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4:52 PM on 03.12.2010

Something about sex: Get your mojo workin'

So, except for The Witcher I don't even remember sex in any games. At least not sex that took itself serious enough to show some knockers. Lots of games faded to black, I guess. That was well boring but at least there wasn't any room for awkwardness.

Let's focus on BioWare though. Namely Mass Effect and Dragon Age. How do their sex scenes even get into the final game? Surely somewhere along the dev cycle at least some QA slave must notice that what it actually represents is what sex would look like if it was comically reenacted by aliens that have been watching earth for a sodding week.

I'd be fine with it if they'd put the same work into the facial animations(*) they put in when a character is acting out of badassery and win. They're good at that! What would be the sexual equivalent of Shepard throwing that dude out the window? I'm going with roofies and duct tape.

Actually, the ability to have sex either Paragon or Renegade style would be pretty amazing.

Totally going to be a thing. Let's make this a thing. Guys?

* Haha, facial animations. I kill me.   read

9:16 AM on 07.25.2009

Jagged Alliance 2. Patch it. Now.

Jagged Alliance 2. The holy TBC bong full of tactical goodness.

Recently, I reinstalled this gem. I enjoyed this game from start to finish a couple of times, but expectations were this high. No, This high. No, THIS!!! high. And it got even better. How? Let me explain.

So I was browsing for a patch. Can't really have a 10 year old game (it *actually* turned 10 about a month ago) unpatched.
Browse, browse, browse. Oh, JA2 v113, that sounds about right! Didn't find a straight download link though and was forced to dig through some forums. (namely: The Bear's Pit. Apparently it's not just a patch but a mod that's called "JA2 1.13". The latest official patch was 1.12, so they appropriately called their "mod" 1.13.

Why appropriately you ask? Well LET ME EXPLAIN [this is where I'm going telemarketer on your ass]:
It doesn't *FEEL* like a mod. At all. It really is a patch. Makes shit better. I dare you to throw Ja2v113 at someone who never played the vanilla game - they'll never be able to call out the modded content.

Whatchoo talkin 'bout, Willis?

The most notable changes for someone who doesn't play JA2 on a bi-monthly basis are the higher possible resolutions, the 47 GAZILLION WEAPONS (I'm not even kidding. I've counted them until I couldn't anymore, and I don't have a short attenti)

MULTIPLAYER. Yeah, they did.

Works great, too. Co-Op, Team Deathmatch, whathaveyou.

I won't even go too far into fancy AI improvements, weather effects, squad management, all the awesomely externalized code (So you can fuck up the economy with your XML editor), autofire-mode, a new 'INSANE' difficult level, the new inventory system and countless new ways to shoot your enemies to shreds. Even a couple of new animations.

But. MULTIPLAYER! So much potential! I demand leagues and ladders and whatnot based on that.

You can find all you need at

Brainfart end.   read

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