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I am Jesus and you will go to hell if you don't praise Jesus
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Steam ID:sexhulk
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I didn't have much growing up but I always had a gaming console with a host of games. Every time I would get money from shoveling snow or giving my mom a solid investment pitch, I would spend it on the newest game, whatever was the rage. When critics were cool and you could trust them, you know the time I'm speaking of. I would buy all the games that were supposed to be great and they always lived up to the hype, unlike Skyrim and Borderlands 2. I feel that back then repetitive remakes like Bioshock and Assassin's Creed's formulaic follow ups would have gotten burned to the ground by more than just me.

Remember the time when you were using a vehicle in Call of Duty and you had a mouse to play? Are you a true gamer like I, who has beaten Call of Duty (and part 2) on the PC platform? My ghetto computer couldn't do much but the little engine could play some Call of Duty and Guild Wars.

Guild Wars 2 is a piece of shit and I'll punch you in the face if you give it props. My name was Heavenly Lucifer in Guild Wars and I whooped YOUR ASS intellectually and animated. That was fun, now I can't even start to get involved with an RPG - nothing is captivating. Nothing has made me so emotionally attached to an original character name.

Remember that game that was a website where you were this guy banging girls in the Mile High Club type scenarios? It was like Amnesia with hot chicks and sex. That gave me the gift of a young young gamer boner. I scoured and scoured anime porn for months to come after this genuine feeling.

When I was young playing Madden, I was a hissy fitting screamer. Gaming gave me FRUSTRATION as a gift. When I couldn't get all of the interceptions in Madden training camp at fifteen years of age I would be consumed with so much force that I would easily pop holes into my mom's walls and shriek like a new age soprano villain jumbling my words spitting all over while I grunted lying to myself as if the failure wasn't my fuck up but instead the game was faulty and the developers and my mom. 

Sports games gave me a gift of friendly athletic competition as a non-jock. I remember one time playing a friend in NBA 2K and whooping his bootay ten times in a row with different randomly picked teams by shooting consecutive threes at the end of the games I was losing. Our other friend in the room watched laughing hysterically as I mocked and my opponent gleamed. He immediately drove us home yelling for silence not once offering a to-go gravity bong hit which was the stoner's norm. 

I'm an opinionated cheater. I will whole heartedly judge your game because I am right. I will put all of my energy into making you lose in a game regardless of if that requires me to fix the player stats while you're in the bathroom. When I was a wee toddler I was given Gameshark by a friend who looked like the Brain (Pinky's bud) and I never stopped cheating. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do and in Chemistry I had to cheat. I built a highly sophisticated personality from scratch that meshed well with my frustrated young female teacher (all boys Catholic High School). She saw my pumpkin face. I saw the answers written by me on a paper on the floor while she graded Science Fair boards behind me eyeing every one down and asking if I wanted to go up to track 1 education.

I don't cheat anymore come on guys geezz but I'm definetly opinionated. Gaming gave me a gift of a VOICE. I obvi went on multiple tangents but it all is showcasing how much I can express myself in words which started from me HAVING to shut down the noob comments in multiplayer gaming. I would highly organize my thoughts and shut hecklers down as every one HAHahHA'd in the background like I was a king. When "the mic" came into my life it was so easy for me to become an evil domineering player because I was so focused on being superior for years prior.

 

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I was fascinated by video games from the start.
 
But there were growing phases, towards love, as I remember from the top of my head…
 
The first thing I recall is a game not working and the blowing of the cartridge scenario and continuous fails in starting the game up and I became sad full of wonder. Then playing NBA Jams and Mortal Kombat. Sega had a game with a guy on a wheelchair? Am I making this up? He could transform into everything, what is that game?!
 
Super Nintendo: Aladdin. The magic carpet ride was so much fun. An exhilarating breeze, through my hair, was what I imagined as I stood in my little ghetto baby clothes.
 
Gameboy up to and including Gameboy Advance (Yellow Pikachu Edition): Pokemon and Wario Land son. Epic introduction to rpg and platforming. I really played games because I enjoyed it, not just to be good at them.
 
N64: Goldeneye. I couldn’t even beat the campaign; all I did was play multiplayer. Clay Fighters is what reminds me that I always was intrigued by rebellion. It was a naughty game hehe. WWF wrestling with the clown that would electrocute was so tight and shit.
 
PS1: Syphon Filter and Crash Bandicoot; FF 9 with the little point capped alien; Gran Turismo; Twisted Metal multiplayer! I don’t think I was ever completely beating story-driven games at this age. I was stupid and talentless.
 
PS2: GTA and FF victories were 80% cheats. With Gran Turismo (I think I was 14), I convinced younger children to drive around for hours in the same match, to get me $$$, in my game. Tekken Tag is the best fighting game ever. Yeah I said it. Resident Evil 4 was my first new game +. SPORTS GAMES before they became repetitive. My friends and I would play Madden and NBA 2K nonstop during this era; becoming revengeful at each other during losses. Again, in Final Fantasy X, I was cheating my ass off. I pretended that I beat it but I used Gameshark and lied to real gamers like I really beat it. Referencing “Yeah Aaron” and “Sin was so hard.” Surprisingly I beat the airship without codes. Don’t we all remember the plane battle where you had to fight the birdie on the ledge? Fuck that nigga. I eventually used haste and got the butterflies because of the complexities that were at hand; gasping “gaming requires talent” in girly man fear. I started to take gaming seriously here for sure.
 
Xbox: Halo local play and legendary mode. Halo also is the only game that I ever enjoyed “Capture the flag” in. It was uniquely suspenseful. I played thousands of competitive matches, whilst over a future Harvard graduating friend’s house, before I ever bought the game/system. He was Imorta1ity, I was SeXi-MaN, Dem0x, Ziggy and finally Mr. Cheeks (our punching bag). Genma Onimusha. I didn’t cheat in this story-built game and it was awesome. I actually LOVED the sense of achievement that an honest win gave me and would never again resort to cheating.








I've never played a game, in my life, and said it was too violent. In fact, violence is what drew me in. Super Mario was great because I was KILLING creatures and bosses, in my way. Call of Duty 1 was awesome because I could KILL people online. Final Fantasy involved superb fantasy KILLING. Pacman, Mortal Kombat, Crash Bandicoot, Metal Gear Solid, Grand Theft Auto, Guild Wars, and so on. Outside of Gran Turismo I think every game, I ever enjoyed, had some type of violence in it.

How can you be too violent? It's a game remember? We can't go out in the streets and eat mushrooms and become animated. Well I can, but that's another fun experience. I'm talking about outside of a hallucination, there is no way to throw fireballs, power up or guiltlessly kill that hooker that you don't want rehashing the events that took place. You can't have every weapon at your disposal and/or fight countless monsters, in real time, and DIE repeatedly, but be still alive, left with only a replay.

I'm so sick of people dumbing down shit. All these Marvel films suck dick. It's all watered down so much that I can bare it no longer. Now they're trying to say gaming is too violent?! Most of us were kid gamers (some still are) but we didn't turn out so bad and Rockstar existed. Some crazy fucks ruin it, for everyone, as they decided that gaming wasn't enough; harming innocent people because something bad happened to them that they couldn't cope with. Fuck those people. It's understandable that some individuals indeed suffer more than others. Whether it be from bullying, bad parenting, lack of sex etc. But spend all of the energy, you have hating the world, on something productive. Build something. Create something. You'll eventually be noticed and be able to have all the things you ever wanted. Look at the kids in Africa WITH NOTHING yet they create robots and shit. Like how the fuck?! I thought I was really smart but that shit just made me realize that us Americans are so stupid and lazy.

I hated Infamous 2 because it didn't have enough violence. My PS3 trophy obsession could not even get me to play more than a few hours. But if Cole was slaughtering everyone, as their heads flew off, and fucking girls and "finishing" people to their deaths, the EVIL side would have made all the more sense. Of course you don't need to force violence but if you're playing something and can be BAD don't make it with a teen rating. Don't make me play a game that's a PG-13 horror movie. Don't you hate PG-13 horror movies? They never work. How can you scare me with a rating that doesn't allow anything truly terrifying. Hitchcock did it, of course. But he's a rare exception that doesn't exist these days as the population is not easily frightened.

Dark Souls is my favorite game of all time. We can all agree, that it may be the most violent game of all time as well. It's so legendary because it was created in a time where all these "creators" are too afraid to take a risk. All the original, dark ideas, that are still alive, exist through ballsy, video game, narrative storytelling and you can't take that away from the people that still enjoy a good tale. We NEED to have something to lose ourselves in, in this cruel world. An imaginary place for us to behold is quintessential entertainment and violence just so happens to be its finest quality.

yay








A topic regarding The Binding of Isaac.

This game took me over 25 times to beat. Sadly I didn't write this down. So the number is not accurate. Cries.

It was hard as a motherfucker. The thing is the difficulty only really existed in the beginning. It got easier each try. I was getting much better at controlling Isaac. Yet the gimmes were more numerous.

Unlike Demon's Souls this game gets you frustrated without decent reward. You put all of this effort into beating said game. Then the grand finale feels like a cheat.

Atlus' "Souls" powerhouses (and other games like Dead Space 1, Dragon Age: Origins on Nightmare) managed to keep you playing to upgrade and keep up with the pace of the game. It was never repetitive. You always had a new, more difficult foe. The end offered new game + and you couldn't resist continued play. You knew there was still some challenge left to your masterful fingers.

So as I sit. Having conquered mom. I wonder if this is even a good game at all. Zero interest lies in me to play with this female character. I tried for 3 seconds. It was the same shit. What's her name? Do we care?

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