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My Steam ID is TurboDick Megafucker

Now you ask yourself, "What the hell is a TurboDick Megafucker?" This isnt something that can easily described with words and is much more easily explained via math equation:

The Milky Way Galaxy < My Penis < The Universe

Oh, and i hope to very soon accomplish my dream of having sex while playing Battletoads for the original NES.
Following (11)  

I've finally got a few dollars in my pocket, so I decided it was time to do what I've been meaning to do for a couple years now. After a few days of eBay lurking I came across this humble collection, take a gander:

Please pay special attention to the right hand side badassery thats in this picture.

Like all poor kids basking in the glow of a new wave of game consoles, I sold my Super Nintendo. What was lost was a nice collection including Mega Man X, and Super Metroid. I feel like I made up for some of that today. I've played all these games, but aside from Zelda and Mario World, I've never finished any of them. I figured now's about as good a time as any. Also, not pictured is a copy of Final Fantasy III(VI) which came in early and is at my friends house who was smart enough never to sell his SNES. In fact the bastard's probably playing it right now.

Now all that's left is to snag a copy of Metroid to make up for my old one, maybe a Street Fighter and some Final Fight for good measure, and I think Secret of Mana(another one I've played and not finished) should just about round out this collection after that. Also its time to bitch at the dude about the broken controller he sent me. Not really sure how that's gonna work out.

Anyway, don't tell me what you got, cause that's really NihonTiger's thing. But what do you think? Pretty sweet huh?

1:39 PM on 05.28.2008

You may or may not know about Joystix. Its a pretty big ass retro arcade in Houston, and they have what they call Pac-Man Fever Fridays on the first and last friday of every month where its $15 at the door and free play from 9pm-2am. Also, I think there's booze served there too. Also, I think cocks.

PS - They have Raiden II...I shouldnt have to say more, but in case I do, that game has a huge purple abusive choker cock weapon that rapes everything on the screen.

Hope to see some of you there.

5:36 PM on 04.25.2008

You are presented with 2 doors, behind one is the hottest chick you've ever seen in your life and she fully intends to have sex with you. Behind the other, a large black man with a large black penis, and he also fully intends to have sex with you....butt-rape style. You get a million dollars just for playing the you do it?

Alright here it is, not much to speak of, just a macbook pro 2.3GHz dual core w/ a Radeon X1600 Mobile in it, 2 GB of Ram. Its not overpowering by any means, it runs TF2 decently enough to play, but I'm sure Crysis would drag its balls through the dirt.


I dont have a picture for you, or a song, or a video. So I'll just tell you why I ever came to destructoid in the first place ,and why i love it so.

Back when Shadowrun for 360 was about to come out(i know it sucks) I was a dedicated slave to the IGN machine. I went there and there alone for video game knowledge, but was slowly realizing that their website was stale, rehashed, and above all uninformed. When Shadowrun got a preview up, I was quick to read it and went like this:

"See, we're not diehard fans of the franchise that the game is based on. As a result, Shadowrun fans who burst into a ball of indignant flames at the mere mention of the upcoming game might like to redirect their browsers elsewhere. Unlike you, we couldn't give a damn if FASA has horribly molested a role playing game, and buggerised it into some unholy misuse of the license in the form of a first person shooter. All we care about is whether or not it does what it sets out to do - provide a fun, multiplayer-focused shooter that freshens up the genre with some innovative weaponry and skill sets."

Unlike who? You mean, gamers? At that point I had had it. I realized it was time to go elsewhere, and never look back. I remember seeing a few posts to digg from some videogame website out there, this lovely one, and thought what the hell. Almost a year later, and I'm still here loving it. Finally, a website that gives real, honest, funny opinions about videogames from people who know what they're talking about.

So, Happy Birthday to Destructoid and Niero, tomorrow night, I play Wisest Wizard in your honor.

Well, their review is out and they end up giving it a 5.7. What an obscure little number to end up giving this game. Now, I haven't played Trigger Heart, and I don't necessarily want to praise it before I've even played it, but I've watched videos of it in action and damn. Seems to be the shmup genre getting undo punishment once again. To the shmup fan its about par for the course; we're used to enduring reviews like this and hoping the genre can force its goodness into the brains of bricks people like the reviewers at IGN have the unfortunate job of lugging around everyday. Before you say I'm jumping all over IGN specifically for a game I haven't even played yet, I'll just tell you I have an ongoing distaste and a battered wife syndrome going on for that website. They smack me around with horrid reviews and lackluster journalism and I tell them I'm sorry, I should have made their favorite pot roast instead of ordering pizza....don't worry, I'll clean up the mess. Either way, we'll find out tomorrow, I'll either be an idiot and they'll be right, or more likely the case plenty of people will miss out on a good shmup over a bad review.