Hello, mister. My name is rexwolf2's avatar, and I don't have no parents. Will you be my daddy or mommy? I'm a good boy, I swear!
THIS IS A PLAGUE THAT IS SWEEPING THE NATION. LITERALLY DOZENS OF ORPHANED AVATARS ROAMING THE STREETS OF DESTRUCTOID WITHOUT A WAY TO GET TO PAX. HOWEVER, YOU CAN NOW HELP!
With this new blog post, you can finally reduce the number of abandoned avatars by one! If you order right now, you, yes, you can become the proud parent of rexwolf2's avatar! Now, you may ask the question, "Why should I adopt this scrawny little bugger?" Well, I shall tell you very shortly.
...Right about now.
...Aaaaany second here...
All right! Here we go!
- He is a knight, and has all of the skills that come with it. Need protection from a crazed cosplayer? He is your man! Want to be swept off of your feet by a dashing man mounted on a horse? He can do that, too! Finally, he is rdmarkably deadly with both sword and crossbow. Y'know, just in case.
- He has a Triforce! Not just "a" Triforce, though, the Triforce! That's right! With other avatars, you might only get power and wisdom. Hell, you could be left with one that only has courage! But not here! You get the whole shebang! You heard me right, power, wisdom, and courage for the low, low price of free!
- Unlike my previous avatar, which was simply a Hylian crest, this fella is a 100 percent genuine original work, made by the (in?)famous Fame Designer. Speaking of him, where has he been? Haven't seen that guy in ages.
- Unlike me, he doesn't get off track.
- If you adopt him, you will be given the gift of a child's joy. Not me of course. Or him. If he gets adopted, I'm going to give a child ice cream. That is, as far as you guys know.
- If you don't adopt him, I swear, I will hold my breath until he does get adopted. Or pass out.
- He knows thousands of jokes. Many of them for any situation you may run into. There are even several that aren't offensive to the majority of the world's population.
- He makes some KICKASS peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
Another satisfied customer. DISCLAIMER: THIS MAN IS NOT ME.
- Did I mention he was a knight? I mean, look at that armor, fellas!
- OH PRETTY PLEASE DEAR GOD TAKE THE AVATAR WITH YOU TO PAX!
Begging and pleading and bad jokes aside, I simply ask that you take this humble avatar to PAX. After his early attempt at adoption back in the days when he was a Hylian crest, he's always been quite sad when PAX rolls around. (Wait, is this the first PAX since then? I still stand by my words.) Bottom line, he's a swell guy, and you are also swell guys. Swell guys should stick together. I look forward to my avatar seeing you all at PAX!
It has been a year since my first blog. How do I start, and what do I say? Destructoid has become such an amazing part of my life, I don't know what I'd be like if I hadn't found it? I guess it would be best to start by talking (once again) about how I came to this wonderful site.
The year was 2010. The game was Super Mario Galaxy 2. I was obsessed with that game. Pre-launch, I was scouring the net daily, looking for every piece of news, every preview, every opinion article, and even more. One day, I came upon an article on a site called Destructoid. I had read another piece or two of information on the site, and so I decided to take a little look around. My first impression of Destructoid was that it was a bit odd; it was different from other sites. What was with that robot mascot, anyway? While searching the front page for other interesting tidbits, I came across an article about Robopon, a shameless copy of Pokemon. I read it. I was hooked. I read every other Off-Brand Games article. I realized that Destructoid was a pretty awesome site, so I stuck around. It was in the pre-E3 madness that I finally realized that Destructoid would be my home.
The man- Chad Concelmo. The article- THIS. Zoo animals predicting E3. I was floored. It was glorious. This Chad man was just so AMAZING, and the animals were adorable. I soon created a user profile, using the name that I always used on the internet. I was a foolish boy, commenting like an idiot, thinking I was telling off whiners and trolls. This went on for a while, until one fateful night.
It was dark. It was in a park. I was on break from a community production of The Wizard of Oz, and there was wireless. Utilizing said wireless, I wrote a pretty bad intro post on my Zune and posted it. I didn't know how, but I got friendly reactions from the community, including Occams, who scared me a little bit back then.
I then decided to cut to the chase and fly over the rest of my early blogging. I had a one-part "series," another series that most people only came to for trivia (and I don't blame them), and a monthly musing or two. I was making plenty of friends, but my big break came in the middle of December.
Inspired by Elsa, I wrote an interview with Link, and was astonished by the reaction after it went live. After that, it seems like my blogging has been doing very well. I have the perpetually delayed Rex, PI series, and one of my favorites to write, RandomWolf. That's not the end of it, though. I've also done a few monthly musings, a silly blog responding to a prompt provided by mrandydixon after he won the trivia contest, and one more, my favorite of all: my interview with Matt Taranto, creator of Brawlinthefamily, my favorite webcomic.
In addition to the blogs, I have to give a shoutout to the Outer Heaven crew and the Chill Bros. Both places, I went in, not knowing what I'd expect, but I was welcomed with open arms, and I mean open. I often waste away hours at a time in chat, and that's one of the reasons that I've been slacking on the blog. Also, I need to find time to visit Mash Tactics again. I haven't been on Justin.tv in ages. I also joined the forums, but I can never stay in a forum environment for long before I stop visiting. Anyway, I'm getting off topic. Now for the part where I talk about why I love you guys.
You've introduced me to so many new things. You've recommended excellent TV shows, movies, and games. You people (Especially Law) got me hooked on anime and manga. I've listened to many an amazing album (and I've also listened to Kid A), and most importantly, I've made friends, who are what really make the Dtoid experience. The one thing that really drew me in after I began to blog was how nice you guys are. I still say that to this day. If you aren't a terrible writer, you will find a home here. Every person is an interesting fella with a story to tell, and almost every person is, in their own way, quite awesome.
I have to give a shoutout to a few people here, who were and continue to be important parts of Destructoid for me.
Lawofthermaldynamics, Occams Electric Toothbrush, mrandydixon, HandsomeBeast, Fame Designer, Talia, SteezyXL, vApathyv, T3HM0RR0W, the entire Outer Heaven crew, gennhaver and Max, everybody who follows me on Twitter, and nearly everybody who's commented on my blogs: I love you guys. You're an amazing group of people, and I'm very much the better for having met you.
I hope to continue to contribute to this marvelous community in the future and forever. Have this picture, I made it in Microsoft Paint on a laptop.
Hi. How are you? I'm fine. It's been a while, hasn't it? I know it has, and I have missed you so, Cblogs. I really mean it. What? Who told you about me running off with Chat? No, we are strictly friends an- How dare you call chat a slut! You know that you are my one true love. Really. To show how much you mean to me, have some roses.
Rambling with roses Or, sorry, but the only roses I could find came with an odd woman.
Roses. Roses are red, violets are blue, something something something, and I love you. Barney is a dinosaur, and he has a very diverse group of friends, does he not? I wish I were Occams. I have the feeling that he would be able to say something marvelously hilarious relating to those children. Like about the hidden valley ranch, home of cannibals who eat people, but only after they drench them in ranch sauce. Wow, that was pretty dark. You know what else is dark? Space. Like the Hitchhiker's Guide. I'm trying to find a copy of Dirk Gently, also by Douglas Adams, but it is hard. Boner joke. I like mrandydixon, but he gets more shoutouts on Podtoid than me, and Max said he would give me some sort of shoutout, even if... My mind train just derailed. Choo choo. That is enough, I believe. I love you folks. Now to begin, with some...
Street Fighter IV 3D Or, the game that, by some act of god, I am not yet tired of
Not pictured: Street Fighter IV
Like I said, I am very surprised that I am not tired of Street Fighter IV 3D. After having it as my only 3DS game for a few months, and having logged impressive playtime, my enthusiasm for it has only started to dip in any way recently, but that is far from saying that I am tired of it. With the time I've put into it, it's only natural that I've developed a few favorite characters. Among them is M. Bison, who was actually one of the first guys I considered a favorite, but he went by the wayside once I decided to get real, due to the fact that I couldn't use charge characters, but I can now, so it's all good, which leads me to my next main guy, and possible favorite: Guile. I love him dearly, and I have made it a point to put on his sunglasses during every match, which has actually lost me a few rounds. You know what else I've been playing?
Ocarina of Time 3D Or, The Legen- Wait for it... DARY of Zelda
What can I say about this game? It's excellent. The new visuals and 3D effect truly work wonders. The big skultullas actually look more like spiders now, Link is looking snazzy, and the Goron Ruby floating out of the screen and rotating is something I could watch for ages. Ages. What really impressed me was the boss fight with Barinade. Previously a forgettable boss, at least to me, the anemone thing is exhilarating to fight in 3D, what with electricity flying at you and the thing spinning all around the room. Finally, Dead Hand is still scary as hell.
Anime Mania! Or, be prepared for a deluge of mini-reviews.
Since my last blog, I have watched a lot of anime. A lot. So now I'll review a few of the things that I watched, starting with...
What can I say about this show? It may be one of the most certifiably insane amines I have yet seen, second only to Bobobo-Bo Bo-Bobo, which may overdo the insanity a slight bit too much. One never knows the entirety of what is going on in this show, and I love it. It's not every day that you see robots come out of somebody's forehead, y'know. Hell, they even acknowledge in one of the later episodes that nothing makes sense. Great show, you should watch.
The Big O
Imagine Batman. Now imagine giant robots. Put them together, and you've got this show. With some pretty slick style and characters that I really like, The Big O is not bad at all. Giant robot battles galore in this show. However, the second season isn't as good as the first, and the end is a confusing jumble of things that nobody understands. Despite that, it's another good show.
What can I say? By the same guys as Baccano!, Durarara!! is a great anime, one of my very favorites. There are too many plot lines to sum up with one description, but expect color gangs, a headless biker, and much, much more. Like Baccano!, there are plenty of characters, but it's a bit different. The characters are deeper, but not as likeable. That's not a bad thing, though. There are still plenty of excellent characters, such as Simon the black Russian sushi chef, and Shizuo Heiwajima, who is strong. Oh so very, very strong. Seriously, you have no idea how strong he is. Also, watch out for all of the Baccano! references! Watch this anime NOW.
I think that I shall save the rest of my anime reviews for a later post. Instead, it is time for...
For Lack of a Better Kid (A) Or, some techno music followed by "Computers having sex"
Coming from the lovely vApathyv, we have an album by Deadmau5, For Lack of a Better Name. I'm relatively new to this genre, so bear with me, men. First, let me say that this album starts out magnificently with "fml," exhibiting a sick "beat drop," as I am told the term is. (God, I sound like an old white guy trying to be "hip." (Damn, I did it again.)) After that come my two favorite songs, "Moar Ghosts N Stuff" and "Ghosts N Stuff." Moar Ghosts N Stuff starts out with amazing use of dialog from an old B (possibly C) movie, and stays excellent from there. Oh, the violins! Ghosts N Stuff continues, with some pretty good vocals to go along with the music. Sadly, after the following track (Hi Friend!), my interest in the music started to wane. The songs that followed simply weren't nearly as exciting to me, and my enjoyment suffered. That isn't to say that the songs were bad, though. The beginning four just gave ridiculously high expectations. The album does pick up again near the end, which pleases me.
Rex Rating: Quite excellent (For the first four: AMAZING)
Hoo boy. This next album, Kid A by Radiohead, is a bit of a debated subject here, at least between Occams and Law, the latter of which loves it. The former thinks that it sounds like computers doing the nasty. I'm somewhere in between. The main problem with the album is this: A focus on creating dissonance and using computer noises instead of making some goddamn simple music. Also, many of the songs seemed to lack purpose and drive. Several of them start out pretty well, only to fall prey to the general theme of the album. Funnily enough, the song that renewed my optimism halfway through was titled "Optimistic." That and "Idioteque" are the only songs that I can claim as favorites. They had drive and didn't fall prey to dissonance. Well, Idioteque did, but only near the end. Despite all of my slagging off on the album, it was alright. However, the final song is about six minutes or so long, most of which is silence. WHAT. THE. FUCK, Radiohead?
Rex Rating: Mixed bag. Pretty good but disappointing.
RANDOM Or, everything you wanted to know about me, but was too short for its own area.
I love crispy hash browns. With a passion. A sweet, sweet passion.
Do you fellas know how hard it is to find good sushi where I go for vacation? I have to go to the *shudder* ...grocery store. It's not even worth it.
I watched Tron: Legacy yesterday, and it was pretty good. Cool special effects, but fairly unimpressive story, with a spoiler involvng a character that I saw miles away. Not bad for a movie of its type, but nothing amazing.
I just started Eden of the East. More shows need to start with naked amnesiacs holding guns in front of the White House. I'm liking it so far.
I've been reading a decent amount of manga recently, but my favorite of the ones I'm reading at the moment is Yostsuba&! (Yotsubato!). It follows an odd little girl, her father, and her neighbors. It's adorable, heartwarming and funny.
Like Xzyliac said in Commentoid, you should get a Twitter if you don't have one already. I consider Twitter to be one of the best parts of Dtoid. You know my music reviews and the anime I watched? Wouldn't have watched them and listened to it if I wasn't on Twitter.
Hey, it's been a while since I've posted trivia, hasn't it?
(The answer is yes.)
Anyway, the battle for the blog is back, and let's go over the rules, shall we?
First to answer wins a point.
Google is allowed.
First to five gets to send me a prompt for a special blog, much like this blog.
Let's get to the point totals, shall we?
1 point each for SoJTuna (when was the last time anybody saw him?), the dashing Lawofthermaldynamics, the charming Smurfee McGee, and the accurately namedHandsomeBeast!
2 for DynamoJoe, who I also haven't seen in a while!
And 4 for the illustrious Occams Electric Toothbrush!
Now let's get going!
So, I've been playing through Super Mario RPG, and if you didn't already know, it's a swell game! Anyway, earlier today I was playing, and fell victim to my common mistake of not saving in between what will obviously be a set of two-in-a-row boss fights. The first fight was a pretty regal-looking dragon. And now it's time for...
This month’s musing topic is multiplayer. Like nearly everybody else, I have had countless amazing and fun times playing multiplayer games. However, the most fun I had was when I didn’t play by the rules- of the game, that is. Instead, my friend and I made new rules, creating new games. Now, I’m not talking about a local metagame, such as when my friends banned me from using the Rayfall in Custom Robo. (I was somehow winning while using it) I’m talking about make-believe, using games for playtime, creating new stories.
Now, without this friend, it’s unlikely that I’d even be on Destructoid. He’s the main reason that I’m such a humongous Nintendo fanboy. He and I could not get enough- Kirby, Smash Bros, Pokemon, you name it! We would have lightsaber fights in his backyard, and then he would play the Pokemon Gold/Silver bike theme on the piano. (A tune that he still maintains to be one of the catchiest ever. Trust me, I did my research.) Simply put, a great pal. (Who I may be embarrassing right now. Sorry, buddy!)
One series that we both adored was Smash Bros. We have spent countless hours with each installment. You may know some of the special variants such as giant, speedy, and so on, but we took it upon ourselves to create our own variants. The first, and one of my favorites, was called Star Wars: Beam Swords and nothing else. Being one of my favorite weapons, that mode was a blast. Another mode, 007, allowed only for the use of guns, and if I remember correctly, proximity mines. Another of my favorites was the Pokemon battle: Pokemon Stadium, each keeping to their own side, using nothing but Pokemon. When Brawl came along and we suddenly had soccer balls and a new Pokemon Stadium level, we knew what had to be done: deadly soccer, with no touching of the other player allowed at all.
Another mode that I remember dearly is a different style of soccer that we played, still on Pokemon Stadium, but this time in Melee. The setup: Stamina mode, three characters, two players. Remember how the dead bodies in stamina mode would just lay there, able to be pushed around? Well, we played soccer with them. It was a game that was a bit difficult, easy to mess up, and quite a bit silly. It was also a complete blast.
Anybody remember Kirby Air Ride? I know I do; I’ve even written a complete blog on it. Another question: Who remembers City Trial? Okay, good. Finally, who ever played City Trial free run? I don’t blame you. Playing it was often extremely boring. Other than trying out different stars, there was very little to do there. That is, if you weren’t my buddy and me. Somehow, we found ourselves regularly playing it for over an hour a sitting. We probably accumulated days worth of playtime on it over the years.
So, how did we do it? We would divide the available stars between us, putting them in a few categories. (Regular, bulky, speedy, etc.) Then, we took them to our secret bases. I usually took the cave beneath Wispy Woods, and he took the floating island in the sky. Then, the game would commence.
We would ride around, joust, go on visits to the other’s base, and occasionally cause a bit of mischief by stealing vehicles. Eventually, we started giving ourselves “jobs.” It may sound boring to the rest of you, but these sessions were some of the most fun I had playing video games.
Eventually, we started to form a story. It was an epic tale, spanning multiple regions and involving (as usual in the Kirby universe) a dark force causing trouble. As time went on, we were sure that we had created something awesome.
Speaking of segues, this friend wasn't my only buddy with an overactive imagination. Years ago, when Halo 2 was still a "cool" thing to play, we had just come off of a lengthy viewing of Red vs. Blue. Partly inspired, partly just bored with running around and killing each other, we set out to make our own story. With one friend controlling most of the plot, we spent hours doing this, going to nearly every multiplayer level the game had to offer. If you asked me today, I wouldn't be able to tell you anything that happened in it. What I can tell you is that it was fun.
To have fun playing a game with a friend, you don’t need the best multiplayer mode ever (though it does help). You don’t need elevated strategy and skill. You don't even need to compete. All you need are awesome friends and a little bit of imagination.
Rex, PI is a series that I won't blame you if you don't know. With a long gap between every single installment, many people have either forgotten about it, or weren't around for the last one. You can read the story so far right here, and please do. The main reason that I'm writing this is because I love the community so much (and I rarely get a chance to flex my creative writing bone like this.) Anyway, here comes part four! Enjoy!
After a diligent search for the hotel Mario pointed me to (begging for help from one of the locals), I finally came across a small inn staffed by Toads (as I later learned they were called). As I walked in, I saw a man clad in green, waiting there. Strangely enough, he was clad almost identically to Mario.
“You must-a-be Rex. Mario sent me a message and told me all about you. I’m-a-Luigi. His brother. Come, let’s-a-go to my house.” I ended up staying at the Mario residence, and during my time there, I familiarized myself with all of the different species of the Mushroom Kingdom.
Attention to detail is vital in my line of work, so I learned the names and quirks of all of the different creatures quickly. Many of them, especially the humanoid Toads, were quite friendly to the royalty, but I learned that many of the stranger creatures enlisted in Bowser’s service by the bucketload. Scratch that, buckets are a bit small for what I’m describing. It soon became obvious that outside of the Mario brothers, the royal family, and me there was not a single human to be found in the Mushroom Kingdom.
It didn’t take me long to adjust to life in the kingdom, but that didn’t mean it was easy. The cuisine was like nothing I had ever seen, with a certainly unhealthy reliance on mushrooms and honey for sustenance. This strange place had a few advantages, though. Even the smallest nap seemed to energize me completely, putting even the best night of sleep back home to shame.
Being a new human, it was hard to lay low, and I was soon the talk of the town. Thanks to my skills, the interest soon died down. I put every fiber of my being into seeming as uninteresting as possible, which seemed to fool the denizens of the kingdom. On the flipside, those fellas will never cease to intrigue me.
After about a week, it was time. As Mario said, the slip contained the address of a party. Though I usually abhor the things, having never been invited to one for some reason, I kept my emotions from interfering and prepared myself for a meeting with the informant.
Expecting a detailed description of the informant, I was surprised when the other side of the paper said nothing but this: Look-a for the Lakitu. You will-a know him when you-a see him.
It appears that Mario even carries his strange speech patterns over into writing. Slightly disappointed, a smile once again reached my face when I realized that this was a prime opportunity to use my detective’s intuition.
Dressed in my finest for the party, I set out for the mansion of a certain Toad, whose name I did not know, but he seemed to be of very high standing in the community. Upon opening the doors, I was greeted by a huge throng of Toads as far as the eye could see. A few small groups of Koopa were to be seen mixed in, and Shy Guy waiters served the hors d'oeuvres.
After mingling for about an hour, and greatly the food provided by the (supposedly) famous chef Tayce T… (Such amazing stuff! Honeyed mushroom, slices of cake, a delicious “special dish,” and so much more! I stayed clear of the Whacka Bumps, though. Animal cruelty takes no part in the food that I eat. Except for beef. I love beef. I can’t resist chicken either, and OKAY! I just thought they looked odd! Anyway, what was I saying? Ah, yes! The informant!) After about an hour, I saw him across the room: The informant.
He was betuxed lakitu (with a dashing forehead, I must say) riding upon a blue cloud, who seemed to be worried for some reason. Yes, this man was definitely the informant.
Discreetly making my way across the room, I soon ended up next to the mysterious man. “Hey,” I said, “The name’s-“
“Rex, I know.” Interjected the creature, shocking me greatly. I have spent years perfecting my introduction, and to have it interrupted is simply rude. “You can call me Lawkitu. This fella here is my buddy Beyamor.”
“So I hear you know about the-“
“Pianta family, yeah.” He did it again! “I’ve worked my way up, and I’m tight with the don. I’ve heard a few things about the princess mentioned but nothing concrete. That is what you’re here about, right?”
“Yeah, it is. So that’s all you have? No more infor-“
“But I have noticed that the boss has been on the edge lately.” This is getting ridiculous! “Rumor has it that the princess has been cracking down on the mob’s activities lately. The hammer smuggling operations have been nearly shut down, and I’ve heard that the mushroom operations might have been next.”
“Mushrooms? But they’re all over the place! Why smug-“
“Poison mushrooms. Very rare. Very potent. There are countless wannabe assassins and criminals that want their hands on ‘em.”
Then, the cloud piped up. “Law, wouldja stop butting in on this guy? I can tell that it’s annoying him.”
“Bey, I thought you said you were gonna be quiet during this.”
“Well, excuse me. I’m just trying to help. Anyway, I don’t want to be included as a one-time joke without any lines, now do I?”
Puzzled, I continued to listen as Lawkitu got angry.
“Bey, what have I told you about breaking the fourth wall? I thought we’ve been over this! Aw hell, now you’ve got me doing it!”
This ridiculous bickering, none of which I understood, continued for about a minute. After the storm subsided, Lawkitu turned to me again and resumed talking. "The Pianta family must have become fed up with the Princess's meddling, and decided to take her away. They wouldn't kill her, of course. To do that would turn the entire kingdom against them, and while they run quite a bit of the country, they couldn't go up against everybody else unscathed. Anyway, there are still plenty of fellas in the organization with a fierce loyalty to the royal family. I'm afraid that I can't help you any more. I don't see anything that you can do to save the princess."
"Wait, who said anything about saving? I'm just a detec-"
"The princess must be saved. The Piantas won't give her up, and just between you and me, Mario's getting a bit old."
"Wait, what does Mario have to do with this? I thought he was just a plumber."
Lawkitu then proceeded to tell me tales of Mario's exploits, with frequent additions from Beyamor. Taking it all in stride, I picked up my jaw from the ground. With this information, I started to walk away, puzzled as to what my next move should-
"WAIT!" It was Beyamor.
"What is it, Bey?" He must have had some juicy information to stop me in such a rude and dramatic way.
"There is one way that you might be able to get the princess back: Bowser."
Lawkitu became furious. "Bowser? He's the worst person to go to for this! He kidnaps the princess at least once a year!"
"True," Bey said calmly, "But he's also helped Mario plenty of times. His enormous ego won't let anybody else kidnap the princess. It may be risky, but he's your best shot."
"Thanks, Bey." With that, I turned away. As I walked out of the party and into the cool nighttime air, my head was filled with even more thoughts than before. However, I knew one thing: I needed to save the princess, and I needed Bowser's help to do it.