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10:56 AM on 05.11.2010

Review: Jim Sterling's Fishing Game

Disclaimer: Before you read this article, it's a joke. I have major bro-respect (can't say love when talking about another man, I'm British) for Jim Sterling and this is my 'respect' letter to him. I don't think people get the joke with his articles, but for those that do - this is for you - and Jim, especially Jim.


I was sat in my main console room (I have one room dedicated to each console, but one room is better than the others obviously) and I heard a knock at the door. A man dressed in a radioactive suit with sunflower graphics handed me a brown package that stunk of satire and a mixture of British and American sweat - I knew at this point THE GAME OF MY LIFE HAD ARRIVED!!!

I quickly opened the brown package and there it was - Jim Sterling's Fishing Game. I had to rub my eyes for a second looking at the font, was it blurry? No my eyes simply couldn't take the awesomeness of the title, I had to put sunglasses on to look at the case.

I looked at the back of the box, it looked real, everything was there. Even the disclaimer seemed amazing:

"This game will work on all consoles and is completely region unlocked, though playing this game on some consoles will invariably provide you with a better experience than playing on others. Notice: Not as good as Deadly Premonition"

So I put the game in and waited to be amazed. I was. Simple as that. I mean I knew it couldn't be as good as Deadly Premonition, but what game could be?

The game is a bit like Championship Manager mixed with Zelda, Deadly Premonition and Sonic the Hedgehog (the old skool 2d version though LOLZACOPTAS). The premise is that you're an 'online game journo' and the object of the game is to take over the world with your greatest article.

The game is sandbox in design, you ride a golden unicorn around a computer game town. In the town you're given mini-games to play to get 'journo coins' to spend on reviews. Once you've played enough games you then go back to your base (in the shape of a giant monkey skull!) and write your article.

Depending on how many 'journo coins' you collect playing the mini games, you can spend the coins on scathing remarks for your article about how one mini-game is better than another or how the experience is better when played on a different console. Depending on how many (and the types of) 'journo coins' you collect depends on how your article pans out. You can choose as many times as you like to re-configure your article before launch.

Special coins can be found around town so you can reference to other mini-games by name and either compliment them or insult them based on the game being reviewed, obviously this could be a major lake troll attraction so the special coins are few and far between.

Once your article is ready you get into your boat on your internet lake and drop the article in on a hook. At that point you're judged on how many lake trolls hook onto your article without actually understanding it. Kudos points are awarded by the fish that compliment your article on it's humour and satirical level, at the same time the positive fish blind the lake trolls into thinking that the article is true. So the more positive fish that compliment your article, the more lake trolls latch on.

It's not as easy as it looks though! Doing a straight article or review to get a steady number of stars means that the lake trolls don't bite. Doing a review that's too scathing and the lake trolls explode in anger, so getting the lake trolls to bite by altering your articles is a tricky game in itself.

At the end of a 'lake session' you are then judged on the amount of lake trolls attached to your article. For each one you catch you're awarded 'journo stars' that you can stick on your wall in your monkey skull base. Your aim is to get 1 million stars to become the internetz champion and to win the internetz in the form of a porcelain cup.

After that you can either choose to go back into town on your golden unicorn, or look for cryptic messages in the food around your house (cups of tea/bowls of cereal) for the 'next big game' to play at the arcade and review to get the maximum amount of lake trolls.

I am distinctly amazed by this game, I've been sat here now playing the game for 6 days straight and I still can't get the right balance between satirical and scathing. God damn you have to be skilled but to be fair once you've crapped your brain out of your arse from playing this game you will agree with the score I'm going to give it.

Jim, this one's for you. Keep it up mate, this game is amazing, even watching other people play it is just as good.

Final Score


10:08 AM on 04.29.2010

Old Console Controllers on the Wii - A How & Where To

Hey everyone, I'm a bit of a retro nut, and love the fact that the Wii can play a lot of older titles from other machines. But the thing that's always nagged my brain a little is that I'm not playing with the original pads. Maybe you have a mint condition Nes Advantage controller or a CPS Fighter Joystick in your attic, if you're that person maybe this will be of interest to you.

Yes I know Nintendo released the Classic Controller (I own 2 myself ) - but sometimes (for me) it's just not the same. I've put together this list to share information about where to buy converters or tutorials of how to build your own. I'm absolutely awful at soldering so finding ready made kit is a must for me. I've included both options for ready made and DIY options where I could find them.

If anybody knows of any other places where there is good information on this type of kit please let me know and I'll add them to the list. Before you ask, no I'm not on the pay roll for any of them I'd just prefer to save other people some time.

Before I begin, I do know of the Super Famicom Classic Controller (and I own one). For those who have never heard of it this was a giveaway for certain Club Nintendo members in Japan - it's basically a classic controller in the shape of a snes pad that plugs into the wii remote. But because it's relatively easy to find on the common auction site that people use I haven't included any links. Yes it does look and feel like a proper snes pad. But if you do want one prepare to pay a bit to have them imported from Japan. Mine cost me 38 all in all and was well worth it, but for those of you who REALLY want the original pads here you go:

Ready Made Converters (For use with original stock pads - no modification required)


MEGADRIVE / GENESIS / Master System / C64 / Atari (DB9)

A while ago I contacted Raphael (owner of the shop on the above link) and asked if the Megadrive/Genesis convertor he sold on his site would be compatible with the C64 and Master System. He's contacted me since to tell me he's built a new version of the cable to be compatible with all of them, the type of controller plugged in is auto-detected when powered up so it switches the buttons over. The cable itself is compatible with Megadrive / Genesis controllers (3 or 6 buttons {and compatibles}), Sega Master System (SMS) controllers (and compatibles) and C64 / Atari-style one-button controllers.

We did have a funny few emails back and forth where he was asking me how I was able to play C64 games on the Wii (they were only out in Europe at that point) :)


DIY (or how I learned to envy people who can solder) - In this link, a guy called Mark Feldman has included instructions of how to construct wireless Snes and Nes controllers for the Wii. It still uses a Gamecube port but is truely wireless. Not for the faint hearted! - Following on from the previous link, this is how one user got on with Mark Feldman's tutorial. - Another review of Mark Feldman's tutorial including a review of the completed product. On this lovely site here by Razor Kitten - In this link a gent called Raphael has put together a guide not just for the Nes, but also the Snes and the N64. It does require extra parts and it is wired using the Gamecube port. - This is for a wireless Sega Megadrive/Genesis pad. - Following on from the previous link, this is a full custom built circuit board to replace the innards of a standard Sega Megadrive/Genesis controller with a wireless type, rather than cramming both in.   read

6:45 AM on 04.29.2010

My OCD and my struggle with gaming (though I love it)

Hello fellow Dtoiders :) This post is to get something out of my brain and onto your computer box screens. I'm interested to read other people's opinions on it to see if I'm alone in my way of thinking or if I'm part of a larger group that has to check their front door nineteen times to see if it's locked. Hopefully you'll find this more humorous than worrying :)

You see, I have an issue, it's not anything problematic or stops me from living day to day at all. I just can't play a game in a series if I've not played the games before it (unless I'm very much pushed to), but I have to own the game. Simple as. Not own as in pwn boom headshot, just own as in I get pleasure from knowing things are in order on my shelf. I'm not rich in any sense of the word, I will wait until most of the titles go cheap or I can pick it up second-hand if I can't afford it straight away. I'm not really bothered about trophies or achievements, it's simply having the game in my hand/shelf. It makes me feel all warm inside.

I came to this realisation a few months ago when I was talking to my mrs about why she would buy so many shoes. She would see a new pair with cupcake graphics on it or a zombie eating an ice-cream on heels that could kill a guy single-white-female style without much trouble. She would lose sleep if she didn't have them*

*extreme exaggeration

I had the stereotypical man response that she had enough shoes and that my collection of two pairs - one for walking in and one for looking smart in was enough for any sensible human being. It then hit me. I do exactly the same thing with games and I don't know why I do it.

Let's take for example four separate game series: God of War, Ratchet and Clank, Metal Gear Solid and Fallout. It's completely coincidental that I've picked three series that appear solely on the PS3 - I own all three current gen units and I love them all equally, they're just games that popped in my mind first.

God of War. I bought 1 and 2 for the PS2 on a whim - been meaning for the past 3 years to work through them. Now my PS2 (though still in my TV cabinet) now sits gathering dust as my shiny PS3 gets most of the playtime. God of War collection comes out for the PS3 - my convincing argument to the Mrs - "But if I get the collection, it won't look weird on my new TV and I can play them all through in one go ready for when part 3 comes down in price." - I would literally think about the collection all the time, keep checking online for good prices, watch videos with comparisons of the PS2 version versus the PS3 (though I don't actually care) until I can get hold of the copy in my hand. Then lo and behold a cheap price appears for it, I buy it, get it in my hand all twitchy and sweaty from waiting for it. Plastic wrapping comes off, I play a level, switch it off satisfied that I own it finally and it gets put on the shelf. Positioned between other games to put it in alphabetical order. All is right with the world.

Ratchet and Clank. Never played it on the PS2. I bought the PSP version and completed it - thinking it was a great game. Now I have all the Ratchet and Clank games on the PS3 (including Quest for Booty on disc, I really couldn't help it) and they simply sit there on the shelf taunting me. But I haven't played the PS2 versions and it pains me to put the Tools of Destruction on in case I miss some in-joke or a storyline that I would have known if I'd played the original games.

Metal Gear Solid. Part 4 was a Christmas gift that I dropped hints about for months. I put the disc in on Christmas day and felt like I was reading spoilers for a sequel for a film I've not seen the original for. Watched intro movie for ten minutes, moved the kid around the plane or whatever it was we were on for a few more minutes. Got twitchy and nervous that some plot point from a previous game was going to be revealed in the next 30 seconds I was watching so the game was switched off and put back in the box. MGS 1, 2 and 3 sit on the shelf taunting me. Now I find out that I may not be able to play MGS2 and 3 on my PS3 anyway because of backwards compatibility has been removed. Can't take risk on putting the game in and being disappointed so Part 4 goes back on the shelf (in alphabetical order). Feel like a gaming failure. Still read articles about new MGS game appearing on 360 and contemplate getting it to complete collection.

Fallout (mainly 3). Now this is on the 360. I had to be constantly harassed by my friends to finally get this game and play it. I did and to be fair I absolutely loved it. To the point that my house in Megaton is so full of crap from the Wasteland (you name it, it's in my lockers at my Megaton house - plates, spoons, anything). When I got the perk for the homemade weapons, I could've opened my own shop (if the game allowed) because I could make the weapons ten times over. Star Paladin Cross was basically employed as a carry things companion, so much so if I tell her to wait somewhere she will do. But when I ask her to come with me again she just stands there. I have to ask her to leave and then I chase her and ask me to join me again, she'll follow.

I have convinced myself now it's because she's so pissed off with carrying my equipment she's developed enough AI to basically tell me to get lost. It's a good job Dogmeat can't carry equipment otherwise I'd need another house in Megaton.

Now (back to the topic) I got Fallout 1 and 2 and played Fallout 1. Couldn't get into it at all after dying about 6/7 times in a row with 20 minutes. Tried again for another hour or so but had to switch off after the initial "wow a lot of the features are the same" feeling had worn off. Now have trouble playing Fallout 3 again after letting the game down. Also feel weird knowing that other internet users are getting excited about the NCR appearing in the Fallout: New Vegas game. Fallout 3 doesn't go back on as I don't know what they're talking about. At that point I lock the front door for no logical reason.

I did the same with DJ Hero, I saw it available and convinced myself that I had to own this game. I waited and saved and finally got it, played it for 2 days and it goes on the shelf. Never to be played (potentially) again.

Now I can't honestly decide why I do it, I really want to play (as in REALLY) MGS4 for a start off. I've tried playing MGS1 and I'm stuck trying to fight some invisible ninja guy in an office. I then get killed numerous times, leave it for a few months then try again. Now I know there's a ninja guy I have to fight, but because it's been so long I don't know why I'm fighting him (I've forgotten the story) so I just sort of feel embarrassed for myself and switch the game off, making a mental note to read the story online just so I know why this invisible nutter keeps laughing and kicking the crap out of me in a computer room. Then I think, "Jesus, there's another 2 games after this before 4" - feel like I can't be bothered. Game goes back on the shelf, leave for a week and the game starts to taunt me, rinse-repeat. When I do have a day to myself what I do put on - bloody Modern Warfare 2 - every single time... I have thoughts for some reason that if I don't play it at least once every two days I will become a gibbering wreck with the motor skills and dexterity of a tortoise. All the while while I'm crying into my cup of tea that I've been unfairly (read: because I'm crap) killed by a grenade launcher.

So the questions are:

Am I alone in my way of thinking?
Is it really worth it playing all the way through these game series (or pick your favourite!)
Is it wrong to have only two pairs of shoes, should I have more?
Why do I keep going back to MW2????


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