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Trees Murder People Every Day
savagesaladin | 2:13 PM on 03.06.2008 26 comments


Lumberjacks save lives. Trees are everywhere. In our backyards, in our front yards, even in our forests. Trees like to fall down and cave in houses, killing entire families. If a tree had the chance, it would murder you and everyone you care about.

I used to say "I chop down trees because I DONT GIVE A FUCK!". Well, now whenever I chop down a tree or just burn it, I know I make a difference and possibly save a life or even a whole family.

When you hug a tree, just know, that tree isn't hugging you back. Its plotting revenge because your house is made out of its family.

So the next time you see a Lumberjack, say thanks. But don't look him directly in the eyes or he will jack you. After all, without lumberjacks we wouldn't have lumber. Without lumber we wouldn't have lincoln logs, houses, pencils, sticks for beating children and fire. Marshmallows would be completely useless. Ever eat a marshmallow just out of the bag? Me neither.

Carry that axe with you. You look that tree right square in the eyes, and you say take your best shot pal, I can take it.



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26 comments | showing # 1 to 26

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savagesaladin's Destructoid Blog
First post WOOOOH!
MrSadistic's Destructoid Blog
Hippies are America's biggest threat. I'm looking at you shipero.
kaciesaurus's Destructoid Blog
maybe the trees are just mad because we started killing them first?


and I think you're weird.
MrSadistic's Destructoid Blog
no the trees are mad, because they are little punk-ass bitches.
slee's Destructoid Blog
it's true even as paper trees attack us with cuts fuck trees and their life giving oxygen
Pangloss's Destructoid Blog
@kacie: it doesn't matter who did what first, the fact is that we're trapped in a cycle of racial warfare here, and it's us vs them, people. US VS THEM!
kaciesaurus's Destructoid Blog
uhoh.


savagesaladin's Destructoid Blog
@Kacie

What the fuck. Don't ever comment on my cblog again, got that?
MrSadistic's Destructoid Blog
uh wtf why are they smiling in that pic
Pangloss's Destructoid Blog
That is pretty much terrifying in every conceivable way.
savagesaladin's Destructoid Blog
That picture has absolutely nothing to do with this blog. If you're doing it for shock you're doing a shitty job and being a dumb bitch. Fuck off, you're not welcome here.
MaxVest's Destructoid Blog
Trees. Taking my precious carbon dioxide. Using unholy alchemy to turn sunlight into food. Getting in the way of subdivisions. Giving safe haven to squirrels and coyotes (the tree-climbing kind). Generally being stubborn.

I say, let 'em get jacked.
Holyetheline's Destructoid Blog
This is my favorite blog of the day! I LOL'd a lot.
MaxVest's Destructoid Blog
@savagesaladin: The picture is called tree-man-1.jpg.
DynamicSheep's Destructoid Blog
that was.... informative???
kaciesaurus's Destructoid Blog
I don't know if you're seriously mad at me or not, but that is the "tree man"

google it.
savagesaladin's Destructoid Blog
@Kacie360

Oh, I apologize. I thought he was a severely burnt man. He's the "tree man". Haha, I get it now. He's a traitor and must DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
kaciesaurus's Destructoid Blog
it's cool.

hopefully we all learned a lesson about overreacting.
MrSadistic's Destructoid Blog
I learned that hippies and trees should be burned in the face.
DrNutt's Destructoid Blog
So, is savagesaladin shamelessly ripping off the humor of this avatar now?

Maddox much?
king3vbo's Destructoid Blog
O SHIT ITS TREEMAN
007's Destructoid Blog
Hey, fuck you guys. Trees rule

*Tries to hump tree, but knocks it over with immensely large penis*


... Wasn't me
Eschatos's Destructoid Blog
Trees started it!
Pangloss's Destructoid Blog
Well, if it isn't Tree Man, my arch-nemesis!
Aertyr's Destructoid Blog
My mom was a tree once.
vexed alex's Destructoid Blog
Tree man? Oh, I'm so down for that...


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