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randombullseye's blog

My Top games of 2012
4:18 PM on 01.01.2013
Games Played This Month - December!!
8:11 PM on 12.30.2012
Boner Quest Preview
6:56 AM on 12.21.2012
Randombullseye took the Max Scoville doritos mountain dew challenge. (2 Videos)
9:22 AM on 12.12.2012
Games Played This Month - November!!
12:59 PM on 12.07.2012
Games Played This Month - October!!
11:52 AM on 11.08.2012

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"I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than a sex symbol." - Words of wisdom from the deity Steven Seagal

"Existence is random. Has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it too long. No meaning save what we choose to impose." - Alan Moore from Watchmen

My own writing reflects the opinion of every corporation, company, individual, monsters, and gods. Also, cocks!

Coming soon as an actual book you can buy The Bonerquest. Hopefully you'll buy a copy when I'm done with it.

Will you accept The Bonerquest?

Zombies Ate My Neighbors is the best game ever.

Read fun articles Josh (Charlie) wrote for Tomopop or Nukezilla! Professionalism! Also I did some news for Destructoid. Sort of a real writer!

Check out Josh Hayes, a name Charlie uses for journalism on the internet so that he can say silly personal things without the fear of them being exposed openly. That and to hide from people he knew who he don't want to find him, not no way, not no how.

Twitter, or Tumblr!

Old School Games articles are pretty much worth reading. They say write what you know.

X-Com UFO Defense

Zelda 2

X-Men Mutant Apocalypse

Dragon Warrior III

Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse

Final Fantasy 3 (Final Fantasy VI)

Way of the Samurai

Nick Arcade

We Love Katamari

Ninja Gaiden

Toejam & Earl

River City Ransom

Mega Man X

Pokemon Red/Blue

Yakuza series

Operation Darkness


X-Men 2: Clone Wars

Sweet Home

Legend of Dragoon

Clock Tower

Mystal Ninja/Ganabre Goemon series

Onimusha Warlords

Rockin' Kats


Spawn games

God Hand

Blood Will Tell

Super Godzilla


Animal Platformers

Robot Alchemic Drive (R.A.D.)

Buck Rodgers Countdown to Doomsday

Darkwing Duck

Shin Megami Tensei games (Persona, Devil Summoner, Devil Survivor)

Jurassic Park 2

Disgaea & other Nippon Ichi Games (Phantom Brave, Makai Kingdom, La Pucelle Tactics, Soul Nomad)

Twisted Tales of Spike Mcfang

Resident Evil

Legend of Kage

Lost Vikings

Devil May Cry

Comix Zone

X- Men

Threads of Fate

Mutant League Football

Mega Man 7

Castlevania 2

Sonic 2

Dragon Warrior 2

Donkey Kong Country

Spider-man & X-Men Arcades revenge




Splatterhouse 2

Elevator Action

Mega Man 6

Mega Man 5

Dig Dug

Mega Man 4

Mega Man 3

Mega Man 2

Rock Roll Racing


Mega Man

Beat Em Ups PART 6: Future

Beat Em Ups PART 5: Playstation 2/Xbox/Gamecube

Beat Em Ups PART 4: Playstation/Saturn

Beat Em Ups PART 3: Sega Genesis Super Nintendo

Beat Em Ups PART 2: Nintendo

Beat Em Ups PART 1: Arcade

Smash TV

Ghosts & Goblins


Werewolf Last Warrior


Dragon Warrior


Rolling Thunder

Splatterhouse 3

Doom Troopers

Demons Crest

Primal Rage

Zero Wing


G. I. Joe


Listen to Josh "randombullseye" Hayes on Destructoid's #1 bullshit podcast, Bulltoid! There were nearly fifty episodes in total, good luck.
Following (15)  

My Top games of 2012

Lone Survivor - As far as horror goes, nothing was as effecting as this. Silent Hill's developer Konami has forgotten how they made Silent Hill 2, but the one guy who developed Lone Survivor has taken extensive notes and made something incredible that must be played. It takes the David Lynch black lodge moments to the extreme and gives a sense of isolation that is unparalleled by a game. I want everyone I know to try this game out.

Penny Arcade 3 - I hate Penny Arcade and it's characters, this game is mechanically amazing and actually has some funny bits. Every enemy has a humorous design and description, in fact, all the flavor text has a great layer of humor applied to it. The way your MP builds every round really made for an interesting game, even if I had to play on hard for it to be the least bit challenging. This being 2012, one boss was imbalanced and patched to be beatable on hard, but otherwise I was able to smoke this game. I look foreword to more from this developer.

Hotline Miami - Best music, great gameplay, and the subject matter was as bleak and dark as games are willing to go currently. I'm very excited for the sequel. I want to play that. Just the sense of evil this game has, I love that feeling. It feels like Tuesday.

F.T.L. - I love this game. The melancholy of the music seems to mock me, as most missions end in a malaise of my own failures as a ship captain. Flying from point to point and the sheer variety of strategies I could try out have kept me coming back to this one over and over. One day I'll beat the big boss ship, when I do, I'll feel really satisfied with myself. This game doesn't forgive and I like that.

X-Com: Enemy Unknown - They don't make games like this anymore. Even with persistent bugs and errors that have plagued it, games that are actually games don't come around all the time. Coming up with a strategy for my base, then watching as every nation slowly panics until I have no funding for anything and lose completely hurts. Of anything released this year, this is the only game I still want to play through on harder difficulties or even just play on normal. It has so many variables to play with, I love it. I'm playing this as soon as I'm done writing this.

The best game I played this year, was Dragon Quest III for the Super Nintendo. I fought the big boss who turns out not to be the big boss, like in all Dragon Quest games I always forget that, and he wiped my party down to a low leveled warrior who could only attack and desperately I watched turn after turn. My health get lower, my attack hits him. He hits, my health goes red. I hit him for some damage. He hits me, now I'm down to a single digit of health. The next hit from him, will kill me. I sigh, realizing I can't possibly win. I anxiously press the attack command, because I can't go out just dying. The attack strikes for a critical hit, killing the boss. [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9D-QD_HIfjAThat is how play video games[/url] and why I play video games.

There's still a few games I want to check out, but I'm pretty satisfied with the games on this list.
Photo Photo Photo

My first book, Bonerquest had a preview posted this month of the entire first chapter. I put it up here on Destructoid, because this is where I post things. It was online all day, I hope you read it. I received no comments or e-mails about it, so I can only assume I wasted a great deal of time writing the thing. I'm bothered by that and have become completely distraught, with feelings of hopelessness. I had a week off work this month, which I slept through most of. I'm apparently very tired. I'm beaten, but not defeated. I'm going to pursue advertising my books elsewhere. I've an admission to make about Destructoid, I don't follow it as closely as I used to.

The website feels splintered and everything is compartmentalized away from everything else. The Dtoid Show is a Revision 3 internet television program, with its own rules and logic. The cblogs are the opinion columns, where everyone who wants to be heard tries desperately to say something. The forums are a wild west all there own, the once small haven has now blossomed into a mess where I can post silly things and leave them for weeks before anyone finds them. And then there is Podtoid, where they talk about sucking each others dicks for two hours every week. And then and then, there's twitter, google groups, e-mail groups, facebook, twitch, and all these other fragmentations of Destructoid. I don't feel like I need to come to Destructoid's website to be a part of the group anymore.

I went to Boston to meet up with Destructoid. It was a strange experience. I was gifted a lapel pin of the mascot by Hamza himself. I met with guys from the Destructoid Twitch channel, the channel that every time I've barely visited. I wear that pin and my Tomopop T-shirt I bought and my Retroforce GO T-shirt, and I wonder if I'm wearing advertising or wearing something I'm proud to be a part of.

Here are the games I played this month.

The Walking Dead - Steam

I donít think I spoiled anything here, I put out my choices in a very general way.

Iíd finished the first part, months ago when it was new. I made the final choice everybody else did, sided with Kenny. So when Episode 2 started, I was pumped. I messed up the first bit, really, really bad. Then I didnít shoot the woman, but I did kill all three of the other characters. They all deserved it, jerks! I liked Episode 2, but the plotline was extraordinarily cliche and I saw it coming a hundred miles before it happened.

Episode 3 seemed to last forever. It just kept going and going, with more and more things happening then slowing things down to an agonizing crawl. I hate the crawly parts where I have to walk back and fourth with items trying to find the right one for certain situations. Those are dumb. I like talking to the characters, but when I have to solve situations by finding the right object, and I donít know which object I need and have to slowly walk from one screen, through another, finally to the one where I need to use an item, and it fails, three times, I get kind of bummed about that type of stuff. Otherwise, this one had some great moments. I left the girl, let Kenny take care of things, and I wanted to kick the guy off the train. It wouldnít give me that option, but I wanted to just pick him up and throw him off right there.

Ironically, the character I wanted to kill, I later saved when presented the choice to kill him or not. I felt bad about leaving the girl, that she probably would have been helpful in spite of the reason why I left her. The buildup of enemies I liked, the showing of a poster of the lead bad guy is probably going to show up in the fifth episode as the main bad guy. I donít know why I have that feeling, but I do. The moments that I really enjoyed here, was when the game let me actually shoot a bunch of attacking zombies. I always yell at the screen, ďThere are only like six zombies there, you guys can take them out! You have guns! Use them you idiots!Ē

Unfortunately, the game was having noticable technical issues in episode four. The game would lag up, ocassionally messing up dialog. I had a strange bug in episode two, where Kenny leaned foreward and nodded, contiously. I laughed hysterically at that and how silly it was, but here these glitches kept happening over and over. I solved the Kenny thing by just reloading and I was right where I needed to be. Here, the bugs kept going. The game crashed to my desktop twice. Overall though, I really enjoyed the build of episode four and all these new characters. I tried to solve things peacefully, saved the guy, and I was nice to the girl when I saw the tape she was on. Things are looking bad for part five, but Iím very excited to see how my story plays out. Iíve got some help, but not everybody is coming with me for the last episode.

As I load up Episode five, I notice immediately some problems. The choice from the end of the last episode, doesnít play my choice. Only one of the three people I brought with me are here. I thought, ďNo big deal, Iíll just replay the ending and try again.Ē I did that four times, it wonít save for some reason and bring my choices over. I began playing detective searching the internet as I let the ending movie from episode four play over and over. After an hour, I decided this was the worst way I could possibly spend my vacation.

These issues tainted the entire thing for me. If I was to review this game, Iíd be pretty pissed off about it. As it is, I have wikipedia and can just read what happens and never buy another TellTale game ever again and on every news post I see about their game, I can chime in caps that this happened to me.

Something as broken as this, really bums me out. This is why video games are horrible. Iíve a lot of things I could have done, but instead I played pretend with virtual zombies and the whole thing just fucked up. Walking Dead took some cool ideas from Heavy Rain and other modern adventure games and inspiration from dialog trees to make a really fun interactive movie. Unfortunately, it is broken and messy. I had issues with my controller not wanting to work, forcing me to restart the game. Issues with dialog lagging in episode four were pretty rough. All throughout every episode, if a character hands another one something, prepare to see some wild hammer space logic applied to the game. I imagine the car battery was shoved up their ass, for safe keeping.

Iíd like to hope that theyíll patch this so it will work, but my saves for Episode 4 arenít even appearing in the folder with other saves. The game broke itself and I will forever think negatively of it, in spite of some really great moments.

4/10 - The game is broken, I donít suffer broken games.

I finally played episode five, after playing the end of episode four two more times trying to save my choices. Eventually, I started up episode five on a separate save, letting it randomize events until I got something close to where my game was. I ended episode four, the first time, with only one person not coming with me to episode five. As I finally, finally got into episode five that guy was with me. Episode five offered up some closure, but not enough for me to feel satisfied. Iím upset about the saves not importing right, one character referenced events that were the exact opposite of what happened in episode four for me and Iím not even sure if the ninja girl lived or not in this save. Iím really angry, I hope TellTale gets their shit together next summer.
They really fucked this up. I never brought up some of the worst gameplay moments of this, they really, really boned that up. If this had just been interactive fiction, without any movement or light puzzle solving or attempts at gameplay, I would have loved it more. I look foreword to the many rip offs of this style of game.

And Iím especially loving the gaming press talking about it ďstarting a new genre.Ē For a group of people who are supposed to be professionals, they sure donít know about the fucking things theyíre talking about. Not that they give a fuck.

Dark Souls Prepare to Die Edition - Steam

I like playing Dark Souls while watching TV shows on my laptop. I usually just do podcasts, but Always Sunny in Philadelphia is now on Netflix and Iím fond of that show. Iíve made it pretty deep into Dark Souls with Magic Johnson, Iím in Blightown now. My knowledge of the game has become sketchy of this part, as I hated it. Surprise, I still hate this part. Anything with little catwalks makes me uncomfortable, there was a level in Demon Souls like this as well, and I didnít like that much either. There was another part in Demon Souls, before you fight two gargoyles, that had these teeny tiny little ledges that I jumped in the air and started screaming profanity like I was in a Tarantino movie. Not that I donít always talk like Mr. White, but I do have some decency sometimes. I called a guy dick nipples this month, that seemed to break him emotionally.

Dark Souls is still amazing, I love playing it. I started over a couple other chracters, Iím about to ring the second bell with Magic Johnson, and I like this game.

Metal Warriors - Super Nintendo

In an interview on HardcoreGaming101 about Zombies Ate My Neighbors, the lead guy talked about Metal Warriors. Itís a tough game, and I like robots. I had played Cybernator the day before, just for a little bit. I also loaded up Front Mission 3, then realized how deep a game that is. The fake internet and the constant talking ruined that game for me and any Front Mission game Iíve played for that matter. I tried to do a bit of Front Mission 4 as well, but my Playstation 2 has finally died.

Let me go off on a tangent completely unrelated to Metal Warriors.

Besides the Xbox 360, is there a less reliable piece of hardware than a Playstation 2? Iíve had five of them break on me. Over the course of twelve years, that is a lot of Playstations. Iíve had disc read errors, overhearing issues, a laser that just decided not to work, and this one doesnít want to power on. Iím really pissed off at everything and hate the world.

Metal Warriors is a delightful game to play, especially when I realized I could jump out of my giant robot and play as a man with a jet pack and little pistol. I love that type of shit. It always amused me in an old Nintendo game with Metal in the title, I want to say Metal Mech, but that isnít right. I made it to the fourth level before quitting Metal Warriors upon my first death. I got to brave in the robot suit with spiked mace and just got slaughtered.

Binary Domain - Steam

Man, this is a good game! In the first hour, Iíve done some silly things. I opted out of the tutorial stuff, which is the greatest feature any modern video game can have. The storyline in this thing is a monster so dense, I just watch and nod having those same feelings with Metal Gear Solid. The storyline is also ripped from Blade Runner, I wouldnít be surprised to find out that my most trusted allies are actually the robot bad guys Iíve been fighting this whole time, or better, that my character is a robot.

That isnít why Iím into this game.

Iím into this game, because I can shoot the shit out of robots!

And the storyline is wild, full of silly situations and hilarious dialog!

I can make their legs and arms pop off really good! Even shooting their heads off is amazing in itself, but that it also then confuses them and making them shoot their friends! Now thatís a gameplay feature! I love the regular enemies, Iím right back to Ninja Turtles slaughtering robots by the dozens.

But even better than that, are the bigger robots!

I stood on top of a robot and shot itís robot brains out.

This game, is amazing!

Earthbound - SNES

I managed to find my way through the dessert mole hole!

Then, I realized I donít really like Earthbound. Charm of the world and the humor is great, but the battle system just doesnít do it for me. My characters donít feel like a team, they feel like Ness and two characters heís dragging along barely keeping alive. The storyline will end with my characters saving the world from an evil robot, no matter what. Iím doubtful anyone would die and if they did, they would just come right back like it never happened. Iím not really feeling this thing like everybody says I should be.

I like it, but I donít love it. I donít think I ever will. I quit and didnít touch it again all month.

Breath of Fire - SNES

I thought I would finish a game I always wanted to. Turns out, I donít really want to do that. I donít want to play through the first two thirds of Breath of Fire again. In fact, I donít think I want to play the last little bit either. I just, I donít know. I liked it, but Iím over it. I never want to think about Breath of Fire or Eternal Ring ever again, these games and me are broken up. I feel like making a tape of myself shooting my copy of Eternal Ring with a pistol, Iím that angry about it. That game should not have been as butt hole awful as it is.

Street Fighter IV: Arcade Edition[/size]

I love getting a game I wanted, free. I say ďfree,Ē but this isnít really free. Playstation Plus cost me money and now I have another game I had wanted.

My Playstation controller has been busted for the last year, I got a new one, but it wonít sync up or charge. So Iím playing with a busted left analog stick, which is pretty key to Zangief. All of his special moves involve spinning that stick, almost all of his moves. I still did decently. My timing is off when I do the spinning move that blocks projectiles. I feel bad that I’m so out of practice. I played a little Chun Li, but it was so bad. I managed to win, but I couldnít recall how to shoot her fireball. Iím so dumb.

Half Minute Hero - Steam

So this is actually, a really great game. I finished it on my vacation and I highly recommend it to everybody. It takes the concept of a role playing game and makes lots of jokes about the many cliches of those games, nothing we havenít seen before, but the trick is the gameplay is condensed to only thirty seconds before the villain destroys the world. You can play an entire adventure, in just a few minutes. Unfortunately, I figured out this game towards the middle, beating the poop out of it. I was able to level up and beat the boss of any level without any trouble. This is a problem for me.

When I play a game, I want challenge. I want difficulty. I want compelling gameplay. Half Minute Hero has that, but it is buried until after finishing the game multiple times. Spread across two halves, a retro graphical style and a paper cut out style, the game has a lot to play. I'm not sure I want to play any more of it after finishing up the Hero 30 portion of the game. The princess 30 and evil lord 30 were cute distractions, but I don't think I can hang with them.

I'm done with this game, as far as I'm concerned the ending where my hero was frozen for centuries is the end of the series.

Final Fantasy 3 - Super Nintendo

I loaded up an earliar save, back at the very start of the world of ruin. Actually, before I even got into the world of ruin. I quit for the first time, learning that the ninja character could not be brought back the way that I played through the final part of the first half of the game. As I played walking around, I wondered why I didnít just restart the game. It was fantastic when I first played it, but I donít have the time to restart it up. Iím thinking Iíll do that, when I find the time.

X-Com: Enemy Unknown - Steam

This is the game of the year, there isnít anything else that I still want to play that Iíve finished. Iím dusting off classic difficulty, the more I play, the better I get at playing the game. Iíve failed a few times, but the game Iím playing now Iím cleaning house. I just got laser weapons and armor, and in my first battle with the mutons I destroyed them and some crysallids pretty handily. Iím hopeful that I can finish this game with a victory.

Alundra - Playstation

I didn't like it. Conrad wrote a big stroke post about it and how great it was, but I found it to be not so great.

I'm not much for this style of rouge like, with the grids and everything. I've tried, but unless I have freedom to move and attack the way I want to, I feel like I'm playing a board game. Z.H.P. and Shiren the Wanderer bothered me for those reasons, so did the Mystery Dungeon games I played. Oh those Mystery Dungeon games. The pokemon one just seemed like garbage warmed over. Not that Alundra is garbage warmed over, it just isn't for me. It didn't grab me like games need to.

Maybe it's just action RPGs that lose me. Secret of Mana doesn't do it for me. I've had a copy of Beyond Oasis that I don't want to play either. Every time I look at a Tales game, I just can't. Tales of Phantasia looks like a lot of fun, but every time I try to start it, I just quit in the middle of the first fight. I've done that for ten years.

Xenogears - Playstation

The opening movie, grabbed me immediately. It was pretty cool. I have no idea what is actually happening in that movie, because as I finished watching it I was put into a generic fantasy town with a bad haired hero who fights with his fists. I had a feeling this town would be burned, sure enough as I finished the first little bit, a bunch of robots showed up and somehow my character also got into a robot. I quit playing at that point.

Minecraft - PC

I wasted, so much time doing nothing in minecraft. Just digging things up passes the time for me. I donít know what to say.

Endless Space - Steam

This is a civilization like strategy game, that takes place in outer space. The game has a lot of depth and I can play on the mac book, which I like.

I played through a game on the easiest setting on a tiny map. I didnít quite slaughter my enemies, against three other alien races I allied with two of them and crushed the odd man out. Then I opened borders with the orange aliens, positioned my spaceships on their worlds, then declared war on them. When I last quit, I was beaten in a couple of fights against their spaceships. Iím unsure if things will end in victory or not.

The game has a very creatively written copy, but like most PC games or role playing game books, well written copy doesnít always mean the gameplay equals into that.

Buck Rogers - Matrix Cubed - DOS

I imported my team from the first Buck Rogers, all of whom are killers. It wasnít that difficult to do either, I set it all up pretty quickly and managed to play with the command prompt bullshit without any hassle.

The game itself, actually pretty dope. It seems to have more branching paths and dialog trees than Buck Rogers had. By that, I mean I hit a couple of them in the two hours I played. Iím really into it. When I get more time to really commit to it, I want to play the ass off this game. I just want to sit with it and play nothing but it, end to end. Iíve miss located my rule book for it and the log book, so Iíll have to find those again.

Iím using a program called Boxer for my Mac book, it works much better than dos box ever did for me. Everything works and I like playing these games.

FTL - Steam

All my progress is gone. I had unlocked about half of the spaceships, maybe more. I also had the variants of some of those ships, now not unlocked. When I get to a PC again, Iíll rebuild a save and put that into my steam cloud, then have that save on my Mac. I hate that I have that thought to rebuild a save and get my progress back where it should be. Video games have become a sad, sad thing.

Operation Darkness - 360

I want to finish this, but I just canít. An hour a level, for easy levels, is making this thing the time sink of time sinks. Still, I try. I want to finish this game, but Iím doubful of it. I actually played more Lost Odyssey, just by finishing the opening cinematic tutorial stuff again. Iím on disc three, which I canít locate. Iíve got a copy, but who knows where I put that. And the storyline became so dense with all the hundred year story stuff that I had skipped, I felt like I didnít know what was happening.

I like Bioshock more in retrospect than when I actually played it. Bioshock 2 was free this month on the Playstation, but I already had it on Steam and don't want to play it again there. I have the first Bioshock on there too, with no reason to ever go back to it. All the games that are derivatives of Bioshock, which itself was a spiritual successor to another game, I play through once.

X-COM and Dark Souls I've gone back to and really enjoy playing. Both Fallout 3 and Fallout New Vegas I've gone back to, but I'm looking for new things to do and ways to do things differently. I feel like I've played everything before and I'm not sure if I liked any of it the first time through. My feelings about video games have changed a lot in the last couple years. Patches for broken games becoming an accepted thing, downloadable content that makes major retcons that cost money to add into a game, digital distribution in general hasn't done me well. I've an Xbox 360 hard drive full of games I can't play anymore. Most of which I bought again on Steam. The ones I would ever play again anyway. Everything breaks. Nothing lasts forever.

My playstation 2 died, just as I had I time on my vacation to play it. Also the power went out one day while I was on vacation. It just seems like I'm wasting my time, trying to find time for the hobby I don't like as much as I used to.

By far the least reliable hardware that Iíve ever played, is a playstation 2. I now regret buying every PS2 game I ever wanted to play. If anybody has one they donít want, Iíll take it and use it. If I decide to play games anymore.

Next year, I have to slow down playing games. Things have to change. Iím focused on writing books and producing content. I want to shoot videos and put out a comic book next year, as well as produce music. Video games arenít going to feature into those things.
Photo Photo Photo

6:56 AM on 12.21.2012


I fucked up. I don't know what got me to do this or write The Bonerquest. I did it, this is a thing I actually did.

Part two, is even worse.

I hope everyone is prepared to read a book the guy in these two videos wrote.

Also, cocks!

Just one more month, before I'm done with this. I can't wait for this year to be over, I'll be a little closer to death and a lot farther from sitting here writing this. And I'll be that much worse catching up with all my video games.

Here is what I played this month,

Dragon Quest 2 - Super Nintendo

The port of this on SNES looks great, compared to my gameboy color one, this is phenomenal. But, I found out a better version exists, that looks more like Dragon Quest VI or Chrono Trigger, but that it is only on cell phones in Japan.

I've completed all the Dragon Quest games, except this, seven, and nine. I don't have two hundred hours to throw at seven, at least not until the remake comes to the states. I always felt that one looked butt ugly. Nine I stalled out on, I got hung up leveling up different classes. But two, two I played a ton of on the gameboy and once I got the boat, I became overwhelmed and quit.

Still have that, have my old save and my newer save when I worked bagging groceries and would grind levels between customers. I managed to get at least all three party members then, that was years ago.

Now I just wandered around leveling up my one guy, which was kind of enough for me. The relaxation of Dragon Quest really does it for me, so much so that I want to replay part eight so I can build my party differently, I even considered doing my Nintendo copy of the third game just to do it and do it differently, I love the flexibility those games offer, but even the stricter way you grow your team in Dragon Quest 2 really satisfies me.

Tokyo Jungle

Very little of the campagin was played, but I love it. I don't like the way I have to play survival to unlock the campaign, but I finished a level where beagles set out to take over the world. Video games are fucking awesome!

Retro City Rampage - PS3

I had it freeze on me and had to redo a mission. It was a long one too, I did it and then did a few more missions later, I wonder why I'm playing this? For every laugh I get, the gameplay gets in the way. Also, I'm not a fan of the animations here. It feels like cars are sliding around the roads, the wheels don't spin on any of them.

But when I just stopped playing, I was on a mission following Batman back to his Wayne manner.

I'm not saying I wasted money on this, this game is ok, but it isn't amazing me and I'm struggling as I play it to make out what is actually happening. Some stuff like the Batman levels are very on the nose, but other stuff is such a specific shout out that I'm lost on. Like Epic Meal Time, I don't much like those videos so having those characters means nothing to me. Nothing other than something silly I don't regularly watch is in this as a mini game, which I played through all of because I'm dumb.

Renegade Ops - PS3

Sort of like Jackal, but over done. For any humor the game has, it is buried in bullshit. The storyline is funny, but it isn't consistent. I liked the demo, but a year later it just does nothing for me. No thanks!

Guardian Crusade - Playstation

This is a PS1 game.

I saw it in Gamepro nearly twenty years ago and decided I should play it today. Video games are easy to find now with things like eBay or Amazon, and this month several Playstation games just showed up.

All I know going into this is the basics. It is an RPG about a knight who finds a pink monster, as you play the monster grows. The name of the game in Japan was Knight and Baby, the graphics are colorful, and it is a Playstation one game from the dark ages of video games.

Immediately I see how rough this thin is, a mess of polygonal shapes that take some time to adjust to. The Full motion videos are rough too, but I can tell what everything is and what it is, I find strangely interesting. The simple nature of the world, it's characters, the combat, and all of it is refreshing. No one is being shot in the face and I'm not being called name over a voice chat. Things look butt ugly, but in a cute way, likely butt ugly dog Frankenstein.

The story has to do with a knight, named knight, finding this pink monster a stork dropped in a lighting storm. You're tasked with takin the baby to god's tower. This strangely cute and simple little game seems to be hiding a darker narrative. There is talk about god and people not having food to eat, which I find interesting.

Unfortunately, this is a Playstation one game. And an early one!

Just loading into a fight is slow and almost painful. I quit in the first dungeon and I'm not sure if I will ever play this again. Gameplay just wasn't there, art design is a little too simple, and after forty five minutes I feel bored.

Luckily, we live in an age where you can play old games at super speed and with graphics filters that anti alias jagged edges out and bring textures up to look not like garbage. Still wasn't enough to keep me playing, but the fact that I could do that as easily as I did, really makes me want to play more with those feature.

Modern Warfare 2 - Xbox 360

I'll finish this game yet!

I made my way through all of the second act. It wasn't upsetting like CharAznable explained to me. His claim was that the missions going down American streets shooting guys was upsetting. Not for me, but I played half this level a year ago? Was it a year ago? I recall it being the usual military levels up until the No Russian level, things got interesting there. I wasn't upset by it, instead the opposite. I gleefully blasted innocent people, like it was just another level of the latest video game. Which at that time, it was.

The level I found pretty awesome, or moment rather, was the end of the second act. The level starts off with no real introduction, you're a soldier walking by wounded soldiers. I've done this before, no big surprise there. Then my guy walks up some stairs and see's the Washington monument burned. Everything is glowing red and orange. Apparently some of these levels took place in DC. I had no idea. Just like everything else, I have no idea. I tried to make sense of characters I was or who was with me. In one level I played my soldiers rescued a character, who means nothing to me. He might as well have stayed in the overly protected prison. Lots of helicopters and machine guns amuse me.

I got to playing this, because everyone was talking about Black Ops 2. I would buy it if my Xbox wasn't having issues. My Playstation seems to never want to work online. It just isn't as good socially, the Xbox is a mess of menus, but it works. At least it did, mine doesn't work now.

My two younger cousins briefly played NHL 11 with me, then I decided spec ops mode was a thing we should try out. I played some if when the game was new, love the concept, but I never have anybody to play with. Until today. This mode has brief levels with simple goals, like sneak past some guards or defend a position for three minutes. I actually had more fun with these missions than single player.

Live a Live - Super Nintendo

Ah, a classic of an untranslated game some dudes fan translated. Then a second set of dudes, cleaned that translation up, fixed some errors where text jerked out of bubbles. I know, because I briefly played the first translation about six years ago? Maybe more?

There are several characters to choose from each with a completely different time period, gameplay style, and their own separate storylines. I read that they all tie together in the final two chapters of the game. I love how completely different these characters all are. A cowboy, a wrestler, a ninja, and a robot are all choices you can play as and explore a personal story. Some are longer than others or more interesting, but I found them worth playing.

I had finished the cowboy section and most of the cave man section years ago, but those save files are long lost through time. I really enjoyed the time I spent with the game, that square soft melancholy is all there. It was the kind of moving emotional stories that video games are capable of.

I find the game fascinating. The mechanics of battle make no sense at all, I had no sense of how to build my character, if I even can, and my attacks I just try out until I find one that does decent damage, then just hammer it over and over. Even more wild is healing skills, I move around the chess board battle map trying to avoid enemies and just heal as best I can, then start over attacking again.

I like it, I want to try and finish it if I can.

Dark Souls Prepare to Die - PC

My wife did me a favor and bought this for fifteen bucks.

My wife cursed me with playing this game again.

I am instantly back into the nightmare that was a thing I did last year. I successfully whooped Dark Souls. And here I am, doing it again and a much quicker pace.

I made two characters.

First I tried a thief, but that was a series of mistakes. I lost a ton of experience and humanity points, and that sort of crippled me.

Next day, I started as a sorcerer who I named magic Johnson. I cooked my way through the early game, beat a couple bosses and feel especially good about myself and my accomplishments. My guy is slowly building towards being able to take hard hits and survive with little armor. I'm rolling with a short sword and magic. In two hours, I smoked the Taurus demon and the tower gargoyle who for some reason didn't call for his second gargoyle. I'm not complaining, but that was a big fight last time I played this. Just blasting them this time made me feel less like I was coming at this with knowledge, and more likes I had wasted a serious amount of time previously.

Multiplayer is alive and thriving on PC, which is pretty awesome. I've been able to consistently get back up or back someone else up with both these characters. I love this game, but I'm not sure if I want to play it all over now.

But that new DLC stuff, I'm very interested in. I only have a vague idea where that stuff is and I'm anxious to play it all. I want to find the one place I didn't go into last time, and whoop that place too.

Hotline Miami - PC

I feel like I could write a review of this one, so I'll hold off commenting here.

Just kidding, this game is a lot of fun, has one forced stealth level that was way off putting to me, a satisfying ending awaits and the after the end stuff is also great. I only used a 360 controller, the PC and keyboard controls I touched once and didn't want to deal with.

Also, the music in this is worth playin it for alone.


Orcs Must Die 2 - PC

Forced co op is the worst!

Especially hidden forced co-op like this game has. You can play by yourself, but it is designed for two players. If I was to do a review score for this game, that would know off some big points. My delight at playing this game is soured by the necessity of a partner, which as I always complain about I just don't have and will never have consistently. I doubt even a person reading this would be around at eight in the morning on a Tuesday and just play this all day like I want to. Bummer!

I like the new modes and once I unlocked barricades, I felt like that made up for the lack of a partner some. I still am missing out on just having a second person attacking dudes, that slows me down to where I am just not doing well enough time wise to do anything of value. I feel like I was warned about this when this game was new, but I don't recall?

Half Minute Hero - PC

Great game, hilarious sense of humor, but why did they make the graphical overhaul for it? The game is presented in an 8bit style like an old Nintendo game, but this sucker defaults to an uninspired paper doll look.

The jokes about RPG length and grinding are cute, but I'm two missions in and want something more from the humor.

Minecraft - PC

I feel like this is less a game, more of a toy.

The nether is a thing I kept exploring this month. My rail system between my homes is now linked up, I rolled all up and down mountains and through a Forrest, but now I have it all setup. I need a new project.

I explored a lot of caves and lost stuff a couple times too many too. I'm bothered by that.

But the nether is a whole other nightmare, I like the hell atmosphere but having dudes who seem to always just kill me, everywhere is a bother. I like that the game is evolving as time goes on, more stuff keeps being added in like ender men and bats. I like the underground mines I keep finding, I steal the rails from these jerks, but I lost a ton of stuff when I quit playing yesterday. I seem to want to play at least an hour a day, picking pumpkins and building rails.

Parappa the Rappa - Playstation

This thing didn't age well either, but again, I can make it look fantastic and play great. I had never played the full game before. The cutscenes are all hilarious, much like Um Jammer Lammy. I'm not good at this game however, I barely got to the second level. The game really is a lot of fun though, the songs are silly and the game itself is just fantastic for existing as it does. ____

Only one more month of video games. I'm getting really excited now. I want to finish Final Fantasy 6 or another Shin Megami Tensei if at all possible. I've so many games piles up, next month I want to play all the best games ever and as much of them as I can. I'm also trying to decide if I should put some of my Bonerquest book out on my blog, so people know I'm not a liar when I say I'm writing a book. Nobody seems to believe me when I talk about it. I want to finish it so bad, I hate writing so much. I've hated every second of writing I've ever done. It's only after that I briefly feel satisfaction, then it quickly turns to a feeling of "what's next?" Writing long form like Bonerquest really took a lot out of me. I'm so close to the end. It's been outlined too death. I have bits and chunks of things all over my iPod and laptop, all I have to do is put it together and finish it. I can do this. I can complete The Bonerquest.


That's almost it!

So this December 21st, ultimate novelty is to be revealed. Well that's my book the Bonerquest, I'll publish the first chapter here, for everyone to read, for free. I'm working on how to deliver it, I might do a reading of it or maybe I'll just paste it over, let everybody look over the words. I don't know, I'm not finished with the book, it isn't put together yet how I want it and I still want to edit some things down, but I want to publish the whole thing in April as a product everybody can buy. I'm so close to this being finalized, I want everybody to read it and experience the thing I've poured myself into for so long. If you like my writing at all, this book is my magnum opus. This is a book that changed my life as I wrote it, I feel so great about it.

I just hope everybody else does.

I want to make enough money to quit my job and work on my writing full time. I'm working on a few books I want to put out. I'm ready for this to happen. I've a week off work that I want to just live Bonerquest all that I can, I'm so excited. I'm thinking of a way of putting out a preview of the book. I want people to actually read this thing and get a real sense of just how dense a work I've created, but I just don't have the time today. I'm here, posting stuff on this website.

Keep an eye on my blog this month, I'm looking at the 21st as the day to publish a long preview of Bonerquest. I'll title it something like, "I have a gift for Destructoid, nothing." Then simply say, "Nothing but boners!" with right below that, being the preview. I hope you guys like the way I'm putting out the preview!

That's it!

October has been an interesting month, Bonerquest was supposed to release this month, but time makes fools of us all. As I assembled this together this afternoon, Iím in the midst of a vicious cold. My head hurts, Iíve thrown up, and I missed work again last night. Not a lot of video games when Iím feeling this rough, I can barely deal with my stupid dogs.

I shared an old thing I did with everybody this month, go read it! I like the werewolf story, Iíd love to do more with it, but Iím busy with Bonerquest. Iíll try to blow it out into a real comic book another time.

And by busy with [i]Bonerquest[i/], I mean I played every game ever instead of writing.

Here is what I played in October -

Yakuza: Dead Souls - PS3

"It's been a while."

"Time to kick some ass!"

This is actual dialog a guy says, after a zombie bites his metal arm that then turned into a Gatling gun. Also this is a bad guy from the Yakuza 2 who now you play as.

I finished up the last but with Majima, who was a rival/villain in all the other games but is now playable here. Love that character, his part of the game was excellent, and I wish I had dozens of hours to just explore the city with him and do all his side quests, but I don't.

So I finished the next story mission, which was a boss battle that ended wit Majima batting a grenade into a giant cockroaches mouth! Yakuza games are wild. I love it.

Playing as the Gatling gun guy went by fast, I ignores all side quests, just barely tripping over one where these guys wanted blondie to be in a movie. I finished his quest and started the next main character, Kazuma Kiryu the dragon of dojima. He was the main guy from all the othe games and fights zombies, with his bare hands. I love this game.

Borderlands - Steam

I am not a fan of borderlands. I've nearly finished it, and here I am playing it. I used the world warp for the first time, the fast travel stuff feels a little unnecessary, but it was nice to have to walk a thousand miles back to the junkyard guy and deliver the two stupid quests I did for him.

Total War Shogun 2 - Steam

My wife bought every Total War game on steam, simply to get outfits for Team Fortress.

I loaded it up, got into a historical mission and was overwhelmed by the amount of troops I had. After clicking around for a few minutes, I gave up. I just couldn't play with it.

Civilization V - Steam

Rather than finish up my domination of a small map, I decided to start over and play as America, but do so with a world size map with countries all over the world. My goal was to play so much that I end up in a nightmare scenario like that Civilization 2 player, who has has a game going for twenty years! His country and two other computer opponents are locked in an apocalyptic death world, where few humans survive on the patches of Earth not irradiated. I love that, that hell speaks to my heart.

X-Com: UFO Defense - DOS

The old X-Com is butthole difficult. I love it.

As I start my game, I found an alien base. I tried approaching it from different angles, until finally I thought to get a couple guys better armor and to better equip my guys, heavy plasma and flying armor aren't things everybody has, but the dudes that do, don't fuck around, they're killers.

I also discovered that proximity grenades are among my favorite things ever.

Not since Goldeneye 64 have I lived in a world so full of explosives. Every match turned into camping sessions, daring one another to step into our territory. As one of us pointed out they had the lead, you see the other three players make a mad dash to try and get past a wall of mines, dying, or even better being baited into the bathroom and then being shot with a rocket launcher. I love it!

That is pretty well my strategy with these aliens. I'm camping and baiting these bastards out. At this point, I am openly angry at the aliens. I've been destroyed by crystallids one time too many. They fucked with the wrong guy!

I managed to dominate that base with minimal casualties, then kept upgrading my dudes equipment. I also managed to capture their leader alive, and now I am researching a solution to the Martian problem, or as Larry Flynt said, "Fuck all you, mother, fuckers."

I actually flipped off the screen and said out loud, "I am coming for you fucks."

To my surprise, I am then told I need an alien commander, which I had, but already researched which accomplished nothing. Around this time, Brazil made a pact with the aliens. So now, fuck Brazil! I should have known they were up to no good, these cunts let them build that first base, and now I have another to deal with. I entered and exited quickly after meeting much harsher resistance than I wanted to meet.

I then followed an alien craft that landed, where I encountered Mutons for the first time.

These green bastards took a guy out before he even stepped off the damn shuttle! He took a full rocket and heavy plasma to die. Then I began spreading my dudes out and found the entrance to the ship, where I laid a trap that I wish I took a picture of.

I had six guys surrounding the door, they were well enough away that they wouldn't shoot each other or get but by the proximity grenades I laid down for just out front of their door. As a guy steps out, he steps on the mine, then my guys with heady plasma, laser pistols, and plasma rifles just lit him up. I destroyed maybe nine guys that way.

The reason I did this was for the elliruim-115, which I need for better airplanes and armor. I got a shitload, more than enough to build planes to nuke the world four times over. Also, I can now build stun grenades and probably the blaster thing that just decimated my dudes.

Now I can fly above everybody and shoot missiles at the ground, blowing the butts out of everything. I love it, all I need is more time to throw at the game and work my way to having my guys all have jetpack and plasma rifles.

But that. Didn't work, my base got invaded just after I saved. I can't avoid it, and I tried to save my base multiple times. Can't do it, I'm done, they win! Again!

I played the day after as Dtoid people, that turned out awful.

XCOM Enemy Unknown - Steam

This game might be one of the best new games I've played in a long time.

It is modern, it is by no means a masterpiece or perfect, but it is a fun thing to play. I did so for ten hours in a row. I only quit because this happened.

I was losing when that happened, but I felt like I could bounce back and pull off a stunning victory.

But things were not looking good for my Xcommandos.

All my veteran soldiers had been slaughtered by mutons and heavy floaters. A very hard mission I took, thinking their experience and advances weapons and armor would be helpful to them. That was not the case, as I desperately tried to revive them, a car was lit on fire. My two remaining guys, a heavy and a newer support trooper, I had them book back to the jet to take off, but I hit the wrong button so the mission didn't abort.

Things got worse from there, cyber disks killed so many of my guys with their grenades and support drones, my veteran soldiers who were wounded in a previous battle, before the other group was slaughtered. The laser shotgun assault trooper and sniper were both, wait I messed up, this battle happened before the other, because I managed to save the sniper by aborting the mission. Part of why I lost all my other dudes, all who were majors, was that my sniper brought his regular rifle not his laser rifle. I got so frustrated when I saw that, but I thought I was on iron man and couldn't reload. I found out later, that I didn't check that box, so my save from just the mission where everything boned up is there, my heavy and the support still alive.

But the mission continued without these veteran soldiers. Their presence was missed.

Every new guy I had sucked, horribly. They kept dying, the ones that lived were not winners, all of them were support guys. I brought in some new guys, a couple were heavys which I needed. Unfortunately, I just didn't have the weapons to give everybody and nobody seemed to like living, so when I too the base assault, I wanted to bring along a robot with us, which the game gladly wouldn't let me do.

The alien base was rough, full of mutons and beserkers, and right up front I fought a cyber disk, those are the worst. All my guys attacking it brought it down, a cautious advance splitting my guys up, I did fairly well. Until I opened a door and out ran three mutons at my three guys.

I know I wrote it somewhere, maybe on my other computer, but Iíve gone on way to long about XCOM. I played a ton of it, finishing it on normal and getting pretty deep into the classic difficulty. I like it a lot.

Little Big Planet 2 - PS3

I wasnít a huge fan of the first game, this one lost me after a few minutes too. Iíd love to build my own level, but going through so many tutorials isnít a thing I want to do. The alternative is something like RPG Maker, which just turned me loose to attempt to make something worthwhile. I mean the one on the Playstation, which I bought new and found exciting. Without that experience, Bonerquest wouldnít have been made on the PC years later, but I look back at that version of RPG Maker as horrific. It was just awful and a pain to try to do anything.

Back to the topic, I played a Ninja Warrior themed level, which made me giggle.

Mrs. Bullseye likes this game more, she played a lot of the single player beyond where I quit. I only got a few stages in, she made it more than a dozen or so before quitting.

Pac Man Championship Edition - PS3

PS Plus has done me a lot of favors. This is another game I liked the demo of, but just never bought. Iím really happy with it, the speed at which I can get in and get out is pretty awesome. My pac man scores are pretty good, I donít suck at Pac Man, and I like this bite size championship version quite a bit.

Retro City Rampage - PS3

I like it. The gameplay is fun, Grand Theft Auto style gameplay with a lot of referential humor. The only crutch of the game, are these refrences. Iíve experienced a lot of media, and even I have had trouble following everything. In the first mission alone, youíre playing out a scenario where you rob a bank with the ďJester,Ē that goes a lot like the opening of the The Dark Knight, including school busses. As you make your escape, youíre fighting the A-Team, Ninja Turtles, and the guys from Contra all in a matter of seconds. Itís a lot of fun, but I donít love it. The storyline leaves a lot to be desired, a series of mcguffins leading to more references, like riding a giant Donkey Kong.

The game pulls from everything, but lacks an identity of itís own. Aside from a geniune feeling of chaos and that anything can happen at anytime, from Time Travel to suddenly having a tank with nitro boosters.

Also, going with a look like that of the first Nintendo Ninja Turtles over world, sort of hurts the game.

I want to play more of it, I laughed at a lot of it and the gameplay was amazing. Every mission felt unique and interesting, which I love.

Minecraft - PC

I wasted too much time playing this, again. I built a pumpkin patch and kept letting myself get killed when I went mining stuff. Also, my big railway system is starting to really take shape. Theyíre only made of iron, not rearden steel like Iíd really want. Sorry Dagny!

Rock of Ages - Steam

Wasted an evening playing a few levels of this. I need to set aside time to really get in deeper. I still havenít played these dudes other game, the really weird one, beyond the demo. I bought it, I have it, but I just havenít touched it since.

Double Dragon Neon - PS3

Playstation Plus is a service I found worth my twenty dollar investment, just for the games currently available. I would have bought Double Dragon Neon on itís own, this is definitely my type of game. I like it a lot, but Iíve only made it to the third level. Beating up dudes in this feels great, as does the upgrade system that uses mixtapes that are remixes of old Double Dragon music. I love that too.

Tokyo Jungle - PS3

The most interesting rouge like Iíve ever played. Iíve only unlocked a handful of the story mission, but it is a fascinating game that to say anything else about, would spoil it for yourself. I got it for twelve dollars, and that investment got me tons of laughs. Thatís the only currency I really care about, laughter.

Katamari Forever - PS3

While showing off Tokyo Jungle to a group of friends in town from Boston, I showed off this. Such a lovely and fun game, shame I couldnít play it more. I have no idea how many levels are actually in this thing, but Iíve unlocked a ton of them and the one I thought was the end, turned out not to be. It really could have ended with me rolling up the world, but it didnít. I know, most of the levels are from the other games in the series, but having them all in one package really works for me, I kind of like that. The sumo level is my favorite, which I didnít play this month or show off.

Warhammer 40,000 Space Marine - PS3

Plus gave me this for free, which I already had on Steam. It didnít run at a frame rate I found acceptable on my computer, neither did Darksiders, which Iím fairly sure uses the same engine. As I said about this game before, it is a blast to play. I did a little of the multiplayer, which seemed very functional and ok. Not really my thing anymore, Iím sort of done playing with strangers online. If I knew people who wanted to play with me, I would, but I donít. I joined Destructoid to find people to play with, but that hasnít worked out so well lately. Iím trying to rush back the point in single player I quit on the PC at, I think it was right before the big reveal that Chaos Marines are the bad guys where I quit. If they somehow arenít the bad guys, then my story senses are all wrong. There was a guy who was clearly going to turn out to be a bad guy introduced, that guy has final boss written all over him, but I donít know for sure. Curious to finish this up.

Skyrim - PS3

Going to sell this to a guy I work with, I had a bad experience trying to sell off Dragon Quest VIII, which Iíve since relented on. Iíve never sold off any of my games, I feel like theyíre precious or something, but I need money. Plus, I can probably buy Skyrim on Steam in five years for cheap, if I still care by then.

My relationship with this game has been upsetting. I loved it, hated it, and loved it again. As I tried to finish the game up, I finally just gave up. Iíve no interest in fighting the final dragon at all, I just donít care. I care so little, I didnít even go look up what happens at the end. I just, donít care. It isnít like he was Luca Blight and I was compelled to see this battle through to the end, the main villain is just a big dragon. Iím told heís mean, but never really witness anything worth getting interested in. Which describes Bethesda games, I never really see anything interesting, but occasionally story beats in one off sidequests or weird dlc are compelling.

Iíll miss this game.

Mortal Kombat - PS3

In my quest to make friends, I befriended a guy named Phil, whose real name isnít Phil. Iím pretty sure he was on one of the people who read Bonerquest, but I never brought that up while we talked over skype. Instead, I chose to talk like Vinnie Jones and attempt to play Mortal Kombat with him. Both our matches ended with the server dropping, then I decided to try a round online with some random person who beat my brains in. Fighting games require practice, I hadnít touched this since last year when I never successfully played multiplayer. Just as I was getting my butt whipped online by this one guy, the game lagged up again and I just quit. Why bother?

King of Fighters XIII - PS3

This was free on PS Plus as well, so I tried it out. I traditionally have always hated SNK fighting games. I find the look of the sprites great, but the actual art design lacking. There was a karate man, one of the ikari warriors who is now completely roided out, and the chick with a rack that dangles that I picked for my only run on the arcade mode. For some reason, you pick a team of three and play. I saw in my five or six matches characters that I couldnít connect with at all. Guys who looked like girls, guys who looked like Street Fighter characters, and characters that just looked crappy to me, with nothing interesting about them. At least the big guy from Ikari Warriors and Metal Slug is now roided out with giant muscles and stands about two feet taller than other fighters. His moves mimicked Zangief, but I felt with the controller I have, I couldnít play him all that well. The karate man wore a gi like a Gracie brother, but seemed to do more traditional striking rather than jiujitsu. Mai Shrinrui shot fireb and fans out, all while her breasts bounced in the most exaggerated manner. I recall the name because a friend of mine was obsessed with SNK fighters and talked about her all the time, Iím not friends with that guy anymore and I donít ever want to play King of Fighters XIII again. The sprites had something wrong with them, the clean lines of Street Fighter 2 HD Turbo Remix maybe spoiled me, but I donít ever want to see the weird lines around sprites again, which is partially why Iím not sure if I want the Darkstalkers remakes that got announced this month.

Zen Pinball and Another Pinball Game with a name I forgot and also deleted - PS3

I played both of these out, they had trials that practically gave the games away for free. I played an avengers table, that seemed ok in Zen Pinball. The other game, whose name I forgot, had licensed tables based on real life ones Iíd actually played, like the Elvira one or Bride of Pin-Bot table. I really liked that, but Iíd rather spend a couple hundred dollars and actually buy an Elvira pinball machine than have a fake one that isnít taking up lots of room and isnít nearly as loud as a real pinball machine. Thatís my favorite thing about pinball, how god damn loud they are. Theyíre always set to the highest volume, which always amuses me.

NFL Blitz - PS3

PS Plus gave me this, but I donít know why I played it. I thought maybe I would like it, I guess. I played as the Giants, whom Iím not a fan of. Iím not a fan of any sports team. I donít know anyone on any of these teams personally, I know somebody who had a nephew who played for the Jaguars, who according to wikipedia is drafted to the Steelers now, but I donít know these people. I donít have a favorite animal or any allegiance to any of these teams at all. I donít understand sports fandom at all, it isnít like the players, coaches, or owners are from that area, they donít give a fuck about the area theyíre from. Thatís how the Great Lakes Lakers became the Los Angeles Lakers.

I realized after playing this, that I donít need to play everything just because itís free. Bloodrayne whatever was ďfreeĒ on PSN Plus, but that demo left me upset. It juts wasnít good. I donít feel like playing Scott Pilgrim again, maybe some other time I will. I donít know, this service is interesting, but it seems like a mixed bag. It isnít that Blitz is a bad game, it just isnít a game for me.

Infamous 2 - PS3

If the Doomguy suddenly had a voice that was as lispy and snarky as Cole from Infamous, I doubt Iíd ever play another DOOM with the same level of satisfaction Iíve had with it for twenty years. The same with Mario, if suddenly he had a shrieking high pitch voice saying only a couple phrases, Iíd probably not like him as much. Oh wait, that happened, and suddenly my reasons for not liking Mario 64 have a basis in reality that I can ground an argument onto.

Regardless, Infamous 2 still plays like a fun game. Moving around this city is fun, collecting power ups and giving your guy more electrical powers, thatís fun.

Trying to decipher this storyline, hurts. Iím actually feeling physical pain trying to figure out why things are happening and who these characters are and why theyíre suddenly important or not important. Allegiances seem to not matter at all, a bad guy from the first game is now your best friend again. I donít know who wrote this, but they fucked up. There is also a female character introduced sloppily in a comic book cutscene, who everybody seems to know really well, but I have no idea who she is or why I should.

That and I keep dying a lot, have made my couple hours with inFAMOUS 2 less than favorable, but when I'm running up buildings and shocking dudes or monsters with electrical powers, it sort of works enough that I can have fun. The level design, or open world design, is especially good. Compared against Assassins Creed and how they copy and paste their world designs in such a piss poor way that I can't figure out where I'm going or what I'm doing, infamous 2 has a much better city. And furthermore, the sense of momentum you can get rushing around buildings is a lot of fun. Too bad the story is as silly as it is.

Later characters are introduced sloppily as well, villain characters from the first game who lived have vanished from existence and are never mentioned. That bothers me too, if you're trying to establish a canon, why forget everything that happened the first time around, barely referencing major plot points, like the fact that the main bad guy in the first game was your character from the future who came back in time somehow, then killed your girlfriend to motivate you to fight "the beast" who turned out to just be Cinder from Killer Instinct.

If I hadn't got this for free, probably wouldn't have played it.

In fact, that sort of goes for everything on PSN Plus, which wasnít Ēfree,Ē but as a package Iíll take a dozen mediocre games for twenty dollars for three months. I want to finish Infamous 2 and give it a score, as it has a lot of problems besides the storyline.

Payday The Heist - PS3

Tried this again, still donít like it.

This is like Left 4 Dead with bank heists, but I donít like Left 4 Dead either.

Diablo III - PC

There was some kind of promotion to play this for free, so I did. Turns out, I didnít like it. That was on Halloween, where I was hours late for work and couldnít sleep, but managed to watch the ending of Son of Frankenstein and the very beginning to The Wolf Man. I feel like seeing the ten minutes of Frankensteinís monster throwing things into a volcano and then being kicked into said volcano, was much more fun than my time with Diablo 3, which was over an hour of nothing interesting, boring gameplay, and generic designs. Even the blown out computer graphics cut scenes, which Blizzard usually delivers on, felt lackluster. The stuff from Civilization V looked so much better, I feel bad for Blizzard. I loved their games, Rock N Roll Racing, Lost Vikings, Blackthrone, and both Starcraft and Warcraft hold special places in my heart, but theyíve lost me as a fan. I donít like MMOs, because they all feel like Diablo clones and I donít like Diablo, because it feels like Iím wasting my time powering a guy up to beat a final boss who isnít as tough as the tougher difficulties Iím expected to keep playing through to. Everyone explains that to really enjoy the game, I need to invest hours upon hours of play time into this thing and finish it on the tougher difficulties. To those people, I say fuck you. Persona 3 was an excellent waste of time that compelled me to finish it, the one god damned time. It is awesome that it had a new game plus, but Iíll never play it, just like Disgaea, Makai Kingdom, and Dragon Quest VIII. I really would love to sink years of my time into these games to explore their content, but I just donít have that time.

I waste my time writing user submitted articles to an internet gaming website, where Iím notorious for being an asshole, hilarious, and unpredictable.


Thatís it!

Not sure if I'll publish the handful of articles I wrote, as always I write way more stuff than I actually publish. I've a couple of Old School Games articles that I'm feeling proud of and want to publish and I wrote some thoughts about what Athiestium is having happen to her. It looks like the internet has unloosed hell on her. I've not contacted her, nor plan to, but I feel sympathetic to her being talked to viciously through the internet. I'm not sure what she did or didn't do, nor do I plan to look into it any further than what I hear on podcasts while I'm at work. Alls I know is, she was a member of our internet community and we should stick up for each other.
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