Ugh, is it Wednesday already? Man, I got to tell you, life’s been crazy ever since I was featured on the Front page and achieved Internet fame. It’s been a nonstop party, all week I’ve been getting tore up with other internet celebrities. Last night I was introduced to a little drink called the Liza Minnelli Martini, it’s really just gin and Vicodin, but it gets the job done. I’m going to level with you; I’m really hung over, and not really feeling up to up to this whole writing thing. However, I’ll press onward for the sake of my loyal readers. Today, for the benefit of my poor throbbing brain I’m going to write about something easy, like 1994’s Doom.



In Doom you play as some sort of space soldier. You sent to the moon or something like that, to fight monsters that are coming out of a portal to hell that has opened for some reason. The monster’s are all like “Grrr, we’re going eat you.” And the space soldier’s like “Not if I shoot you first.” *Pew Pew Pew* *Boom* You know what, if you never played Doom before than get the fuck out. I don’t have time to deal with your ignorant ass, especially with the room spinning the way it is.


Wow, look at those demons, Holy crap! Fuck, my head.






What?!? Oh right, Doom. Yeah, I used to play this game all the time. My friends and I would gather around the Packard Bell and spend hours blowing up pixilated demons while other kids were out playing sports and kissing girls. Those bastards, they thought they were better than me, with their pump up sneakers and their fade haircuts, but I digress. This game was pretty fun, just the type of thing a bitter, young, sociopath like me needed to blow off steam. I had “anger issues”.


Eh, whatever… close enough.

If you haven’t had the opportunity to experience Doom before, then why are you still here? I thought I told you to leave, but if you really need to play it that badly then I guess you could look here. As always I suggest that you use DOSBox, or don’t. I really couldn’t care less what you do.

Here’s a video, you bastards:


Goddamn, Richard Marx is awesome. Next week I’ll be back with another detailed, front page worthy, look into DOS era gaming. Of course you’ll be back too, where else are you going to go for information like this? Mobygames? Wikipedia? I think not.

Please don’t go to Mobygames or Wikipedia, I desperately need the attention. I... I'm going to go lie down now.

C:\DOS\RUN\DIR
Directory of C:\DOS\RUN\

RiseoftheTriad.exe
WaynesWorld.exe
BlakeStone.exe
HalloweenPP2007.exe
MonsterBash.exe
BattleChess.exe
Boppin.exe
MegaRace.exe