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Games That I Regret: Home Improvement
shipero | 8:58 AM on 01.23.2008 24 comments




Video games have the ability to show you amazing new worlds and wonders from beyond our imagination. Occasionally, developers can get lazy and decide to set their games in generic settings like space or World War 2, or if they're really lazy they can simply license someone else’s ideas and settings. This can work out and deliver an entertaining experience, but usually you are left with a subpar game. Sometimes you end up with a game that is not only bad, it makes absolutely no sense. One such game is Home Improvement for the SNES.



Home Improvement is simple side scrolling platformer based on the popular sitcom by the same name. The plot of the game is completely nonsensical, Tim must recover stolen Binford power tools that have been hidden on various sets in the studio at which Tool Time is filmed. So Tim must run, jump, and shoot robotic dinosaurs with a nail gun to retrieve his precious tools. Just like the TV show right?


*Laugh track not included.

The bizarre premise isn’t the biggest problem with the game. That honor belongs to the fact that Tim controls like a drunken chimpanzee. The platforming is absolutely painful and combat is no better. The nail gun, which is your main weapon, fires in random directions and the crowbar is useless for anything but smashing through walls. At least I assume it’s a crowbar, it could be a hammer or a wrench. All I know it the stupid thing shoots sparkles whenever you swing it, so I like to pretend that it's a magical pixie wand.


A grappling hook… Yeah, sure, why not?

Home Improvement has all the ingredients necessary for a truly terrible game. The mixture of horrible controls, ugly graphics, slapped together plot, and strange license all just kind of congeal together to create a gumbo of pure despair. This game is really something you have to experience for yourself, pictures and videos don’t really do it justice. I mean seriously, who thought that this game was a good idea?

God I hate this game:


This is one of the many terrible games of my childhood that I don’t actually remember getting; it just kind of appeared in my collection one day. I hope that is was a gift from a well meaning relative, because if I actually asked for this game I’m not sure I could live with myself. So I will treat the discovery of this game like I just woke up to find a dead hooker in my bed. I don’t know how it got here, I’m not sure I want to know, but I damn sure want to get rid of the evidence before anyone finds me with it. Well, anyone other than you guys, but you’re cool right?

Other games that I regret:
Beatmania
Work Time Fun



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22 comments | showing # 1 to 22
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Rockvillian's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/23/2008 09:03
Rockvillian
Oh.... the background "music" is off beat something CRAZY.

Dead hooker for real!
Tragic Hero's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/23/2008 09:05
Tragic Hero
You know...I could take that Dead Hooker off your hands for maybe the Kings Quest Collection.

But back on topic, I remember when I was young how naive I was that I would assume any game regardless of it being based on a TV show or a movie could be good but when I saw Home Improvement I just thought "Theres no way this could be any good!"
BlindsideDork's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/23/2008 09:10
BlindsideDork
But there are dinosaurs!
blehman's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/23/2008 09:14
blehman
My god, I thought this game was gone and forgotten, never to be seen again...
pierrerodriguez's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/23/2008 09:25
pierrerodriguez
never even heard of this one before, but it looks amazing. love that poor attempt at the theme song on the title screen.
chief blaze's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/23/2008 09:30
chief blaze
this game rocked. ruuhhh ruhhhh ruhhhhhhh
ZeroTolo's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/23/2008 09:35
ZeroTolo
I gotta say that I just got done with level three, and they need to tighten up the graphics a little bit.
Holyetheline's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/23/2008 10:00
Holyetheline
I remember that game. I loved the show when I was a kid and that game was a huge disappointment.
CaffeinePowered's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/23/2008 10:11
CaffeinePowered
Wow, just wow
ShadokatRegn's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/23/2008 10:24
ShadokatRegn
I had no idea they turned that ridiculous show into a video game, and whoever did this to us is somewhat retarded and depraved.
Fuzzy's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/23/2008 10:30
Fuzzy
I regret you having to regret. God that looked awful. I'm glad that I never had to soil my eyes with that rubbish (until now). You have set a high bar with this game of shame. I'm going to try to up the ante next time I write an "Art of Regret" blog.
MrSadistic's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/23/2008 11:24
MrSadistic
shipero bash the game all you want, but the point here is:

I bet you don't know anything about Belt Sanders.
king3vbo's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/23/2008 11:40
king3vbo
I've played the ROM after hearing about how awful it is... o sweet Jesus its bad
Y0j1mb0's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/23/2008 11:56
Y0j1mb0
Come on Shipero, you know you asked for this game as a kid. Your mind is just trying to protect you from the memory of it.
lucashoal's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/23/2008 12:19
lucashoal
I played the not-ROM as well, and it is just as awful as shipero (Warp Speed 10) describes it. I could never get through the first level, game didn't make a damn bit of sense.
GrayFox's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/23/2008 12:20
GrayFox
Aooouuuuuuaaahhh?
lucashoal's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/23/2008 12:40
lucashoal
I don't think so Tim.
shipero's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/23/2008 13:04
shipero
@Rockvillian

I can't believe I forgot to touch on how grating the music is. The interpretation of the theme music on the title screen is almost surreal.
Hamza CTZ Aziz's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/23/2008 14:07
Hamza CTZ Aziz
LMFAO! I had no idea there was a game of this!
liam2015's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/23/2008 15:56
liam2015
I will be honest. I did not read one word of this blog. Because I find it hard to beleive you ever bought this game in the first place. WHY????
liam2015's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/23/2008 15:59
liam2015
Reading your blog, I found out you never bought, or asked for this game. So that makes me feel better
Wedge's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/23/2008 19:14
Wedge
It's still no Cannondale Cup. But close.
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