experiencing this game, not just playing it. Menus and inventory management is done through a holographic pad on your character's arm, which is accessible at any time during gameplay. The menus are also designed to keep you from being pulled out of the experience; they're all in real time (meaning if you are being hunted by baddies, inventory management is not gonna be something you want to be concerned with), and they are directly linked to your character. Rotate the camera around 360 degrees and you'll see the menu stay in the same static location as your character.

As I am walking through a corridor to a doorway, Chuck stops me to show me how to use my weapons. Your character has four regular weapons at his disposal, as well as additional abilities such as telekinetics and a very awesome power known as Stasis, which will freeze enemies in their place for a short period of time, which gives you the opportunity to get away to safety to heal yourself and reload your weapons, or blast the crap out of the frozen enemies. Your main weapon in the game's focus can be changed on it's axis, so blowing the limbs and legs off of the various enemies in the game can be made easier depending on your current location in the zero-g world compared to the enemies.

After showing me how to quickly jump from weapon to weapon (all with the D-pad), I am told by Chuck to open the door in front of me and walk inside. I cautiously enter the room and begin walking to the opposite side when all of a sudden I hear a loud disturbing noise coming from my side. I turn around to see three separate enemies slowly making their way towards me. I ready my weapon and aim for their chest, to which Chuck quickly yells at me for. "Don't ever aim for body shots. Take out their limbs first, then take out their legs."

I aim for the closest enemies legs and fire, and watch as the enemies leg is ripped right off of it's body and it falls down to the floor. As it begins to try and get back up, I walk up to it and, with the tap of one button, crush it's head between the floor and my boot. Blood flies everywhere, and the haunting screech of the enemy quickly ceases.



I throw my hands up with joy and start to laugh happily before I notice that the other two enemies flanked me and being to attack me. One lunges for my head with it's mouth, which activates a QTE where you have to tap a button quickly to prevent the enemy from turning you into lunch. I push the enemy aside and kick it in the head, then run away to regain my bearings.

The room I run to has two explosive containers sitting on the ground. Chuck tells me I can use my telekinetic powers to pick up the containers and launch them at the enemy. I pick up the container and turn for the doorway, waiting for the two baddies to try to enter. As soon as I see their ugly faces in front of the door, I hurl the container at them, causing a massive explosion and leaving the two enemies in a bloody heap all over the room. Chuck throws his hands up with joy and starts to applaud me.

I spent another ten minutes playing through the level, blasting and slicing enemies apart and watching Chuck over and over raise his hands above his head in violent, joyous rapture before I reached the end of the demo. I asked Chuck if he ever gets tired of his job, which he laughs and says that it's the most fun he's ever had, and I have to completely agree.

Dead Space will be arriving on October 21st for the PS3, PC and Xbox 360.   read


10:28 AM on 07.28.2008

Comic Con 08: Amazing!

I just woke up after having stayed the night at Aerox's house here in LA. Last week was without a doubt the most amazing time of my life, and I couldn't have been happier to be a part of it, despite the fact that my legs and feet are sore and I am so tired I could just fall down and die at any moment.

I'll be posting some hands on previews of Dead Space (FUCKING AWESOME), Ghostbusters (FUCKING AWESOME), and Street Fighter IV (REALLY FUCKING AWESOME) in the next few days, until then, however, I leave you with this amazing photo.



That's right, I met the Sess. Be jealous, bitches.   read


4:59 PM on 07.03.2008

A SHOCKING REVELATION!

So the other day I was searching for information about everyone's favorite singer of the mid-to-late 90's, nu-metal hero Fred Durst. Why? Because the man is a fucking god.

For the uninitiated, allow me to tickle your nostalgic memories of the year 1997:

[embed]93623:12824[/embed]

And again, this classic gem from 1999:

[embed]93623:12827[/embed]

God how I wish nu metal never died.

Anyway, while googling to find out what old Dizzurst has been up to, I happened upon this photo:



wait..a..minute...I think I've seen this person somewhere before...

Where on earth did I see...OH MY GOD







It turns out Durst didn't go far. He just became a community member of our fare Destructoid. It kinda makes sense, if you put no thought into it.

Disclaimer: This is not a flame or hate blog. It is a lul blog. I don't hate anyone on Destructoid.

Except namelessted.

Fuck namelessted.   read


2:15 PM on 06.25.2008

Contest over at Tomopop!



Do you like toys? Do you like art? Do you like steampunk stuff? Do you like to win art by a steampunk and custom vinyl toy artist by doing just about nothing? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you should head over to Tomopop, like, right now. We've got a contest up to win a signed, limited edition print by renowned UK steampunk artist Doktor A! All you need to do is sign up for an account and tell us about your favorite figures in your collection (if you have one)! And if you answered no to any of those questions, you should be ashamed of yourself!

Oh, and in case you were wondering why the ruggedly handsome and brash lady-killer Tazar would be plugging Tomopop, it is because I'm now an official editor over there. So you guys should stop by and say hello some time!   read


11:40 AM on 05.21.2008

GTA in popculture: We get it, it's got drugs and guns.


It's funny because he has WACKY HAIR!!!!(kill me)

We all know GTA IV is one of the biggest selling games of all time. With over 6 million copies sold in the first week, there is just no questioning that it's hot. With all things that are popular, it was bound to hit the late night circuits, because cashing in a hot dime is what these horrible shows are known for.

GTA has appeared on several different shows in the last few weeks, including SNL, MAD tv, and Conan O'Brien. Which one of them spoofed it the best? I sat down and graded the skits based on their understanding of the game, reference to actual in game characters and moments, and of course, LOLocity™.(LOLocity™ is ™ by Tazarthayoot, all other uses of said word without expressed written consent to the all knowing and handsome Tazarthayoot are invalid and users should be beaten to within an inch of their lives)

SNL:NIKO AND VLAD HAVE A CHAT WITH WEEKEND UPDATE
[embed]86920:11474[/embed]

The writers of SNL haven't been what they used to be even fifteen years ago, but at the very least you have to give them credit for playing the game long enough to get THREE of the ingame characters names right. However, their "joke" of them being nothing but wobbly people with block hands shows that the only games they've only ever seemed to play was the PS2 versions, as those who have played GTA IV can attest that all the characters have fully fleshed out fingers (and possibly toes).

However, in terms of LOLocity™, the skit is unfunny. Their only hook is the block hands, and they completely missed the mark. Props to knowing Roman, Vlad, and Niko (and getting their clothing somewhat correct), but overall, you just missed the point.

Score = 3/10



MAD TV: GTA: THE BOARD GAME
[embed]86920:11475[/embed]

Ahem...

You know when news companies like Fox News do "stories" about how games are bad for you, and they'll sometimes show you clips from other shows who have already responded about said games (because, you know, it's easier to just show clips than to do your own FACTUAL research)? This is what they show.

Where do you start on something like this? They obviously did no research of the game or anything about the game, and just run with the whole "hookers, drugs, and killing" theme that so many uninformed journalists and heaven-sent pariahs latch onto. Leroy the pimp and his hookers and drugs and O NOES SHOOTING MOM!

Something that GTA has almost never really shown is people using drugs. Sure, Little Jacob is a pothead, but you never actually see him rolling a fatty boom batty and lighting up. Sure one of the girls you see in a mission is on Meth, but you never see her do it. Several of your contacts do coke or heroin, but again, you never see them do it, only mention it.

It really makes me angry when I see shows blatantly rip on a game and it is so completely inaccurate it's not even funny. I used to like MAD TV, but this is just dumb, and not to mention completely unfunny. The LOLocity on this is so low that if you did actually laugh at this for being anything other than poorly done, you may very well be a writer for MAD TV.


Score = Fuck you MAD TV.

Late Night with Conan O'Brien: The New Version of GTA
[embed]86920:11476[/embed]

Both examples I have written about here are obviously the worst ones, but there is one show I've seen spoof GTA that I feel did it in a very funny and well done way, and of course it's Conan O' Brien. If any of you have seen his show, you know he's a gamer, or at the very least his writers are, and they seem to know exactly what is and is not funny when it comes to spoofing on games.

In the above clip, obviously, they show GTA as a very toned down game from the previous titles. They use actual in game walking around footage of Niko just being a common (possibly gay) citizen of Liberty City going about his regular day. Things such as getting a hot dog, taking the kids to soccer practice, and listening to the Tootsie soundtrack at day's end (something I do daily). I actually find this to be funny, if only in stark contrast to what the actual GTA missions ask you to do.

Plus, Bed Bath & Beyond really do have amazing sheets.


Score = 8/10

Games are quickly becoming a more accepted form of media in modern mainstream culture. However, it's very apparent that the people with television shows still know extremely little about them. Hopefully we'll see more shows take the route Late Night did, and produce skits and spoofs that gamers can enjoy while at the same time not completely missing the mark (as well as failing to even play the fucking game first) and produce something that only late night couch potatoes will laugh at because a prerecorded laugh track tells them to.

So, you guys seen any good ones lately?   read


8:20 PM on 04.22.2008

CINCI NARP: Ron Workman plays SSBB!



As I'm sure you all know by now, this last weekend's NARP at Joe Burling's crib was without a doubt one of the best NARPS on record. It had everything you could ever want:

1) SuMizzle, he's back ya'll (and he's black ya'll).
2) Riser Glen drinking and succumbing to the dangers of Hostess Zingers (seriously, those things fucking suck).
3) Cheeburga making Halo 3 by Itagaki his bitch.
4) Ron's penis.
5) Calvin's penis.
6) Droobie's penis.
7) Pedro's...uh...I don't even fucking know.
8) Ron's ex girlfriend.

The night was full of alcohol, cigarettes, and rape, but the following day marked something I thought I'd never see in the entirety of my entire life. Entirely.

Ron Workman played Brawl.

That's right lady and gentlemen, Ron "Greybush here and I'm talking to Aaron Greenburg" Workman played Smash Bros Brawl at some random EB Games along I-75. Now I know what you're about to say: "pics or it didn't happen"

Fuck you asshole, I's got video.

[embed]82833:10613[/embed]

N****R'S FOREVER!   read





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