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3:28 AM on 05.20.2013

The Letter of the Law: Chloe Sagal, Alister Pinsof, and Nintendo

Iím no lawyer nor am I a morally rightious person. I play a lot of video games, my name is Charlie. I'm an ignorant man, but I want to be more learned. I want to appeal to logic, as the culture of video games folds in on itself more and more.†

I wrote this long essay as an examination of the letter of the law and weather of not we should follow it. Every person needs to have their own beliefs and ideas, but laws are laws. If we can bend and break some, how do we decide what is acceptable and what isn't to be broke or bent?†

†I love the idea of an eye for an eye kind of justice, itís human like that idea. What is mine is mine, thusly, what is yours is yours. That probably worked out well for a few centuries, until bold men like Genghis Khan united warring tribes into a unified group of murderers. How do you deal with a large group like that? How do you police that group from itself? When everyone shares resources and ideas, even would barbarians need law. The foundation of civilization is law. Without laws, wouldnít we turn into barbarians?†How can we be more civilized as a people without some kind of rules in†place†to govern ourselves.

The idea of the letter of the law is as stated. It cannot be argued against things that were in our more ancient times, written into stone. A famous example of laws written in stone come from the Old Testament, the ten commandments of God. These are stone tablets with inarguable laws meant to make everyoneís lives better. Unfortunately, in my country, America, people forget one of the laws written on a piece of paper when the whole idea of democracy was started, a separation of church and state. This easily understandable statement of law means that court houses, public schools, or any other government buildings shouldnít have religious laws placed front and center. There shouldnít a picture of a religious leader hanging up in a school. Even worse, evolution as a theory, which when defined as a word means: ďsomeone thinks this might be what happens.Ē Donít take my word for it, I looked it up to make sure I wasnít being stupid.

Theory is defined as:†
A supposition or a system of ideas intended to explain something, esp. one based on general principles independent of the thing to be...

That means, it is something someone supposes. If you really get easy, it means guessing. †Stuff people†believe†as fact are guesses.†

I†donít like arguments like this. I look the law as it is stated. It seems that information isnít that hard to find these days. Even with certain topics being suppressed or under-represented in any media, Destructoid included, I can still find information. What is information? Well, besides power, information is watching videos, reading forums, scouring poorly designed blogs, searching twitter, looking through web search after websearch, and it doesnít require a whole lot of effort. People these days hate working so much, they donít even want to type words into a web browser. I imagine this is because they never learned to type, but my imagination is fucked up.†
† †
The thing is, people want to argue about law, when it isnít that hard to understand.

This applies to video games with two stories from the last few weeks:†

Story 1:†A indiegogo fund for a game developerís health costs.

Story 2:†Nintendo going after Letís Play videos of their current game releases.

Iíll address both these issues with rational, logical coldness. Also, cocks!   read

8:22 AM on 05.05.2013

Games Played This Month - April 2013!

I like wasting my time I guess.

Etryian Odyssey 3 - DS

Ugh, I hate losing progress on a game, but the difficulty of the game is in losing progress. I love fighting against a game.

This game is a nightmare to try to play without losing progress.

There was another DS RPG I started up, but didn't finish the tutorial. I'm awful.

EDF 2017 - Xbox 360

This genre of budget games is something I'm going to miss going†forward†with video games. I don't think these kinds of games will keep getting made or released in the west.†

Angry Birds Star Wars - iOS

My wife got this for free.

This is a better game than Angry Birds.

It is still the same exact idea of crush the castle. You sling birds at pigs and the structures the pigs have, with the intention to kill all the pigs. This game addresses one of my complaints from Angry Birds, that certain birds can do things extra while others are just stones with no special abilities. Nearly every unit does something, but I don't necessarily love what they do. Another wrinkle to the mechanics are planets with gravity, I assume this is from Angry Birds Space, but I haven't played that.

As for the Star Wars license, this dresses up the characters as Star Wars characters. The red bird is now Luke with a light saber, the bomb bird now can push objects as Obi Wan, and a piggy dresses like Darth Vader holding objects in place as you try to smash him and his storm trooper pigs.

I played a ton of this game.

I not only played it on my iPod, but my wife's iPad got a lot of play. I found it better on the bigger screen, it was just easy to maneuver on that screen. My man hands are still effecting how I play games.

Path of Radiance - GameCube

Finished it! I played on normal and it was easy. I had a little trouble on maybe three maps in the game.

Early on, I kept restarting when I lost a guy. About six levels of that, I gave up when I lost someone, "expendable."

The idea that I don't have time to do this game perfect bothered the crap out of me. Losing fictional characters goes against my personal ethics code of never leaving a man behind, I hate the idea of loss. Especially the idea that someone could be expendable.

I ended up losing maybe half a dozen guys over the game, some a guide I looked at said were great characters, but not for me. They died. When I import this save into the Wii sequel, those characters are dead. If I play that and lose my save, and characters who should be dead show up, it won't feel real.

Like in Walking Dead when my save broke on the last episode, all my choices of who I saved and what I did disappeared. No apology from TellTale or reassurance that it won't happen in the sequel can forgive that moment of being ready to finish the game, and not being able to. If a save editor doesn't exist, I might not play part two simply because the events won't match.

Without consistency and canon in fiction, it ceases to be credible in my eyes. This is why I have such a hard time reading a lot of comic books. When a story does come together that has such a long legacy and knows its history, I love that. That's the kind of stories I want to craft. Everything is canon.

Except in the case of a retcon, in which case, nothing is canon.

I've looked into picking up a copy of the sequel, but I don't want to pay full price for a six year old game. Nintendo games are so nuts on the pricing, Amazon has copies for over a hundred fifty dollars and GameStop has it listed used at fifty bucks. Well which is it? A hundred and fifty or just fifty dollars?

I don't think I want the sequel. I might move on to the 3DS game when pick one of those up.

Nimble Quest - iOS

My wife got this, so it showed up on my iPod.

I hate it. It is awful. Imagine snake, but with a fantasy theme. Your characters attack enemies, but movement is all snake. It isn't good.

As I write all this, I'm picturing pull quotes. I also think, what if the developer saw this? It is an iOS game, so it could just be a person.

This game is awful.

Machinarium - PC

This is one of those games I've had forever, but never played.

None of this has anything to do with Machinarium or what it is, so I'll just stop talking about that.†

Machinarium is a point and click adventure game, The way it's put together looks like it could possibly have been done in flash, but I don't know how exactly. The game has such an attention to detail in the artwork and animations, that I'm kind of stunned. Someone put in some work on this. I managed to make it a few screens†through†the game solving puzzles picking things up and†stretching†my robot. I don't like point and click adventure games, so I may never play this amazing looking game ever again. It's a real bummer too, because this game looks great, I did a decent job solving the puzzles, but I just don't know how I feel about it.†

I had some fun with it, that's more than I can say for a lot of games I bought.†

Red Dead Redemption - Xbox 360

I forgot I had this. I didn't buy it, I had rented it and my wife had played some of it, but neither of us finished. She bought it, but I had the game spoiled for me by the Internet. It was such a bummer. I later rented the zombie expansion pack, which I enjoyed, knowing the ending helped me appreciate the jokes of that game.

R-Type Final - PS2

Shmups, which my iPod changes to shamus, is one of my favorite genres that just doesn't get play like it used to. It isn't discussed openly hardly anywhere, but I love it.

I don't like the vertical ones as much as the horizontal ones.

For me, I'm a U.N.†Squadron† Gradius, and R-Type kind of guy. Those are my jam. When I looked through my cases of PS2 stuff, I wanted to play this.

I made it to the fourth level before I quit, I was on the easy difficulty and had some trouble doing it.

Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne - PS2

Ever play a game that was so incredible, you had a hard time explaining why it was so great? I can tell you how you would hate this, the grinding of levels and difficulty in understanding the mechanics are why I like this game. That and the tone and atmosphere it creates, like a nightmare.

Unfortunately, some of the advancements in the ease of play from Shin Megami Tensei: Strange Journey have spoiled me. I miss being able to check status and skills at the same time. I get confused so I check my skills.

I also have no qualms about checking guides now.

Especially in a game I've been playing for over two years that has tons of mechanics and actual labyrinths. The section of the game I'm on, is called the Labyrinth of Almala or something similar to that. I don't have any guides with me right now I'm days removed from my couple hours with the game too.

But Nocturne is all I'm thinking about.

I actually made progress when I played this time, but it took some effort.

As I started, I was in the alma, Alama or alalma, I left to look for a fiend boss called the Pale Rider or Red Rider, I can recall which, but the guide said I could fight in the first dungeon, a hospital. The fiend's are like optional super bosses, they unlock levels of the Alama which unlocks the true demon ending. That's what I would like to go for I think. I'm not much for law and I don't like chaos much more. The fact that in this Alama, I'm directly getting information from lucifer makes me anxious to see what's at the end of it.

As I make it to where I think I need to be, I read closer in the guide. To fight this boss I need to have made it to the third level of Alama. I was lost on level two. So I walk back, wander around a bit, then realize I have a moon key that opens doors in this level. I have no clue how of where I got the moon key, but I used it and saw the cutscenes at level three, then pressed my luck in a spot on level two of Alama that would give me a to of money.

The floor was poisonous, or cursed, it was hurting my party with every step and every fight was tough. I was killed, as was forced to start over at level two again on my old save.

Everything I did for two hours was gone.

I go back down to level three, this time I knew my way around the confusing dungeon. I had my moon key. I watched both cutscenes. One is†Lucifer†telling me about the man who caused the apocalypse in the game, that he was involved with a Gaea cult. Then the fiend cutscene, the four horsemen of the apocalypse are let loose. They left into the world.

So now, I look through guides and ski across a skill called attack all. I want that. My favorite thing is crowd control. I need to hit multiple enemies with my main character. His stats are all power, so I need that. I need to go back to a place called mantra hq. I didn't know if I needed to find that place or if I had been there, I read around a bit more. Turns out I was there. I must not have had enough strength at that time to unlock what I needed. So I go to a town I think is close there, my god the name of this town is Ibuekeno or something similar, and turns out I get to fight a fiend.

A couple tries on him and I whoop him, then wander trying to find the mantra hq. I was lost in a dark tunnel that I know I had been to, but I quit. I was done.   read

11:56 AM on 04.19.2013

Games Played This Month - March 2012

Every month I write what I played on my ipod, but I've been busy doing things. But not really, I've been in a dark place emotionally I guess. It sort of came out in this writing.

I've been trying to post this for three weeks now.


Randombullseye's March 2013

Hi everybody, I feel fantastic. I didn't die this month and I wasted time playing butt loaves of games!


Fire Emblem Path of Radiance - Gamecube

Made it about halfway into the game, feel like quitting it now that the game has turned me loose. I'm determined to finish, and my strategy of not leaving a man behind has changed.

If someone expendable dies, they're gone. I can't restart for guys who aren't key to my strategy.

Don't have that kind of time.

Pikmin - GameCube

No game makes me feel more awful than pikmin. I finished it thirty parts of your space vessel collected on thirty in game days, it wasn't difficult, but it wasn't easy. Parts required a little thinking, other parts required some brute force. I liked those parts.

Picture my stats, if I forget to put that in yell at me. (I have it on my ipod, but that's in the other room right now. I did 30 days with 30 parts)

Ni No Kuni - Playstation 3

Made it to the end game, it seems to want to drag on visiting every town and caricature again. This was a stinker of a game, but I had some fun with it.

Katamari Forver / Retro City Rampage - Playstation 3

My nephew wanted to play some games so I showed him these, him and my niece disliked Katamari but loved Retro City.

Chrono Trigger - iOS

One of the best games ever, actually playable, what I mean is the controls aren't stupid like every other ios poet, and it doesn't have any visual or audio problems.

It also doesn't have minute long load times like the stupid Playstation version.

Mega Man 10 - PSN

I played as Bass on easy and I had a great time playing it. I wasn't looking for challenge, just a good time and I got it.

I played as Proto Man on normal and was dusted constantly, making no progress at all.

Video games.

Sim City - SNES / Sim City 2000

Everyone wanted to play the new one, I wanted to play the old ones.

In Sim City, I made a couple really great towns. One was devastated by a plane crash while I left it on overnight. I imagine that's what happened. The other, I just have up on once I filled the screen.

In 2000, I found that making a city was difficult. I forgot how to do anything in the game, just bulldozing ground and making the basic buildings was a chore. After a couple bad starts, I finally got a good city going, but I just couldn't keep the economy working. My city was in debt and broke before I knew it.

Then I built a mega city that was perfect, I had rail systems, subways, and it was an incredible piece of work, but a riot ravaged it. It was only after struggling for twenty minutes in pain that I realized I had to control my fire departments and police.

Etryian Odyessy 3 - DS

Almost bought a 3DS on sale, but didn't. Intention was to pick up the fourth game, but no. So I got a copy of part three, it is very much like part one, but the ease of play has ratcheted up, as has the difficulty. I am getting killed left and right, I love it.

It isn't the games fault that it didn't tutorial me up the ass, it is my fault for not doing it right.

Donkey Kong Country 1 & 2 - Wii Virtual Console

My wife had this, I played some of both with her. I love these games, but I'm done with them. I don't want to say I never want to play them again, but I did say that to her.

I probably shouldn't have said that, these are her favorite games.   read

8:11 AM on 03.03.2013

Games Played This Month - February 2013!

Not a lot of video games this month. In fact, this might be the least amount of games I've played.

Here are the games I played this month!

Ni No Kuni: The Wrath of the White Wicth - Playstation 3

Such a beautiful game, but the computer controlled allies are the most informant I've encountered. In Persona 3 your party member was entirely controlled by the game. Usually they would make decent derision a based on the tactics I set for them. Drago Quest has had some type of auto battle that works the same way, even the level 5 developed Dragon Quest 8 had such a competent system for this, that I kept it on throughout most of the game. I much prefer having my party members do their own thing, but very wisely Persona 4, like Dragon Quest 8 presents automated party members as an option.

In Ni No Kuni, this isn't an option. I am forced to let the two extra party members do their own things, usually they're only helpful at distracting enemies and nothing more.

I've an option to tell everyone to defend or attack, but this option doesn't tell the character I control to do that. They just stand there like an asshole while the big boss who clearly telegraphs their super attacks does more damage than I would like. Now I hit the all defend button, then frantically rush to defend. This is a problem for me.

I'm also annoyed by the shop owners and their stores being repeated throughout the game with minimal interior changes. Some have a treasure chest or don't.

My team has grown to include two extra characters and over a dozen monsters. I don't have any real attachment to any of them. The designs aren't striking or charming, nor are the personalities presented. The girl character has no characterization at all. She merely is, "the girl." The second guy party member is defined as being a thief, abut wait, he's got a secret he doesn't want to tell. I figured out his secret hours before the other characters. The story is moving along at a snail pace.

I'm now officially in the third disc slump of Ni No Kuni. I had a boat, now I can fly around the world. I want as little to do with this as possible now. Why does freedom in these games make me want to quit? I've third evolution monsters, who now need leveled up for the third time. This isn't charming, that's frustrating. The only monster that doesn't look stupid is the skeleton I have who now has a bull skull.

Over the last few nights I've had off, haven't touched it. I've thought about it, but I've felt despair. My marriage has broken, my view of the world has shifted darker than it ever was, and I've lost all confidence in myself.

While writing the tenth chapter of Bonerquest, the final chapter, I broke emotionally. It was very upsetting as I confronted my own demons in writing. I knew I would, it was in my outlines, but finding the words to express it and really living in absolute darkness mentally, broke me. I cried. I sat in bed. I took a lot of baths in the dark and just say there, trying to find something positive to think of. I just can't. This book is a nightmare I wrote down and I'll be happy when I publish it and never have to write or think about it again.

Why is it sad?

Well, the story spirals downward in such a way that hurt me to visualize. Things start off bad and go worse. This story will hopefully effect you emotionally when you read it. It gets up it's own ass a couple times over, but I think the humor layer works and that's the most important part for me. If this book isn't funny, I fucked up. If the book isn't sad, then I fucked up. I fucked up thinking I could write this story.

When I first came up with Bonerquest, I was about fourteen. It was much sillier and the ending wasn't there. The year after I did a sequel to those comics, that went even deeper into chaos. None of the real meat was there. A version of one of the antagonists was there, but he wasn't defined. The fairy people, who I decided not to call fairies today, they were there.

It was while laying in a bathtub in 2005, that I realized what the perfect ending would be. What the perfect origin for the main protagonist would be. As I tried to write it, I started off with changing protagonists every chapter. What a genius and original idea, I thought. Nobody has ever done this! I was so stupid. My writing involved a b-level plot that felt like a bad fantasy story, it wasn't me. It had a basalisk that I decided should just be a dragon, but it seemed stupid to just use a dragon. The first two chapters were a mess. The idea of portraying the world from different protagonists who all are liars rewriting their own history as they tell it, that fascinated me. I loved that. But I just couldn't pull it off.

In 2008, I worked as a bag boy at a grocery store. Another bagger claimed he had wrote a novel that was a satire of Adam and Eve that involved a pot smoking snake and hippies. Stephen met with a publisher in Virginia, or so he claimed. To my knowledge his book remains unpublished, if it ever existed.

It was in the bathroom one day where I was taking a leak, as I often do at work. There is a certain joy in being paid to piss. Stephen showed up to do the scheduled bathroom check, where baggers were required to clean toilets and once over the bathroom. Usually this involved going back and flushing the toilet. If you were unlucky, as I was once, you'll find the toilet full. When Stephen said he was there to do the bathroom check, I explained it was still there. This made him giggle, such a simple statement made him say, "I like you Charles, your a funny guy. You should try writing like I did." I explained I spent my teenage years online, developing Internet comics. Writing and developing a lot of different comics, none of which I was super proud of, but I did the work. The experience was there. After eight years, I knew how to tell a story and develop characters, even with lots of spelling errors and logic holes, I could make something interesting.

It was 2008, that I had accepted the honor of making Bonerquest a video game. In 2010, I had butthole surgery and told the doctor I could write a novel about the pain I felt, which amused her. My suffering them informed my lifestyle, even now. As I lay bleeding out the ass, I was as close to death as I could be. I sometimes wish I had let myself just bleed out the ass and die, that would have been the funniest way possible to die, but I didn't.

I'm alive.

I want to experience life. All of life that I can. I don't like keeping secrets. Suddenly I take my work stocking shelves less serious. I got married. I've flew on planes and met people from Destructoid in person. I'm alive and all I can think of is death. I hate where I'm at, what I'm doing, and have no motivation to continue to live this lifestyle. As I am now is not how I will be, I can do better.

It was on my wedding day, we met with my wife's maid of honor, and I brought up the topic of editing something I wrote. I wanted to write a novel and self publish it. That no one has to believe in me, that I'm incredible, and that working night shift is actually killing me. That sitting inside all day, is killing me. That I have to make drastic changes, that will all begin with writing a professional novel. She thought I was joking and agreed to help out. Now here I am, two years later, preparing to send her the complete mess as I want to publish it. I'm sad.

There was a thought, that I would begin drinking heavily when I finished the book and had it sent off to be printed. That I would go into a Leaving Las Vegas kind of life for a long time. I've never drank before, but I've had a bottle of whiskey that I stare at. I don't want to do this.

But yeah. I've not touched Ni No Kuni in about three weeks. I like it, I want to finish it, but I probably won't for a bit. I'm really busy.

Battle Cats - iOS

My wife downloaded this on her iPhone, so I got it on my iPod. It's a tower defense kind of thing with cats. As I played it, I wonder why I did so? It wasn't fun leveling up creatures. It passed time at work, but it wasn't really a good game. I got forty levels into it, why do I want to finish it if I don't like it?

So I did finish it, I was places I didn't want to be, all month. No gameboys, meaning psp of DS, but I had the iPod with me. I have it at work with me, I don't love this game. The social hook, "pay to win" stuff bothers me, and this type of bullshit is defining video games not being discouraged. As much as it bothers me, there are people who just want to win and pay to unlock everything.

My argument against pay to win style games is simple: the game is playing to win, if you just pay for boosts or items that help you win, why pay extra for those items? If I could just pay five dollars and have my team on Ni No Kuni be a bunch of badasses, that defeats the point of the game.

Interestingly, this game had some "free" social hook stuff to unlock points. I'm bothered by these so much, I took some pictures. Keep in kind, buying items in these games doesn't guarantee that you'll win. How the fuck can people but this shit?

Beastie Bay - iOS

This is kairosoft's free to play game. While stuck somewhere I dabbled in it, it was ok. It's kind of like their dungeon and astro games, except now featuring exhausting RPG battles. I say exhausting, because selecting attacks for your monsters is so slow, it makes every battle drag. I don't like that, so I quit playing it, never touched it again.

Actually, I need to go delete it right now, that's how I feel about it.

That's it!

Let's see if I can finish Ni No Kuni this month.   read

6:25 AM on 02.03.2013

Games Played This Month - January 2013!

So much for slowing down and not playing video games.

Ni No Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch - PS3

What is Ni No Kuni?

Level-5 who created Dragon Quest VIII, which I finished around this time last year, are the developers of Ni No Kuni. But wait, there's another creative force, the people who've produced some top level anime cartoons, Studio Gibli, came up with the designs and anime cutscenes that are doled out in the same way Playstation and Sega Saturn RPG animations were, few and far between and confusingly of little consequence.

This game is dope, but I don't know how many people who read what I write agree with my sentiments on Japanese role playing game. I let someone watch me play, she said it looked amazing, but left straight up explaining to yell when "something happened."

JRPGs are not the exciting show pieces that their developers seem to think they are. These are slow paced, single player, and obtusely difficult games. That's when they're at their best and Ni No Kuni, about ten hours in has all these features.

And it has maybe the most childish storyline ever. The word whimsy isn't enough to describe this game.

For example, in the ton of Ding Dong Dell I met the kitty cat king to ask him for his magic wand. It goes a little deeper than that, there was a light Forrest dungeon and boss before that, with a friendly talking tree too. I'm curious to see how much farther this goes, how silly can things get? Will it surpass the talking duck people of Suikoden III as the most ridiculas thing that isn't shown ironically or with any amount if sarcasm. It legitimately presents the kitty cat king as his god damn meowjesty, referring to him as such.

I love this. In a world of dark and gritty stories, I kind of want some whimsy fun stories.

Even if combat can look messy, like this.

That isn't to say the story isn't dark, it goes Disney dark with the death of a character and their possible resurrection being the whole motivation for the game. I've a strong spider sense feeling that it will not work out, but it will somehow be okay.

I'm not much for side quests, I usually hate them. Like in Dragon Age, those boards with things to do on them, I walked by every single time. I never once touched them there, but in Ni No Kuni I'm in. I'm down to do them for the layers of rewards given to me. Stamps are given, like a gas station rewards card, and when you fill it that you're given a choice of upgrades. The early ones are a little lame, but moving faster on the world map I jumped on. That's the sort of upgrade that will get me doing side quests, but I don't know how to fill in my card with all the options on here. There are a to of question marks, and that bothers me.

I'm bothered by the lack of fast travel, so many hours into the game the world map is just big enough that I don't want to walk back across it for side quests. I just can't do that. I can zoom or fast travel around, I would feel a lot better. The opening video for the game revealed my character riding on a dragon, so that will happen eventually, but I need fast travel to really dig into these side quests.

It also has my favorite kind of side quests, where a stronger monster is out there and I have to go kill that. Final Fantasy XII wasn't beaten by me for the inclusion of such monsters. I just love that concept. It goes back to super bosses in old RPGs. I love that concept so much.

The actual battle system is a melding of Poke'mon and the Tales of games. Battles take place in a 3D space where position matters, but attacks are chosen from a radial menu. Besides your human characters, each of them controls three familiars who are little monsters that fit inside your pockets and have a very Rock Paper Scissors elemental variety. I named my first one Bill Paxton and I don't think I ever want to ditch him.

Once I got the second party member, battles became clunky and messy. She's completely ignorant and doesn't listen. Her strength seems to be doing a minimum of damage and healing herself just long enough to last five minutes in a battle. She just dies. She sends her Pokemon, a few attacks later, she just dies. During a boss battle when we clearly needed to defend, she doesn't.

Aaron Linde says a few hours later I'll get the option of telling her when to attack and defend with the circle button, that's interesting, but I'm not sure if that will help. Artificial intelligence controlled characters are not new to role playing games, Persona 3 forced it and made that work, Drago Quest has had some form of automation for party members in a lot of their games, but in those characters aren't as allergic to life as this second party member.

Oh and she loves using all her magic in a single random battles. I can tell her not to use abilities, but she needs to use abilities to do a decent amount of damage. I'm really, really bummed that she doesn't jump in and make things better.

Combat is now difficult, which surprised me. I thought the game would not bump up at all, but hey, here it is. Some challenge thrown in, I like that. I like Ni No Kuni.

If I don't finish it soon, I probably won't finish it. I've a bad record with finishing games, but my RPG record is the worst. I started organizing which ones I hadn't finished and the list hurt to look at and I just quit writing it.

I have gripes. Shops and their shopkeepers all are recycled over and over again. In spite of the high quality of the artwork, it feels uninspired. It isn't the same kind of consistent look from Dragon Quest, it's the fact that a lot of monsters just aren't interesting or new. They feel like generic Pokemon rip offs. Jade Cacoon had some fascinating creatures, but this doesn't. Nothing really dazzles me, other than boss monsters. They've really done well with those, but they're also very generic. The whole thing is a little generic, but high quality.

This isn't sad, brooding, or dark and I really love it for not being that. I'm not saving the world, I'm on a personal, selfish quest to save the main characters mother. I also giggled when she died, what should have been an emotional scene just doesn't work at all. Oliver never broods about it, which I'm okay with, but he is way too happy for this. At thirteen I was a mess, and it was only a cousin of mine that had died. And Oliver is thirteen, but seems like he's six. What the shit is that? Why is he such a little puss? He just seems like such a child, at thirteen I knew what was up. This kid walks around like he doesn't. I'm kind of bothered by that, but maybe I was just an asshole as a kid.

Sleeping Dogs - Steam

Sleepy Dogs is a pretty ok game. It runs ok on my computer, it is like all the things people said Yakuza was like. It is Grand Theft Auto, in China, with an emphasis on martial arts over gun play. Game looks great, has a silly storyline that takes itself a little too serious for me, and I got it on sale for fifteen bucks.

XCOM - Enemy Unknown

I played a butt load of this. I was sick with the flu and a little delirious, but I managed to whoop classic mode.

Torchlight - Steam

Got this and the sequel in the steam sale, specifically to play on my Mac book.

Turns out, Torchlight 2 isn't on the Mac.

I got this, because someone in my household decided to buy the Sims 3 and spend hours playing that.

Gameplay isn't so bad. It's a lot of wandering around smashing monsters, collection loot, and leveling up. The storyline is there, but I couldn't care less. I picked a brute character, but the game is really easy on the normal difficulty.

I got a few levels into this game, when I was invited to play Torchlight 2.

Torchlight 2 - Steam

So my friend wasn't able to play immediately so I started up playing this. I like this more, but it is more of the same from Torchlight.

I picked the beserker and played quite a bit on my own and with random players online.

When I had the flu, I played a butt load of this game. I played with three of the classes and had an amazing time. I played on the hardest difficulty as well, the game is just too easy on anything other than the hardest difficulty which is strange to me. That's bothered me since that started around when Halo was new, but hey video games.

The Last Stand - Dead Zone - Flash

This was on konregate, a website kid of like new grounds but not as good. The previous last stand games were cute little zombie RPGs, but this is an MMO and I was suckered into wasting lots of time playing it.

I put in maybe five hours over the course of a week. I had never played a proper Facebook game, even if this is on kongregate it is very much a Facebook game. It has all the social hooks and micro transactions that serve to annoy me. I hate that, but I like zombie survival stuff.

You gather up resources on trips out to various buildings in a section of map. As you level up, new sections open up. They take longer to travel home from in real time, meaning that I watched an episode of bullshit then played this for a half hour. Once it got to over and hour, there was no way I could give a shit about this game.

It has a player vs player option, but in not a competitive gamer or into Griefing. So I never tried it. Actually, I love Griefing, but only with people I know. Nothing is more satisfying than screwing everyone on a video game, hearing their groans of desperation and finding out how serious people take games. They're games. This doesn't matter at all.

The game gives you goals to accomplish for experience, once you hit enough goals you get another survivor. I had seven or eight when I quit. If anyone wants my account to play this game, I'll give you the name and password. I give that little of a shit about it.

The game lacks any real depth, which is why I never want to think about it again.

I played other flash stuff, like frog fractions, but not as much of it as this stupid last stand game.

I really hope I only put five hours into this, but as I think about it, I spent a lot more when I had the flu. I didn't touch Xenogears but a piss poor flash game I put time into?

Earthbound - SNES

I finished up the mole dungeon in the dessert, but I didn't go back to town yet. I'm thinking I'm like halfway through this game? I want to finish it, but I'm not loving it.

Penny Arcade 3- Steam

The DLC is out, this was one of the top games of the year for me. I'm not loving the DLC. The class system I loved so much, isn't here. Instead I'm given a character from the first two penny arcade games, that I have no attachment to.

The humor is as on as it was in the main game, and the story is just as terrible. I'm not compelled by the lead characters or invested in what they're doing. These are just two guys, bumbling around for no reason.

A crab monster had the description of being cray, that made me laugh.

FTL - Steam

I found a program to rebuild my save, the one on my Mac didn't save or something, I lost progress and all the ships I had unlocked.

But, when presented with the option to just, unlock everything, I did that. I just took all the ships and their variants. I'm a bad person.

I played quite a bit with a crystal ship, I still fucked up.

Endless Space - Steam

I'm done with this for now, I whooped a single game of it, that feels like enough. It was a fun simulation, kind of like civilization with a space theme.

I spent over the last week of December and this month, maybe a dozen hours playing this.

Fallout 3 - PC

Still haven't done those DLC packs, we have them, my lady bought them because she loved Fallout. I'm not sure if she played them either.

I spent a lot of time walking towards operation anchorage, but just couldn't make it. I got stopped by some talon mercenaries, who I killed most of but decided to turn back towards megaton, where I disarmed the bomb and got the house and that's where I quit.

Slow motion kills, when the bullet spins around and the camera follows right with it into a guys face, that's still amazing. On a Saturday when I had two hours to do anything, this is what I did.

Mega Man 10 Ė PS3

For some reason, I booted this up. I thought playing as Proto Man was something I could jump into. It was not what I expected at all. The mid boss on the electric sheep's stage rocked me and that was that.


That's it!


8:28 PM on 01.03.2013


When Jenny touched upon their face and felt an exposure of wires and black ooze, they uttered a cry and said as women will, "Oh Winston, this is the last time I can see you. I am not going to survive long."

This year, unlike last year, I want to make some really well defined goals.

Gaurdian Heroes still begs me to play it.

It keeps declining in value, as I look at it every day with wonder and awe. I think to myself about buying the HD remake on the Xbox 360.

9) Finish Xenogears - or a letter to ParaParaKing.

That ParaParaKing was onto me about playing Xenogears for what seemed like forever. He probably mentioned it twice to me, although him playing the part of my friend Benjy to Samit constantly messaging him about Portal makes for a better story. Even if it isn't exactly the truth, I was asked to try out Xenogears. Last month I had a week away from work for vacation, and finally played Xenogears.

Played for about two hours, is more like it.

It seems very interesting, I loved the opening film, but the actual game itself has left me wanting more. The early doomed to burn town cliche was right where I quit, just as the giant robots showed up and my character somehow had a giant robot to fight with, I quit. I have a save just before entering the robot fight, but I just didn't care enough. I liked how the anime cutscene showed up, remember when cutscenes were rewards? They were interesting glimpses at what the developer intended a game to look like, instead of just annoying movies that slow down a game?

8) Earthbound, I played that too. This year I want to finish it.

Last year, I also said I was going to try Earthbound once again, as every time I ever started it, I always hated it and found it lame.

Yeah, I really stood by that for years.

Now I'm a little more warm on it. The charm of the game has grown on me, but the gameplay has started to drag. The modern world setting is a great change of pace from the usual fantasy and science fiction settings for a role playing game, but the real winner and most important thing about Earthbound is the sense of humor the game has. Enemies are usually very silly, weapons are silly, and even the things you're tasked to do are humorous in nature. But that's the problem, humorous and silly aren't funny. They're charming and humorous, but I've never had a monsterous belly laugh or openly giggled at anything in Earthbound. It evokes a sense of childhood exploration, like The Goonies, but it doesn't have a fat kid truffle shuffling.

But, the weird stuff goes completely weird. I love weird. A whole town of giant nosed aliens who all have their own font style and speak strangely to you, that's my kind of jam. I also am quite fond of just walking into a weaker enemy and instantly defeating them, gaining those precious experience points. At this point my party is miss matched. The main character is about a dozen levels above the other two, which makes all my strategy revolve around him bashing enemies. For better or worse, I over leveled the main guy early in the game.

I'm anxious to see the ending of the game for myself. I could just watch it on you tube, but I'd be missing the context in which it needs to be sent. If you're unfamiliar with it, the creator of the game based the encounter on his perception of pornography as a child. Somehow he viewed it, I'm guessing he had an unmarked VHS tape or film reel, and just sort of saw something that made him very uncomfortable. From that, he came up with the final boss of his video game. Kind of like how all of my writing reflects my relationships with women and the really shitty things I've done as a person. I love that sort of adaptation of material, I might jump into Earthbound first.

I just finished a section in a dessert where I fought moles and found gold, so I could save the blues brothers again. This game!

7) Talk more about Suikoden: read: Play more Suikoden.

I loved both the original Suikoden games, they were fantastic. The first has aged a little harder than the second, and Suikoden II has a rough translation, but for that genre of game, they're among the best I've ever played. Nothing feels as Mbig or involving as Suikoden games. Which is probably why I didn't like Suikoden III as much. Not having a solo protagonist, Suikoden III had switching protagonists to show the same conflict from three different angles. I'm curious to play that one again and to really dive into Suikoden IV and Suikoden V, both of which I bought and never had time to finish.

But first I want to play Suikoden and Suikoden II for the tenth time. The first was rather short, I finished it in about a week? The second I recall taking two weeks. This was playing every day for an hour or two, maybe more if I was feeling froggy. I want to play them again with a fresh perspective.

6) Buck Rogers: Matrix Cubed

Another game I haven't finished, but am absolutely in love with. Last year's list, I wrote about buying copies of both Countdown to Doomsday and Matrix Cubed. Well, I have copies of both now, their "log books," and a "rule book." Computer games had some really fucked up logic for what they included in the original packaging. The log book is actually important, story relevant blocks of text that are all vital to understanding what is going on. Without this log book, I wouldn't know what was happening at all. For example, the flavor text in the game says "he explains everything about the laser, see log book entry #27!" Well, then you're supposed to open this book, find the twenty seventh entry, and that is what the character says to you. Rather than you know, actually display the text in the god damned game, it has this bullshit. I'm assuming the AD&D games by the same developer pull the same stunt.

Luckily, I also have what is called a "rule book." This is a strategy guide that has maps, outlines exactly where to go and what to say for the best possible outcome of a situation. If I absolutely cannot figure out where to go or what to do, I love having this. Otherwise, I don't want to look in it's direction at all.

Last year I completed the DOS version of Countdown to Doomsday. It was pretty incredible to play the original version of this game, the "real" version of a game I loved so much. All the things I enjoy about the game are there, somewhat expanded upon. The graphics definitely need overhauled, they're butt ugly and occasionally non-existant. In the Genesis game you had a physical representation of your character to equip weapons onto in one of the strangest menus ever in a game.

In the original DOS game, it is simple text with equipped items listed as such.

What's really great is that Matrix Cubed allows me to pull in my team of killers from Countdown to Doomsday, which is a process not all that complicated. I managed to pull it off with relative ease in a program called Boxer for my mac book. I'm now playing what turns out is more like the second half of the same game, than a real sequel. It's more of the same. All the skills and weapons all seem very similar. Enemies are different, but use strategies that are much more intense than the first game. Everyone seems to have grenades and wants to use them, luckily, I have rocket launchers and missile launchers that utterly decimate them, which amuses the fuck out of me every single time I do that.

I'm curious to see how the plot of the game plays out. If the adventure is as wonderful as the Countdown to Doomsday was.

1) Release episodes of a retro gaming podcast I recorded last year!

Myself, Tony Ponce, and Bianca Torres all did some podcasts about retro games last year. The first of which, I released as a secret bonus kind of thing last year.   read

4:18 PM on 01.01.2013

My Top games of 2012

My Top games of 2012

Lone Survivor - As far as horror goes, nothing was as effecting as this. Silent Hill's developer Konami has forgotten how they made Silent Hill 2, but the one guy who developed Lone Survivor has taken extensive notes and made something incredible that must be played. It takes the David Lynch black lodge moments to the extreme and gives a sense of isolation that is unparalleled by a game. I want everyone I know to try this game out.

Penny Arcade 3 - I hate Penny Arcade and it's characters, this game is mechanically amazing and actually has some funny bits. Every enemy has a humorous design and description, in fact, all the flavor text has a great layer of humor applied to it. The way your MP builds every round really made for an interesting game, even if I had to play on hard for it to be the least bit challenging. This being 2012, one boss was imbalanced and patched to be beatable on hard, but otherwise I was able to smoke this game. I look foreword to more from this developer.

Hotline Miami - Best music, great gameplay, and the subject matter was as bleak and dark as games are willing to go currently. I'm very excited for the sequel. I want to play that. Just the sense of evil this game has, I love that feeling. It feels like Tuesday.

F.T.L. - I love this game. The melancholy of the music seems to mock me, as most missions end in a malaise of my own failures as a ship captain. Flying from point to point and the sheer variety of strategies I could try out have kept me coming back to this one over and over. One day I'll beat the big boss ship, when I do, I'll feel really satisfied with myself. This game doesn't forgive and I like that.

X-Com: Enemy Unknown - They don't make games like this anymore. Even with persistent bugs and errors that have plagued it, games that are actually games don't come around all the time. Coming up with a strategy for my base, then watching as every nation slowly panics until I have no funding for anything and lose completely hurts. Of anything released this year, this is the only game I still want to play through on harder difficulties or even just play on normal. It has so many variables to play with, I love it. I'm playing this as soon as I'm done writing this.

The best game I played this year, was Dragon Quest III for the Super Nintendo. I fought the big boss who turns out not to be the big boss, like in all Dragon Quest games I always forget that, and he wiped my party down to a low leveled warrior who could only attack and desperately I watched turn after turn. My health get lower, my attack hits him. He hits, my health goes red. I hit him for some damage. He hits me, now I'm down to a single digit of health. The next hit from him, will kill me. I sigh, realizing I can't possibly win. I anxiously press the attack command, because I can't go out just dying. The attack strikes for a critical hit, killing the boss. [url= is how play video games[/url] and why I play video games.

There's still a few games I want to check out, but I'm pretty satisfied with the games on this list.   read

8:11 PM on 12.30.2012

Games Played This Month - December!!

My first book, Bonerquest had a preview posted this month of the entire first chapter. I put it up here on Destructoid, because this is where I post things. It was online all day, I hope you read it. I received no comments or e-mails about it, so I can only assume I wasted a great deal of time writing the thing. I'm bothered by that and have become completely distraught, with feelings of hopelessness. I had a week off work this month, which I slept through most of. I'm apparently very tired. I'm beaten, but not defeated. I'm going to pursue advertising my books elsewhere. I've an admission to make about Destructoid, I don't follow it as closely as I used to.

The website feels splintered and everything is compartmentalized away from everything else. The Dtoid Show is a Revision 3 internet television program, with its own rules and logic. The cblogs are the opinion columns, where everyone who wants to be heard tries desperately to say something. The forums are a wild west all there own, the once small haven has now blossomed into a mess where I can post silly things and leave them for weeks before anyone finds them. And then there is Podtoid, where they talk about sucking each others dicks for two hours every week. And then and then, there's twitter, google groups, e-mail groups, facebook, twitch, and all these other fragmentations of Destructoid. I don't feel like I need to come to Destructoid's website to be a part of the group anymore.

I went to Boston to meet up with Destructoid. It was a strange experience. I was gifted a lapel pin of the mascot by Hamza himself. I met with guys from the Destructoid Twitch channel, the channel that every time I've barely visited. I wear that pin and my Tomopop T-shirt I bought and my Retroforce GO T-shirt, and I wonder if I'm wearing advertising or wearing something I'm proud to be a part of.

Here are the games I played this month.

The Walking Dead - Steam

I donít think I spoiled anything here, I put out my choices in a very general way.

Iíd finished the first part, months ago when it was new. I made the final choice everybody else did, sided with Kenny. So when Episode 2 started, I was pumped. I messed up the first bit, really, really bad. Then I didnít shoot the woman, but I did kill all three of the other characters. They all deserved it, jerks! I liked Episode 2, but the plotline was extraordinarily cliche and I saw it coming a hundred miles before it happened.

Episode 3 seemed to last forever. It just kept going and going, with more and more things happening then slowing things down to an agonizing crawl. I hate the crawly parts where I have to walk back and fourth with items trying to find the right one for certain situations. Those are dumb. I like talking to the characters, but when I have to solve situations by finding the right object, and I donít know which object I need and have to slowly walk from one screen, through another, finally to the one where I need to use an item, and it fails, three times, I get kind of bummed about that type of stuff. Otherwise, this one had some great moments. I left the girl, let Kenny take care of things, and I wanted to kick the guy off the train. It wouldnít give me that option, but I wanted to just pick him up and throw him off right there.

Ironically, the character I wanted to kill, I later saved when presented the choice to kill him or not. I felt bad about leaving the girl, that she probably would have been helpful in spite of the reason why I left her. The buildup of enemies I liked, the showing of a poster of the lead bad guy is probably going to show up in the fifth episode as the main bad guy. I donít know why I have that feeling, but I do. The moments that I really enjoyed here, was when the game let me actually shoot a bunch of attacking zombies. I always yell at the screen, ďThere are only like six zombies there, you guys can take them out! You have guns! Use them you idiots!Ē

Unfortunately, the game was having noticable technical issues in episode four. The game would lag up, ocassionally messing up dialog. I had a strange bug in episode two, where Kenny leaned foreward and nodded, contiously. I laughed hysterically at that and how silly it was, but here these glitches kept happening over and over. I solved the Kenny thing by just reloading and I was right where I needed to be. Here, the bugs kept going. The game crashed to my desktop twice. Overall though, I really enjoyed the build of episode four and all these new characters. I tried to solve things peacefully, saved the guy, and I was nice to the girl when I saw the tape she was on. Things are looking bad for part five, but Iím very excited to see how my story plays out. Iíve got some help, but not everybody is coming with me for the last episode.

As I load up Episode five, I notice immediately some problems. The choice from the end of the last episode, doesnít play my choice. Only one of the three people I brought with me are here. I thought, ďNo big deal, Iíll just replay the ending and try again.Ē I did that four times, it wonít save for some reason and bring my choices over. I began playing detective searching the internet as I let the ending movie from episode four play over and over. After an hour, I decided this was the worst way I could possibly spend my vacation.

These issues tainted the entire thing for me. If I was to review this game, Iíd be pretty pissed off about it. As it is, I have wikipedia and can just read what happens and never buy another TellTale game ever again and on every news post I see about their game, I can chime in caps that this happened to me.

Something as broken as this, really bums me out. This is why video games are horrible. Iíve a lot of things I could have done, but instead I played pretend with virtual zombies and the whole thing just fucked up. Walking Dead took some cool ideas from Heavy Rain and other modern adventure games and inspiration from dialog trees to make a really fun interactive movie. Unfortunately, it is broken and messy. I had issues with my controller not wanting to work, forcing me to restart the game. Issues with dialog lagging in episode four were pretty rough. All throughout every episode, if a character hands another one something, prepare to see some wild hammer space logic applied to the game. I imagine the car battery was shoved up their ass, for safe keeping.

Iíd like to hope that theyíll patch this so it will work, but my saves for Episode 4 arenít even appearing in the folder with other saves. The game broke itself and I will forever think negatively of it, in spite of some really great moments.

4/10 - The game is broken, I donít suffer broken games.

I finally played episode five, after playing the end of episode four two more times trying to save my choices. Eventually, I started up episode five on a separate save, letting it randomize events until I got something close to where my game was. I ended episode four, the first time, with only one person not coming with me to episode five. As I finally, finally got into episode five that guy was with me. Episode five offered up some closure, but not enough for me to feel satisfied. Iím upset about the saves not importing right, one character referenced events that were the exact opposite of what happened in episode four for me and Iím not even sure if the ninja girl lived or not in this save. Iím really angry, I hope TellTale gets their shit together next summer.
They really fucked this up. I never brought up some of the worst gameplay moments of this, they really, really boned that up. If this had just been interactive fiction, without any movement or light puzzle solving or attempts at gameplay, I would have loved it more. I look foreword to the many rip offs of this style of game.

And Iím especially loving the gaming press talking about it ďstarting a new genre.Ē For a group of people who are supposed to be professionals, they sure donít know about the fucking things theyíre talking about. Not that they give a fuck.

Dark Souls Prepare to Die Edition - Steam

I like playing Dark Souls while watching TV shows on my laptop. I usually just do podcasts, but Always Sunny in Philadelphia is now on Netflix and Iím fond of that show. Iíve made it pretty deep into Dark Souls with Magic Johnson, Iím in Blightown now. My knowledge of the game has become sketchy of this part, as I hated it. Surprise, I still hate this part. Anything with little catwalks makes me uncomfortable, there was a level in Demon Souls like this as well, and I didnít like that much either. There was another part in Demon Souls, before you fight two gargoyles, that had these teeny tiny little ledges that I jumped in the air and started screaming profanity like I was in a Tarantino movie. Not that I donít always talk like Mr. White, but I do have some decency sometimes. I called a guy dick nipples this month, that seemed to break him emotionally.

Dark Souls is still amazing, I love playing it. I started over a couple other chracters, Iím about to ring the second bell with Magic Johnson, and I like this game.

Metal Warriors - Super Nintendo

In an interview on HardcoreGaming101 about Zombies Ate My Neighbors, the lead guy talked about Metal Warriors. Itís a tough game, and I like robots. I had played Cybernator the day before, just for a little bit. I also loaded up Front Mission 3, then realized how deep a game that is. The fake internet and the constant talking ruined that game for me and any Front Mission game Iíve played for that matter. I tried to do a bit of Front Mission 4 as well, but my Playstation 2 has finally died.

Let me go off on a tangent completely unrelated to Metal Warriors.

Besides the Xbox 360, is there a less reliable piece of hardware than a Playstation 2? Iíve had five of them break on me. Over the course of twelve years, that is a lot of Playstations. Iíve had disc read errors, overhearing issues, a laser that just decided not to work, and this one doesnít want to power on. Iím really pissed off at everything and hate the world.

Metal Warriors is a delightful game to play, especially when I realized I could jump out of my giant robot and play as a man with a jet pack and little pistol. I love that type of shit. It always amused me in an old Nintendo game with Metal in the title, I want to say Metal Mech, but that isnít right. I made it to the fourth level before quitting Metal Warriors upon my first death. I got to brave in the robot suit with spiked mace and just got slaughtered.

Binary Domain - Steam

Man, this is a good game! In the first hour, Iíve done some silly things. I opted out of the tutorial stuff, which is the greatest feature any modern video game can have. The storyline in this thing is a monster so dense, I just watch and nod having those same feelings with Metal Gear Solid. The storyline is also ripped from Blade Runner, I wouldnít be surprised to find out that my most trusted allies are actually the robot bad guys Iíve been fighting this whole time, or better, that my character is a robot.

That isnít why Iím into this game.

Iím into this game, because I can shoot the shit out of robots!

And the storyline is wild, full of silly situations and hilarious dialog!

I can make their legs and arms pop off really good! Even shooting their heads off is amazing in itself, but that it also then confuses them and making them shoot their friends! Now thatís a gameplay feature! I love the regular enemies, Iím right back to Ninja Turtles slaughtering robots by the dozens.

But even better than that, are the bigger robots!

I stood on top of a robot and shot itís robot brains out.

This game, is amazing!

Earthbound - SNES

I managed to find my way through the dessert mole hole!

Then, I realized I donít really like Earthbound. Charm of the world and the humor is great, but the battle system just doesnít do it for me. My characters donít feel like a team, they feel like Ness and two characters heís dragging along barely keeping alive. The storyline will end with my characters saving the world from an evil robot, no matter what. Iím doubtful anyone would die and if they did, they would just come right back like it never happened. Iím not really feeling this thing like everybody says I should be.

I like it, but I donít love it. I donít think I ever will. I quit and didnít touch it again all month.

Breath of Fire - SNES

I thought I would finish a game I always wanted to. Turns out, I donít really want to do that. I donít want to play through the first two thirds of Breath of Fire again. In fact, I donít think I want to play the last little bit either. I just, I donít know. I liked it, but Iím over it. I never want to think about Breath of Fire or Eternal Ring ever again, these games and me are broken up. I feel like making a tape of myself shooting my copy of Eternal Ring with a pistol, Iím that angry about it. That game should not have been as butt hole awful as it is.

Street Fighter IV: Arcade Edition[/size]

I love getting a game I wanted, free. I say ďfree,Ē but this isnít really free. Playstation Plus cost me money and now I have another game I had wanted.

My Playstation controller has been busted for the last year, I got a new one, but it wonít sync up or charge. So Iím playing with a busted left analog stick, which is pretty key to Zangief. All of his special moves involve spinning that stick, almost all of his moves. I still did decently. My timing is off when I do the spinning move that blocks projectiles. I feel bad that I’m so out of practice. I played a little Chun Li, but it was so bad. I managed to win, but I couldnít recall how to shoot her fireball. Iím so dumb.

Half Minute Hero - Steam

So this is actually, a really great game. I finished it on my vacation and I highly recommend it to everybody. It takes the concept of a role playing game and makes lots of jokes about the many cliches of those games, nothing we havenít seen before, but the trick is the gameplay is condensed to only thirty seconds before the villain destroys the world. You can play an entire adventure, in just a few minutes. Unfortunately, I figured out this game towards the middle, beating the poop out of it. I was able to level up and beat the boss of any level without any trouble. This is a problem for me.

When I play a game, I want challenge. I want difficulty. I want compelling gameplay. Half Minute Hero has that, but it is buried until after finishing the game multiple times. Spread across two halves, a retro graphical style and a paper cut out style, the game has a lot to play. I'm not sure I want to play any more of it after finishing up the Hero 30 portion of the game. The princess 30 and evil lord 30 were cute distractions, but I don't think I can hang with them.

I'm done with this game, as far as I'm concerned the ending where my hero was frozen for centuries is the end of the series.

Final Fantasy 3 - Super Nintendo

I loaded up an earliar save, back at the very start of the world of ruin. Actually, before I even got into the world of ruin. I quit for the first time, learning that the ninja character could not be brought back the way that I played through the final part of the first half of the game. As I played walking around, I wondered why I didnít just restart the game. It was fantastic when I first played it, but I donít have the time to restart it up. Iím thinking Iíll do that, when I find the time.

X-Com: Enemy Unknown - Steam

This is the game of the year, there isnít anything else that I still want to play that Iíve finished. Iím dusting off classic difficulty, the more I play, the better I get at playing the game. Iíve failed a few times, but the game Iím playing now Iím cleaning house. I just got laser weapons and armor, and in my first battle with the mutons I destroyed them and some crysallids pretty handily. Iím hopeful that I can finish this game with a victory.

Alundra - Playstation

I didn't like it. Conrad wrote a big stroke post about it and how great it was, but I found it to be not so great.

I'm not much for this style of rouge like, with the grids and everything. I've tried, but unless I have freedom to move and attack the way I want to, I feel like I'm playing a board game. Z.H.P. and Shiren the Wanderer bothered me for those reasons, so did the Mystery Dungeon games I played. Oh those Mystery Dungeon games. The pokemon one just seemed like garbage warmed over. Not that Alundra is garbage warmed over, it just isn't for me. It didn't grab me like games need to.

Maybe it's just action RPGs that lose me. Secret of Mana doesn't do it for me. I've had a copy of Beyond Oasis that I don't want to play either. Every time I look at a Tales game, I just can't. Tales of Phantasia looks like a lot of fun, but every time I try to start it, I just quit in the middle of the first fight. I've done that for ten years.

Xenogears - Playstation

The opening movie, grabbed me immediately. It was pretty cool. I have no idea what is actually happening in that movie, because as I finished watching it I was put into a generic fantasy town with a bad haired hero who fights with his fists. I had a feeling this town would be burned, sure enough as I finished the first little bit, a bunch of robots showed up and somehow my character also got into a robot. I quit playing at that point.

Minecraft - PC

I wasted, so much time doing nothing in minecraft. Just digging things up passes the time for me. I donít know what to say.

Endless Space - Steam

This is a civilization like strategy game, that takes place in outer space. The game has a lot of depth and I can play on the mac book, which I like.

I played through a game on the easiest setting on a tiny map. I didnít quite slaughter my enemies, against three other alien races I allied with two of them and crushed the odd man out. Then I opened borders with the orange aliens, positioned my spaceships on their worlds, then declared war on them. When I last quit, I was beaten in a couple of fights against their spaceships. Iím unsure if things will end in victory or not.

The game has a very creatively written copy, but like most PC games or role playing game books, well written copy doesnít always mean the gameplay equals into that.

Buck Rogers - Matrix Cubed - DOS

I imported my team from the first Buck Rogers, all of whom are killers. It wasnít that difficult to do either, I set it all up pretty quickly and managed to play with the command prompt bullshit without any hassle.

The game itself, actually pretty dope. It seems to have more branching paths and dialog trees than Buck Rogers had. By that, I mean I hit a couple of them in the two hours I played. Iím really into it. When I get more time to really commit to it, I want to play the ass off this game. I just want to sit with it and play nothing but it, end to end. Iíve miss located my rule book for it and the log book, so Iíll have to find those again.

Iím using a program called Boxer for my Mac book, it works much better than dos box ever did for me. Everything works and I like playing these games.

FTL - Steam

All my progress is gone. I had unlocked about half of the spaceships, maybe more. I also had the variants of some of those ships, now not unlocked. When I get to a PC again, Iíll rebuild a save and put that into my steam cloud, then have that save on my Mac. I hate that I have that thought to rebuild a save and get my progress back where it should be. Video games have become a sad, sad thing.

Operation Darkness - 360

I want to finish this, but I just canít. An hour a level, for easy levels, is making this thing the time sink of time sinks. Still, I try. I want to finish this game, but Iím doubful of it. I actually played more Lost Odyssey, just by finishing the opening cinematic tutorial stuff again. Iím on disc three, which I canít locate. Iíve got a copy, but who knows where I put that. And the storyline became so dense with all the hundred year story stuff that I had skipped, I felt like I didnít know what was happening.

I like Bioshock more in retrospect than when I actually played it. Bioshock 2 was free this month on the Playstation, but I already had it on Steam and don't want to play it again there. I have the first Bioshock on there too, with no reason to ever go back to it. All the games that are derivatives of Bioshock, which itself was a spiritual successor to another game, I play through once.

X-COM and Dark Souls I've gone back to and really enjoy playing. Both Fallout 3 and Fallout New Vegas I've gone back to, but I'm looking for new things to do and ways to do things differently. I feel like I've played everything before and I'm not sure if I liked any of it the first time through. My feelings about video games have changed a lot in the last couple years. Patches for broken games becoming an accepted thing, downloadable content that makes major retcons that cost money to add into a game, digital distribution in general hasn't done me well. I've an Xbox 360 hard drive full of games I can't play anymore. Most of which I bought again on Steam. The ones I would ever play again anyway. Everything breaks. Nothing lasts forever.

My playstation 2 died, just as I had I time on my vacation to play it. Also the power went out one day while I was on vacation. It just seems like I'm wasting my time, trying to find time for the hobby I don't like as much as I used to.

By far the least reliable hardware that Iíve ever played, is a playstation 2. I now regret buying every PS2 game I ever wanted to play. If anybody has one they donít want, Iíll take it and use it. If I decide to play games anymore.

Next year, I have to slow down playing games. Things have to change. Iím focused on writing books and producing content. I want to shoot videos and put out a comic book next year, as well as produce music. Video games arenít going to feature into those things.   read

6:56 AM on 12.21.2012

Boner Quest Preview

Yup.   read

9:22 AM on 12.12.2012

Randombullseye took the Max Scoville doritos mountain dew challenge. (2 Videos)

I fucked up. I don't know what got me to do this or write The Bonerquest. I did it, this is a thing I actually did.

Part two, is even worse.

I hope everyone is prepared to read a book the guy in these two videos wrote.

Also, cocks!   read

12:59 PM on 12.07.2012

Games Played This Month - November!!

Just one more month, before I'm done with this. I can't wait for this year to be over, I'll be a little closer to death and a lot farther from sitting here writing this. And I'll be that much worse catching up with all my video games.

Here is what I played this month,

Dragon Quest 2 - Super Nintendo

The port of this on SNES looks great, compared to my gameboy color one, this is phenomenal. But, I found out a better version exists, that looks more like Dragon Quest VI or Chrono Trigger, but that it is only on cell phones in Japan.

I've completed all the Dragon Quest games, except this, seven, and nine. I don't have two hundred hours to throw at seven, at least not until the remake comes to the states. I always felt that one looked butt ugly. Nine I stalled out on, I got hung up leveling up different classes. But two, two I played a ton of on the gameboy and once I got the boat, I became overwhelmed and quit.

Still have that, have my old save and my newer save when I worked bagging groceries and would grind levels between customers. I managed to get at least all three party members then, that was years ago.

Now I just wandered around leveling up my one guy, which was kind of enough for me. The relaxation of Dragon Quest really does it for me, so much so that I want to replay part eight so I can build my party differently, I even considered doing my Nintendo copy of the third game just to do it and do it differently, I love the flexibility those games offer, but even the stricter way you grow your team in Dragon Quest 2 really satisfies me.

Tokyo Jungle

Very little of the campagin was played, but I love it. I don't like the way I have to play survival to unlock the campaign, but I finished a level where beagles set out to take over the world. Video games are fucking awesome!

Retro City Rampage - PS3

I had it freeze on me and had to redo a mission. It was a long one too, I did it and then did a few more missions later, I wonder why I'm playing this? For every laugh I get, the gameplay gets in the way. Also, I'm not a fan of the animations here. It feels like cars are sliding around the roads, the wheels don't spin on any of them.

But when I just stopped playing, I was on a mission following Batman back to his Wayne manner.

I'm not saying I wasted money on this, this game is ok, but it isn't amazing me and I'm struggling as I play it to make out what is actually happening. Some stuff like the Batman levels are very on the nose, but other stuff is such a specific shout out that I'm lost on. Like Epic Meal Time, I don't much like those videos so having those characters means nothing to me. Nothing other than something silly I don't regularly watch is in this as a mini game, which I played through all of because I'm dumb.

Renegade Ops - PS3

Sort of like Jackal, but over done. For any humor the game has, it is buried in bullshit. The storyline is funny, but it isn't consistent. I liked the demo, but a year later it just does nothing for me. No thanks!

Guardian Crusade - Playstation

This is a PS1 game.

I saw it in Gamepro nearly twenty years ago and decided I should play it today. Video games are easy to find now with things like eBay or Amazon, and this month several Playstation games just showed up.

All I know going into this is the basics. It is an RPG about a knight who finds a pink monster, as you play the monster grows. The name of the game in Japan was Knight and Baby, the graphics are colorful, and it is a Playstation one game from the dark ages of video games.

Immediately I see how rough this thin is, a mess of polygonal shapes that take some time to adjust to. The Full motion videos are rough too, but I can tell what everything is and what it is, I find strangely interesting. The simple nature of the world, it's characters, the combat, and all of it is refreshing. No one is being shot in the face and I'm not being called name over a voice chat. Things look butt ugly, but in a cute way, likely butt ugly dog Frankenstein.

The story has to do with a knight, named knight, finding this pink monster a stork dropped in a lighting storm. You're tasked with takin the baby to god's tower. This strangely cute and simple little game seems to be hiding a darker narrative. There is talk about god and people not having food to eat, which I find interesting.

Unfortunately, this is a Playstation one game. And an early one!

Just loading into a fight is slow and almost painful. I quit in the first dungeon and I'm not sure if I will ever play this again. Gameplay just wasn't there, art design is a little too simple, and after forty five minutes I feel bored.

Luckily, we live in an age where you can play old games at super speed and with graphics filters that anti alias jagged edges out and bring textures up to look not like garbage. Still wasn't enough to keep me playing, but the fact that I could do that as easily as I did, really makes me want to play more with those feature.

Modern Warfare 2 - Xbox 360

I'll finish this game yet!

I made my way through all of the second act. It wasn't upsetting like CharAznable explained to me. His claim was that the missions going down American streets shooting guys was upsetting. Not for me, but I played half this level a year ago? Was it a year ago? I recall it being the usual military levels up until the No Russian level, things got interesting there. I wasn't upset by it, instead the opposite. I gleefully blasted innocent people, like it was just another level of the latest video game. Which at that time, it was.

The level I found pretty awesome, or moment rather, was the end of the second act. The level starts off with no real introduction, you're a soldier walking by wounded soldiers. I've done this before, no big surprise there. Then my guy walks up some stairs and see's the Washington monument burned. Everything is glowing red and orange. Apparently some of these levels took place in DC. I had no idea. Just like everything else, I have no idea. I tried to make sense of characters I was or who was with me. In one level I played my soldiers rescued a character, who means nothing to me. He might as well have stayed in the overly protected prison. Lots of helicopters and machine guns amuse me.

I got to playing this, because everyone was talking about Black Ops 2. I would buy it if my Xbox wasn't having issues. My Playstation seems to never want to work online. It just isn't as good socially, the Xbox is a mess of menus, but it works. At least it did, mine doesn't work now.

My two younger cousins briefly played NHL 11 with me, then I decided spec ops mode was a thing we should try out. I played some if when the game was new, love the concept, but I never have anybody to play with. Until today. This mode has brief levels with simple goals, like sneak past some guards or defend a position for three minutes. I actually had more fun with these missions than single player.

Live a Live - Super Nintendo

Ah, a classic of an untranslated game some dudes fan translated. Then a second set of dudes, cleaned that translation up, fixed some errors where text jerked out of bubbles. I know, because I briefly played the first translation about six years ago? Maybe more?

There are several characters to choose from each with a completely different time period, gameplay style, and their own separate storylines. I read that they all tie together in the final two chapters of the game. I love how completely different these characters all are. A cowboy, a wrestler, a ninja, and a robot are all choices you can play as and explore a personal story. Some are longer than others or more interesting, but I found them worth playing.

I had finished the cowboy section and most of the cave man section years ago, but those save files are long lost through time. I really enjoyed the time I spent with the game, that square soft melancholy is all there. It was the kind of moving emotional stories that video games are capable of.

I find the game fascinating. The mechanics of battle make no sense at all, I had no sense of how to build my character, if I even can, and my attacks I just try out until I find one that does decent damage, then just hammer it over and over. Even more wild is healing skills, I move around the chess board battle map trying to avoid enemies and just heal as best I can, then start over attacking again.

I like it, I want to try and finish it if I can.

Dark Souls Prepare to Die - PC

My wife did me a favor and bought this for fifteen bucks.

My wife cursed me with playing this game again.

I am instantly back into the nightmare that was a thing I did last year. I successfully whooped Dark Souls. And here I am, doing it again and a much quicker pace.

I made two characters.

First I tried a thief, but that was a series of mistakes. I lost a ton of experience and humanity points, and that sort of crippled me.

Next day, I started as a sorcerer who I named magic Johnson. I cooked my way through the early game, beat a couple bosses and feel especially good about myself and my accomplishments. My guy is slowly building towards being able to take hard hits and survive with little armor. I'm rolling with a short sword and magic. In two hours, I smoked the Taurus demon and the tower gargoyle who for some reason didn't call for his second gargoyle. I'm not complaining, but that was a big fight last time I played this. Just blasting them this time made me feel less like I was coming at this with knowledge, and more likes I had wasted a serious amount of time previously.

Multiplayer is alive and thriving on PC, which is pretty awesome. I've been able to consistently get back up or back someone else up with both these characters. I love this game, but I'm not sure if I want to play it all over now.

But that new DLC stuff, I'm very interested in. I only have a vague idea where that stuff is and I'm anxious to play it all. I want to find the one place I didn't go into last time, and whoop that place too.

Hotline Miami - PC

I feel like I could write a review of this one, so I'll hold off commenting here.

Just kidding, this game is a lot of fun, has one forced stealth level that was way off putting to me, a satisfying ending awaits and the after the end stuff is also great. I only used a 360 controller, the PC and keyboard controls I touched once and didn't want to deal with.

Also, the music in this is worth playin it for alone.


Orcs Must Die 2 - PC

Forced co op is the worst!

Especially hidden forced co-op like this game has. You can play by yourself, but it is designed for two players. If I was to do a review score for this game, that would know off some big points. My delight at playing this game is soured by the necessity of a partner, which as I always complain about I just don't have and will never have consistently. I doubt even a person reading this would be around at eight in the morning on a Tuesday and just play this all day like I want to. Bummer!

I like the new modes and once I unlocked barricades, I felt like that made up for the lack of a partner some. I still am missing out on just having a second person attacking dudes, that slows me down to where I am just not doing well enough time wise to do anything of value. I feel like I was warned about this when this game was new, but I don't recall?

Half Minute Hero - PC

Great game, hilarious sense of humor, but why did they make the graphical overhaul for it? The game is presented in an 8bit style like an old Nintendo game, but this sucker defaults to an uninspired paper doll look.

The jokes about RPG length and grinding are cute, but I'm two missions in and want something more from the humor.

Minecraft - PC

I feel like this is less a game, more of a toy.

The nether is a thing I kept exploring this month. My rail system between my homes is now linked up, I rolled all up and down mountains and through a Forrest, but now I have it all setup. I need a new project.

I explored a lot of caves and lost stuff a couple times too many too. I'm bothered by that.

But the nether is a whole other nightmare, I like the hell atmosphere but having dudes who seem to always just kill me, everywhere is a bother. I like that the game is evolving as time goes on, more stuff keeps being added in like ender men and bats. I like the underground mines I keep finding, I steal the rails from these jerks, but I lost a ton of stuff when I quit playing yesterday. I seem to want to play at least an hour a day, picking pumpkins and building rails.

Parappa the Rappa - Playstation

This thing didn't age well either, but again, I can make it look fantastic and play great. I had never played the full game before. The cutscenes are all hilarious, much like Um Jammer Lammy. I'm not good at this game however, I barely got to the second level. The game really is a lot of fun though, the songs are silly and the game itself is just fantastic for existing as it does. ____

Only one more month of video games. I'm getting really excited now. I want to finish Final Fantasy 6 or another Shin Megami Tensei if at all possible. I've so many games piles up, next month I want to play all the best games ever and as much of them as I can. I'm also trying to decide if I should put some of my Bonerquest book out on my blog, so people know I'm not a liar when I say I'm writing a book. Nobody seems to believe me when I talk about it. I want to finish it so bad, I hate writing so much. I've hated every second of writing I've ever done. It's only after that I briefly feel satisfaction, then it quickly turns to a feeling of "what's next?" Writing long form like Bonerquest really took a lot out of me. I'm so close to the end. It's been outlined too death. I have bits and chunks of things all over my iPod and laptop, all I have to do is put it together and finish it. I can do this. I can complete The Bonerquest.


That's almost it!

So this December 21st, ultimate novelty is to be revealed. Well that's my book the Bonerquest, I'll publish the first chapter here, for everyone to read, for free. I'm working on how to deliver it, I might do a reading of it or maybe I'll just paste it over, let everybody look over the words. I don't know, I'm not finished with the book, it isn't put together yet how I want it and I still want to edit some things down, but I want to publish the whole thing in April as a product everybody can buy. I'm so close to this being finalized, I want everybody to read it and experience the thing I've poured myself into for so long. If you like my writing at all, this book is my magnum opus. This is a book that changed my life as I wrote it, I feel so great about it.

I just hope everybody else does.

I want to make enough money to quit my job and work on my writing full time. I'm working on a few books I want to put out. I'm ready for this to happen. I've a week off work that I want to just live Bonerquest all that I can, I'm so excited. I'm thinking of a way of putting out a preview of the book. I want people to actually read this thing and get a real sense of just how dense a work I've created, but I just don't have the time today. I'm here, posting stuff on this website.

Keep an eye on my blog this month, I'm looking at the 21st as the day to publish a long preview of Bonerquest. I'll title it something like, "I have a gift for Destructoid, nothing." Then simply say, "Nothing but boners!" with right below that, being the preview. I hope you guys like the way I'm putting out the preview!

That's it!   read

11:52 AM on 11.08.2012

Games Played This Month - October!!

October has been an interesting month, Bonerquest was supposed to release this month, but time makes fools of us all. As I assembled this together this afternoon, Iím in the midst of a vicious cold. My head hurts, Iíve thrown up, and I missed work again last night. Not a lot of video games when Iím feeling this rough, I can barely deal with my stupid dogs.

I shared an old thing I did with everybody this month, go read it! I like the werewolf story, Iíd love to do more with it, but Iím busy with Bonerquest. Iíll try to blow it out into a real comic book another time.

And by busy with [i]Bonerquest[i/], I mean I played every game ever instead of writing.

Here is what I played in October -

Yakuza: Dead Souls - PS3

"It's been a while."

"Time to kick some ass!"

This is actual dialog a guy says, after a zombie bites his metal arm that then turned into a Gatling gun. Also this is a bad guy from the Yakuza 2 who now you play as.

I finished up the last but with Majima, who was a rival/villain in all the other games but is now playable here. Love that character, his part of the game was excellent, and I wish I had dozens of hours to just explore the city with him and do all his side quests, but I don't.

So I finished the next story mission, which was a boss battle that ended wit Majima batting a grenade into a giant cockroaches mouth! Yakuza games are wild. I love it.

Playing as the Gatling gun guy went by fast, I ignores all side quests, just barely tripping over one where these guys wanted blondie to be in a movie. I finished his quest and started the next main character, Kazuma Kiryu the dragon of dojima. He was the main guy from all the othe games and fights zombies, with his bare hands. I love this game.

Borderlands - Steam

I am not a fan of borderlands. I've nearly finished it, and here I am playing it. I used the world warp for the first time, the fast travel stuff feels a little unnecessary, but it was nice to have to walk a thousand miles back to the junkyard guy and deliver the two stupid quests I did for him.

Total War Shogun 2 - Steam

My wife bought every Total War game on steam, simply to get outfits for Team Fortress.

I loaded it up, got into a historical mission and was overwhelmed by the amount of troops I had. After clicking around for a few minutes, I gave up. I just couldn't play with it.

Civilization V - Steam

Rather than finish up my domination of a small map, I decided to start over and play as America, but do so with a world size map with countries all over the world. My goal was to play so much that I end up in a nightmare scenario like that Civilization 2 player, who has has a game going for twenty years! His country and two other computer opponents are locked in an apocalyptic death world, where few humans survive on the patches of Earth not irradiated. I love that, that hell speaks to my heart.

X-Com: UFO Defense - DOS

The old X-Com is butthole difficult. I love it.

As I start my game, I found an alien base. I tried approaching it from different angles, until finally I thought to get a couple guys better armor and to better equip my guys, heavy plasma and flying armor aren't things everybody has, but the dudes that do, don't fuck around, they're killers.

I also discovered that proximity grenades are among my favorite things ever.

Not since Goldeneye 64 have I lived in a world so full of explosives. Every match turned into camping sessions, daring one another to step into our territory. As one of us pointed out they had the lead, you see the other three players make a mad dash to try and get past a wall of mines, dying, or even better being baited into the bathroom and then being shot with a rocket launcher. I love it!

That is pretty well my strategy with these aliens. I'm camping and baiting these bastards out. At this point, I am openly angry at the aliens. I've been destroyed by crystallids one time too many. They fucked with the wrong guy!

I managed to dominate that base with minimal casualties, then kept upgrading my dudes equipment. I also managed to capture their leader alive, and now I am researching a solution to the Martian problem, or as Larry Flynt said, "Fuck all you, mother, fuckers."

I actually flipped off the screen and said out loud, "I am coming for you fucks."

To my surprise, I am then told I need an alien commander, which I had, but already researched which accomplished nothing. Around this time, Brazil made a pact with the aliens. So now, fuck Brazil! I should have known they were up to no good, these cunts let them build that first base, and now I have another to deal with. I entered and exited quickly after meeting much harsher resistance than I wanted to meet.

I then followed an alien craft that landed, where I encountered Mutons for the first time.

These green bastards took a guy out before he even stepped off the damn shuttle! He took a full rocket and heavy plasma to die. Then I began spreading my dudes out and found the entrance to the ship, where I laid a trap that I wish I took a picture of.

I had six guys surrounding the door, they were well enough away that they wouldn't shoot each other or get but by the proximity grenades I laid down for just out front of their door. As a guy steps out, he steps on the mine, then my guys with heady plasma, laser pistols, and plasma rifles just lit him up. I destroyed maybe nine guys that way.

The reason I did this was for the elliruim-115, which I need for better airplanes and armor. I got a shitload, more than enough to build planes to nuke the world four times over. Also, I can now build stun grenades and probably the blaster thing that just decimated my dudes.

Now I can fly above everybody and shoot missiles at the ground, blowing the butts out of everything. I love it, all I need is more time to throw at the game and work my way to having my guys all have jetpack and plasma rifles.

But that. Didn't work, my base got invaded just after I saved. I can't avoid it, and I tried to save my base multiple times. Can't do it, I'm done, they win! Again!

I played the day after as Dtoid people, that turned out awful.

XCOM Enemy Unknown - Steam

This game might be one of the best new games I've played in a long time.

It is modern, it is by no means a masterpiece or perfect, but it is a fun thing to play. I did so for ten hours in a row. I only quit because this happened.

I was losing when that happened, but I felt like I could bounce back and pull off a stunning victory.

But things were not looking good for my Xcommandos.

All my veteran soldiers had been slaughtered by mutons and heavy floaters. A very hard mission I took, thinking their experience and advances weapons and armor would be helpful to them. That was not the case, as I desperately tried to revive them, a car was lit on fire. My two remaining guys, a heavy and a newer support trooper, I had them book back to the jet to take off, but I hit the wrong button so the mission didn't abort.

Things got worse from there, cyber disks killed so many of my guys with their grenades and support drones, my veteran soldiers who were wounded in a previous battle, before the other group was slaughtered. The laser shotgun assault trooper and sniper were both, wait I messed up, this battle happened before the other, because I managed to save the sniper by aborting the mission. Part of why I lost all my other dudes, all who were majors, was that my sniper brought his regular rifle not his laser rifle. I got so frustrated when I saw that, but I thought I was on iron man and couldn't reload. I found out later, that I didn't check that box, so my save from just the mission where everything boned up is there, my heavy and the support still alive.

But the mission continued without these veteran soldiers. Their presence was missed.

Every new guy I had sucked, horribly. They kept dying, the ones that lived were not winners, all of them were support guys. I brought in some new guys, a couple were heavys which I needed. Unfortunately, I just didn't have the weapons to give everybody and nobody seemed to like living, so when I too the base assault, I wanted to bring along a robot with us, which the game gladly wouldn't let me do.

The alien base was rough, full of mutons and beserkers, and right up front I fought a cyber disk, those are the worst. All my guys attacking it brought it down, a cautious advance splitting my guys up, I did fairly well. Until I opened a door and out ran three mutons at my three guys.

I know I wrote it somewhere, maybe on my other computer, but Iíve gone on way to long about XCOM. I played a ton of it, finishing it on normal and getting pretty deep into the classic difficulty. I like it a lot.

Little Big Planet 2 - PS3

I wasnít a huge fan of the first game, this one lost me after a few minutes too. Iíd love to build my own level, but going through so many tutorials isnít a thing I want to do. The alternative is something like RPG Maker, which just turned me loose to attempt to make something worthwhile. I mean the one on the Playstation, which I bought new and found exciting. Without that experience, Bonerquest wouldnít have been made on the PC years later, but I look back at that version of RPG Maker as horrific. It was just awful and a pain to try to do anything.

Back to the topic, I played a Ninja Warrior themed level, which made me giggle.

Mrs. Bullseye likes this game more, she played a lot of the single player beyond where I quit. I only got a few stages in, she made it more than a dozen or so before quitting.

Pac Man Championship Edition - PS3

PS Plus has done me a lot of favors. This is another game I liked the demo of, but just never bought. Iím really happy with it, the speed at which I can get in and get out is pretty awesome. My pac man scores are pretty good, I donít suck at Pac Man, and I like this bite size championship version quite a bit.

Retro City Rampage - PS3

I like it. The gameplay is fun, Grand Theft Auto style gameplay with a lot of referential humor. The only crutch of the game, are these refrences. Iíve experienced a lot of media, and even I have had trouble following everything. In the first mission alone, youíre playing out a scenario where you rob a bank with the ďJester,Ē that goes a lot like the opening of the The Dark Knight, including school busses. As you make your escape, youíre fighting the A-Team, Ninja Turtles, and the guys from Contra all in a matter of seconds. Itís a lot of fun, but I donít love it. The storyline leaves a lot to be desired, a series of mcguffins leading to more references, like riding a giant Donkey Kong.

The game pulls from everything, but lacks an identity of itís own. Aside from a geniune feeling of chaos and that anything can happen at anytime, from Time Travel to suddenly having a tank with nitro boosters.

Also, going with a look like that of the first Nintendo Ninja Turtles over world, sort of hurts the game.

I want to play more of it, I laughed at a lot of it and the gameplay was amazing. Every mission felt unique and interesting, which I love.

Minecraft - PC

I wasted too much time playing this, again. I built a pumpkin patch and kept letting myself get killed when I went mining stuff. Also, my big railway system is starting to really take shape. Theyíre only made of iron, not rearden steel like Iíd really want. Sorry Dagny!

Rock of Ages - Steam

Wasted an evening playing a few levels of this. I need to set aside time to really get in deeper. I still havenít played these dudes other game, the really weird one, beyond the demo. I bought it, I have it, but I just havenít touched it since.

Double Dragon Neon - PS3

Playstation Plus is a service I found worth my twenty dollar investment, just for the games currently available. I would have bought Double Dragon Neon on itís own, this is definitely my type of game. I like it a lot, but Iíve only made it to the third level. Beating up dudes in this feels great, as does the upgrade system that uses mixtapes that are remixes of old Double Dragon music. I love that too.

Tokyo Jungle - PS3

The most interesting rouge like Iíve ever played. Iíve only unlocked a handful of the story mission, but it is a fascinating game that to say anything else about, would spoil it for yourself. I got it for twelve dollars, and that investment got me tons of laughs. Thatís the only currency I really care about, laughter.

Katamari Forever - PS3

While showing off Tokyo Jungle to a group of friends in town from Boston, I showed off this. Such a lovely and fun game, shame I couldnít play it more. I have no idea how many levels are actually in this thing, but Iíve unlocked a ton of them and the one I thought was the end, turned out not to be. It really could have ended with me rolling up the world, but it didnít. I know, most of the levels are from the other games in the series, but having them all in one package really works for me, I kind of like that. The sumo level is my favorite, which I didnít play this month or show off.

Warhammer 40,000 Space Marine - PS3

Plus gave me this for free, which I already had on Steam. It didnít run at a frame rate I found acceptable on my computer, neither did Darksiders, which Iím fairly sure uses the same engine. As I said about this game before, it is a blast to play. I did a little of the multiplayer, which seemed very functional and ok. Not really my thing anymore, Iím sort of done playing with strangers online. If I knew people who wanted to play with me, I would, but I donít. I joined Destructoid to find people to play with, but that hasnít worked out so well lately. Iím trying to rush back the point in single player I quit on the PC at, I think it was right before the big reveal that Chaos Marines are the bad guys where I quit. If they somehow arenít the bad guys, then my story senses are all wrong. There was a guy who was clearly going to turn out to be a bad guy introduced, that guy has final boss written all over him, but I donít know for sure. Curious to finish this up.

Skyrim - PS3

Going to sell this to a guy I work with, I had a bad experience trying to sell off Dragon Quest VIII, which Iíve since relented on. Iíve never sold off any of my games, I feel like theyíre precious or something, but I need money. Plus, I can probably buy Skyrim on Steam in five years for cheap, if I still care by then.

My relationship with this game has been upsetting. I loved it, hated it, and loved it again. As I tried to finish the game up, I finally just gave up. Iíve no interest in fighting the final dragon at all, I just donít care. I care so little, I didnít even go look up what happens at the end. I just, donít care. It isnít like he was Luca Blight and I was compelled to see this battle through to the end, the main villain is just a big dragon. Iím told heís mean, but never really witness anything worth getting interested in. Which describes Bethesda games, I never really see anything interesting, but occasionally story beats in one off sidequests or weird dlc are compelling.

Iíll miss this game.

Mortal Kombat - PS3

In my quest to make friends, I befriended a guy named Phil, whose real name isnít Phil. Iím pretty sure he was on one of the people who read Bonerquest, but I never brought that up while we talked over skype. Instead, I chose to talk like Vinnie Jones and attempt to play Mortal Kombat with him. Both our matches ended with the server dropping, then I decided to try a round online with some random person who beat my brains in. Fighting games require practice, I hadnít touched this since last year when I never successfully played multiplayer. Just as I was getting my butt whipped online by this one guy, the game lagged up again and I just quit. Why bother?

King of Fighters XIII - PS3

This was free on PS Plus as well, so I tried it out. I traditionally have always hated SNK fighting games. I find the look of the sprites great, but the actual art design lacking. There was a karate man, one of the ikari warriors who is now completely roided out, and the chick with a rack that dangles that I picked for my only run on the arcade mode. For some reason, you pick a team of three and play. I saw in my five or six matches characters that I couldnít connect with at all. Guys who looked like girls, guys who looked like Street Fighter characters, and characters that just looked crappy to me, with nothing interesting about them. At least the big guy from Ikari Warriors and Metal Slug is now roided out with giant muscles and stands about two feet taller than other fighters. His moves mimicked Zangief, but I felt with the controller I have, I couldnít play him all that well. The karate man wore a gi like a Gracie brother, but seemed to do more traditional striking rather than jiujitsu. Mai Shrinrui shot fireb and fans out, all while her breasts bounced in the most exaggerated manner. I recall the name because a friend of mine was obsessed with SNK fighters and talked about her all the time, Iím not friends with that guy anymore and I donít ever want to play King of Fighters XIII again. The sprites had something wrong with them, the clean lines of Street Fighter 2 HD Turbo Remix maybe spoiled me, but I donít ever want to see the weird lines around sprites again, which is partially why Iím not sure if I want the Darkstalkers remakes that got announced this month.

Zen Pinball and Another Pinball Game with a name I forgot and also deleted - PS3

I played both of these out, they had trials that practically gave the games away for free. I played an avengers table, that seemed ok in Zen Pinball. The other game, whose name I forgot, had licensed tables based on real life ones Iíd actually played, like the Elvira one or Bride of Pin-Bot table. I really liked that, but Iíd rather spend a couple hundred dollars and actually buy an Elvira pinball machine than have a fake one that isnít taking up lots of room and isnít nearly as loud as a real pinball machine. Thatís my favorite thing about pinball, how god damn loud they are. Theyíre always set to the highest volume, which always amuses me.

NFL Blitz - PS3

PS Plus gave me this, but I donít know why I played it. I thought maybe I would like it, I guess. I played as the Giants, whom Iím not a fan of. Iím not a fan of any sports team. I donít know anyone on any of these teams personally, I know somebody who had a nephew who played for the Jaguars, who according to wikipedia is drafted to the Steelers now, but I donít know these people. I donít have a favorite animal or any allegiance to any of these teams at all. I donít understand sports fandom at all, it isnít like the players, coaches, or owners are from that area, they donít give a fuck about the area theyíre from. Thatís how the Great Lakes Lakers became the Los Angeles Lakers.

I realized after playing this, that I donít need to play everything just because itís free. Bloodrayne whatever was ďfreeĒ on PSN Plus, but that demo left me upset. It juts wasnít good. I donít feel like playing Scott Pilgrim again, maybe some other time I will. I donít know, this service is interesting, but it seems like a mixed bag. It isnít that Blitz is a bad game, it just isnít a game for me.

Infamous 2 - PS3

If the Doomguy suddenly had a voice that was as lispy and snarky as Cole from Infamous, I doubt Iíd ever play another DOOM with the same level of satisfaction Iíve had with it for twenty years. The same with Mario, if suddenly he had a shrieking high pitch voice saying only a couple phrases, Iíd probably not like him as much. Oh wait, that happened, and suddenly my reasons for not liking Mario 64 have a basis in reality that I can ground an argument onto.

Regardless, Infamous 2 still plays like a fun game. Moving around this city is fun, collecting power ups and giving your guy more electrical powers, thatís fun.

Trying to decipher this storyline, hurts. Iím actually feeling physical pain trying to figure out why things are happening and who these characters are and why theyíre suddenly important or not important. Allegiances seem to not matter at all, a bad guy from the first game is now your best friend again. I donít know who wrote this, but they fucked up. There is also a female character introduced sloppily in a comic book cutscene, who everybody seems to know really well, but I have no idea who she is or why I should.

That and I keep dying a lot, have made my couple hours with inFAMOUS 2 less than favorable, but when I'm running up buildings and shocking dudes or monsters with electrical powers, it sort of works enough that I can have fun. The level design, or open world design, is especially good. Compared against Assassins Creed and how they copy and paste their world designs in such a piss poor way that I can't figure out where I'm going or what I'm doing, infamous 2 has a much better city. And furthermore, the sense of momentum you can get rushing around buildings is a lot of fun. Too bad the story is as silly as it is.

Later characters are introduced sloppily as well, villain characters from the first game who lived have vanished from existence and are never mentioned. That bothers me too, if you're trying to establish a canon, why forget everything that happened the first time around, barely referencing major plot points, like the fact that the main bad guy in the first game was your character from the future who came back in time somehow, then killed your girlfriend to motivate you to fight "the beast" who turned out to just be Cinder from Killer Instinct.

If I hadn't got this for free, probably wouldn't have played it.

In fact, that sort of goes for everything on PSN Plus, which wasnít Ēfree,Ē but as a package Iíll take a dozen mediocre games for twenty dollars for three months. I want to finish Infamous 2 and give it a score, as it has a lot of problems besides the storyline.

Payday The Heist - PS3

Tried this again, still donít like it.

This is like Left 4 Dead with bank heists, but I donít like Left 4 Dead either.

Diablo III - PC

There was some kind of promotion to play this for free, so I did. Turns out, I didnít like it. That was on Halloween, where I was hours late for work and couldnít sleep, but managed to watch the ending of Son of Frankenstein and the very beginning to The Wolf Man. I feel like seeing the ten minutes of Frankensteinís monster throwing things into a volcano and then being kicked into said volcano, was much more fun than my time with Diablo 3, which was over an hour of nothing interesting, boring gameplay, and generic designs. Even the blown out computer graphics cut scenes, which Blizzard usually delivers on, felt lackluster. The stuff from Civilization V looked so much better, I feel bad for Blizzard. I loved their games, Rock N Roll Racing, Lost Vikings, Blackthrone, and both Starcraft and Warcraft hold special places in my heart, but theyíve lost me as a fan. I donít like MMOs, because they all feel like Diablo clones and I donít like Diablo, because it feels like Iím wasting my time powering a guy up to beat a final boss who isnít as tough as the tougher difficulties Iím expected to keep playing through to. Everyone explains that to really enjoy the game, I need to invest hours upon hours of play time into this thing and finish it on the tougher difficulties. To those people, I say fuck you. Persona 3 was an excellent waste of time that compelled me to finish it, the one god damned time. It is awesome that it had a new game plus, but Iíll never play it, just like Disgaea, Makai Kingdom, and Dragon Quest VIII. I really would love to sink years of my time into these games to explore their content, but I just donít have that time.

I waste my time writing user submitted articles to an internet gaming website, where Iím notorious for being an asshole, hilarious, and unpredictable.


Thatís it!

Not sure if I'll publish the handful of articles I wrote, as always I write way more stuff than I actually publish. I've a couple of Old School Games articles that I'm feeling proud of and want to publish and I wrote some thoughts about what Athiestium is having happen to her. It looks like the internet has unloosed hell on her. I've not contacted her, nor plan to, but I feel sympathetic to her being talked to viciously through the internet. I'm not sure what she did or didn't do, nor do I plan to look into it any further than what I hear on podcasts while I'm at work. Alls I know is, she was a member of our internet community and we should stick up for each other.   read

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