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About
My Belmont Run for Dark Souls can be seen

HERE
HERE
HERE
HERE
AND HERE

I also did a blind run of the DLC, which you can view

Here
Here
And here

I also covered the progress of building my own gaming PC. I had no experience, and overall, it wasn't all bad! If you are on the fence about it, I suggest you read about my efforts

Here
And here

The series never had a part 3, because I was having waaaaay too much fun playing it. Suffice to say that it does alright these days.

Thanks for stopping by my blawg!
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Depending on who you ask, 2014 was either a wonderful year or a terrible year for gaming.  My opinion?  It was awesome.  I created the list below, along with a few notes, of every game I completed during the year.  There are some that I started up that just never got around to finishing.

As far as my favorites for the year, I think my ‘finished GOTY’ goes to Metal Gear Revengeance.  It was an absolute blast, even for someone who isn’t great at the genre.  Hyrule Warriors was probably my favorite game for passing time while watching something in the computer.  Passing time on the computer?  That is probably Tower of Guns, clocking in at 21 hours of gameplay! And, of course, DOTA is still just as addicting as ever. Without further ado:

 

Saints Row 2 - this game needed heavy modding love to get playable.  I forget if controllers just weren’t supported in general, or if the button prompts didn’t show up, but the game needs some TLC.  That being said, once it is running, it is my favorite of the series.  My original character was a Walter White style bad guy - an older crime lord, for more civilized crime.  With a beer belly and comb over, his agression wasn't so much an act of agression as getting too old for this shit.

Saints Row 3 - Compared to 2 and 4, this is where the series kind of changed.  It was halfway between super powered and normal, serious and extreme.  It was a fun game, but not great.

Saints Row 4 - Basically a good Crackdown.  Is it Saints Row?  No.  Is it fun?  Hell yeah.  Wish this was its own IP more than a weird, Saints based virtual world, but ah well.

Gone Home - Eh.  Indie, but harmless.  Fun?  Not really.  Enjoyable?  Maybe.  It was a game.

Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance - This game defines what boss music should be. Also, the Metal Gear universe is always fun to play in, and the action genre goes well with Raiden.  I had lots of fun with it, and would like to come back.

Evoland - so full of itself its amazing it didn’t pop halfway through.  It wasn’t so much a game as it was a homage to different RPG elements over the years, but highly condensed.  I wouldn’t waste your time playing it.

Deadpool - a few laugh out loud moments.  A semi decent combat system to facilitate.  Was worth the steam sale price

Octodad - halfway between fun and infuriating.  The concept oozes charm, but it often asked too much of the player..at least before it was patched.  Fighting with controls can be fun, but qwop  never hid something after the hurdle.

The Stanley Parable - I remember being really, really unimpressed with this one.  Humor meets a walking simulator, but something about it just really rubbed me the wrong way. Ill just mod in farts to Dear Esther, see how that goes

Dark Souls II - Not as enjoyable as the first for me, but still damn fine entertainment.

Goat Simulator - its like Tony Hawk, but instead of riding a skateboard, you are a goat.  Humor, wonky physics, random achievements...I got way more out of this than I would have figured, and they keep adding content to it.

Far Cry 3 - Finally beat this one, after starting it four times.  Fantastic game.  

Thomas Was Along - Hate this game.  A good puzzle game makes you figure out the solution, and then BAM, you are done.  Thomas Was Alone makes you do the same solution ten times in a row, just wasting your time.  The story may be good, but I can’t get over how awful the gameplay is

Splinter Cell Blacklist - America!  Fuck yeah!  I didn’t know there was a stealthy walk for a while, and that made the game really hard.  It was fine overall, if a little over patriotic.  It pretty much says that the ends justify the means (torture) and thats a little bit much.

Sniper Elite V3 - I have a fantastic love of this series for almost no reason.  This is much better than 2.  Whereas SEV2 had enemies spawn in, making stealth completely impossible, 3 has a much more open approach.  It feels more snipery and strategic.  Plus the end rips off Metal Gear Solid pretty damn hard, which I guess is a plus.

Mass Effect - Punishing, but had so many good ideas.  I decided to make the trilogy playthrough as a renegade - last time I was full paragon.  I modeled my character after Duke Nukem.  I do miss my paragon fish eyed pedophile looking shepard though.  The moral of the story:  sometimes character creation isn't great.

Mass Effect 2 - Refined some ideas from 1, simplified many others.

Mass Effect 3 - whatever was left to be simplified was, whatever was left to be refined also was.  The series as a whole is really fantastic, and it makes me sad that people are too blinded by the ending of 3 to appreciate just how damn good it was.  The multiplayer was still populated when I played, and was just as fun as I remember it (really fun, if you were wondering).  It has some issues on PC for all 3, but is overall damn fine.

Space Marine - best game ever.  No, really.

Hard Reset - A true to form, oldschool FPS.  Has some cool ideas, shiny graphics, but is overall kind of shorter than you would like.

Walking Dead Season 2 - not as good as the first one, at all.  Has interesting moments, but nothing as potent.  Still worth a steam sale.

Diablo 3 - This is where we get into the games that are crazy addicting.  I probably put 100 hours into this game, if not more.  I only ran solo, and after loot 2.0, but this kind of stuff is my jam.  

Mario Kart 8 - this is the third most I have played Mario Kart (behind the SNES version, behind the N64 version), and it has basically validated the Wii U in my house. I played it over Thanksgiving break, and beat all the cups, and all the ghosts.  Online became trivial after that.  Super fun.

Tower of Guns - speaking of which, buy this game.  It is fan-fugu tastic.  Its a rogue like FPS, that starts off painful and punishing, but ends up being really rewarding.  It has so many secrets, from hidden walls, to being able to escape the boundry of the level and scale the actual tower for an insane amount of powerups.  It uses Quake like gameplay, in that you shoot, jump, and well...thats about it.  If you shoot fast enough, you can even use that to fly!  Probably my favorite indie game of the year.  It is indie, right?  

South Park:Stick of Truth - just like the show!  Pretty good, if not shorter than you would like.

Hyrule Warriors - Never got into Dynasty Warriors for whatever reason, but this got me fairly hooked.  After I unlocked all characters and most weapons (about 60, 70 hours) I was finally bored of the game, but still had plenty to go.  A great ‘holding pattern’ game.  Watch some TV, play some of this, bada bing, bada boom, day is over.

Guacamellee - Yeah, its good, but not great.  I enjoyed it, but something about it just sort of rubbed me the wrong way.

Castlevania Aria of Sorrow - Hooray for the Wii U and off screen play!  I brought home the Wii U for the holidays, but forgot that I already played the pants off of most bite sized games.  I downloaded this one on a whim, and it wound up taking up just the right amount of time.  The game screams of SNES version of Dark Souls in the best way.  A good way to wrap things up for the year!

Shovel Knight - see above for why.  As for how much I enjoyed it, eh, its alright.  It feels really, really simple.  Easy enough for the Game Grumps to beat it.  BAM.  In all seriousness, it reminds me of Kirby’s Epic Yarn - you have to search out the challenges yourself.  I could see it being very fun in speedrunning/no damage community, but beyond that, its just alright.

Binding of Isaac: Rebirth - depending on how you quantify ‘beat’ I beat this one.  Better than the original, and just a fun roguelike.

DotA 2 -the last boss is realllly hard guys.  Recent patches got me more involved, but still kind of on and off relationship.  I still am not ranked, but I think I am in a good place - my teammates communicate, don't build obscure items, and sometimes they dont auto attack creepwaves!  Ive really been enjoying the last few sessions, and hope to have many more!

 

So overall, about 30 games this year, with a few heavy hitters.  What about you guys?  What did you wrap up, and what were your favorites?

 

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As many of you may know, Streamtoid is back, alive and well!!  As mentioned each week, I am streaming Mondays at 6-8 central time, and would love to have people join me.  The past two streams have been starting, and getting close to finishing Spoice Mahrine, so I am going to need a new game to play, probably starting on Monday.  Instead of being a Dick Tater, I thought I could resurrect a structure from a much more mustached man than myself, and put up a community vote for which game you would want to view next on my channel!  The games I have nominated are:

Binary Domain




There are two things that you need to know about Binary Domain:  its features a black guy named Big Bo, and a french robot.  In all seriousness, the game has a pretty cool story, touching on the regulations of advanced robotics.  The plot focuses on Hollow Children - robots who are built and designed to sell that they are indistinguishable from humans, even believing that they themselves are human.  Naturally this is all presented by way of a Japanese 3rd person shooter (it's a shame Vanquish isn’t on PC).

Bionic Commando:  Rearmed




I talked a bit in a previous blog about how I really liked this game.  It is a remodel of the NES game, with some adjustments for difficulty if you so choose.  The fascinating thing to me is that if it were released today with the NES game missing, the mechanics would be very fresh and interesting.  No jumping - only hooking.  A semi-open world.  And you can kill Hitler with a rocket launcher (spoilers).  The game is crazy short, so this would probably be a one and done kind of event.

The Bureau : XCOM Declassified


I purchased this one from a Steam sale using the Macklemore principle (shit it was 99 cents).  From what I hear, the game is utterly craptastic.  I haven’t played a single minute of it, so it would be a new experience for me!  This probably gets the title of 'most likely to play while drinking heavily'.

Spec Ops:  The Line




What more can be said about this game that hasn’t already been said.  The game is a sadness/PTSD simulator.  Passable gameplay and passive aggressive tip screens.  But I would nominate this for the best use of Deep Purple in a videogame since Elite Beat Agents, so it has that going for it!  This was also one of the first games I had played on my new PC, so it has some sentimental value!

Mystery Game




If none of the above appeals to you, you can always vote for the mystery game!  It could be anything!  But in this case, it isn't.  This is actually a prequel and a remaster!  Despite getting close to about ten years old from original release, the gameplay holds up pretty well, and the story and music are pretty darn amazing as well.  This is a game that I would love to see bumped up to the top of the list someday, but for now, it can be the mystery game!


So with all those listed out, which one gets your vote?
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Space Marine is a masterpiece.  There, I said it.  I even kind of mean it.  I played it recently and remembered just how much I loved the game, and how sad it makes me to know that THQ isn’t getting a second shot at the IP.  Hell, if anyone understood why the game was so fun, I wouldn’t mind a sequel from almost any studio...although if it were Telltale, I probably wouldn’t go for it.  So what makes it so great?



First off, there is the combat.  The first enemies you encounter in the game literally explode into a plume of blood and viscera when you shoot them, and it only gets better from there.  You get a basic pistol, then a machine gun, then a ‘sniper rifle’ - which causes blood splatters a few feet across when you blow up an enemy's face with it.  Then there are your melee weapons: a knife, a chainsaw/sword combination, an electric axe, and a hammer so large you can’t do anything except swing it, and you will never want to use another weapon in a game again.  The melee weapons get a lot of use, as ammo is moderately scarce, and each has its own set of combos that can be used.  

The best part though comes from the way that your health works:  you have a shield which recharges and a stagnant health bar.  The only way to gain more health is to pick up health packs.  SIKE.  No, you can only recover health by stunning enemies with your melee attack and disemboweling them.  One move with the chainsaw sword is to ram it into the ork’s belly until there is a fountain of blood coming out of its mouth, then stomping the pulpy remains into a red cloud.  And this heals you, and it is the only way to do so.  It changes the entire pace of combat for the style of game that it is.  Usually when you play as a meaty, musclebound, space marine, you are hiding behind cover to take pot shots at enemies, sucking on your thumb when you eat a bullet until you can safely break cover again.  In this game, a horde of 100 orcs charges you behind cover, and you breathe a sigh of relief as you can finally recover your health.  



That number of 100 isn’t exaggerated either  (or at least by much)- they send massive numbers of enemies your way.  Probably more than I have seen in a non zombie game.  You start by clearing the ones with guns with your sniper.  Then you thin the ranks with grenades and a machine gun.  Soon, they are right on top of you, and you begin to eviscerate them with your melee weapon.  You have a tool for every range of enemy, and each one is just as effective.  

Every once in a while, the game does give you a change in scenery.  For one section, you get a jetpack - which should get your ears perked up right away - that you can use to leap up into the air, only to come crashing down on your enemies with your armored fist, annihilating anything nearby.  There are also sections with hammers, turrets, and a few other goodies.  I noticed after one particularly panicked section that the game gave you a solid couple of minutes with no enemies at all...letting your murderous rage subside for a moment, so they could briefly throw some plot your way. Pretty much, the pacing of the game feels pretty great throughout.



There are a few other small details that I wrote down that I didn’t find a good place to fit in anywhere else, so random section ahead:  After blowing up and/or dismembering one of the hundreds of enemies, your armor will have patches of blood that fade out over time. When your gun starts to get to the last few bullets, it gives a noticeable audio cue of the last bullets clicking.  Running just feels like it has a weight to it.  The most important ‘minor’ detail though, is that it feels close to the source material.  The 40k universe has a ton of lore, and they drop a boatload of references to it.  More than just throwing out some lines to appease fans though, you see the different factions from the universe represented, and you can almost feel their point values.  You have the Imperial Guard - weak humans, easily overwhelmed by the same number of orcs.  You have goblins arriving in hordes that even the smallest bullet can dispatch.  Then you have the mighty Space Marine - a squad of 3 elite soldiers capable of rumbling with the best of them...until the Orc heroes start to show up.  Its hard to put into solid words, but it just ‘feels’ right to the source.

On the thematic note of being a Space Marine, the game always makes you feel like it.  It is ridiculously empowering.  I have heard it compared to God of War more than a shooter, and while the combat is more simplistic, it isn’t completely off.  There is no cover, and the combat isn’t quick and messy.  The combat is often up close and personal.  It is more Doom than Call of Duty, but more of a Melee than a shooter.  Even still, comparing it to a game like Serious Sam - hordes inspire a smile more than they inspire panic.  As the enemies toughen, your arsenal, too, gets bigger, and better.  You can see the progress in you as a player, as well as the tools in your kit.

If that description hasn’t sold you on the game...maybe you would want to check it out on Monday’s Streamtoid - starring me!  The only downside of the game is that it is relatively short, so I am probably going to play it for another 2 weeks before completing it!  I decided to play it as something fun for the show, and remembered just how awesome the game really was. Oh, and you can literally pick it up for 10 dollars.  Do it.
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taterchimp
9:19 PM on 07.21.2014

Hey there, champ, hows it going?  Are you enjoying that fresh Wii U?  Have it all loaded up with games and their save files, got your free promotional game from Club Nintendo annual rewards and from the Mario Kart promotion?  You aren't, you say?  Because you purchased the basic Wii U mode?

CUE HORRIBLE DEMEANING LAUGHTER

Its alright - we all make mistakes.  But I’m here to tell you that it is more than possible to fix those mistakes, without paying out the nose for it!



...Love you Sony!

It is a well known fact that Nintendo has no idea what it is doing with technology beyond making games, and this applies to how they decided to do storage for the Wii U.  Remember how the Wii has an SD slot?  Same as your 3ds?  Ok, so see that SD slot on the front of your Wii U?  Worthless.  You can use it for Wii stuff...not Wii U.  Yeah.  No, you have to get an external hard drive in order to store extra data on your Wii U.  And not just any external hard drive, you need a powered hard drive.

Not a problem!  Thats totally a product that exists.  So you check out Best Buy to find out that they only exist in denominations of Terabytes, also known as literally 100 times more than you will ever need, at a low low cost of at least 100 dollars.  So you check out Target to see if they have a better deal, realize they have 3 hard drives, and drive back to Best Buy and really, really, make sure that they don’t have anything smaller.  Nope.  1TB or bust.  Now if you have a computer, you could use that drive to back up files on it, so maybe it isn't that bad!  Except you have to format it for the Wii U to use it, so you can either use it for your computer or for your Wii U, and if your Steam library is anything like mine, that choice is made.


Every "x" is a game defeated

Instead, you can solve the problem much cheaper, with greater versatility.  You just need an HDD Docking station and a SATA HDD (hard disc drive...not High Definition squared).  Obviously, those two links are suggestions, but for the love of all things techy, do not gloss over what kind of dock you buy and what kind of hard drive you buy.  Notice how I said SATA above?  Yeah, first time around, I bought one that used a Molex connection, or something equally as stupid.  This is pretty easy, because you just have to make sure both say SATA somewhere.  Waiting on a good deal, getting a refurb, you should be able to get at least 160 GB of storage for about 40 dollars, give or take shipping and handling.  Plus, you can now dick around with your new docking bay!  Yay!

From here, the battle is almost won!  You just have to plug in the drive to the bay, and the bay to the console, then format it.  So on the front of the Wii U, there is a handy dandy access port flap.  Behind that flap are two USB plugs and an SD card slot, so it seems pretty logical to plug in your data next to the data slot, yeah?  Nah, you can’t use those USB ports.  Won’t recognize it, because Nintendo.  Instead, plug that sucker in the backside.  Then, fire up the Wii U, and go to the settings.  Under data management is an option to move data or format a drive.  Format the drive, and you are good to go!  Finally you can enjoy your Wii U!

Or, if you were around in the days of the Basic Model, you could have just need been a cheap ass and gotten more memory that way.  But where’s the fun in that?
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This Raging Chart On actually doesn’t have much in the way of math, or charts.  Depending on how you look at it, it either has the least data or the most data for any of the series.  In any event, this focuses on the vocal minority.  The vocal minority is the idea that on any forum of discussion, the comments you read are from the most vocal members, whereas sitting in the background is the silent majority.  

How does this affect gaming?  The best example off the cuff would probably be all of EA.  Its almost paradoxical, really - one of the largest and most successful gaming companies is also the most reviled by gamers.  How can this be possible?  Simply put, the people who enjoy EA games don’t go out of their way to say “I love EA!  Origin is OK!  The ending of Mass Effect 3 satisfied me!  Hitler did nothing wrong!”  Wait, that last one is a bad example...It gets very tricky to tell which side the majority actually is on sometimes.

So to quantify this, I went to the greatest free market of discussion the internet has available: YouTube comments!  It actually has a few really good stats that can be used for collecting data, but it also has some obvious flaws.  For each video I looked at, I considered one view to be one person watching - this is obviously false.  The number of views is actually the maximum possible unique views, but it could be just one really, really dedicated fan who watched Justin Bieber’s video Baby over and over again on repeat.  (Actually, it couldn’t be - the video has been out for 4 years - feel old yet? - and is 3:45 in length.  At most, one person could contribute 1.4 million out of the video’s staggering 1.06 billion views).  The first set of metrics I used were the likes and dislikes.  All you have to do to leave one of those behind is click a button.  Super simple data to gather.  The other metric used is how many people left behind a comment.  This is clearly an enormous dedication as you have to 1.) have something to say, 2.) have to actually type out that thought, 3.) have a Google Plus account, and 4.) be educated and have good grammar…a man can dream, right?



So I started with Game Grumps.  The hiighest like to view ratio for their videos is just about 2.7% of viewers.  The highest dislike to view ratio is a staggering .14%.  Not the period in there.  Finally, the most commented video is .87%. So, to put that another way, 97% of the people who watched the videos (all with above 200,000 viewers) decided to leave zero feedback.  And the comments and dislikes represent, at worst, 1% of the total fanbase.

So lets talk about the highs and lows.  The most liked video (of the ones I looked at) - 3.5%, on a PewDiePie video.  Oddly enough, the lowest was Lady GaGa at .154%.  The most disliked was Justin Bieber - of course.  Who wouldn’t hate this guy?  Afterall, he is Canadian, has a bowl cut, and throws eggs at people’s house.  No wonder his most hated video has...oh… 0.38% dislikes to views.  Lonely Island, meanwhile, comes in at 0.012%, like a boss.  Finally, the comments range between 0.053% (Poor Johnny Cash) and 0.87 (the lovelies are quite the vocal fanbase, apparently).

Now, when looking at this data I only chose about 20 videos on YouTube.  I focused on Game Grumps because I was going to go more into detail, but realized collecting the data was annoying.  Then I went to a smattering of pop songs, more obscure songs, and YouTube celebrities like Markiplier and RoosterTeeth.  20 videos may not sound like a lot, but the sample size is actually quite staggering - 1.89 billion people (or views...whichever).  

Quality YouTubin' right here.

There are a lot of things you can take away from the data.  From a self esteem perspective, no matter what you put online, you can sit back thinking that the majority of people who read it or watched it sat back smiling and nodding.  I know that as far as I go, I will read most of the cblogs, or at least skim through.  The majority of times though, I leave no trace - I fap the ones that I really like, and I add a comment if I have something to say, but otherwise it is a hidden page view.  And if someone does leave a crappy comment on your work, realize that they could potentially be outnumbered 99 to 1, at least if it is on YouTube.  Please note:  this is not a free pass to be an asshat.

From the perspective of a gaming community though, I think there is something to be said here.  There are some strong opinions on many companies and developers (looking at you, Gearbox) that exist in the articles, and on the comments.  But these only represent the gamers who care enough to visit a gaming site, open the article, read it, and leave a comment.  That is a lot of commitment in a digital age.  At least in my experience, the gamers that I encounter at work or out at bars just aren’t that dedicated.  Instead of taking the time to read up on why they should be boycotting the next game made by Chair Studios, they play what entertains them.  

As always, if you want to view the data, you can see it here.
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Hey, I actually had the motivation to get in on one of these while they were pseudo-relevant!

1.  I have probably been on DToid longer than you

People like it when you gloat right off the bat, right?  Well, I am figuring its probably true, given how many people I recognize from my early days.  I learned about the site through my roommate freshman year of college in 2006, so I have been a member at least 7 years.  I remember Retroforce Go, Rev Rants, Rose Tinted, 2 reviewers reviewing one games, and drunken developers melting in the comments section after receiving a 1 out of 10 from 2 reviewers.  It was good times, and for a while it really did feel like the soul of Destructoid has left.  I do want to say that after the real talk moment from Dale, I have been enjoying the site a lot more.  DToid has gotten me through many a boring day at work, school, and home!  I have apparently written about 130 blogs, with my first being on 7/21/2008 (and it is currently hidden, due to my deep shame of my earlier works).  I stuck around because there is a fantastic community, especially off the front page.  I’m not super active in any part of it, as I live too far away from civilization for NARPs, Cons, and other such events, and I am too shy to get involved in the forums.

2.  I worked in a Chinese Restaurant in High School

This is just because I like to talk about this job - it was pretty insane.  The owner paid all staff under the table, so the job was 100% cash.  Most of the reason why the other wait staff were around is because they owed money to the boss.  Why did they owe money?  One of the regulars was their drug dealer.  I saw a lot of drugs in that freezer.  I also learned a few casual phrases in Chinese to yell at the chefs, including “you don’t know me” and “I own you” as well as picking up some conversational Spanish from the other chefs - “your mother is a whore”, etc.  We were constantly understaffed, even on critical days.  One year for Valentine’s Day we had 2 waiters staffed for 50 or so tables, so 25 each.  Eventually it stopped being service and started being triage.  Oh yeah, the other waiter spent some time panicking in the bathroom while shooting up heroin.  But at the end of the day, a good paying job and free Chinese food were well worth the cost of admittance, and I actually had a good time overall.  If you want a link to videogames, the owner has an obsession with the band ABBA and would play it all the time.  I would be forced to listen to it over break while playing the manager’s copy of...Ghosts and Goblins.  It was two kinds of hell.

3.  I voluntarily live in Des Moines (and its pretty great)


A picture of a small portion of the farmers market.


I went to school out in Des Moines and stayed because I found a job.  At first, I was kind of sad because I didn’t get to know the town while on campus, but once you know the cool places to go it is really great.  Small enough to not have gangs and crimes, and large enough to still have everything you need.  We now have 2 barcades open, enough bars to drown an Irishman, and foods ranging from Italian Beef style street food to upscale cornfed Iowa Beef Steak and Cigar joints.  Every Saturday in Summer they close down a section of downtown for a farmers market that is probably about 6 blocks wide and 2 blocks deep, and it is glorious.  They have food vendors representing America, China, India, Ecuador, Mexico, Thailand...all of them delicious.  It takes place on our stretch of bar streets, so most of the bars open up to serve early morning food and booze.  There are a variety of bands, from piano players, to blues guitar, saxophones, acapella groups...and oh yeah, I guess there’s produce, too.  Its in the middle of nowhere, but I actually really love the city and am glad that I have settled down in my house here.

4.  I tried getting into stand up comedy

Airline food, am I right?


There is actually a bustling stand up scene in Des Moines, with an open mic night about 4 days of the week, I think.  I tried getting into it, and you learn a lot about comedy and yourself while doing that.  I wasn’t nervous at all about getting up on stage and talking to a group of strangers, and I didn’t even mind if no one laughed.  Of course, I wanted my jokes to do well, and when I got any kind of boo or disapproval, I felt really bad and went over the joke in my head over and over to figure out what went wrong.  At the end of the day, there is drama in the scene though, and a lot of large personalities and voices that wind up conflicting, so I didn’t want to deal with some of that.  But they do have 1.50 beers….

5.  I have been programming games my whole life

Maybe not since I was out of the womb, but for a long time I have been typing code in front a computer.  I actually started in QBasic transcribing code that my older brother got from who the hell knows where.  Sometimes it would produce a super simple game, sometimes it would make an animation with different colored geometric shapes, and sometimes it just wouldn’t work at all.  In high school, I learned another Basic language so that I could reprogram my calculator games more to my liking...adjusting variables to make the game easier/harder, changing strings so that instead of dealing drugs, you were fighting zombies, that kind of thing.  In college, I studied to be an actuary, but took a course in programming my freshman year to fill some elective requirement.  I realized soon into the year that being an actuary is pretty much impossible, so I switched over to IT and took more programming and database courses, and kind of fell in love.  In a COBOL class of 12 with an average in the 70’s, I was the kid at the top of the curve with a solid mid 90 average.  Suck it, classmates.  Even today at work, I spend time writing up code to automate processes, or when boredom strikes, making my own games.  Our computers don’t have Minesweeper installed, but you would be surprised what you can do with Excel and Visual Basic.  I think this helped me appreciate games more, because of all the times I messed up while writing something as simple as Pong.  Coding is complicated, and modern games are very, very complicated.

6.  I built my own PC with no knowledge of what I was doing (and so can you!)

They grow up so fast!


Speaking of computer magic talk, I build my own PC last year and much my surprise, it hasn’t caught on fire yet!  I started looking at getting a gaming PC two years ago, but I kept getting annoyed at the cost and the specs.  I decided to be really diligent about the research at stores like Best Buy.  I learned about the metrics that were important (MHz, Visual memory, RAM).  I didn’t know what any of it meant, but I could tell you which pre built had more of one than another pre built, thats for sure!  Eventually, I found a benchmark site that I would use to compare the specs.  But I realized they all sucked, and I could build it for cheaper myself, if only I knew how.  Protip?  Real talk?  YouTube is the best.  There are thousands of experts at our fingertips for the most insignificant of all problems.  Newegg had a series on how to build a computer, so I watched that multiple times.  I settled on a build.  As they shipped, I took apart an old laptop to get a feel for what a processor looks like, how it goes into the slot.  Then I put together my entire rig with my laptop on instructions on my left, South Park on the Wii U on my right, and Seagrams 7 in front of me.  It wasn’t easy, but I really think with enough research anyone can do it!

7.  I know a joke for almost any occasion

I think over my life I have memorized thousands of jokes, but any time I get put ‘on the spot’ to say something funny, nothing comes to mind.  However, if people are talking about almost any subject matter, I think I know a joke that is related to it.  Recently in the comments there was a demand for a vampire/menstruation joke, and I actually know of one!  As long as you can deliver jokes properly, it doesn’t matter how nerdy or awkward you are, you have something that you can do at parties.  Some of my favorite memories from events in college were when we just had a group of us outside, sipping on beers, taking turns trying to outjoke one another.  And yet is always amazes me when I hear a new one!  I think my go to favorite is usually “a man walks into the doctor’s office.  Can’t stop singing the Green Green Grass of Home.  Doc says ‘well that sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome’  Man asks:  Is that rare?  Doc:  Well, Its Not Unusual’.  Its so esoteric.  I love it.  

8.  I have a youtube channel.


Most of the video views are me


You can watch it if you want.  I don’t like to advertise too much with it, but Ill probably throw more stuff up there if there’s love for it.  I played through all of EDF: IA, most of Dark Souls (lost the passion in two separate runs right at the end), Sniper Elite: Nazi Zombie Army 1 and 2.  I think in my mind I want to be a ‘someone’ on the internet.  There are a lot of big names, even on Destrucoid alone, and I just want to feel like I am one of them.  But, as I said, I don’t like to advertise much because it feels pushy, so for now Ill just post the videos to all the twelve people who want to see them.  Love you guys, forever and always!  I also have a twitch, but that is really awkward.  With youtube you know that someone will be watching, and wants to hear you talking.  With twitch, it feels like you have to be ‘on’ the whole time, but you know that people aren’t watching and you are just talking to yourself.  With momentum it could be good.  I would like to get together with one of my friends to commentate scrub tier level DotA matches for fun, and I also would like to have a Destructoid radio game show going...but those require motivation and scheduling and man, that is a hassle!

9.  I’m a Dane (ish)

A lot of people, myself included, think its pretty silly to be proud of your heritage, but I figured this would be something interesting to talk about here.  My great grandfather, and I think my grandfather, moved over from Denmark and brought a lot of traditions with them.  There was a lot of odd Danish phrases thrown around in my youth, but mostly its just down to using it for silly arguments.  We still carry over a lot of strange traditions, especially around the holidays.  There is a cucumber dish that is basically pickles, but not quite pickle-y enough to be real.  And plenty of stink fish that no one really eats.  Overall though, it has gotten me into a few tasty foods (pumpernickel bread), a few fun words (frikadillers), and some tasty alcohol (kijafa), so I’m pretty content with it.

10.  I used to swordfight in High School

In choir, nonetheless.  We had a medieval dinner kind of thing for choir, so we included all kinds of juggling and swordfighting things to amuse the people who showed up.  We had the bamboo swords to go over what it would look like with real steel swords later, so it was really common to good off with those.  We played a game where if you got hit in a limb, you couldn’t use it for the rest of the fight, and you were dead if you were hit in the chest.  It was super fun.  We also had some foils, so we did a smaller amount of fencing as well, but not in any kind of professional manner.  That kind of one on one fighting has really made me appreciate tournament fighters, because it reminds me of those days.  The biggest similarity that I see between the two is that the technical execution is significantly less important than the mental aspect of it...reading your opponents, knowing the right counter at the right time, being one step ahead.  Although, I never could get past the technical aspect of those games, so I mostly like to sit on the sidelines and pretend like I’m knowledgeable.
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