Disclaimer: Before you read this article, it's a joke. I have major bro-respect (can't say love when talking about another man, I'm British) for Jim Sterling and this is my 'respect' letter to him. I don't think people get the joke with his articles, but for those that do - this is for you - and Jim, especially Jim.

REVIEW: JIM STERLING'S FISHING GAME

I was sat in my main console room (I have one room dedicated to each console, but one room is better than the others obviously) and I heard a knock at the door. A man dressed in a radioactive suit with sunflower graphics handed me a brown package that stunk of satire and a mixture of British and American sweat - I knew at this point THE GAME OF MY LIFE HAD ARRIVED!!!

I quickly opened the brown package and there it was - Jim Sterling's Fishing Game. I had to rub my eyes for a second looking at the font, was it blurry? No my eyes simply couldn't take the awesomeness of the title, I had to put sunglasses on to look at the case.

I looked at the back of the box, it looked real, everything was there. Even the disclaimer seemed amazing:

"This game will work on all consoles and is completely region unlocked, though playing this game on some consoles will invariably provide you with a better experience than playing on others. Notice: Not as good as Deadly Premonition"

So I put the game in and waited to be amazed. I was. Simple as that. I mean I knew it couldn't be as good as Deadly Premonition, but what game could be?

The game is a bit like Championship Manager mixed with Zelda, Deadly Premonition and Sonic the Hedgehog (the old skool 2d version though LOLZACOPTAS). The premise is that you're an 'online game journo' and the object of the game is to take over the world with your greatest article.

The game is sandbox in design, you ride a golden unicorn around a computer game town. In the town you're given mini-games to play to get 'journo coins' to spend on reviews. Once you've played enough games you then go back to your base (in the shape of a giant monkey skull!) and write your article.

Depending on how many 'journo coins' you collect playing the mini games, you can spend the coins on scathing remarks for your article about how one mini-game is better than another or how the experience is better when played on a different console. Depending on how many (and the types of) 'journo coins' you collect depends on how your article pans out. You can choose as many times as you like to re-configure your article before launch.

Special coins can be found around town so you can reference to other mini-games by name and either compliment them or insult them based on the game being reviewed, obviously this could be a major lake troll attraction so the special coins are few and far between.

Once your article is ready you get into your boat on your internet lake and drop the article in on a hook. At that point you're judged on how many lake trolls hook onto your article without actually understanding it. Kudos points are awarded by the fish that compliment your article on it's humour and satirical level, at the same time the positive fish blind the lake trolls into thinking that the article is true. So the more positive fish that compliment your article, the more lake trolls latch on.

It's not as easy as it looks though! Doing a straight article or review to get a steady number of stars means that the lake trolls don't bite. Doing a review that's too scathing and the lake trolls explode in anger, so getting the lake trolls to bite by altering your articles is a tricky game in itself.

At the end of a 'lake session' you are then judged on the amount of lake trolls attached to your article. For each one you catch you're awarded 'journo stars' that you can stick on your wall in your monkey skull base. Your aim is to get 1 million stars to become the internetz champion and to win the internetz in the form of a porcelain cup.

After that you can either choose to go back into town on your golden unicorn, or look for cryptic messages in the food around your house (cups of tea/bowls of cereal) for the 'next big game' to play at the arcade and review to get the maximum amount of lake trolls.

I am distinctly amazed by this game, I've been sat here now playing the game for 6 days straight and I still can't get the right balance between satirical and scathing. God damn you have to be skilled but to be fair once you've crapped your brain out of your arse from playing this game you will agree with the score I'm going to give it.

Jim, this one's for you. Keep it up mate, this game is amazing, even watching other people play it is just as good.

Final Score

67/10
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