I miss talking about videogames, for videogames. I miss reading about videogames, for videogames. I stopped. I made a point to pull away from the literary exchange of VeeGee's a long while ago. I still play games, and I still love games. I hate reading about them. Know why? Cause there's too much bullshit. I'm on Destructoid 'cause I'm into the art...

The words, the ideas, and the way the words make play with the ideas through wordplay and presentation. Communication through facets of creativity. Standard fare, you know. There's a lot of great writers here. When you work around the ego's and Bulsh, you'll find you're left with quite a volume of works, from a diverse collection of authors, offering various views, on several topics (in front page quality, mind you). Much of this community puts just as much thought and hard work into their articles as any professional, published author I've ever read, and that's just based on what I've seen in the past week. So it's a shame to see (on many media outlets) so much conflict surrounding menial details like a consoles HD space, or how a certain company didn't build a product to cater to So & So's specific needs, that's it's becoming so far removed from videogames, and steadily evolving into a narcissistic outcry for attention.

Personally, I don't care about what anyone thinks of the specs of a specific console. That's my prerogative, and I won't preach that on anyone else. I have my opinions, you have yours. Fine. The bottom line is, at the end of the day, I still love the video games I choose to play. If I had so much issue with what's available, I would stop. That's a little trick we used to call common sense. I know the limitations of my PS3. I knew the limitations before I threw a bunch of cash at it. I know the limitations of my Gamecube. I knew the limitations before I hooked it up the other day and spent a good two hours on The Twin Snakes. It doesn't have cross game chat, it doesn't have HDD space, it needs goofy little memory cards, and the graphics are obviously dated. Did Nintendo inconvenience me by forcing me to spend money on memory cards? No. That's just the way she goes... I know all the shit that it doesn't have. But for me to sit and campaign against all the things it doesn't have (now or then) only robs me of the opportunity to enjoy it to it's fullest capacity. It's counter-productive nonsense, and does more damage than good to the core/legacy of the industry/culture, beneath all the site traffic and dollar signs.




What about all of the great things it does have? All of the current gen consoles have positives, that may or may not be available on the other. It's just the way she goes... Both Microsoft and Sony have great games, and great online services. Malicious posts just work to burry a console/game and promote the author... Why aren't we spending our time promoting the growth of the console/game/industry with intelligent discussions on where things could go from here, or how certain weaknesses could be solved through innovation. Why not discuss, and highlight the artistic merit of the medium, or the thrills of button mashing and it's correlation to excessive masturbation. Why not talk about why we love gaming? Maybe I represent a minority, and I'm fine with that, but I am an observer, and a proud member of the culture, and what I see is a very juvenile obsession on everything that's wrong with what we claim to love. That's a recipe for an abusive relationship, and the last time I checked, Chris Brown was still a douche bag.

It's a good time to be a gamer, and I for one am extremely excited for the coming wave of blockbuster titles, despite anyone's traumatic hardware issues, or the constant showing of cocks over on that other site. I love videogames.


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PS: I remember bitching to my neighbours about the Genesis' 3 button controller layout in comparison to the SNES's game changing design. It was frustrating getting my ass kicked in MK2 on the Genesis, but being completely competent with the grey little guy from the future. I wouldn't have had it any other way.

PPS: I think the Genesis has the most unusual, but genuinely 90's cool, library of games. SNES won the cup for better single player experiences, but SEGA took the cake for better multiplayer. SNES always felt like it was governed by a board of censors made up of Disney characters and the cast of Family Matters, with all it's vibrant, soft colours, where as SEGA felt like it was secretly funded by the good MTV, and hung out with Tango & Cash. Such hard, dark, contrasting colours; blacks and neons. A very crude display, something you might see at a Japanese karaoke bar-strip joint (they had joint's instead of clubs).

Everyone with an online presence is a striving critique with a communal arsenal of words being passed around IGN’s Monopoly board, and down into the shanty towns of independent writers alike. Surely, everything is “fully realized”, and with terms as such remaining industry standard for years, it’s as if gaming journalism has reached it’s fullest potential, or derived a legit lack of ambition from it’s inline wordsmiths. Me? I’m a gamer at heart. I’ve been hearting games as early as my Sesame Street days, landing me default streetcred-hustleflow-knowledge of the D-pad, blazin’ J-stixx since when they was one button squares, red on glossy black… Serious. So needless to say I’ve been reading about games for just as long, and present day today (this statement will still stand in 10 years) it SIRUSLY feels like the internet has expedited the full extent of journo-gaming-journo’s reach. And I’m not making some pretentious claim that the internet has caused any sort of downfall of gaming journalism, only a vivid over saturation of diluted sections of negative elitizm texts and scores of overall scores. Gaming journalism is like the new rock and roll, and everyone’s in a band.

So where’s the voice? As much as I am a fan of gaming, I follow closely behind with other avenues of expression. If one’s to consider gaming an artform – much like any avenue of artistic expression, or any form of expression for that matter there are those who challenge the going quo by offering a sincere point of view unique to their own honest sources. And in a world ruled by mass movements, and bandwagon junkies, it will be the true individuals who, by thinking outside of the box, will innovate, and pioneer evolution in a necessary step for the survival of any artistic medium. Journalism is no different. But for a fuck approach at a divine holy icon’s sake, show me the good shit. I can honestly read the same article across a variety of authors. There is no real voice. I want to be able to relate to the writer. I wanna feel that motherfuckers thoughts swimmin’ about me brain in a manner of “yea man, I legit get that shit”. I wanna legit get that shit. There’s too much textbook style pretentious verbatim. See, what’s like is like – cyborgs. Cyborg’s don’t have great personality. They don’t have conversations (Summer Glau doesn’t count; you could have a fully satisfying conversation with her without either of you actually speaking). They don’t even have great voices, not in the traditional sense at least, and that’s just not interesting. It’s not a smooth rape neither’, when it chokes you out there’s no soothing words to comfort the inevitable end. IT. IS. JUST. LIKE. THIS. Dry and cold, boney (steel), no heartbeat. There’s no life behind the words, just words for words sake. And trust me, in today’s world, there’s too many words, just read one of my rants. It works to educate you, but if I care half as much about the writer as I do the information I’m looking for I’ll be coming back to that writer for my information. And really, reading the comments on IGN is like watching Nickelback fans discuss the credibility of Katy Parry’s contributions to the music industry. In this day in age, where gaming videos are taking over, it’s because there are no real heros of today’s gaming journalism.

Victor Lucas and Tommy Tallarico could’ve undergone a faceless existence, with minor fame, but instead they’ve put themselves out into a new exiting world of video game television (circa 95′). These guys both worked Electric Playground, they stood out, and they stood out from eachother. Victor Lucas is the young upstart kid underdog paving his way into a world of global recognition for getting out and actually doing it. He’s like Rudy, except Rudy (as far as I know) only played a part of one game. But that doesn’t matter. What matters is, he went into a crowd of letterman jackets, a basement dwelling drifter and took a big wet shit on their tradition, and he forced it on them. They kicked him out, but he kept sneaking back in. And I’m not saying Victor Lucas was defecating anywhere inappropriately, because I just don’t have that information available, but I am saying that for videogame enthusiasts/publishers/developers he represented something more. Victor Lucas represented the rise of videogames, and videogame culture into the real world. Suddenly, the “adult” world had no choice but to acknowledge the culture, because now they were on TV, and this was a huge victory for gamers everywhere (though mostly in Canada since that’s where the show aired) because until then videogames were considered largely irrelevant by mainstream society. How could they not? For non gamers, the best representation of videogames was films like The Wizard (which is fucking awesome), and adaptation films like Super Mario Bros, which if, was a valid representation of the game, would have zero appeal to the average sir and m’am. It was poorly represented, and as much as I like all of those old gamer flicks, they didn’t seem worthy of a place in the real world. Victor Lucas offered a intelligent dissection, explanation, and expose on the developers, and developers of our favourite games, the games themselves, and the culture surrounding the games. Victor Lucas made us all intelligent to the naked eye. Now videogames weren’t any more of a “waste of time” than watching the World Series or eating neopolitan iced cream. They were a valid form of entertainment, with a voice, and that made it/us relevant.

How we remain relevant is up to how well we represent ourselves. It’s up to us, because if we don’t, we will become a monotonous blend of stereotypes which will consist of vulgar, racist little COD playing bastards, Nickelback fans – and boring, flat textbook excerpts from IGN. Are we going to speak up and lead this culture into the right direction? Or are we going to let die the legacy of the industry at the hands of a douchebaggy little know it all? In the words of X-Pac “suck it!” internet.

Love,

Sully Fisher



If Victor Lucas is Rudy, then Tommy Tallarico is the Fonz. Tommy had a way to balance out the intelligence with the cool, and not in a passive sort’ve way. More of a “Hey, I represent the cool friend of the smart kid” kinda way, and while neither of them could’ve succeeded at the same level without the other, Tommy had an inherit trait that no amount of shoddy CG could amount for – being the cousin of Aerosmith’s frontman Steven Tyler. Inheritly cool.

Like a billion other people in the know I was tuned into (though not actually, I went on a stream) the Two and a Half Men premiere where they brought in a new shoe to replace that old foot. I’m not a big fan of half men in general, in fact they scare the shit out of me. They’re creepy and their arms look smaller than their heads. Break me off some leprechauns. Titles aside, the show itself was never my cup of tea either. The ongoing’s all seemed very 70’s sitcom to me (not That 70’s Show).

I LOVE those old shows, the Sanford and Sons, the Three’s Company, the Mary Tyler Moore’s, absolutely love it all. It was the natural feel between the characters, the way they actually had a wit about them, a wit you don’t get with today’s television. The impromptu digs and one liners, dashing rouges breaking from the loosely penned scripts; the trademark facial expressions and near flawless comedic timing. It all made for a very close knit family feel between the cast members, like they were all in it together. You believed they were friends just messing about, because chances are they were having a ball. Wingin’ off these absurd ad libs left, right, and center would chastise my tickled tummy for a good chuckle. All things considered - a 70’s sitcom Two and a Half Men is not. It only feels like a 70’s sitcom… The same way that those frozen “it’s not delivery” pizzas feel like a slap in the face, and a scam. Because you know it’s not delivery.

Those frozen pizzas come in two flavours: Burnt, or soggy. Maybe it’s just my inability to defrost a meal in the oven, but no matter what I do, following the guide on the back of the box leads me to an over cooked crust and a soggy, wet, barely defrosted, middle, and if I cook at a lower temperature for longer, it just burns the crust to an unpleasant rock… Not my first choice for a bite to chew, but I’m okay with that. That’s just what it is, you expect to be underwhelmed. If I goto a crowd of people and say, “Who wants Pizza for dinner” and in a chorus of glee they reply with an “I do, I do!” it’s because they’re expecting a real life delivery pizza to show up in a cardboard box with one of those dollhouse tables in the middle. They want the box. They need the box… The box and the small urine stain of grease, oh yes, we want that pizza. Wallowing in it’s own filth, the sleazy fix you call when you hit rock bottom, or the craving of uncontrollable need when you’re blazin’ them J’s, high as cuss, standing on the kitchen table reciting footnotes from a Woody Allen biography - that’s the pizza we’ve come to know, and that’s the pizza we want. If dog is man’s best friend, then pizza is man’s best underhanded coke dealer… and it’s fun for the whole family. That pizza is Charlie Sheen, and I can assure you, he ain’t no goddamn delivery.

Charlie Sheen is a self righteous loon to whom I can fully relate and celebrate while I’m helping my whores move into the china cabinet (lol no). People watched Two and a Half Men because of Charlie Sheen and Charlie Sheen’s character (to whom are one and the same). If they didn’t, then there is a far greater issue at hand than the timeless mistake of replacing lead main characters, because Jon Cryer… I don’t wanna get into it - we’ll just say I hate his character, he’s a moaney, freeloading, Peter Rick, and resembles some people I’ve had the misfortune to have to deal with in a few moments in time. Semi-Colon, Closing Bracket :) Digression will be the death of us - Sheen was the center of the show. I had mentioned I wasn’t the biggest fan of the show, but I made a point to watch it now and then, from time to time, between the Office and The Big Bang Theory. And since I don’t have cable it came down to hours of catching up via online streams, and getting on the download of all my fav’s before checking out that other show (‘that’ being Two and A Half)… But when I did check it out, it was exactly what I expected it to be, and remained exactly what I came to know it to be - a three camera sitcom with a Chuck Lorre sense of timing and humor, which, I might add, is far less amusing than it gives itself credit for (thanks laugh tracks; Big Bang included *gasp :(* ). Dot, dot, dot, what Lorre has always hit on the nose, for me at least, was his characters. I love Sheldon Cooper, I hate Leonard. I somewhat enjoy Charlie Sheen, I don’t like Jon Cryer. He’s able to, create characters across a broad spectrum of shows that people can relate to, love, hate, somewhat enjoy, somewhat hate, ignore, channel surf when speaking, watch largely in part for cameo (Dharma and Greg), etc. Everyone loves someone, and that’s a great quality to have for any show. Digression will kill us all - Charlie Sheen IS Two and a Half Men.

It’s because I only watch now and then that I’m able to tell, so instantly, that without Charlie Sheen, Two and a Half Men is effectively dead. Acktown Koosher is a good actor, I like him in a lot of his projects. He plays a big ol’ goof real well. He can show empathy, yada, yada, unimportant. No matter what character he plays in this show, he will never eclipse Sheen’s haunting presence on the show (they’re in Charlie’s house for cuss’sakes!!), and it could be because Chuck Lorre gave us all a ‘Goodbye Charlie Handjob’, when we all wanted a ‘Goodbye Charlie Blowjob’. It was dry and forced… And rushed… That’s not what people generally need when they’ve been courted by a character for 8+ years.

You can’t just ‘get it over with’ like it meant nothing to people (some people really wanted that blowjob). Then he had the audacity to try and rush us through the breakup phase by a long line of cameos, giving us excitingly short television cockteaseseses’s. It’s still Charlie’s house, and now there’s a sexy weirdo who’s gonna let Jon Cryer live in his dead brothers house, with him, with his weird little son, who apparantly had absolutely no emotional ties to his uncle, who was good enough to take care of him and his father. Terrific character development. Now these characters are all selfish and heartless, Peter Ricks. This is not Two and a Half Men, it’s not even frozen “It’s not delivery” pizza, because at least that can be thrown out. This is a confession of guilt by this equally insane dictator, Chuck Lorre. He told Charlie not to tell anyone that Chuck had tried to rape him… Metaphorically… But Charlie told, and this is how a lunatic gets revenge. Even ask the movie Fear. Mark Whalburg will speak volumes of Lorre’s character. He’s bat shit crazy, just like Sheen, and that’s why the show needed him. Because they were a close knit family that worked. Just like a 70’s sitcom… just dysfunctional. No amount of sexy naked men can replace your favorite crazy uncle. Ever.

(because it would be weird if you thought your crazy uncle was sexy naked)