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"I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than a sex symbol." - Words of wisdom from the deity Steven Seagal

"Existence is random. Has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it too long. No meaning save what we choose to impose." - Alan Moore from Watchmen

My own writing reflects the opinion of every corporation, company, individual, monsters, and gods. Also, cocks!

Coming soon as an actual book you can buy The Bonerquest. Hopefully you'll buy a copy when I'm done with it.

Will you accept The Bonerquest?

Zombies Ate My Neighbors is the best game ever.

Read fun articles Josh (Charlie) wrote for Tomopop or Nukezilla! Professionalism! Also I did some news for Destructoid. Sort of a real writer!

Check out Josh Hayes, a name Charlie uses for journalism on the internet so that he can say silly personal things without the fear of them being exposed openly. That and to hide from people he knew who he don't want to find him, not no way, not no how.

Twitter, or Tumblr!

Old School Games articles are pretty much worth reading. They say write what you know.

X-Com UFO Defense

Zelda 2

X-Men Mutant Apocalypse

Dragon Warrior III

Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse

Final Fantasy 3 (Final Fantasy VI)

Way of the Samurai

Nick Arcade

We Love Katamari

Ninja Gaiden

Toejam & Earl

River City Ransom

Mega Man X

Pokemon Red/Blue

Yakuza series

Operation Darkness


X-Men 2: Clone Wars

Sweet Home

Legend of Dragoon

Clock Tower

Mystal Ninja/Ganabre Goemon series

Onimusha Warlords

Rockin' Kats


Spawn games

God Hand

Blood Will Tell

Super Godzilla


Animal Platformers

Robot Alchemic Drive (R.A.D.)

Buck Rodgers Countdown to Doomsday

Darkwing Duck

Shin Megami Tensei games (Persona, Devil Summoner, Devil Survivor)

Jurassic Park 2

Disgaea & other Nippon Ichi Games (Phantom Brave, Makai Kingdom, La Pucelle Tactics, Soul Nomad)

Twisted Tales of Spike Mcfang

Resident Evil

Legend of Kage

Lost Vikings

Devil May Cry

Comix Zone

X- Men

Threads of Fate

Mutant League Football

Mega Man 7

Castlevania 2

Sonic 2

Dragon Warrior 2

Donkey Kong Country

Spider-man & X-Men Arcades revenge




Splatterhouse 2

Elevator Action

Mega Man 6

Mega Man 5

Dig Dug

Mega Man 4

Mega Man 3

Mega Man 2

Rock Roll Racing


Mega Man

Beat Em Ups PART 6: Future

Beat Em Ups PART 5: Playstation 2/Xbox/Gamecube

Beat Em Ups PART 4: Playstation/Saturn

Beat Em Ups PART 3: Sega Genesis Super Nintendo

Beat Em Ups PART 2: Nintendo

Beat Em Ups PART 1: Arcade

Smash TV

Ghosts & Goblins


Werewolf Last Warrior


Dragon Warrior


Rolling Thunder

Splatterhouse 3

Doom Troopers

Demons Crest

Primal Rage

Zero Wing


G. I. Joe


Listen to Josh "randombullseye" Hayes on Destructoid's #1 bullshit podcast, Bulltoid! There were nearly fifty episodes in total, good luck.
Following (17)  


I'm ready to argue that one button fatalities are awesome. When I saw that DLC was available to simplify them, I was super down for it. Mortal Kombat Trilogy has this feature included as a really awesome cheat code, but this is 2015. Whatever was free and just a cheat code, now it has to cost extra. I was okay with that, it made me feel like I was being gouged for extra money, but I wanted it. My friends aren't super great at video games, I'm only able to really focus on like one or two characters, and I don't care to spend extra money for something I want. 

Well then I read that they're limited use in game, like cell phone games. 

I don't know how to feel other than outraged. I can't just buy that DLC. Anything limited use in a game feels like the absolute worst gouging possible. If it had been five bucks for unlimited one button finishers, sure. It feels like abuse, but limited in app use purchases feel like ritualized abuse. Am I supposed to just keep trowing money at it forever? Like those "games" where you tap to wait, but you can pay to wait less and tap more so you can wait again? No thanks man, this is bullshit.

Mortal Kombat was always way better about having unlockable stuff than other games, while the last game had some skins and extra characters, I don't feel it was as bad as this. This is the worst kind of DLC. 

I'm buying the season pass DLC for thirty bucks. Having Jason and Predator and two other dumpy "original" characters. It's kind of bullshit. Half the price of the game for four new characters, two of which are just color swaps without anything really cool or interestnig at all. I could make a case for guest characters also being dumb, but that's kind of why I want them. 

Predator rules. 


Make way for DLC! 



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Despite being over a year old, I just found this and now I willl share it with everyone I ever meet. 



I've been experimenting with you tube videos, since playsation let me recod straight out of it and upload videos, I did that, three times. I'm not the best player, but I'd like to hope I'm much funnier and more entertaining than most. Because I'm young and I'm fresh, the best combination. 

I did three parts, here is the first where I design my guy and just try to do anything at all.


The struggle gets real in the second video, where our hero loses faith in himself and the game. I come across a big bon fire with a lot of bad guys. 

In the third video, I get better. Not by much. 

That's it! Tell me what I did wrong, subscribe, like, and follow me on twitter @bulltoid 


Topher told me on twitter to tell my friends, so I'm posting this. We are still friends.



 I'm not super into anime, but I got enough of the gags to like it. Topher's an awesome guy, he used to do work here on Destructoid. Tomopop still uses the beedog as their mascot, which is awesome. 


I'm joking, I am super into anime. 

Dragon Pink!



"We are all in this together, but we all die alone."



I might be one of the harshest dudes talking nothing but garbage about Destructoid. It's awful at times, some of the allegations against the place are just cringe worthy. I'm thinking of you sexual harassment and white washing over history. I don't like that at all, because despite how jerky I like to write on here, I try to be a decent human being. I love talking shit about shit, because that's who I am. This place has given me a voice to write about games and allowed me to make friends with people of similar interests and humor.

But what other website will let me openly talk about that? Not Giant Bomb, they close threads and ban conversations they don't want to have hanging around. And they totally sold out, selling their website to a larger company for an undisclosed sum of money, something Destructoid hasn't done yet

take a bite out couch foam

Some simple changes could not only make the place profitable, but could actaully be of artistic value and relevance again. Simple ideas, like defining what Destructoid is. Are we a community site or a news website? Is this place for jerks to talk like jerks or is this Giant Bomb where conversations are policed for presenting alternative ideas full of profanity and what some would argue was hateful speech? 

I seriously heard the Giant Bomb guys have a discussion at the Penny Arcade Expo, where a woman got up and described how great it was that she didn't have to read any negative comments because they were all deleted by the moderation team.

If you don't see something, that doesn't mean it never happened.


That's what bad guys do. I'm not saying everybody should go around describing their murderous suggestions, that's stupid. But if we want dump on something, we should be allowed to.


Even if it's Destructoid's policy of dropping storylines and characters without commenting on it.

oh yes

I've had some disagrements with Niero and CTZ over the years, but this is still where my site too. As much as it is yours. They just think they make money off of it and call it a hobby, this is our place to hang out. Shit is stinking around here and the maintaining radio silence doesn't seem to work guys. 

It was kind of awesome that time I wrote for Destructoid, I would do it again under the right circumstances. I don't care about people using slurs against each other, that's fine. If you go out people up or fingering up ladies that don't want to be fingered up, that's another thing guys.

Actions are always stronger than words, unless words inspire actions. Like the words "Gamers are dead," because gamers aren't dead they kind of take offense to that. In reality, every game journolist proffesional is the Iron Shiek looking to get heat for saying some really offensive shit to rile people up.

Stone Cold Steve Austin might have beaten up his wife, but I really didn't care for his comedy routines and heel turn. I listen to his podcast twice a week, sometimes they are terrible, but I haven't heard him bring up if he did or didn't beat up his wife. Domestic abuse is kind of serious, when he was pressed about it on another proffesional wrestling podcast during an interview, he said it wasn't the time or place to discuss it. When is the time and place to discuss something? If he had just said, I didn't do it, did do it, or I don't talk about that time in my life, that ends the discussion. Answering with "this isn't the time or place" keeps the conversation going. I'm always thinking about it when I listen to his show, I like the character he played on TV, I like him as a person on his radio shows, but did he beat up his wife? Was he capable of that kind of violence? It hurts to think about that might actually have happened.

hell no

Thanks to a quick google search, I found out he was accused of it again in 2004. All my heroes are all tained in one way or another, Destructoid being in the middle of this gamergate thing makes perfect sense.

I looked CTZ the general manager of Destructoid in the eyes and shook his hand saying I looked foreword to trolling his website, who else has the stones to do that? He seemed kind of stunned, but here I am writing this stuff.  I love writing on the forums and occasionally, I write about video games and not how much of an asshole certain staff members were to me on twitter.

Where every writer fucks up is thinking they're better than their readers, you ain't. 

 No matter how much money or success you have, you'll have to wipe your ass like me. Maybe the toliet paper's a little nicer, but frankly I buy the charmin with aloe because of my anal fissure. I'm not entirely sure I want to be a part of any club that would have me as a member.

Like a spider without mandibles I'll keep gumming at the problem. Since I am an "industry powerhouse" according to a social worker I used to talk to on the internet. I'm kind of glad I quit twitter.  The same dude then went on to be critical of people defining their ideological battle with a hashtag. I guess he never read about the ArabSpring? 

Just because you pal around with video game jerks don't make you better than anybody else. I'm not afraid of anybody who breathes the same air as me. I'm happy for people's success, even if I don't like what they produce with that success.  

Everybody who ever wrote about leaving, don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out. Go hang around on Screw Attack with the twelve year olds and see how intellegent their dissertations about their community can be.

Oh wait you can't, because they won't let people write anything they want. Try writing about Handsome Tom and see how they feel about that.

We are all worthless human beings who are going to die. 

We might not know everything we want to know about how this place is run or why, but we still have it for now. All I can do is keep on trucking, the advice that CTZ gave me when he said I hated Destructoid, when I was critical of some choices on the website. I don't hate it at all. I love it. But guys, get your shit together. Synergize your content. Promote your amazon clickthrough revenues. Promote your community and involve them more, they're everything. Most importantly, don't be dickheads and condesending to the people who come to this website.

Without readers, users, viewers, or whatever language you want to use for members, there is no Destructoid. On my paychecks at work, it says "a customer made this check possible." Take that advice to heart, because I damn sure do. 


We made our choice. We are Destructoid. We are fucked either way. 

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What started as a simple allegation of a game creator having exchanged sexual favors spiraled into everyone becoming aware of how terrible people are online. Yes, this is a human problem. I'm not sure if the game developer in question did or didn't do anything wrong.

Get Medieval

Here is my opinion:

I love laughing and seek novelty in all things, I'm looking for humor and love video games because they're stupid. Of course I read gaming websites and news outlets, so when stuff like this comes up and I've heard hours of someone involved, I feel like I'm taking it personal. Zoe Quinn's been on Giant Bomb's morning show quite a bit, so when she suddenly became the target of the internet's rage, I kind of feel terrible. This isn't funny at all. 

This is a witch hunt that started because of an accustation of an unethical sexual relationship. 

Game developers, public relations workers, and journalists are way too chummy. I don't know if they're blowing each other or not, but being a human being myself, it only makes sense that everyone likes sex. At one point in time president Bill Clinton was in some trouble, over a blowjob. I don't know who jammed who or what, the evidence presented by Zoe Quinn's boyfriend would convince me if I was on a jury.

It's the exact same thing as Roy Rice. Yes, it was a crime. There are punishments for a crime. The word "apology" exists so that people can apologize. A pound of flesh isn't necessary for an apology, just like my thoughts on former reviews editor from Destructoid getting in hot water over a transgendered person's finacing gender reassignment surgery with game development.

Shouldn't the punishment fit the crime? If there even was a crime, which I'm not entirely convinced anything crimanal went on. 


In my head, the punishment for consumer product press sleeping with someone whose product they're covering, is shame. They apologize. They hang their head. Occasionally dickheads say dickhead things to them in their comment sections, life goes on. As for Zoe? The same thing. She apologizes, admitting it was all a mistake, goes on making games and everyone moves on with their lives except a few dickheads who bring it up during interviews or in comments.

The problem is, it depends on what the meaning of the word 'is,' how few is a "few? A couple dozen really dedicated truth seeking journalists? Maybe a handful of internet trolls laughing it up in their troll holes online, where they assume nobody is watching as they yuk it up to one another with lots of mean jokes. What's a handful? Is it more than a mouthful?

What happens when the few people who would be silly enough, mean enough, and just plain out motivated enough to give someone shit on the internet is a few hundred people? What if it was a few thousand? What if a million people, all day everyday, sent you death threats and called you names online? What if they dug up tasteful nude photographs and posted them, discussing them in their troll holes online?

Living in the world of the internet, your real name and real address aren't that hard to find. It's fun to play like you're a pro-wrestler with this great kayfabe image to hide behind. I'm doing it right now by posting this as randombullseye, that's me. That's who I want to be. This weird character that loves difficult video games and hates hypocraspy in anything. I love transparency. I'll always break the rules when I feel necessary to say what I have to say about something, I'm not an intellegent man at all. I'm very foolish, I feel like I only have half the story and am always behind on everything.

I'm just concerned for humanity if this is what we keep doing over and over again and again. 

Prank phone calls are one thing, they're bad. Especially unfunny obscene phone calls, there's no humor to someone just calling with threats at all. Neither is their any humor to prank pizza delivery. Imagine if a million people sent a million pizza delivery men to your house with a million pizzas each. While there is humor to pizza delivery pranks, it's childish. Imagine seemingly the entire world descending on your phone all at once.

I feel sympathy for everyone involved, including the trolls doing the "pranking."

What if they made death threats with your address? That's scary. That crosses the thing line from humor to creep. I'm the creator of Bonerquest, I know what creepy is. I've been online a long time, I've said some terrible things to people as a teenager, but death threats and threats of raping people, that's a line too far for me.

What if everyone involved is simply accussed of unethical behavior that they didn't even commit in the first place?

That's the real issue. I maintain that Michael Jackson could have been innocent. I was a big fan of his work in 1991. He was the man everybody loved. Then he was accussed of something so heinous, it could never be forgiven just that he was accussed of it. Maybe he is a monster.

Also involved in this whole story is Anita Sarkasaan, whom I've written negatively about in my troll hole on Destructoid. The thing is, you assume no one you're talking garbage about with your friends is going to read it. Well, what if she did read my mean comments about her outfits? I feel bad that she could read that, but I'm not pulling down. I stand by what I remember writing, I'm sure it was terrible. She's getting the same nonsense that Zoe Quinn is simply because she's pointing out all the ways video games depict women negatively.

I could argue that her pointing out all these negative depictions of women is depicting women negatively.

I for one love witch hunts, exposes humanity.

Also also, the "everything is racist" game.

I feel like I talk about that. My black friend, who doesn't want to be called African American because he is, an American who is black, loves pointing out how everything is racist. We would flip the TV channels landing on things that were innocent of any crime, but he would then do ten minutes of material about how racist cartoons and tampon commercials are. If he couldn't find anything legitimate, he would then mention black things in the room and how the white people had black curtains just to keep black people hanging in their mind. It was the rantings of a lunatic and I cried laughing everytime. That's funny.

The answer is yes, these are racist sand witches.  GET IT SAND WITCHES!

If you can't see the humor in any of this, that's a real issue. The problem is there isn't humor in harassment on this scale. A million people calling you an asshole all day every day would drive the sanest person crazy. How do you beat it? Just don't look. It's why I don't like responding to comments. I block people on twitter who would talk nonsense, if I felt justified giving them a hard fuck you, then I would. I've yelled you fuck you at people in real life. It's great telling people to fuck off.

But what if they're motivated and just keep making proxy accounts, again and again. You'll never know how many people are after you. Years from now, when everyone has forgotten, that kind of person won't forget. It's why I like commenting on something former reviews editor of Destructoid once said about the true community only being in the comment sections of their posts. If you don't call bullshit where you feel it necessary to do so, then why have a voice? I feel being mean with trolling and crossing lines is uncalled for, always.

In the past I said of the poor guy who knowingly sold a broken controller to a Penny-Arcade fan, that I hoped people keep calling him. His phone number was put online and people were calling and asking to buy a controller. That's funny. That guy was mean about something. I bet that guy still gets calls about that.

I'm also concerned about Athiestium, a member of Destructoid's community. Even though she hasn't posted here in a long time, she's still family right? Once we are a group, aren't we a group forever? She was getting heat about tweeting for a game console contest, because she had consulted with a game company years earliar. That happened over a year ago, she's still getting shit for it. I don't think she should be, at least not at the volume she's getting it.

Here is her talking about GamerGate and all her trouble. I feel terrible for her. 

I hope Jeff with a G doesn't listen to anyone who hates him.

That's the real problem with trolling. One troll can have a funny point and really bring something up to someone, but a million is just a swarm of hatred. I don't know how to feel about the mean spirited nature of the internet. My only advice for everybody getting shit on, ignore it. Maybe they'll find something more interesting to do somewhere else, hopefully not to someone else.

TL;DR - This isn't an issue of video gamers being dickheads, this is an issue of people being dickheads. Ever go to a public bathroom and see how people treat that? That's the internet. That's what human beings really are. They're after money, sex, and love. We're also capable of hatred. I hate humanity and ashamed to be alive.

This is some real witch hunt, crucible bullshit. Right down to the fact that there's secret sexual deals going on. Instead of land it's mindshare, advertising, and downright favortism. I doubt any of it is true, but as a spooky Mulder type, I believe the truth is out there and am always going to be skeptical of what anyone tells me. 

Realistically, the story should have been easy to cover. Ask Zoe her side of the story, ask the guys accused of exchanging things for sexual favors their side, let people decide what they want. I feel like I would take Zoe's side of the story, an admittance and apology is great, denial is also great. Either way is better than the misinformation swirling around online.

If only enthusist press had journalists.

Maybe whoever buys Destructoid will have balls?


What do you think?

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