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smang's blog

3:52 AM on 07.14.2009

Games that i like and no one else does: Afro Samurai

Maybe my love for this game stems from the fact i like the show, but anyways, screw you. Also this might be long, as its my first 'review' and i like to have coke induced rants.

This game was released sometime, I forget when, but i picked it up for 20 bones a week or so ago, even though I read all the crappy scores it got from reviewers online.

Its a 3rd person fighter that seemed to get picked apart for the dodgy platforming sections and screwy fighting system. Whatever bitches, any game that has Samuel L Jackson shouting profanities and gives you the ability to slow down time and slice a mans nose and knees off at the same time is almost guaranteed to get a 10/10. Maybe that's why the fools who reviewed it thought it needed a low score, to compensate for all the awesome. Or maybe they thought it was another furious button mashing beat 'em up, not having the time to get deeper into the games mechanics and explore the possibilities?

I won't do a run down of the story, because its been out there for fucking ages and you should have either seen the show or read a review already.

So, graphics, pretty damn nice, all cell shaded and shit. I was playing it whilst a good friend of mine Pete was making what we call in North London "the Camberwell Carrot", The game bears no HUD or information of any kind, and my friend commented on how he was enjoying watching the game, as it looked like a crazy awesome action sequence from the film. As you're swinging about see, all the characters dodge and block in all sorts of badass ninja style ways, and it does look pretty awesome.

On the surface it looks like a bit of a button masher. Light attack, heavy attack, kick, jump and block. There are your standard combos, light light heavy heavy blah whatever. If you approach this like a button masher however you'll probably get pinged around like a rag doll and get very annoyed. Old Afro is quite tough see, and can take quite a beating before he drops dead. It pays to learn the combos, as finishing one usually ends in some sort of crazy kill animation. The enemies have quite alot of health, and finishing a combo is the quickest way to end a fool. You can also direct each individual hit of a combo, and this is crucial when lots of bad guys are trying to slice your fro off. Using combos has one awesome side effect, it builds your focus meter!

You hold the left trigger down to activate focus and slow time, and then initiate either a horizontal or vertical slice by holding an attack button (there's also other shit you can do, sweep, dodge, etc, but this is the main fun) Whilst holding either horizontal or vertical slice, a thin line is drawn on your opponent in either the vertical or horizontal manner, which you can adjust by moving the stick. When you release, Afro slices, and whatever parts of the badguy the line was on, gets the fuck sliced off. YES. Its like sex. I tried this in the kitchen this morning and it makes slicing bread hella easy. I've never seen anything in a game like this before, and its freaking sweet. You can slice even the smallest body part right off, and splitting people right down the middle looks quite disgusting, you can see tacos and everything. I especially enjoyed slicing a ninja mid-jump and removing fingers and toes at the same time (there's a 'chievement for this shiz). After you level up, you can do up to 4 of these in a row, and cut down tons of bad buys and create a nice pile of body parts. Once i got the knack of this down, i found that areas with a ton of enemies that i struggled with before, were almost over in seconds.

All this said, you have to be careful, as enemies are quite smart and will surround you quickly, and if you don't block, they will knock you all over the place. To be honest, i can see why this would annoy people just starting the game, it takes a little while to get used to and is actually much deeper and technical than it would seem. You also get the ability to 'mount' bad guys, if you time a block right then jump, Afro jumps on their chest, from there you can kill them in a variety of ways. I personally always go for a teabagging, but that move doesn't appear to be in the game.

As is the trend with these 3rd person fighty style games with awkward cameras, some cheese insisted on putting platform elements in, and seemed to want it done very badly. Luckily the game reloads very quickly after a missed jump and usually puts you right back where you were. Its like... they knew...

I will concede i hate non-skippable cutscenes. especially when i game is obviously designed to be replayed. That shit needs to go home and be a family man asap.

The soundtrack to this game is the 'bomb', and the voice acting is top notch, i think all the actors form the show are present. I especially like the fact all the bad guys are voiced by Bender. All of the music has something to do with the Wu-Tang, we all know they aren't nothing to fuck with.

So what? why did it get a bad score? Well, the platforming is crap, but its not enough to distract form the real meat in my opinion. Non-skippable cutscenes? No thanks. I found the combat quite strategic and rewarding, and killing hundreds of bad guys with the unique focus mechanic is quite addictive. I would also like to say its not a freaking button masher. All i can think is that reviewers just don't have the time these days to actually sit down and learn a game like this, as its probably a relatively small blip on the videogame gods radar, they need to finish and review it asap. Shame really, but i'm having fun.

Its not up tot he polished standards of Devil may cry or Ninja Gaiden, but there's fun to be had, especially if you enjoyed the show.

So, if you see it cheap, or you're at a loose rental end, give it a go, you might like it. and tell the bitches Smang sent you.   read

10:21 AM on 07.13.2009



You're probably like me, you love videogames right? WRONG. It's all bullcrap and games are pointless. You might as well take up smoking and putting them out on small animals then lighting another to put out in your own eye then rub a lemon in it. Go outside, you pale malnourished bastards and try walking without waggle controls. It's not easy is it?

That said, I'm up for a game of street fighter if anyone want's to know what its like to win really easily.

I'm also in love with cheese, and the combination of cheese and videogames isn't great for my cholesterol according to my nutritionist. He should have known better to try and advise me on my diet, he can reflect on that while he's buried under my patio.

So blogs, eh. I've had one before, but i've never really thought my life was interesting enough to write about and then get other people to read about, but then one night while i was snorting coke form off the back of my cat Pete, i realised that i have a lot to say, mostly gibberish, but if i don't write it down somewhere i usually end up saying it out loud in inappropriate situations. It's embarassing getting kicked out of office meetings for threatening to shit on people's desks yo.

Anyways, i love videogames, and so do you. It's not wrong, its ok, and i'll psychic dragon punch you in the face if you disagree.

ttfn Internets.   read

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