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"I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than a sex symbol." - Words of wisdom from the deity Steven Seagal

"Existence is random. Has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it too long. No meaning save what we choose to impose." - Alan Moore from Watchmen



My own writing reflects the opinion of every corporation, company, individual, monsters, and gods. Also, cocks!



Coming soon as an actual book you can buy The Bonerquest. Hopefully you'll buy a copy when I'm done with it.

Will you accept The Bonerquest?



Zombies Ate My Neighbors is the best game ever.

Read fun articles Josh (Charlie) wrote for Tomopop or Nukezilla! Professionalism! Also I did some news for Destructoid. Sort of a real writer!

Check out Josh Hayes, a name Charlie uses for journalism on the internet so that he can say silly personal things without the fear of them being exposed openly. That and to hide from people he knew who he don't want to find him, not no way, not no how.

Twitter, or Tumblr!

Old School Games articles are pretty much worth reading. They say write what you know.

X-Com UFO Defense

Zelda 2

X-Men Mutant Apocalypse

Dragon Warrior III

Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse

Final Fantasy 3 (Final Fantasy VI)

Way of the Samurai

Nick Arcade

We Love Katamari

Ninja Gaiden

Toejam & Earl

River City Ransom

Mega Man X

Pokemon Red/Blue

Yakuza series

Operation Darkness

Emultion

X-Men 2: Clone Wars

Sweet Home

Legend of Dragoon

Clock Tower

Mystal Ninja/Ganabre Goemon series

Onimusha Warlords

Rockin' Kats

Karnov

Spawn games

God Hand

Blood Will Tell

Super Godzilla

Junction

Animal Platformers

Robot Alchemic Drive (R.A.D.)

Buck Rodgers Countdown to Doomsday

Darkwing Duck

Shin Megami Tensei games (Persona, Devil Summoner, Devil Survivor)

Jurassic Park 2

Disgaea & other Nippon Ichi Games (Phantom Brave, Makai Kingdom, La Pucelle Tactics, Soul Nomad)

Twisted Tales of Spike Mcfang

Resident Evil

Legend of Kage

Lost Vikings

Devil May Cry

Comix Zone

X- Men

Threads of Fate

Mutant League Football

Mega Man 7

Castlevania 2

Sonic 2

Dragon Warrior 2

Donkey Kong Country

Spider-man & X-Men Arcades revenge

Vectorman

Sonic

Actraiser

Splatterhouse 2

Elevator Action

Mega Man 6

Mega Man 5

Dig Dug

Mega Man 4

Mega Man 3

Mega Man 2

Rock Roll Racing

Castlevania

Mega Man

Beat Em Ups PART 6: Future

Beat Em Ups PART 5: Playstation 2/Xbox/Gamecube

Beat Em Ups PART 4: Playstation/Saturn

Beat Em Ups PART 3: Sega Genesis Super Nintendo

Beat Em Ups PART 2: Nintendo

Beat Em Ups PART 1: Arcade

Smash TV

Ghosts & Goblins

Paperboy

Werewolf Last Warrior

Battletoads

Dragon Warrior

Ducktales

Rolling Thunder

Splatterhouse 3

Doom Troopers

Demons Crest

Primal Rage

Zero Wing

Chakan

G. I. Joe

__



Listen to Josh "randombullseye" Hayes on Destructoid's #1 bullshit podcast, Bulltoid! There were nearly fifty episodes in total, good luck.
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Story 1) The story of Chloe Sagal makes me feel awful, but I read a lot about it.



†A person who developed an independent game I never played, has some medical issues. Some sort of metal lodged in their person requiring surgery to be removed. This person sought funding on indiegogo, which functions much the same as Kickstarter. These sorts of ďcrowd fundingĒ operations are in vogue currently with video games and starting to be a thing for movies. The idea is, a project you want to produce can be funded by a people interested in that work. Kickstarter has a rule that you canít keep all your money if you donít make your goal in thirty days. Indiegogo works much the same, except that it has international crowd funding and allows you to keep all the money if you donít meet your goal.†

The problem is, Chloe Sagal did not want to produce a product. The money from her project was refunded to those that backed her. She was unable to afford the operation she had wanted. According to†Eurogamer, the surgery was not for metal poisoning but for something else entirely.†

†Using my super power of investigation (google searching indiegogo) I looked up the rules on their website:†

Indiegogo is a crowdfunding platform where people who want to raise money can create fundraising campaigns to tell their story and get the word out. Indiegogo is also a place to discover what people all over the world are passionate about and how to get involved.

That certainly clears up every concern I had.

Wait a second, that language could be used to argue† anything. Well, where is the problem then?

The story gets a little foggy for me here. The story as I understand it is that Chloe Sagal needed this money for this operation, but didnít have a project so indiegogo refunded the money for the project that didnít exist. Thatís easy to understand. I recently read a story†of a girl who made a simple experiment that got her into trouble, in this story it mentions how the NASA engineer from West Virginia, the one depicted by Jake Gyllenhaal in the movie October Sky. That movie meant a lot to me, being from West Virginia and not being a complete idiot, it made me think, well, maybe someone can actually do something from here. What he did was start a campaign to send this to space camp, where I assume she will learn real chemistry. The service used, was specifically for fundraisers, called Crowd TiltI commented of this story, that merely all that needed to be done was for the donations to go through another service, be it paypal or this thing I didnít know existed. Some people on twitter, implied I was insensitive for suggesting that.†

That very night I was reading about this, a story came up that Chloe had attempted suicide on a web cam.†

That I have no opinion of, other than this statement about suicide: If someone wants to kill themselves, I will not stop them nor encourage them to the best of my ability.† As a believer that all life is suffering, I cannot judge the action of taking your own life. If thatís what you want to do, I canít stop you. A well motivated person will do whatever they want regardless of how much I try to help or donít try to help. This is a lesson Iíve learned the hard way. I have reported this story based upon†Destructoid's post about the indiegogo and the incredibly buried forum post†where Niero, the founder of Destructoid talks about this story.

I wonder why people want to kill themselves? I want to die, because I feel like I donít belong. I feel aliened at every turn. I think that perhaps in death, I can get some sort of peace. I don't think about this as often as I used to, ever since I had a real moment of†clarity.

This is a foolish thought for many reasons. No religious doctrine has ever suggested suicide leads to any sort of paradise. In fact, I donít think it leads to any sort of limbo or purgatory either according to any scriptures. There is also the thought that, perhaps consciousness doesnít extend beyond death. That once we die, thatís it. The light switch is on, then it goes off forever. The thought I had a few years ago, as I wrestled with the idea of death was simple: What if I lived my life, like I was in an alternate universe, where I was successful. Where instead of being an idiot, I attempted to learn and grow as a person in every way I could. That in this alternate world, where I didnít die that night, I have an infinite potential to anything I want.† Iíve spent a lot of this time playing video games and watching cartoons, but I do so with more glee than I had since I was twelve when my older cousin was murdered and a downward spiral of depression set in, that still haunts my soul. The idea that your soul exists and can be in pain, that hurts a lot. If someone wants to kill themselves, why try to stop them.†

According to the law, suicide is a felony in a lot of the United States of America. Even if you have cancer and a mind full of sorrow, legally killing yourself or having someone kill you, is illegal.†

But if you really want to, I canít stop you. Like when I googled suicide and hit images like an idiot, I can't unsee what I just saw.†

Beyond my simple letter of the law examination, the Destructoid community†has had some talks about it. Iím fascinated by this story and how it continues to spark discussions about a lot of things.

As the forum thread talks about, the author of the Destructoid front page post first detailing this story, came under fire for allegedly posting messages on twitter about the alleged transsexuality of the indie game developer. This, I can have an opinion on. I do not think it is okay to out anyone who is gay, lesbian, transgendered, or anything. I still love discussing who is and isnít what, but thatís different from outing someone. This is not the right thing to do, so I now attempt to avoid such discussions. It is rather catty to talk about people, especially people I donít know. I do not judge anything Chloe has done. I donít own indiegogo, I did not send money to her crowd funding, I havenít played their video game, nor do I know them at all.†

However, as a community member of Destructoid in bad standing, I have engaged with Alister over twitter, commented on his posts, and probably skimmed a majority of his writing.

†I also judge the action of outing anyone a harsh one. A lot of people canít accept who they are, they arenít confident enough, you can get so broken down by the people around them, that they canít talk about how they feel. I donít like that. I want everyone to be open with me. This is why I have a policy, if you want to talk to me at any time about anything, you can contact me. I wonít judge you or your actions. Iím just looking for someone to talk to. E-mail is the best way to contact me: [email=randombullseye@gmail.com]randombullseye@gmail.com[/email] If I ever get a cell phone, Iíll publish the number publicly so anyone can call me.†

Now that Iíve told you I wonít judge you, let me judge someoneís actions.

What Alister did was an unethical thing to do. According to Destructoid founder Niero, he informed Alister not to talk about Chloe being transgendered. Alister wisely kept it real, posting messages to twitter that I have yet to find. If this is wrong information, correct me. If anyone has the actual messages, please show them to me in the comments section below. I want to judge them for myself. I judge this as unethical based on second hand knowledge, the information I read He was punished with a suspension, on Monday morning a meeting is being held to decide his future according to that forum thread, but I imagine a large percentage of the internet wonít be satisfied until he is physically crucified on a mountain top, also castrated. This exaggeration is probably not enough for some people.

A pound of flesh isnít the answer.†

Was it obvious from the video in the first Destructoid post about this, that this woman was transgendered? I didnít comment on that. I donít think I did. It would be mean to mock someone sick, but we are all dying. At no point can any of you reading this stop yourselves from dying, so why canít we all be sympathetic to each other all the time?†

In my younger and less nobler days, I would have said dozens of mean spirited comments thinking no one who would be effected by them would read them. Iím sure Morgan Webb appreciates me comparing her to a dog.I donít know why I thought that was funny or how it got published. I think about my time as a new toys journalist with my jaw dropped. Maybe I saw her on TV while I was writing that and thought that would be silly? Saying silly things on the internet can be fun, but the reality of today is that anything you say about someone isnít anonymous. Google alerts mean that if I mention certain people, theyíll know Iím talking about them. Me saying Alister did a unenthical thing, will get back to Alister. In fact, Iíll message him myself and tell him that, as if no one else said anything to him.† He has gone dark on the internet. I will try to reach him and talk to him about this, even if it is a year from now when no one else cares, I wonít forget. I try to never forget anything, if something was important a year ago, if it really was worth talking about, shouldnít we recall what it was?

Thing is, if what he did was so bad, why spread it around the internet on other websites? It really looks like other websites are jealous of Destructoid and want to be the first to condemn us for anything. The features editor said something on twitter that they deleted. If you really want to keep that information close to the vest, if it really was such dangerous information, why put it all over the place? Gilbert Godfreyís jokes about the Japanese tsunami were repeated on news programs, I was offended. They butchered his material and never attempted to imitate his voice at all.†

That isnít to say I want the guy fired. I imagine he understands he upset some people, knowing is half the battle. Learning from a mistake is the other.†

It isnít like Destructoid hasnít fired people before! One gentleman wrote comments to a pretty haired girl making light of how she didnít do anything worth note. It was never really brought up on the site. Maybe it was buried on the forums somewhere, but an open discussion of the gentleman and his words never really materialized. We celebrate the success of guys like Reverend Anthony, but we never the failures of others. Perhaps my belief in learning from every mistake is not something most people consider important, but to me, learning from failure might be the most important thing I ever realized.The gentleman merely disappeared without trace. He was news on other websites for a day or two, then that story fades away, like every story. Except for the people involved in those stories.†

†If weíre supposed to buy into the idea of Destructoid as a personality driven website, when these personalities disappear are we not supposed to notice? There is never a front page post saying ďoh hey, uh, that guy who wrote stuff and was an intern, like heís not around now.Ē Some people get goodbye posts, while others fade out without mentioning that they left. Maybe they were on bad terms, maybe there was a horrible fight, or maybe it isnít news everyone needs to know.†

The fact that the forum thread discussing this is locked, I find unethical. I donít know who did it, but I judge that action much harsher than I do what Alister deleted off his twitter. Maybe when I find the actual words, Iíll be really pissed off or rethink the issue completely.†

I donít know what is kayfabe and what isnít. Did Colette really return her powerglove three times? Did Jim Sterling really hear someone yell out, ďdonít stomp his face in!Ē while walking down the road in Britan? Did Chad really live next door to a rich kid who had every game ever? Does anyone ever know what I'm talking about?†

I donít know for sure. These stories are part of a canon that is Destructoid. Like it or not, negative or positive, the people here and what they do or donít do is a part of that narrative. Some argue Iím wrong to refer to someone dying as ďtheir story ending,Ē but my story keeps on going and Iím the hero in my story.

Could that make me a villain in another story?

†Iíve tried to write ďin characterĒ as a trash talker of low intelligence.† The exaggeration of my own joker personality online has been monstrous. Iíve rolled across the place like Ganghis Khan. Iíve salted the earth like the romans, but Iíve had some failures. Whenever I try to get really real, I think people tune right the fuck out. Well sorry, thatís how itís going to be. Iím long winded, I circle around topics, and I like to mention my genitals as much as possible.†

†I donít think I want to do that anymore. I think my heel to face run is about to get some real heat, making me a bigger heel as a face.†

At what point does reality set in? Will I realize that professional wrestling tropes donít define everything? When can I say anything and be safe? Tracey Morgan, a comedian, said things on stage he had been saying for years, but people got mad about that. Daniel Tosh, a comedian,† was savaged by women across the internet for making a rape joke when prompted by the audience to make jokes about things he couldnít joke about. The exact joke was great too, he made his rape joke, then someone stood up and said they thought rape was never funny. Daniel Tosh yelled back, ďI hope you get raped tonight!Ē The idea of a person being raped is funny right? Why am I not smiling or laughing as I write that out and read it back to myself. If I say the N word right here, nerd, and get away with it and feel like I really done something, could I ever use the N word for nerd and not nig ger and have that be funny again? I do a poor Chris Rock impersonation†that uses this routine. As I watch that tape, I start imitating him repeating all the racist things he says to an applauding audience. Does that make me a nerd? What is the appropriateness of language? Can words really hurt? I donít exactly know where the line is, but luckily, there are obscenity laws! I love that for any problem, thereís a law on the books to be argued with.

I was about to publish a research paper here in the middle of all this about such laws in America, the comstock law, the hicklin test, and so much more information that I donít want to share with you. Iíll publish this piece, with the thought in my mind does this make the Bonerquest obscene?

'the average person, applying contemporary community standards would find that the work, taken as a whole, appeals to the prurient interest, (b) whether the work depicts or describes, in a patently offensive way, sexual conduct specifically defined by the applicable state law; and (c) whether the work, taken as a whole, lacks serious literary, artistic, political, or scientific value

Now letís get really personal!†

For the record, Iíve considered myself a transexual for many years. I tell people that all the time, but nobody takes that serious. As a humorist, I have a lot of trouble being taken serious. I recently had it out over twitter, discussing the ideas of transsexuality and being told that I couldnít understand and that I was an idiot for thinking I could ever. I tried opening up about myself to these people, which was a mistake I wonít ever do again. Oh fuck.

I like to think of myself as only a few dozen operations away from being a woman, but I havenít the motivation or money to do it. Plus I donít think I would make a beautiful woman as I am now, but I really want to be one. If technology can make it so that I can be considered pretty, Iím becoming a woman that day. Iíll sign up and be so happy. Until then, Iím keeping my dick and balls. If I ever really feel like it, the option will be available to me to have them removed. I donít know how openly other people talk about this stuff, they donít seem to be as uncouth as me about it, but thatís how I feel. I like women. I like having my dick and balls, but if the day comes that I can be a beautiful woman, I want to be that.

For the record as well, I also consider myself black, libertarian, goth, a pelican, an economist, a professional writer, and up for consideration as a nominee for a Nobel prize. How am I supposed to know for sure that they arenít thinking of me right now? When I start publishing books, I will send copies to the Nobel committee with a post it not saying ďfor your consideration.Ē For the purposes of comedy, I consider myself Jewish but I find myself following a lot of buddhist ideologies I read off wikipedia and take things the Dali Lama says seriously, even though heís a man with dick and balls who wipes his ass like I do. Maybe Iím joking, maybe Iím not, and I think thatís where the line needs to be drawn. If anything I ever say offends you, fuck you. I stand by what I say, unless I can be made to feel bad about it. Good luck doing that to me, I openly challenge anyone to make me regret what I say, so that I can be a better, more understanding person. As someone who has trolled the internet for over a dozen years in the darkest crypts of the internet, yes, I used to post on webcomic forums, Iíve become stone cold.

Just the other day a guy I work construction with told me I couldnít have a day off work I already cleared with the guy in charge. He asked, ďWho do you think you are?Ē I yelled from on top the ladder I was on, ďIím Charles, a god damn tax payer and a grown fucking man. Fuck you.Ē Later, he apologized for being on my ass about taking some days off work. I apologized, saying ďI probably shouldnít have told you to go fuck yourself. Iím sorry I said that.Ē We shook hands like men, shared some laughs that night, and now Iím on my days off work writing about people I donít know on the internet.† For legal reasons, I almost wrote a redaction of that statement. I donít necessarily love the job Iím working at so what am I defending by saying this garbage?

I did not actually tell my superviser to go fuck himself, I merely made that up for the purpose of making myself sound cooler than I really am. What kind of maniac yells something like that, while standing on a step stool in the cereal aisle, then goes online and brags about it like it was cool?

I am a grown fucking man who stands by what he says. If it gets me in trouble or not, great. I still have to live with words. We shook hands and both apologized. I did the same thing as a kid, but somehow this behavior is childish? People say dumb shit all the time. Thatís what twitter was made for! People are human. Thatís a realization we all have to try to wrap our minds around, I still donít know for sure if Iím human or a person, but I know Iím capable of hurting other peopleís feelings and having my own hurt. Iím not looking for trouble, Iím merely here to do diligence as a talented professional writer.†

If you really think Iím joking about wanting to be a woman, when that technology is perfect and Iím beautiful, I wonít let you see my tits. Theyíll be as big as my balls too.
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Iím no lawyer nor am I a morally rightious person. I play a lot of video games, my name is Charlie. I'm an ignorant man, but I want to be more learned. I want to appeal to logic, as the culture of video games folds in on itself more and more.†

I wrote this long essay as an examination of the letter of the law and weather of not we should follow it. Every person needs to have their own beliefs and ideas, but laws are laws. If we can bend and break some, how do we decide what is acceptable and what isn't to be broke or bent?†

†I love the idea of an eye for an eye kind of justice, itís human like that idea. What is mine is mine, thusly, what is yours is yours. That probably worked out well for a few centuries, until bold men like Genghis Khan united warring tribes into a unified group of murderers. How do you deal with a large group like that? How do you police that group from itself? When everyone shares resources and ideas, even would barbarians need law. The foundation of civilization is law. Without laws, wouldnít we turn into barbarians?†How can we be more civilized as a people without some kind of rules in†place†to govern ourselves.

The idea of the letter of the law is as stated. It cannot be argued against things that were in our more ancient times, written into stone. A famous example of laws written in stone come from the Old Testament, the ten commandments of God. These are stone tablets with inarguable laws meant to make everyoneís lives better. Unfortunately, in my country, America, people forget one of the laws written on a piece of paper when the whole idea of democracy was started, a separation of church and state. This easily understandable statement of law means that court houses, public schools, or any other government buildings shouldnít have religious laws placed front and center. There shouldnít a picture of a religious leader hanging up in a school. Even worse, evolution as a theory, which when defined as a word means: ďsomeone thinks this might be what happens.Ē Donít take my word for it, I looked it up to make sure I wasnít being stupid.

Theory is defined as:†
A supposition or a system of ideas intended to explain something, esp. one based on general principles independent of the thing to be...

That means, it is something someone supposes. If you really get easy, it means guessing. †Stuff people†believe†as fact are guesses.†

I†donít like arguments like this. I look the law as it is stated. It seems that information isnít that hard to find these days. Even with certain topics being suppressed or under-represented in any media, Destructoid included, I can still find information. What is information? Well, besides power, information is watching videos, reading forums, scouring poorly designed blogs, searching twitter, looking through web search after websearch, and it doesnít require a whole lot of effort. People these days hate working so much, they donít even want to type words into a web browser. I imagine this is because they never learned to type, but my imagination is fucked up.†
† †
The thing is, people want to argue about law, when it isnít that hard to understand.

This applies to video games with two stories from the last few weeks:†

Story 1:†A indiegogo fund for a game developerís health costs.

Story 2:†Nintendo going after Letís Play videos of their current game releases.

Iíll address both these issues with rational, logical coldness. Also, cocks!
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I like wasting my time I guess.

Etryian Odyssey 3 - DS

Ugh, I hate losing progress on a game, but the difficulty of the game is in losing progress. I love fighting against a game.

This game is a nightmare to try to play without losing progress.

There was another DS RPG I started up, but didn't finish the tutorial. I'm awful.

EDF 2017 - Xbox 360

This genre of budget games is something I'm going to miss going†forward†with video games. I don't think these kinds of games will keep getting made or released in the west.†



Angry Birds Star Wars - iOS

My wife got this for free.

This is a better game than Angry Birds.

It is still the same exact idea of crush the castle. You sling birds at pigs and the structures the pigs have, with the intention to kill all the pigs. This game addresses one of my complaints from Angry Birds, that certain birds can do things extra while others are just stones with no special abilities. Nearly every unit does something, but I don't necessarily love what they do. Another wrinkle to the mechanics are planets with gravity, I assume this is from Angry Birds Space, but I haven't played that.

As for the Star Wars license, this dresses up the characters as Star Wars characters. The red bird is now Luke with a light saber, the bomb bird now can push objects as Obi Wan, and a piggy dresses like Darth Vader holding objects in place as you try to smash him and his storm trooper pigs.

I played a ton of this game.

I not only played it on my iPod, but my wife's iPad got a lot of play. I found it better on the bigger screen, it was just easy to maneuver on that screen. My man hands are still effecting how I play games.

Path of Radiance - GameCube

Finished it! I played on normal and it was easy. I had a little trouble on maybe three maps in the game.

Early on, I kept restarting when I lost a guy. About six levels of that, I gave up when I lost someone, "expendable."

The idea that I don't have time to do this game perfect bothered the crap out of me. Losing fictional characters goes against my personal ethics code of never leaving a man behind, I hate the idea of loss. Especially the idea that someone could be expendable.

I ended up losing maybe half a dozen guys over the game, some a guide I looked at said were great characters, but not for me. They died. When I import this save into the Wii sequel, those characters are dead. If I play that and lose my save, and characters who should be dead show up, it won't feel real.

Like in Walking Dead when my save broke on the last episode, all my choices of who I saved and what I did disappeared. No apology from TellTale or reassurance that it won't happen in the sequel can forgive that moment of being ready to finish the game, and not being able to. If a save editor doesn't exist, I might not play part two simply because the events won't match.

Without consistency and canon in fiction, it ceases to be credible in my eyes. This is why I have such a hard time reading a lot of comic books. When a story does come together that has such a long legacy and knows its history, I love that. That's the kind of stories I want to craft. Everything is canon.

Except in the case of a retcon, in which case, nothing is canon.

I've looked into picking up a copy of the sequel, but I don't want to pay full price for a six year old game. Nintendo games are so nuts on the pricing, Amazon has copies for over a hundred fifty dollars and GameStop has it listed used at fifty bucks. Well which is it? A hundred and fifty or just fifty dollars?

I don't think I want the sequel. I might move on to the 3DS game when pick one of those up.

Nimble Quest - iOS

My wife got this, so it showed up on my iPod.

I hate it. It is awful. Imagine snake, but with a fantasy theme. Your characters attack enemies, but movement is all snake. It isn't good.

As I write all this, I'm picturing pull quotes. I also think, what if the developer saw this? It is an iOS game, so it could just be a person.

This game is awful.

Machinarium - PC

This is one of those games I've had forever, but never played.

None of this has anything to do with Machinarium or what it is, so I'll just stop talking about that.†

Machinarium is a point and click adventure game, The way it's put together looks like it could possibly have been done in flash, but I don't know how exactly. The game has such an attention to detail in the artwork and animations, that I'm kind of stunned. Someone put in some work on this. I managed to make it a few screens†through†the game solving puzzles picking things up and†stretching†my robot. I don't like point and click adventure games, so I may never play this amazing looking game ever again. It's a real bummer too, because this game looks great, I did a decent job solving the puzzles, but I just don't know how I feel about it.†

I had some fun with it, that's more than I can say for a lot of games I bought.†

Red Dead Redemption - Xbox 360

I forgot I had this. I didn't buy it, I had rented it and my wife had played some of it, but neither of us finished. She bought it, but I had the game spoiled for me by the Internet. It was such a bummer. I later rented the zombie expansion pack, which I enjoyed, knowing the ending helped me appreciate the jokes of that game.



R-Type Final - PS2

Shmups, which my iPod changes to shamus, is one of my favorite genres that just doesn't get play like it used to. It isn't discussed openly hardly anywhere, but I love it.

I don't like the vertical ones as much as the horizontal ones.

For me, I'm a U.N.†Squadron† Gradius, and R-Type kind of guy. Those are my jam. When I looked through my cases of PS2 stuff, I wanted to play this.

I made it to the fourth level before I quit, I was on the easy difficulty and had some trouble doing it.

Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne - PS2

Ever play a game that was so incredible, you had a hard time explaining why it was so great? I can tell you how you would hate this, the grinding of levels and difficulty in understanding the mechanics are why I like this game. That and the tone and atmosphere it creates, like a nightmare.

Unfortunately, some of the advancements in the ease of play from Shin Megami Tensei: Strange Journey have spoiled me. I miss being able to check status and skills at the same time. I get confused so I check my skills.

I also have no qualms about checking guides now.

Especially in a game I've been playing for over two years that has tons of mechanics and actual labyrinths. The section of the game I'm on, is called the Labyrinth of Almala or something similar to that. I don't have any guides with me right now I'm days removed from my couple hours with the game too.

But Nocturne is all I'm thinking about.

I actually made progress when I played this time, but it took some effort.

As I started, I was in the alma, Alama or alalma, I left to look for a fiend boss called the Pale Rider or Red Rider, I can recall which, but the guide said I could fight in the first dungeon, a hospital. The fiend's are like optional super bosses, they unlock levels of the Alama which unlocks the true demon ending. That's what I would like to go for I think. I'm not much for law and I don't like chaos much more. The fact that in this Alama, I'm directly getting information from lucifer makes me anxious to see what's at the end of it.

As I make it to where I think I need to be, I read closer in the guide. To fight this boss I need to have made it to the third level of Alama. I was lost on level two. So I walk back, wander around a bit, then realize I have a moon key that opens doors in this level. I have no clue how of where I got the moon key, but I used it and saw the cutscenes at level three, then pressed my luck in a spot on level two of Alama that would give me a to of money.

The floor was poisonous, or cursed, it was hurting my party with every step and every fight was tough. I was killed, as was forced to start over at level two again on my old save.

Everything I did for two hours was gone.

I go back down to level three, this time I knew my way around the confusing dungeon. I had my moon key. I watched both cutscenes. One is†Lucifer†telling me about the man who caused the apocalypse in the game, that he was involved with a Gaea cult. Then the fiend cutscene, the four horsemen of the apocalypse are let loose. They left into the world.

So now, I look through guides and ski across a skill called attack all. I want that. My favorite thing is crowd control. I need to hit multiple enemies with my main character. His stats are all power, so I need that. I need to go back to a place called mantra hq. I didn't know if I needed to find that place or if I had been there, I read around a bit more. Turns out I was there. I must not have had enough strength at that time to unlock what I needed. So I go to a town I think is close there, my god the name of this town is Ibuekeno or something similar, and turns out I get to fight a fiend.

A couple tries on him and I whoop him, then wander trying to find the mantra hq. I was lost in a dark tunnel that I know I had been to, but I quit. I was done.
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Every month I write what I played on my ipod, but I've been busy doing things. But not really, I've been in a dark place emotionally I guess. It sort of came out in this writing.

I've been trying to post this for three weeks now.



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Randombullseye's March 2013

Hi everybody, I feel fantastic. I didn't die this month and I wasted time playing butt loaves of games!

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Fire Emblem Path of Radiance - Gamecube

Made it about halfway into the game, feel like quitting it now that the game has turned me loose. I'm determined to finish, and my strategy of not leaving a man behind has changed.

If someone expendable dies, they're gone. I can't restart for guys who aren't key to my strategy.

Don't have that kind of time.

Pikmin - GameCube

No game makes me feel more awful than pikmin. I finished it thirty parts of your space vessel collected on thirty in game days, it wasn't difficult, but it wasn't easy. Parts required a little thinking, other parts required some brute force. I liked those parts.

Picture my stats, if I forget to put that in yell at me. (I have it on my ipod, but that's in the other room right now. I did 30 days with 30 parts)

Ni No Kuni - Playstation 3

Made it to the end game, it seems to want to drag on visiting every town and caricature again. This was a stinker of a game, but I had some fun with it.

Katamari Forver / Retro City Rampage - Playstation 3

My nephew wanted to play some games so I showed him these, him and my niece disliked Katamari but loved Retro City.

Chrono Trigger - iOS

One of the best games ever, actually playable, what I mean is the controls aren't stupid like every other ios poet, and it doesn't have any visual or audio problems.

It also doesn't have minute long load times like the stupid Playstation version.

Mega Man 10 - PSN

I played as Bass on easy and I had a great time playing it. I wasn't looking for challenge, just a good time and I got it.

I played as Proto Man on normal and was dusted constantly, making no progress at all.

Video games.

Sim City - SNES / Sim City 2000

Everyone wanted to play the new one, I wanted to play the old ones.

In Sim City, I made a couple really great towns. One was devastated by a plane crash while I left it on overnight. I imagine that's what happened. The other, I just have up on once I filled the screen.

In 2000, I found that making a city was difficult. I forgot how to do anything in the game, just bulldozing ground and making the basic buildings was a chore. After a couple bad starts, I finally got a good city going, but I just couldn't keep the economy working. My city was in debt and broke before I knew it.

Then I built a mega city that was perfect, I had rail systems, subways, and it was an incredible piece of work, but a riot ravaged it. It was only after struggling for twenty minutes in pain that I realized I had to control my fire departments and police.

Etryian Odyessy 3 - DS

Almost bought a 3DS on sale, but didn't. Intention was to pick up the fourth game, but no. So I got a copy of part three, it is very much like part one, but the ease of play has ratcheted up, as has the difficulty. I am getting killed left and right, I love it.

It isn't the games fault that it didn't tutorial me up the ass, it is my fault for not doing it right.

Donkey Kong Country 1 & 2 - Wii Virtual Console

My wife had this, I played some of both with her. I love these games, but I'm done with them. I don't want to say I never want to play them again, but I did say that to her.

I probably shouldn't have said that, these are her favorite games.










Not a lot of video games this month. In fact, this might be the least amount of games I've played.

Here are the games I played this month!

Ni No Kuni: The Wrath of the White Wicth - Playstation 3

Such a beautiful game, but the computer controlled allies are the most informant I've encountered. In Persona 3 your party member was entirely controlled by the game. Usually they would make decent derision a based on the tactics I set for them. Drago Quest has had some type of auto battle that works the same way, even the level 5 developed Dragon Quest 8 had such a competent system for this, that I kept it on throughout most of the game. I much prefer having my party members do their own thing, but very wisely Persona 4, like Dragon Quest 8 presents automated party members as an option.

In Ni No Kuni, this isn't an option. I am forced to let the two extra party members do their own things, usually they're only helpful at distracting enemies and nothing more.

I've an option to tell everyone to defend or attack, but this option doesn't tell the character I control to do that. They just stand there like an asshole while the big boss who clearly telegraphs their super attacks does more damage than I would like. Now I hit the all defend button, then frantically rush to defend. This is a problem for me.

I'm also annoyed by the shop owners and their stores being repeated throughout the game with minimal interior changes. Some have a treasure chest or don't.

My team has grown to include two extra characters and over a dozen monsters. I don't have any real attachment to any of them. The designs aren't striking or charming, nor are the personalities presented. The girl character has no characterization at all. She merely is, "the girl." The second guy party member is defined as being a thief, abut wait, he's got a secret he doesn't want to tell. I figured out his secret hours before the other characters. The story is moving along at a snail pace.

I'm now officially in the third disc slump of Ni No Kuni. I had a boat, now I can fly around the world. I want as little to do with this as possible now. Why does freedom in these games make me want to quit? I've third evolution monsters, who now need leveled up for the third time. This isn't charming, that's frustrating. The only monster that doesn't look stupid is the skeleton I have who now has a bull skull.

Over the last few nights I've had off, haven't touched it. I've thought about it, but I've felt despair. My marriage has broken, my view of the world has shifted darker than it ever was, and I've lost all confidence in myself.

While writing the tenth chapter of Bonerquest, the final chapter, I broke emotionally. It was very upsetting as I confronted my own demons in writing. I knew I would, it was in my outlines, but finding the words to express it and really living in absolute darkness mentally, broke me. I cried. I sat in bed. I took a lot of baths in the dark and just say there, trying to find something positive to think of. I just can't. This book is a nightmare I wrote down and I'll be happy when I publish it and never have to write or think about it again.

Why is it sad?

Well, the story spirals downward in such a way that hurt me to visualize. Things start off bad and go worse. This story will hopefully effect you emotionally when you read it. It gets up it's own ass a couple times over, but I think the humor layer works and that's the most important part for me. If this book isn't funny, I fucked up. If the book isn't sad, then I fucked up. I fucked up thinking I could write this story.

When I first came up with Bonerquest, I was about fourteen. It was much sillier and the ending wasn't there. The year after I did a sequel to those comics, that went even deeper into chaos. None of the real meat was there. A version of one of the antagonists was there, but he wasn't defined. The fairy people, who I decided not to call fairies today, they were there.



It was while laying in a bathtub in 2005, that I realized what the perfect ending would be. What the perfect origin for the main protagonist would be. As I tried to write it, I started off with changing protagonists every chapter. What a genius and original idea, I thought. Nobody has ever done this! I was so stupid. My writing involved a b-level plot that felt like a bad fantasy story, it wasn't me. It had a basalisk that I decided should just be a dragon, but it seemed stupid to just use a dragon. The first two chapters were a mess. The idea of portraying the world from different protagonists who all are liars rewriting their own history as they tell it, that fascinated me. I loved that. But I just couldn't pull it off.

In 2008, I worked as a bag boy at a grocery store. Another bagger claimed he had wrote a novel that was a satire of Adam and Eve that involved a pot smoking snake and hippies. Stephen met with a publisher in Virginia, or so he claimed. To my knowledge his book remains unpublished, if it ever existed.

It was in the bathroom one day where I was taking a leak, as I often do at work. There is a certain joy in being paid to piss. Stephen showed up to do the scheduled bathroom check, where baggers were required to clean toilets and once over the bathroom. Usually this involved going back and flushing the toilet. If you were unlucky, as I was once, you'll find the toilet full. When Stephen said he was there to do the bathroom check, I explained it was still there. This made him giggle, such a simple statement made him say, "I like you Charles, your a funny guy. You should try writing like I did." I explained I spent my teenage years online, developing Internet comics. Writing and developing a lot of different comics, none of which I was super proud of, but I did the work. The experience was there. After eight years, I knew how to tell a story and develop characters, even with lots of spelling errors and logic holes, I could make something interesting.

It was 2008, that I had accepted the honor of making Bonerquest a video game. In 2010, I had butthole surgery and told the doctor I could write a novel about the pain I felt, which amused her. My suffering them informed my lifestyle, even now. As I lay bleeding out the ass, I was as close to death as I could be. I sometimes wish I had let myself just bleed out the ass and die, that would have been the funniest way possible to die, but I didn't.

I'm alive.

I want to experience life. All of life that I can. I don't like keeping secrets. Suddenly I take my work stocking shelves less serious. I got married. I've flew on planes and met people from Destructoid in person. I'm alive and all I can think of is death. I hate where I'm at, what I'm doing, and have no motivation to continue to live this lifestyle. As I am now is not how I will be, I can do better.

It was on my wedding day, we met with my wife's maid of honor, and I brought up the topic of editing something I wrote. I wanted to write a novel and self publish it. That no one has to believe in me, that I'm incredible, and that working night shift is actually killing me. That sitting inside all day, is killing me. That I have to make drastic changes, that will all begin with writing a professional novel. She thought I was joking and agreed to help out. Now here I am, two years later, preparing to send her the complete mess as I want to publish it. I'm sad.

There was a thought, that I would begin drinking heavily when I finished the book and had it sent off to be printed. That I would go into a Leaving Las Vegas kind of life for a long time. I've never drank before, but I've had a bottle of whiskey that I stare at. I don't want to do this.

But yeah. I've not touched Ni No Kuni in about three weeks. I like it, I want to finish it, but I probably won't for a bit. I'm really busy.

Battle Cats - iOS

My wife downloaded this on her iPhone, so I got it on my iPod. It's a tower defense kind of thing with cats. As I played it, I wonder why I did so? It wasn't fun leveling up creatures. It passed time at work, but it wasn't really a good game. I got forty levels into it, why do I want to finish it if I don't like it?

So I did finish it, I was places I didn't want to be, all month. No gameboys, meaning psp of DS, but I had the iPod with me. I have it at work with me, I don't love this game. The social hook, "pay to win" stuff bothers me, and this type of bullshit is defining video games not being discouraged. As much as it bothers me, there are people who just want to win and pay to unlock everything.

My argument against pay to win style games is simple: the game is playing to win, if you just pay for boosts or items that help you win, why pay extra for those items? If I could just pay five dollars and have my team on Ni No Kuni be a bunch of badasses, that defeats the point of the game.

Interestingly, this game had some "free" social hook stuff to unlock points. I'm bothered by these so much, I took some pictures. Keep in kind, buying items in these games doesn't guarantee that you'll win. How the fuck can people but this shit?

Beastie Bay - iOS

This is kairosoft's free to play game. While stuck somewhere I dabbled in it, it was ok. It's kind of like their dungeon and astro games, except now featuring exhausting RPG battles. I say exhausting, because selecting attacks for your monsters is so slow, it makes every battle drag. I don't like that, so I quit playing it, never touched it again.

Actually, I need to go delete it right now, that's how I feel about it.

That's it!

Let's see if I can finish Ni No Kuni this month.










So much for slowing down and not playing video games.

Ni No Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch - PS3

What is Ni No Kuni?

Level-5 who created Dragon Quest VIII, which I finished around this time last year, are the developers of Ni No Kuni. But wait, there's another creative force, the people who've produced some top level anime cartoons, Studio Gibli, came up with the designs and anime cutscenes that are doled out in the same way Playstation and Sega Saturn RPG animations were, few and far between and confusingly of little consequence.

This game is dope, but I don't know how many people who read what I write agree with my sentiments on Japanese role playing game. I let someone watch me play, she said it looked amazing, but left straight up explaining to yell when "something happened."

JRPGs are not the exciting show pieces that their developers seem to think they are. These are slow paced, single player, and obtusely difficult games. That's when they're at their best and Ni No Kuni, about ten hours in has all these features.

And it has maybe the most childish storyline ever. The word whimsy isn't enough to describe this game.

For example, in the ton of Ding Dong Dell I met the kitty cat king to ask him for his magic wand. It goes a little deeper than that, there was a light Forrest dungeon and boss before that, with a friendly talking tree too. I'm curious to see how much farther this goes, how silly can things get? Will it surpass the talking duck people of Suikoden III as the most ridiculas thing that isn't shown ironically or with any amount if sarcasm. It legitimately presents the kitty cat king as his god damn meowjesty, referring to him as such.

I love this. In a world of dark and gritty stories, I kind of want some whimsy fun stories.

Even if combat can look messy, like this.


That isn't to say the story isn't dark, it goes Disney dark with the death of a character and their possible resurrection being the whole motivation for the game. I've a strong spider sense feeling that it will not work out, but it will somehow be okay.

I'm not much for side quests, I usually hate them. Like in Dragon Age, those boards with things to do on them, I walked by every single time. I never once touched them there, but in Ni No Kuni I'm in. I'm down to do them for the layers of rewards given to me. Stamps are given, like a gas station rewards card, and when you fill it that you're given a choice of upgrades. The early ones are a little lame, but moving faster on the world map I jumped on. That's the sort of upgrade that will get me doing side quests, but I don't know how to fill in my card with all the options on here. There are a to of question marks, and that bothers me.

I'm bothered by the lack of fast travel, so many hours into the game the world map is just big enough that I don't want to walk back across it for side quests. I just can't do that. I can zoom or fast travel around, I would feel a lot better. The opening video for the game revealed my character riding on a dragon, so that will happen eventually, but I need fast travel to really dig into these side quests.

It also has my favorite kind of side quests, where a stronger monster is out there and I have to go kill that. Final Fantasy XII wasn't beaten by me for the inclusion of such monsters. I just love that concept. It goes back to super bosses in old RPGs. I love that concept so much.

The actual battle system is a melding of Poke'mon and the Tales of games. Battles take place in a 3D space where position matters, but attacks are chosen from a radial menu. Besides your human characters, each of them controls three familiars who are little monsters that fit inside your pockets and have a very Rock Paper Scissors elemental variety. I named my first one Bill Paxton and I don't think I ever want to ditch him.

Once I got the second party member, battles became clunky and messy. She's completely ignorant and doesn't listen. Her strength seems to be doing a minimum of damage and healing herself just long enough to last five minutes in a battle. She just dies. She sends her Pokemon, a few attacks later, she just dies. During a boss battle when we clearly needed to defend, she doesn't.

Aaron Linde says a few hours later I'll get the option of telling her when to attack and defend with the circle button, that's interesting, but I'm not sure if that will help. Artificial intelligence controlled characters are not new to role playing games, Persona 3 forced it and made that work, Drago Quest has had some form of automation for party members in a lot of their games, but in those characters aren't as allergic to life as this second party member.

Oh and she loves using all her magic in a single random battles. I can tell her not to use abilities, but she needs to use abilities to do a decent amount of damage. I'm really, really bummed that she doesn't jump in and make things better.



Combat is now difficult, which surprised me. I thought the game would not bump up at all, but hey, here it is. Some challenge thrown in, I like that. I like Ni No Kuni.

If I don't finish it soon, I probably won't finish it. I've a bad record with finishing games, but my RPG record is the worst. I started organizing which ones I hadn't finished and the list hurt to look at and I just quit writing it.

I have gripes. Shops and their shopkeepers all are recycled over and over again. In spite of the high quality of the artwork, it feels uninspired. It isn't the same kind of consistent look from Dragon Quest, it's the fact that a lot of monsters just aren't interesting or new. They feel like generic Pokemon rip offs. Jade Cacoon had some fascinating creatures, but this doesn't. Nothing really dazzles me, other than boss monsters. They've really done well with those, but they're also very generic. The whole thing is a little generic, but high quality.

This isn't sad, brooding, or dark and I really love it for not being that. I'm not saving the world, I'm on a personal, selfish quest to save the main characters mother. I also giggled when she died, what should have been an emotional scene just doesn't work at all. Oliver never broods about it, which I'm okay with, but he is way too happy for this. At thirteen I was a mess, and it was only a cousin of mine that had died. And Oliver is thirteen, but seems like he's six. What the shit is that? Why is he such a little puss? He just seems like such a child, at thirteen I knew what was up. This kid walks around like he doesn't. I'm kind of bothered by that, but maybe I was just an asshole as a kid.


Sleeping Dogs - Steam

Sleepy Dogs is a pretty ok game. It runs ok on my computer, it is like all the things people said Yakuza was like. It is Grand Theft Auto, in China, with an emphasis on martial arts over gun play. Game looks great, has a silly storyline that takes itself a little too serious for me, and I got it on sale for fifteen bucks.

XCOM - Enemy Unknown

I played a butt load of this. I was sick with the flu and a little delirious, but I managed to whoop classic mode.

Torchlight - Steam

Got this and the sequel in the steam sale, specifically to play on my Mac book.

Turns out, Torchlight 2 isn't on the Mac.

I got this, because someone in my household decided to buy the Sims 3 and spend hours playing that.

Gameplay isn't so bad. It's a lot of wandering around smashing monsters, collection loot, and leveling up. The storyline is there, but I couldn't care less. I picked a brute character, but the game is really easy on the normal difficulty.

I got a few levels into this game, when I was invited to play Torchlight 2.

Torchlight 2 - Steam

So my friend wasn't able to play immediately so I started up playing this. I like this more, but it is more of the same from Torchlight.

I picked the beserker and played quite a bit on my own and with random players online.



When I had the flu, I played a butt load of this game. I played with three of the classes and had an amazing time. I played on the hardest difficulty as well, the game is just too easy on anything other than the hardest difficulty which is strange to me. That's bothered me since that started around when Halo was new, but hey video games.

The Last Stand - Dead Zone - Flash

This was on konregate, a website kid of like new grounds but not as good. The previous last stand games were cute little zombie RPGs, but this is an MMO and I was suckered into wasting lots of time playing it.

I put in maybe five hours over the course of a week. I had never played a proper Facebook game, even if this is on kongregate it is very much a Facebook game. It has all the social hooks and micro transactions that serve to annoy me. I hate that, but I like zombie survival stuff.

You gather up resources on trips out to various buildings in a section of map. As you level up, new sections open up. They take longer to travel home from in real time, meaning that I watched an episode of bullshit then played this for a half hour. Once it got to over and hour, there was no way I could give a shit about this game.

It has a player vs player option, but in not a competitive gamer or into Griefing. So I never tried it. Actually, I love Griefing, but only with people I know. Nothing is more satisfying than screwing everyone on a video game, hearing their groans of desperation and finding out how serious people take games. They're games. This doesn't matter at all.

The game gives you goals to accomplish for experience, once you hit enough goals you get another survivor. I had seven or eight when I quit. If anyone wants my account to play this game, I'll give you the name and password. I give that little of a shit about it.

The game lacks any real depth, which is why I never want to think about it again.

I played other flash stuff, like frog fractions, but not as much of it as this stupid last stand game.

I really hope I only put five hours into this, but as I think about it, I spent a lot more when I had the flu. I didn't touch Xenogears but a piss poor flash game I put time into?

Earthbound - SNES

I finished up the mole dungeon in the dessert, but I didn't go back to town yet. I'm thinking I'm like halfway through this game? I want to finish it, but I'm not loving it.

Penny Arcade 3- Steam

The DLC is out, this was one of the top games of the year for me. I'm not loving the DLC. The class system I loved so much, isn't here. Instead I'm given a character from the first two penny arcade games, that I have no attachment to.

The humor is as on as it was in the main game, and the story is just as terrible. I'm not compelled by the lead characters or invested in what they're doing. These are just two guys, bumbling around for no reason.

A crab monster had the description of being cray, that made me laugh.

FTL - Steam

I found a program to rebuild my save, the one on my Mac didn't save or something, I lost progress and all the ships I had unlocked.

But, when presented with the option to just, unlock everything, I did that. I just took all the ships and their variants. I'm a bad person.

I played quite a bit with a crystal ship, I still fucked up.

Endless Space - Steam

I'm done with this for now, I whooped a single game of it, that feels like enough. It was a fun simulation, kind of like civilization with a space theme.

I spent over the last week of December and this month, maybe a dozen hours playing this.

Fallout 3 - PC

Still haven't done those DLC packs, we have them, my lady bought them because she loved Fallout. I'm not sure if she played them either.

I spent a lot of time walking towards operation anchorage, but just couldn't make it. I got stopped by some talon mercenaries, who I killed most of but decided to turn back towards megaton, where I disarmed the bomb and got the house and that's where I quit.

Slow motion kills, when the bullet spins around and the camera follows right with it into a guys face, that's still amazing. On a Saturday when I had two hours to do anything, this is what I did.



Mega Man 10 Ė PS3

For some reason, I booted this up. I thought playing as Proto Man was something I could jump into. It was not what I expected at all. The mid boss on the electric sheep's stage rocked me and that was that.

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That's it!

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