Community Discussion: Blog by shaxam1029 | I don't know.Destructoid
I don't know. - Destructoid


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Hi, I'm Shaxam.

Or maybe I'm Max, or Anan; depends on where and when you're from.

Videogames are pretty neat, my favorites are:(in no particular order)

Skyward Sword
Final Fantasy VI
Mother 3
Deus Ex: Human Revolution
Thief 2
Doom 2
Twilight Princess

I also like writing about videogames, more specifically about game design.

ABC's of Game ________:
A is for
B is for
C is for Conveyance
D is for
E is for
F is for
G is for
H is for
I is for
J is for
K is for
L is for
M is for
N is for
O is for
P is for
Q is for
R is for Risk
S is for
T is for
U is for
V is for
W is for
X is for
Y is for
Z is for
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11:06 AM on 05.19.2013

Hi Destructoid. 

I'm sure not all of you know this, but I'm pretty young. I'm still in high school, and like most high-schoolers, I'm quite naive, and still have a whole lot to learn about the world and how it works. For the most part, I find learning and experiencing new things pretty fun. Rubs a bit of grime from the lens in which you view the world, possibly revealing a door to a new set of nearly infinite possibilities. There does however, exist various sets of possibilities that you may never want to consider. Doors that you dread opening. Things that once are revealed, set in place the yearning to re-apply a layer of dirt to that aforementioned lens. 

My family has a long history of various diseases and medical conditions. Cancer, diabetes, the list goes on. I can't say I know what causes all of these conditions, I suppose it's a mix of an unhealthy lifestyle and genetics but that's besides the point. These... conditions usually end up shortening their time on this planet to quite a significant degree. With the marvels of modern medicine and a change in lifestyle, however, the effects of these conditions can be delayed, or in some cases, eradicated completely. But while victims of the disease may be cured of their physical ailments, the implications of what could have been begin to manifest in both the victim and those close to the victim.

Almost every time I'm reminded that life is finite, I try to tell myself that I'm not afraid of death. I mean, why should I be afraid? It's inevitable, so why would I subject myself or others to toil over something that we as a species can't do anything about?

But if I know that I will eventually leave my family and friends forever, assuming they're still around, then why bother with life? The idea that one day, almost everything that I've ever done will be of little relevance to anyone is a pretty humbling one. I suppose the idea that I'm going to go no matter what I do, also implies that I have nothing to lose in this life, which I like a lot more than the former idea. 

It's hard to think or talk about things like death and mortality, because it seems that every time you might have solved a problem or answered a question, five more pop up in their place. I suppose it's a lot easier to find a more hopeful or optimistic way to perceive reality, which is why I think religion can be so powerful.

Because I'm still a naive teenager though, I try to solve puzzles with pieces that I already have, instead of going out and looking for pieces that would probably make the solution to said puzzle a lot more apparent. I have fun trying to apply things like videogame logic to the real world and vice versa.

There are multiple ways in which videogames approach the idea of the death of a protagonist, not to mention the death of others. The way that games deal with concepts of failure and loss can actually heavily influence my feelings towards said game. I love games like Hotline Miami, but I find the disposable, inconsequential, way in which they deal with death detrimental to the experience as a whole. Though I suppose in Hotline Miami it's a little more excusable, as it contributes to the narrative.

One of my favorite things that developers can include in games is permadeath. I suppose it's because I enjoy the real-world implications the most, which I realize sounds ignorant and selfish. I especially enjoy the way that permadeath changes the way you play a game, the way it makes you contemplate every move you make extremely carefully. There is one caveat, however. I mentioned earlier that I like the idea that you have nothing to lose in life. This means that games that include the type of permadeath that I enjoy are byte-sized rogue-likes; think TBOI and Spellunky. Because the time between your conception and your demise in those games are so short, feelings of loss and frustration are usually minimal. This makes me feel like I was never at risk at losing all that much.

Though I suppose that that logic kind of breaks when you add responsibilities like a family and kids into the mix. See? Whenever you think your close to figuring something out, you realize one thing that completely renders the answer to a question you've been asking yourself for years completely obsolete. One day when I'm older I hope to figure all of this out and appear on talk-shows where I tell middle-aged women it's all going to be okay.

But that's a long way away, and I've just realized I've been rambling for almost ten paragraphs, only to talk about videogames for only two. And that's not okay, because you probably came here to read something about videogames, only to have a chunk of your life sapped away by something you didn't really care about in the first place. That is of course, implying that you made it this far. And if your reading this right now I'm inferring that you did. Thanks.

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