I’ve already written about my history with rhythm games. I love them but they treat me so badly. I hit “hard” difficulty like it’s brick wall reinforced with rods of failure. However, like a mouthy redneck bride, I keep coming back for more abuse. I usually meet each blow to my fragile ego with a smile and the knowledge that despite my sucking I’m having fun. Sometimes though I come across a game so frustrating that I have to stop and say “That’s it! I’m not going to take it anymore! I’ll play Katamari instead.” One such game is Beatmania on the PS2.
Beatmania follows your typical rhythm game formula. Pick a song, do some kind of action in time to the music, and receive a grade based on your performance. Like any good rhythm game it comes with a complicated peripheral that lets you pretend you’re a music superstar. Beatmania’s key to the world of imagination is something that resembles a turntable and a synthesizer mashed together. This is a bonus for me as I get to pretend that I’m some Bizarro World hip-hop version of Geddy Lee. Unfortunately I can only delude myself into thinking I’m DJ Modern Day Warrior for so long before the simple fact that I’m not having any fun rears its ugly head.
The tool of the devil.
How the gameplay itself is simple in concept but tough in execution. Lines quickly fall down from the top of the screen. When these lines reach the bottom you either press the corresponding button or spin the turntable. Sounds easy yes? Well it doesn’t take long before the lines are moving too fast for the human eye to detect. It doesn’t help matters that you are trying to lineup a small section of a line on a longer line with little room for error, which makes the scoring system seem unnecessarily brutal.
Lines… So many lines…
Usually when it comes to rhythm games, no matter how much I suck or how frustrated I get I can at least enjoy the music. Unfortunately the PS2 version of Beatmania has a horribly generic song list. A list that includes the most empty and soulless version of Virtual Insanity I have ever had the misfortune of hearing. One of the few exceptions is Funkytown by Lipps Inc. which I not only love but is one of the main reasons I bought the game to begin with, it was so much fun on the demo.
STOP MOCKING ME!
Like I mentioned before this game has an absolutely brutal difficulty curve. I have a hell of a time keeping up with the notes. The game allows you to switch between five and seven key setup, naturally I thought that the five key would be easier, but no. The notes simply come by faster as they’re heading to two less buttons. I was confused as to how a game so annoyingly difficult could be so popular but on my previous blog BahamutZero clued me in with the following nugget of wisdom, “Dude, Beatmania was constructed in the fires of hell by Japanese robots, for Japanese robots.” I have to agree with him, though I would drop the Japanese label, I'm sure robots of all nations love Beatmania.
Only robots can do this:
God that clip upsets me. Watching it reminds me of how obnoxious that game can get. Oh god, I can’t stop shaking. Why are there so many lines? Ok, I’ve got to calm down. I’ve got to relax. I gotta… I-I…
Gotta make a move to a town that's right for me:
Whew…Ok, I’m good now. I’ve stopped hyperventilating and now I can carry on.
I’d like to point out that my opinions are based entirely on the North American PS2 release of Beatmania. This version was very poorly received by both reviewers and Bemani fans. I have absolutely no experience with the other versions of this game either in console or arcade form. I also know that this game has its fans, some people like its high difficulty and the lightning reflexes it requires. I would just like all of the Beatmania fans that read this to know I don’t fault them for enjoying this game, but I would also like to add that I will refuse to bow to you and your soulless robotic brothers when the android revolution comes.
This game was at Magfest. It was this HUGE machine and people would set up Rock Band next to it. You couldn't hear any of the music coming from Rock Band cause the blasted thing was so freaking loud. The music was omgwtfterrible.
The people playing it were of the odd variety too. They had the fingers of a Chinese gymnist. I couldn't figure out how they kept up with everything without having a seizure. Suffice it to say I did not like the game at all. So ghey.
You will never, ever get to the level of meth-addicted Japanese arcade freak. It's not even worth trying. I've seen these guys and its like seriously, buy a fucking synthesizer already. you have ten fingers. on one hand.
If you came to MAGFest 6, you could've played the big ole Arcade version! It was there...I never got to play it cause Knives wouldn't let me play with him!
Whew!! I'm glad I'm not the only idiot who bought this game when it came out. Thank you for letting me know there was somebody as dumb as me that thought they could have fun with this shit.
I remember trying this game at the game on exhibition in London. It was fun in a hateful 'i must beat the machine' way. They should have brought out a strap for it to play like an electro accordion.
That song reminds me of that episode of Malcolm in the middle when his dad teaches him to skate lol
I picked this up for $20 and the level progress is crazy, after you beat the 2nd song you feel all good about yourself and the 3rd song kicks you in the balls after if rapes your grandma.
Being a big fan of Konami music games (well, DDR, anyway) at the time, I picked up the US version of Beatmania went it came out. It was horridly difficult and the songs sucked. Plus the turntable was really stiff and not slidey and neat like I thought it'd be. I traded the game in, but they wouldn't take the controller so I threw it in the closet.
Just a few weeks ago, I tried out a Japanese version of it and modded my turntable with wax paper so it wasn't so stiff. I didn't enjoy it any more than before and for some reason, there were no song previews (a sample wouldn't play when you highlight a song title), so I had no fucking clue what I was playing half the time.
I got the US Version for $30, just so I could have the controller and burn copies of the Japanese versions. I think I only played the US Disc for a couple minutes, just to laugh. The game is pretty hard, but I can have fun with it on Light level songs at least.
I tried playing it, thinking it was gonna be easy. I quickly died on any song. Seriously, nowhere near as fun as it looks. If I wanted to play something that fast, I'd pick up the piano again and go learn some classical masterpieces instead of that crap music.
I tried playing this game once — a friend at college introduced me to it because he knew I was a huge Guitar Hero fan (and he knew that I played the game on Expert). I failed miserably at “Funkytown” on the Medium difficulty, I think, and that was the first and last time I played Beatmania.
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That is such a stupid fuckign game. It pisses me off jsut watching it. God damn, it is STUUUUPID!
Hah, good thing I never had the inclination to play this one.
Kudos on the Geddy Lee reference though.
OMG, sad Shipero face is sad.
This game was at Magfest. It was this HUGE machine and people would set up Rock Band next to it. You couldn't hear any of the music coming from Rock Band cause the blasted thing was so freaking loud. The music was omgwtfterrible.
The people playing it were of the odd variety too. They had the fingers of a Chinese gymnist. I couldn't figure out how they kept up with everything without having a seizure. Suffice it to say I did not like the game at all. So ghey.
You will never, ever get to the level of meth-addicted Japanese arcade freak. It's not even worth trying. I've seen these guys and its like seriously, buy a fucking synthesizer already. you have ten fingers. on one hand.
If you came to MAGFest 6, you could've played the big ole Arcade version! It was there...I never got to play it cause Knives wouldn't let me play with him!
@VWGTI
But it had the Ghostbusters song!
@BSD
It's not my fault the machine had no way to quit, not even missing every note would get me back to the main menu.
God I hate beatmania so much
I should fight all of you but there's no BBcode for coloring text here.
@The-Excel
Yes there [color=orange]is[/color][color=yellow].[/color]
So fight away.
Whew!! I'm glad I'm not the only idiot who bought this game when it came out. Thank you for letting me know there was somebody as dumb as me that thought they could have fun with this shit.
Well at least red and blue work.
He didn't even have to use Star Power. :/
I remember trying this game at the game on exhibition in London. It was fun in a hateful 'i must beat the machine' way. They should have brought out a strap for it to play like an electro accordion.
That song reminds me of that episode of Malcolm in the middle when his dad teaches him to skate lol
Nice Shipero. Glad I never touched this piece of of elephant waste.
Some people blame the game for their suckage. Others blame themselves and then get better at it.
I picked this up for $20 and the level progress is crazy, after you beat the 2nd song you feel all good about yourself and the 3rd song kicks you in the balls after if rapes your grandma.
Being a big fan of Konami music games (well, DDR, anyway) at the time, I picked up the US version of Beatmania went it came out. It was horridly difficult and the songs sucked. Plus the turntable was really stiff and not slidey and neat like I thought it'd be. I traded the game in, but they wouldn't take the controller so I threw it in the closet.
Just a few weeks ago, I tried out a Japanese version of it and modded my turntable with wax paper so it wasn't so stiff. I didn't enjoy it any more than before and for some reason, there were no song previews (a sample wouldn't play when you highlight a song title), so I had no fucking clue what I was playing half the time.
In short, Beatmania is shit.
I got the US Version for $30, just so I could have the controller and burn copies of the Japanese versions. I think I only played the US Disc for a couple minutes, just to laugh. The game is pretty hard, but I can have fun with it on Light level songs at least.
I tried playing it, thinking it was gonna be easy. I quickly died on any song. Seriously, nowhere near as fun as it looks. If I wanted to play something that fast, I'd pick up the piano again and go learn some classical masterpieces instead of that crap music.
I tried playing this game once — a friend at college introduced me to it because he knew I was a huge Guitar Hero fan (and he knew that I played the game on Expert). I failed miserably at “Funkytown” on the Medium difficulty, I think, and that was the first and last time I played Beatmania.