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Favorite games list type thing:

NES
1. Mega Man 2
2. Duck Tales
3. Legend of Zelda II

SNES
1. Secret of Mana
2. Final Fantasy 6
3. Yoshi's Island

N64
1. Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
2. Goldeneye
3. Shadows of the Empire

GameCube
1. Tales of Symphonia
2. Wind Waker
3. MGS: Twin Snakes

Wii
1. Mega Man 9
2. Tales of Symphonia II
3. No More Heroes

PS1
1. Lunar 2: Eternal Blue
2. Final Fantasy 7
3. Tales of Destiny (Eternia) II

PS2
1. Rogue Galaxy
2. MGS: Snake Eater
3. Final Fantasy 10

XBOX
1. KOTOR 1
2. KOTOR 2
3. Morrowind

XBOX 360
1. Lost Odyssey
2. Mass Effect
3. Bioshock


Currently playing: Borderlands, Magna Carta II, Fable II, and Bioshock.
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My Client: Dr. Wily
stevenxonward | 2:04 PM on 12.23.2009 19 comments


Having been a paralegal now for a few defense attorneys for around 6 years now, I've always wondered what it might be like if certain videogame villains had to be represented in an actual court of law. What motions would I prepare? What might our defense be? How could we explain any of this to a jury? I decided today that I wanted to start a series dedicated to treating iconic videogame characters as if they were clients here at my office. Every so often I will prepare a different court document prepared in the fashion of an attorney representing a client, this week's client being Dr. Wily. Because I can't format a proper motion in bbcode, I've saved the actual document as a jpg. Hope it's easy enough to read.

Admittedly, this one isn't as funny as I'd have liked it to be, but I tend to sit on ideas for a while and then never use them. Doing it now kinda forced the idea and will make me come up with new & better ideas. A Sentencing Memorandum is filed prior to sentencing, after a defendant has pleaded guilty to a crime. The judge can use the memorandum as a kind of primer for sentencing. It generally puts the sentencing argument in the judge's head a few days before they actually hear it. Giving them some time to sleep on your argument usually results in a more favorable sentence.



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15 comments | showing # 1 to 15
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Monodi's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/23/2009 15:23
Monodi
Hahahahaha
copilotlindy's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/23/2009 15:35
copilotlindy
Awesome.
Xzyliac's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/23/2009 15:35
Xzyliac
You know what I taste in this post? Topsauce.
confusionbomb's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/23/2009 16:10
confusionbomb
Will Judge Hiram Mightor or Judge Mentok the Mind-Taker be presiding?
Char Aznable's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/23/2009 16:25
Char Aznable
lol This was a fantastic read. I particularly enjoyed the "200X to 20XX" bit, I don't know why that got me.

Confusionbomb, BwooooWEEEEEEEEoooooo!
protoknuckles's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/23/2009 17:23
protoknuckles
This is awesome! I look forward to the next one.
Xzyliac's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/23/2009 21:33
Xzyliac
This makes me wish there was a jury too. Next time I'll try to do what MkShiranui did.

Also my nominations for the next one: Dr. Robotnik or Darth Vader.
Artemus's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/23/2009 22:10
Artemus
A ha ha! =D
Char Aznable's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/23/2009 22:20
Char Aznable
M. Bison and Bowser would also be good candidates for future installments.
Funksy's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/24/2009 00:42
Funksy
King K. Rool
Ganondorf

You could even flip the script and write up documents charging those commonly thought of as "heroes". Oh the possibilities!

Well done, though. This was a fun read
stevenxonward's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/24/2009 08:12
stevenxonward
Thanks for reading, fapping, and commenting. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

@ MkShiranui - You're a fair and honest judge. Fair and honest judges don't get re-elected.

@ CharAznable - I really liked the cause numbers in the heading. I don't think anyone caught 'em though.

@ Xzyliac - I think I've got a pretty good one for next time. I think I'll probably end up doing them bi-weekly.

@ Funsky - Yeah, I'm definitely planning to do something along those lines.
Black Wombat's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/25/2009 17:03
Black Wombat
I'd love more of these. Wit absolutely NO HUMOR.
Seriously, the idea of hypotetic cases for fictional characters fascinates me.
Black Wombat's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/25/2009 17:05
Black Wombat
Sorry, i meant "hypothetical".
Arttemis's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/02/2011 19:25
Arttemis
Awesome!
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