Hello, mister. My name is rexwolf2's avatar, and I don't have no parents. Will you be my daddy or mommy? I'm a good boy, I swear!
THIS IS A PLAGUE THAT IS SWEEPING THE NATION. LITERALLY DOZENS OF ORPHANED AVATARS ROAMING THE STREETS OF DESTRUCTOID WITHOUT A WAY TO GET TO PAX. HOWEVER, YOU CAN NOW HELP!
With this new blog post, you can finally reduce the number of abandoned avatars by one! If you order right now, you, yes, you
can become the proud parent of rexwolf2's avatar! Now, you may ask the question, "Why should I adopt this scrawny little bugger?" Well, I shall tell you very shortly.
...Right about now.
...Aaaaany second here...
All right! Here we go!
- He is a knight, and has all of the skills that come with it. Need protection from a crazed cosplayer? He is your man! Want to be swept off of your feet by a dashing man mounted on a horse? He can do that, too! Finally, he is rdmarkably deadly with both sword and crossbow. Y'know, just in case.
- He has a Triforce! Not just "a" Triforce, though, the
Triforce! That's right! With other avatars, you might only get power and wisdom. Hell, you could be left with one that only has courage! But not here! You get the whole shebang! You heard me right, power, wisdom, and
courage for the low, low price of free!
- Unlike my previous avatar, which was simply a Hylian crest, this fella is a 100 percent genuine original work, made by the (in?)famous Fame Designer.
Speaking of him, where has he been? Haven't seen that guy in ages.
- Unlike me, he doesn't get off track.
- If you adopt him, you will be given the gift of a child's joy. Not me of course. Or him. If he gets adopted, I'm going to give a child ice cream. That is, as far as you guys know.
- If you don't adopt him, I swear, I will hold my breath until he does get adopted. Or pass out.
- He knows thousands of jokes. Many of them for any situation you may run into. There are even several that aren't offensive to the majority of the world's population.
- He makes some KICKASS peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
Another satisfied customer.
DISCLAIMER: THIS MAN IS NOT ME.
- Did I mention he was a knight? I mean, look at that armor, fellas!
- OH PRETTY PLEASE DEAR GOD TAKE THE AVATAR WITH YOU TO PAX!
Begging and pleading and bad jokes aside, I simply ask that you take this humble avatar to PAX. After his early attempt at adoption back in the days when he was a Hylian crest, he's always been quite sad when PAX rolls around. (Wait, is this the first PAX since then? I still stand by my words.) Bottom line, he's a swell guy, and you are also swell guys. Swell guys should stick together. I look forward to my avatar seeing you all at PAX!