It's your favorite knight, Rex! After an extended leave, I'm back in the community and here to stay.
Along the way back to Dtoid, I've delved into PC gaming and picked up an appreciation for things that I'm horrible at, such as roguelikes, horror, and twitch.
Mix a love for indies, lifelong Nintendo fandom, and an unhealthy obsession with Shu Takumi. Stir with the Master Sword while sprinkling in bits of Cave Story and Terry Cavanagh, then bring to boil. Add in chopped Zero Escape series, with a light hint of not being good at shooters. Cover and let simmer for 45 minutes. Serve alongside a generous helping of Kirby, and you've got RexWolfSoup!
I'm trying my best every day to be a bright beam of sunlight, and it's great to meet you! Come and stay a while.
Rex, PI is a series that I won't blame you if you don't know. With a long gap between every single installment, many people have either forgotten about it, or weren't around for the last one. You can read the story so far right here, and please do. The main reason that I'm writing this is because I love the community so much (and I rarely get a chance to flex my creative writing bone like this.) Anyway, here comes part four! Enjoy!
After a diligent search for the hotel Mario pointed me to (begging for help from one of the locals), I finally came across a small inn staffed by Toads (as I later learned they were called). As I walked in, I saw a man clad in green, waiting there. Strangely enough, he was clad almost identically to Mario.
“You must-a-be Rex. Mario sent me a message and told me all about you. I’m-a-Luigi. His brother. Come, let’s-a-go to my house.” I ended up staying at the Mario residence, and during my time there, I familiarized myself with all of the different species of the Mushroom Kingdom.
Attention to detail is vital in my line of work, so I learned the names and quirks of all of the different creatures quickly. Many of them, especially the humanoid Toads, were quite friendly to the royalty, but I learned that many of the stranger creatures enlisted in Bowser’s service by the bucketload. Scratch that, buckets are a bit small for what I’m describing. It soon became obvious that outside of the Mario brothers, the royal family, and me there was not a single human to be found in the Mushroom Kingdom.
It didn’t take me long to adjust to life in the kingdom, but that didn’t mean it was easy. The cuisine was like nothing I had ever seen, with a certainly unhealthy reliance on mushrooms and honey for sustenance. This strange place had a few advantages, though. Even the smallest nap seemed to energize me completely, putting even the best night of sleep back home to shame.
Being a new human, it was hard to lay low, and I was soon the talk of the town. Thanks to my skills, the interest soon died down. I put every fiber of my being into seeming as uninteresting as possible, which seemed to fool the denizens of the kingdom. On the flipside, those fellas will never cease to intrigue me.
After about a week, it was time. As Mario said, the slip contained the address of a party. Though I usually abhor the things, having never been invited to one for some reason, I kept my emotions from interfering and prepared myself for a meeting with the informant.
Expecting a detailed description of the informant, I was surprised when the other side of the paper said nothing but this: Look-a for the Lakitu. You will-a know him when you-a see him.
It appears that Mario even carries his strange speech patterns over into writing. Slightly disappointed, a smile once again reached my face when I realized that this was a prime opportunity to use my detective’s intuition.
Dressed in my finest for the party, I set out for the mansion of a certain Toad, whose name I did not know, but he seemed to be of very high standing in the community. Upon opening the doors, I was greeted by a huge throng of Toads as far as the eye could see. A few small groups of Koopa were to be seen mixed in, and Shy Guy waiters served the hors d'oeuvres.
After mingling for about an hour, and greatly the food provided by the (supposedly) famous chef Tayce T… (Such amazing stuff! Honeyed mushroom, slices of cake, a delicious “special dish,” and so much more! I stayed clear of the Whacka Bumps, though. Animal cruelty takes no part in the food that I eat. Except for beef. I love beef. I can’t resist chicken either, and OKAY! I just thought they looked odd! Anyway, what was I saying? Ah, yes! The informant!) After about an hour, I saw him across the room: The informant.
He was betuxed lakitu (with a dashing forehead, I must say) riding upon a blue cloud, who seemed to be worried for some reason. Yes, this man was definitely the informant.
Discreetly making my way across the room, I soon ended up next to the mysterious man. “Hey,” I said, “The name’s-“
“Rex, I know.” Interjected the creature, shocking me greatly. I have spent years perfecting my introduction, and to have it interrupted is simply rude. “You can call me Lawkitu. This fella here is my buddy Beyamor.”
“So I hear you know about the-“
“Pianta family, yeah.” He did it again! “I’ve worked my way up, and I’m tight with the don. I’ve heard a few things about the princess mentioned but nothing concrete. That is what you’re here about, right?”
“Yeah, it is. So that’s all you have? No more infor-“
“But I have noticed that the boss has been on the edge lately.” This is getting ridiculous! “Rumor has it that the princess has been cracking down on the mob’s activities lately. The hammer smuggling operations have been nearly shut down, and I’ve heard that the mushroom operations might have been next.”
“Mushrooms? But they’re all over the place! Why smug-“
“Poison mushrooms. Very rare. Very potent. There are countless wannabe assassins and criminals that want their hands on ‘em.”
Then, the cloud piped up. “Law, wouldja stop butting in on this guy? I can tell that it’s annoying him.”
“Bey, I thought you said you were gonna be quiet during this.”
“Well, excuse me. I’m just trying to help. Anyway, I don’t want to be included as a one-time joke without any lines, now do I?”
Puzzled, I continued to listen as Lawkitu got angry.
“Bey, what have I told you about breaking the fourth wall? I thought we’ve been over this! Aw hell, now you’ve got me doing it!”
This ridiculous bickering, none of which I understood, continued for about a minute. After the storm subsided, Lawkitu turned to me again and resumed talking. "The Pianta family must have become fed up with the Princess's meddling, and decided to take her away. They wouldn't kill her, of course. To do that would turn the entire kingdom against them, and while they run quite a bit of the country, they couldn't go up against everybody else unscathed. Anyway, there are still plenty of fellas in the organization with a fierce loyalty to the royal family. I'm afraid that I can't help you any more. I don't see anything that you can do to save the princess."
"Wait, who said anything about saving? I'm just a detec-"
"The princess must be saved. The Piantas won't give her up, and just between you and me, Mario's getting a bit old."
"Wait, what does Mario have to do with this? I thought he was just a plumber."
Lawkitu then proceeded to tell me tales of Mario's exploits, with frequent additions from Beyamor. Taking it all in stride, I picked up my jaw from the ground. With this information, I started to walk away, puzzled as to what my next move should-
"WAIT!" It was Beyamor.
"What is it, Bey?" He must have had some juicy information to stop me in such a rude and dramatic way.
"There is one way that you might be able to get the princess back: Bowser."
Lawkitu became furious. "Bowser? He's the worst person to go to for this! He kidnaps the princess at least once a year!"
"True," Bey said calmly, "But he's also helped Mario plenty of times. His enormous ego won't let anybody else kidnap the princess. It may be risky, but he's your best shot."
"Thanks, Bey." With that, I turned away. As I walked out of the party and into the cool nighttime air, my head was filled with even more thoughts than before. However, I knew one thing: I needed to save the princess, and I needed Bowser's help to do it.