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9:19 PM on 02.15.2013

Devil May Cry Play-Through [SwiftyPwns]

Hey guys, currently doing a play-through for Devil May Cry 5 [DmC] would you like to watch me die?   read

6:46 PM on 01.19.2009

Brains of Fallout 3

So I am officially glad and going to thank Chad and Dennis for suggesting Fallout 3.

Lets Begin
So on the night of my going away party and we all wipe the tears away from the grand viewing of "Show Girls", courtesy of Chad <3 lol, I ask "So i'm thinking about getting Fallout 3, should I?". Immediately after asking the question I found myself wondering "Holy Butt Fuck Nuggets what have I got myself into?!"

So shortly after christmas I decided to pickup a copy of Fallout 3 and everything they said was the truth and now i've given myself constant blue balls from the past 2 weeks. Currently I've placed over 20 hours in the game without becoming bored and I've done maybe 2 main quest outside of megaton hahah.

Being able to have a computer A.I. join you along the way makes for amazing companionship and gives you a good time to enjoy the world around you without being LONELY!

The Game is amazing when it comes to exploration and I honestly feel like the actions I make are changing the world around me.

I'm so inlove with the enviroment and the way I can just totally do anything.
For Instance
Me "I like Yo Bike Nigguh"
Biker "Ummm It's a pink scooter"
Me "Ima fook yo face!"
Biker "That will be 5 bottle caps"
Me " Oh....Alright"
*pays for awesome pink scooter BJ*
5 seconds later
Biker "Hope it was good for ya babuh"
Me *Combat Shotgun to the Biker Face"
Me "Now we both got brains BIOTCH"
*Rides into sunset on a badass pink scooter*


11:44 PM on 11.07.2008

24 hrs of GOW2

Lets start this off by sayings GoW2 Launch was awesome, not just the event, but the people I hung out with made the event amazing beyond belief. Dexter, -D-, Tyler, Charlie, Travis and Myself made this event into a really big homosexual d-toid festival...just the way we like it!

Official Amazing Quotes
-"Ball Neckin"
-"Sternum Wine"
-"Ya im from Denmark we dance"
-"Also Cocks"

Charlie takes awesome pictures

Well We hung out talked about games and alot of penis and had a great time. It was getting early into the morning and we all decided to head out. Tyler and I hop in the truck and start heading out towards Ventura, but of course stopping to get amazing DEL TACO!. I get home about 2:30 and what do I find....a drunk girl has taken over my bed! NOT THE GOOD KIND EITHER the kind tgat you actually want to leave.

I mean shes a friend of my roommate and im use to coming home to them being shitty and crashing here for awhile to sober up. So I grab my laptop head into the kitchen and get into the emailer and inform everybody of my awesome find. At around 5am drunk girl #2 decided to wake up and go home....but guess what, it's drunk girl #1 who has my bed. AHHHHH but im a nice guy so it's whatever. I keep everybody updated on the website as I see the light of daytime peaking into my kitchen windows. Uh Oh it like 8am starting to need sleep, WAIT NEVERMIND found a awesome picture.

Just badass enough to keep me awake

I struggle on and talk to my roommate, since he is up going to work. It's 10 am and I have passed the point of no return, my body is weak but my mind is i crack several fat chick jokes on the e-mailer about my drunk encounter. 11:30 rolls around and she finally wakes up packs her shit and leaves. YAY!!! it's time to wash the smell of alcohol off my covers WOOT WOOT. haha The sheets finished washing and drying around 1pm....and thats when it hit me....I've officially been awake over 24 hours. KICKASS i'm a beast woot woot. I laughed, I cried, I shit, I Peed, I cried some more, and finally I slept!

Right before I fell asleep though I remember thinking...all this for gears of war 2....i wish i would of bought it now =P 24 hrs for gears of war gears of war gears of war and i didn't even buy the game.

but apparently I did stink my hand up Dexter's ass 0.o OPPS <3

I love you guys, dtoid LA is amazing. SEE YOU GUYS AT NERDCORE!!! 8===D
Im from denmark and we dance because we are ball neckin   read

8:05 PM on 10.14.2008

Halloween NARPS?

<p>I've totally fallen off the face of the earth, but i figured it was time to come see what everyone is doing for halloween =P Any halloween narps happening around california(LA area) if not i may be willing to try to set something up. Costume/cosplay party with tons of games and dirnking(if your of age of courseeeee *wink wink*) I looked on the forums and couldnt find anything about any NARPs happening around Cali </p><p> </p>   read

10:14 PM on 06.01.2008


so the Cinci NARP was AMAZING! honestly I met soooo many bad@ss people.

**that reminds me who all did i tell about the blue motherf@cker lmao i was like walking around like TRY THIS BLUE SHIT**


i bought drinks for alot of people too and i don't even remember who i bought them for, also who the hell drank out of my glass the whole night haha it was Bunny and Britini tag teaming all my damn blue motherf@ckerssss!

lol OK so NARP was extreme and I don't even remember that much(thank you....BLUE MOTHERFUCKER! lol) If i met you and we hung out totally leave me a comment and be like "WE RUBBED PENISES UNTIL WE MADE FIRE MATT!!!! IT WAS AWESOME!!!!"

I LOVE PUPPET AND BUNNY because they came to rescue me WHILE bigpopagamer was jacking coonskin off lmao!

COONSKIN DUDE, your f@cking hilarious when your drunk hahaha
remember holding my face when me and bongdonkey came to get you guys, i thought you were trying to pull my face off and wear it as a mask lol.

RON i love you dude, sorry that we had our "tech difficulties" BUT your cousin lady...i most def love her more 0.o im sorry but for reals......( . )( . ) <= those = boobs.

i love all you guys, even though im a NOOBIE i felt the family warmth

Zserv dude your awesome haha, everytime I seen you i was like BOOBIE DUDE! you totally had the most epic night because you will not forget it unlike me WEE =P

Britini you were awesome, like a uber cool dork in person...possibly....astage cooler than me...and thats like IMPOSSIBLE =P and we totally (and yes i said WE!!!) totally made Zservs night, b/c look everytime I seen him i was like BRIT BOOBIE HUG HIM NOW! and boom we teamworked that shit like never before.

BigPopaGamer one of the coolest dudes ever for letting me ride with you. I enjoyed our conversations of vagina and the hella awesome detour haha. Pure awesomeness   read

2:50 AM on 05.28.2008


Well I was sitting at my moms looking at all the out dated systems my sisters play (except for the WII, but yea graphics might as well be outdated =X).

I use to be ANTI-XBOX but after I purchased my xbox360 my ways have changed and I accept it as a fulfilling system now :) BUT YES LETS RIDE BACK TO THE MAIN TOPIC!

So I see her xbox and I start digging through her games and they are all LAME, until I see "The Incredibles" (you know the one based on the movie)

I'm a dork ok!!!!! I really enjoyed the film so I decided "Hey look its another gay game based on a film.....LETS PLAY IT!" and to my surprise it was AMAZING! It had a active dodging system so you could roll out of the way of projectiles and you could team up with your ICE PAL and have him freeze robots, allowing you to throw them at your enemies.

So I keep playing the game and its rather fulfilling it had a leveling system, different styles of attacks with POWER MOVES, and the storyline made me feel like I was watching "The Incredibles 2".

EVEN THOUGH this game is for children and based on a children's movie it was packed with entertainment.


1:30 AM on 05.24.2008

NARP Sausage!

So I got to wondering about the Cincinnati Narp.

there is going to be ALOT of MAN JUNK walking around isn't there.
How many females from d-toid are coming/going to NARP?!?!?!

just leave a comment, because honestly i don;t know if i brought enough hotdog buns for the sausage fest

for some reason idk i know this is gay as hell, but those hot dogs look so motherfucking tasty 0.o

i mean is it just me or would you still eat one of those, even though i compared them to penis =/

So yea I am retarded and I could read the forums, but yea that takes like extra clicks and stuff =(

how come Age of Conan PvP is so DAMN hard, its like LETS FIGHT and then i DIE DIE DIE.
PvE is awesome, but PvP just takes a huge R.Kelly dump on my chest :(


7:43 PM on 05.21.2008

Age of BONER!

Age of Conan, so much BETTER than i expected it to be. I actually played nearly 10 hours straight yesterday 0.o is that sad?


Age of Conan has made me realize how much of a nerd I really am, I spent 90$ on the collector's edition and actually found myself looking at the sketch book that came with it!

-awesomely awesomeness with more awesome cumming on awesome!
-pvp is actually FUN, it's foreign at first but you catch on quick!
-combat is smooth, ALSO foreign at first, but hey I LOVE FOREIGN CHICKS!
-you actually feel like completing the quest!
-graphics are nice as hell, and the game is pretty smooth at the moment.
-FATALITIES!!!!!!!!!!!!! BEHEADINGS!!!!!!!!! BONERS!!!!!!!!!
-THE CHICKS CAN WALK AROUND TOPLESS!!! I mean the graphics are smooth yea. 0.o

-it is foreign as hell lol 0.o
-no tips on the ingame slash commands (i had to google the shit)
-ok so the game is divided into regions(with loading screens)
-actually not that bad though since you i've spent 10 hours in one place anyways
-the battles are more so AOE fights, very very rarely a 1v1
-but you have wide swings and such so you can damage opponents all around you

OVERALL I LOVE THE DAMN GAME! I feel like I could actually stand to play all the classes and races atleast once! Its AMAZING PLAY IT!

Name = Gladeon
Server = Cimmerian   read

3:37 PM on 05.19.2008



for me atleast, I purchased the 3 days early access, which actually sold out after 2 days of being available!

The game is crazy, the combat system is smoothhhhhhh and not as foreign a si feared it would be. The graphics make my penis fold up and turn into a pretzel, but a nice tasty pretzel. Even running the game in medium graphics with dx9 its stunning. I am waiting until the game actually ships before i up the graphics.


A 14 GIG DOWNLOAD! lol yea took me a day at like 400 kb/sec(which is good on a peer 2 peer network lol)

[embed]86629:11436[/embed]   read

12:41 AM on 05.14.2008

I'm an A.D.D Gamer

So lately I find myself becoming very very A.D.D when it comes to games. I can not really find a game that really holds my interest for long. I only played WoW for like 2 months before i was completely burned out on it. I recently bought an xbox 360 and I played it HARDCORE for like 1 week and now I haven't even left the dashboard for like 3 days.

I remember when I was little I would play the same game for months, and now I lose interest in a game after like a week or 2....sometimes less. I am constantly playing different games, CONSTANTLY, i have roughly 10 games on my computer that I play all at the same time throughout the week and then I have console games I play too.

ONE GAME IS NOT ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I seriously miss the days when I could pop in Legend of Legia for PS1 and play for hours, back when I actually cared enough about the storyline of a game to buy the strategy guide. Final Fantasy 7 took me months to beat but I played that damned game a little bit EVERYDAY!

Am I a ADD gamer or have games become..."less storyline" and only graphic driven.   read

5:40 PM on 05.12.2008


So today I find myself wondering "Matt what is the origin of the word NOOB"
and since I talk to myself i was like "dude i really don't know BUT i bet somebody in dtoid land does".

So i hopped on my level 75 epic fiery mount and galloped onto dtoid.

Does anybody know what the word "noob" is derived from?
It is a word I enjoy using SO SO MUCH, but its like when a five year old says testicle and then laughs because he doesn't know what it means.
*why say newbie, i understand the new part but bie!?!?! what does BIE EVEN MEAN?!?!?*   read

1:31 AM on 05.12.2008

Do not rent GTA 4

So this is my first blog. My names Matt and I think i'm semi retarded. I remember that cold night, my brain was jumping all over the place, and all I coudl think was "Hey Matt, let's be smart(because apparently I have a split personality)!"

So being a semi retard with a split personality, I rented GTA 4. I know your reading the title and going "OMFG MATT WHY NOT RENT IT IS AMAZING".

YOUR FUCKING RIGHT I KNOW DAMNIT!!! im stupid because I rented it and didn't buy it LOL.

and now I sit here alone, watching all my xbox live friends play gta4 and send me invites.

it's a sad day in swiftkaratechop history. :(




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