If you ever visited your local GameCrazy, it's likely you had a fairly nice experience. At my local store, the employees were incredible and the used games always had a few cheap gems to be found. When I heard that all three of the GameCrazys in Reno were being shut down, I decided that it was a good opportunity to go and buy some totally dubious used titles that I'd always wanted to give a shot. The result was a batch of six PS2 games for $20, and playing these games was every bit as horrible as it was refreshing and wonderful.

So here we go, it's Bargain Bin Meltdown!! Six game reviews in one post, hold on to your ovaries and your balls!

1st game I nearly enjoyed- Onimusha 2:Samurai's Destiny



This game is fucking incredible to look at. I've never played another Onimusha game, but a Capcom game with samurai sounded awesome to me. It operates like a mixture of Final Fantasy VII and Devil May Cry, with ass-kicking samurai. The pre-rendered backgrounds are very moody and well drawn, and the fighting is strategic and violent. But the game's hugest flaw arrives in its most promising element. Instead of buying items, you trade little trinkets and other knick knacks for items, you get better stuff in return if you give another character something they particularly like, so you have to be strategic in how you trade your little found objects. This would have been brilliant, and I was enjoying the entire game, until I found myself in a long stretch of the game where there was absolutely noone to trade with. To top it all off, there was a "fake-out" battle at the end of this stretch which required me to survive as long as possible against a character who was ridiculously stronger than me. This little bit of attrition made me turn down the difficulty so I could proceed in the game. But the there WAS NO WAY TO RESET THE DIFFICULTY. Bullshit, because the game was painfully boring in easy mode. I had tons of loot, but it was worthless because the designers decided that instead of implementing their awesome new mechanic in an effective way, it would be easier to just piss, shit, and rape the eyeballs out of their great little idea. I give this game a slimy tapioca flavored turd, because I know it's not that bad, but I just can't swallow it.

Next game- Summoner 2



I should have seen it coming. I played Summoner because it was a launch title for the PS2 and I bought all of those at the time. I actually remember enjoying it, but my memories mostly have to do with little graphical wonders which would soon become commonplace. Summoner 2 sucks. It's so mediocre that I was shocked. It has no really special qualities, it's derivative, it's clunky, and the characters were so boring that I turned it off after 2 hours. That's all there is to it. I would give this game a "meh" but it drained so much energy out of me that I don't think I can muster the strength.

Next Game- Winning Eleven Seven International (soccer)



I had once heard someone say this was the best soccer series out there, and I have to agree. The problem is that soccer games are incredibly boring. I always wished I could get into a soccer game because it's kind of like hockey, but with more Spanish commentators. This game is pretty good, it has a nice tutorial and a huge roster. After a few hours of play, I decided once and for all that soccer games suck, unless you really like soccer. This is a niche game, and it delivered what was expected. I give this game a "br-r-r-r-r-r-aaahaaa!" because I played as the Mexicans.

The Game which makes me love everything is next. I can't wait to get more into it.

Turok: Evolution



Dinosaurs are about as awesome as dragons. In the Turok world, this remains true, except the dinsoaurs have automatic rifles, which puts them a click above your average fire-breather. This game lets you play as a badass Native American warrior, who fights for a WWII-esque group called the Allies who battle against the Slegs, which are the forementioned dinosaurs with guns. This game exists in a universe all its own, and I enjoy it thoroughly. It's especially fun for me because I study Archaeology, and I am now expecting to find a chain gun at my next pre-historical dig. This game makes me realize how fucking dull the whole plot to Jurassic Park was, because virtually all of that book was justification to have a bunch of dinosaurs raising hell. In Turok, I was killing all the dinosaurs I wanted within seconds of the game starting, and to me, that's much better. I give this game one decapitated head of Micheal Crichton.

Wow, this is getting long.

Front Mission 4



Is awesome, big bipedal tanks shoot eachother and there's a smoking hot French woman. I give it a big mechanical boner. This game is totally my bag, and I am going to be playing the bejeesus out of it.

Dual Hearts



I just got this one because I knew it was worth 300 Goozex points. Cha-Ching!