Story 1) The story of Chloe Sagal makes me feel awful, but I read a lot about it.
A person who developed an independent game I never played, has some medical issues. Some sort of metal lodged in their person requiring surgery to be removed. This person sought funding on indiegogo, which functions much the same as Kickstarter. These sorts of “crowd funding” operations are in vogue currently with video games and starting to be a thing for movies. The idea is, a project you want to produce can be funded by a people interested in that work. Kickstarter has a rule that you can’t keep all your money if you don’t make your goal in thirty days. Indiegogo works much the same, except that it has international crowd funding and allows you to keep all the money if you don’t meet your goal.
The problem is, Chloe Sagal did not want to produce a product. The money from her project was refunded to those that backed her. She was unable to afford the operation she had wanted. According to
Eurogamer, the surgery was not for metal poisoning but for something else entirely.
Using my super power of investigation (google searching indiegogo) I looked up the rules on their website:
Indiegogo is a crowdfunding platform where people who want to raise money can create fundraising campaigns to tell their story and get the word out. Indiegogo is also a place to discover what people all over the world are passionate about and how to get involved.
That certainly clears up every concern I had.
Wait a second, that language could be used to argue anything. Well, where is the problem then?
The story gets a little foggy for me here. The story as I understand it is that Chloe Sagal needed this money for this operation, but didn’t have a project so indiegogo refunded the money for the project that didn’t exist. That’s easy to understand. I recently read a
story of a girl who made a simple experiment that got her into trouble, in this story it mentions how the NASA engineer from West Virginia, the one depicted by Jake Gyllenhaal in the movie October Sky. That movie meant a lot to me, being from West Virginia and not being a complete idiot, it made me think, well, maybe someone can actually do something from here. What he did was start a campaign to send this to space camp, where I assume she will learn real chemistry.
The service used, was specifically for fundraisers, called Crowd TiltI commented of this story, that merely all that needed to be done was for the donations to go through another service, be it paypal or this thing I didn’t know existed. Some people on twitter, implied I was insensitive for suggesting that.
That very night I was reading about this, a story came up that Chloe had attempted suicide on a web cam.
That I have no opinion of, other than this statement about suicide: If someone wants to kill themselves, I will not stop them nor encourage them to the best of my ability. As a believer that all life is suffering, I cannot judge the action of taking your own life. If that’s what you want to do, I can’t stop you. A well motivated person will do whatever they want regardless of how much I try to help or don’t try to help. This is a lesson I’ve learned the hard way. I have reported this story based upon
Destructoid's post about the indiegogo and the incredibly buried forum post
where Niero, the founder of Destructoid talks about this story.
I wonder why people want to kill themselves? I want to die, because I feel like I don’t belong. I feel aliened at every turn. I think that perhaps in death, I can get some sort of peace. I don't think about this as often as I used to, ever since I had a real moment of clarity.
This is a foolish thought for many reasons. No religious doctrine has ever suggested suicide leads to any sort of paradise. In fact, I don’t think it leads to any sort of limbo or purgatory either according to any scriptures. There is also the thought that, perhaps consciousness doesn’t extend beyond death. That once we die, that’s it. The light switch is on, then it goes off forever. The thought I had a few years ago, as I wrestled with the idea of death was simple: What if I lived my life, like I was in an alternate universe, where I was successful. Where instead of being an idiot, I attempted to learn and grow as a person in every way I could. That in this alternate world, where I didn’t die that night, I have an infinite potential to anything I want. I’ve spent a lot of this time playing video games and watching cartoons, but I do so with more glee than I had since I was twelve when my older cousin was murdered and a downward spiral of depression set in, that still haunts my soul. The idea that your soul exists and can be in pain, that hurts a lot. If someone wants to kill themselves, why try to stop them.
According to the law, suicide is a felony in a lot of the United States of America. Even if you have cancer and a mind full of sorrow, legally killing yourself or having someone kill you, is illegal.
But if you really want to, I can’t stop you. Like when I googled suicide and hit images like an idiot, I can't unsee what I just saw.
Beyond my simple letter of the law examination,
the Destructoid community has had some talks about it. I’m fascinated by this story and how it continues to spark discussions about a lot of things.
As the forum thread talks about, the author of the Destructoid front page post first detailing this story, came under fire for allegedly posting messages on twitter about the alleged transsexuality of the indie game developer. This, I can have an opinion on. I do not think it is okay to out anyone who is gay, lesbian, transgendered, or anything. I still love discussing who is and isn’t what, but that’s different from outing someone. This is not the right thing to do, so I now attempt to avoid such discussions. It is rather catty to talk about people, especially people I don’t know. I do not judge anything Chloe has done. I don’t own indiegogo, I did not send money to her crowd funding, I haven’t played their video game, nor do I know them at all.
However, as a community member of Destructoid in bad standing, I have engaged with Alister over twitter, commented on his posts, and probably skimmed a majority of his writing.
I also judge the action of outing anyone a harsh one. A lot of people can’t accept who they are, they aren’t confident enough, you can get so broken down by the people around them, that they can’t talk about how they feel. I don’t like that. I want everyone to be open with me. This is why I have a policy, if you want to talk to me at any time about anything, you can contact me. I won’t judge you or your actions. I’m just looking for someone to talk to. E-mail is the best way to contact me: [email=randombullseye@gmail.com]randombullseye@gmail.com[/email] If I ever get a cell phone, I’ll publish the number publicly so anyone can call me.
Now that I’ve told you I won’t judge you, let me judge someone’s actions.
What Alister did was an unethical thing to do. According to Destructoid founder Niero, he informed Alister not to talk about Chloe being transgendered. Alister wisely kept it real, posting messages to twitter that I have yet to find. If this is wrong information, correct me. If anyone has the actual messages, please show them to me in the comments section below. I want to judge them for myself. I judge this as unethical based on second hand knowledge, the information I read He was punished with a suspension, on Monday morning a meeting is being held to decide his future according to that forum thread, but I imagine a large percentage of the internet won’t be satisfied until he is physically crucified on a mountain top, also castrated. This exaggeration is probably not enough for some people.
A pound of flesh isn’t the answer.
Was it obvious from the video in the first Destructoid post about this, that this woman was transgendered? I didn’t comment on that. I don’t think I did. It would be mean to mock someone sick, but we are all dying. At no point can any of you reading this stop yourselves from dying, so why can’t we all be sympathetic to each other all the time?
In my younger and less nobler days, I would have said dozens of mean spirited comments thinking no one who would be effected by them would read them. I’m sure Morgan Webb appreciates me
comparing her to a dog. I don’t know why I thought that was funny or how it got published. I think about my time as a new toys journalist with my jaw dropped. Maybe I saw her on TV while I was writing that and thought that would be silly? Saying silly things on the internet can be fun, but the reality of today is that anything you say about someone isn’t anonymous. Google alerts mean that if I mention certain people, they’ll know I’m talking about them. Me saying Alister did a unenthical thing, will get back to Alister. In fact, I’ll message him myself and tell him that, as if no one else said anything to him. He has gone dark on the internet. I will try to reach him and talk to him about this, even if it is a year from now when no one else cares, I won’t forget. I try to never forget anything, if something was important a year ago, if it really was worth talking about, shouldn’t we recall what it was?
Thing is, if what he did was so bad, why spread it around the internet on other websites? It really looks like other websites are jealous of Destructoid and want to be the first to condemn us for anything. The features editor said something on twitter that they deleted. If you really want to keep that information close to the vest, if it really was such dangerous information, why put it all over the place? Gilbert Godfrey’s jokes about the Japanese tsunami were repeated on news programs, I was offended. They butchered his material and never attempted to imitate his voice at all.
That isn’t to say I want the guy fired. I imagine he understands he upset some people, knowing is half the battle. Learning from a mistake is the other.
It isn’t like Destructoid hasn’t fired people before! One gentleman wrote comments to a pretty haired girl making light of how she didn’t do anything worth note. It was never really brought up on the site. Maybe it was buried on the forums somewhere, but an open discussion of the gentleman and his words never really materialized. We celebrate the success of guys like Reverend Anthony, but we never the failures of others. Perhaps my belief in learning from every mistake is not something most people consider important, but to me, learning from failure might be the most important thing I ever realized.The gentleman merely disappeared without trace. He was news on other websites for a day or two, then that story fades away, like every story. Except for the people involved in those stories.
If we’re supposed to buy into the idea of Destructoid as a personality driven website, when these personalities disappear are we not supposed to notice? There is never a front page post saying “oh hey, uh, that guy who wrote stuff and was an intern, like he’s not around now.” Some people get goodbye posts, while others fade out without mentioning that they left. Maybe they were on bad terms, maybe there was a horrible fight, or maybe it isn’t news everyone needs to know.
The fact that the forum thread discussing this is locked, I find unethical. I don’t know who did it, but I judge that action much harsher than I do what Alister deleted off his twitter. Maybe when I find the actual words, I’ll be really pissed off or rethink the issue completely.
I don’t know what is kayfabe and what isn’t. Did Colette really return her powerglove three times? Did Jim Sterling really hear someone yell out, “don’t stomp his face in!” while walking down the road in Britan? Did Chad really live next door to a rich kid who had every game ever? Does anyone ever know what I'm talking about?
I don’t know for sure. These stories are part of a canon that is Destructoid. Like it or not, negative or positive, the people here and what they do or don’t do is a part of that narrative. Some argue I’m wrong to refer to someone dying as “their story ending,” but my story keeps on going and I’m the hero in my story.
Could that make me a villain in another story?
I’ve tried to write “in character” as a trash talker of low intelligence. The exaggeration of my own joker personality online has been monstrous. I’ve rolled across the place like Ganghis Khan. I’ve salted the earth like the romans, but I’ve had some failures. Whenever I try to get really real, I think people tune right the fuck out. Well sorry, that’s how it’s going to be. I’m long winded, I circle around topics, and I like to mention my genitals as much as possible.
I don’t think I want to do that anymore. I think my heel to face run is about to get some real heat, making me a bigger heel as a face.
At what point does reality set in? Will I realize that professional wrestling tropes don’t define everything? When can I say anything and be safe? Tracey Morgan, a comedian, said things on stage he had been saying for years, but people got mad about that. Daniel Tosh, a comedian, was savaged by women across the internet for making a rape joke when prompted by the audience to make jokes about things he couldn’t joke about. The exact joke was great too, he made his rape joke, then someone stood up and said they thought rape was never funny. Daniel Tosh yelled back, “I hope you get raped tonight!” The idea of a person being raped is funny right? Why am I not smiling or laughing as I write that out and read it back to myself. If I say the N word right here, nerd, and get away with it and feel like I really done something, could I ever use the N word for nerd and not
nig ger and have that be funny again? I do a poor Chris Rock
impersonation that uses this routine. As I watch that tape, I start imitating him repeating all the racist things he says to an applauding audience. Does that make me a nerd? What is the appropriateness of language? Can words really hurt? I don’t exactly know where the line is, but luckily, there are obscenity laws! I love that for any problem, there’s a law on the books to be argued with.
I was about to publish a research paper here in the middle of all this about such laws in America, the comstock law, the hicklin test, and so much more information that I don’t want to share with you. I’ll publish this piece, with the thought in my mind
does this make the Bonerquest obscene?
'the average person, applying contemporary community standards would find that the work, taken as a whole, appeals to the prurient interest, (b) whether the work depicts or describes, in a patently offensive way, sexual conduct specifically defined by the applicable state law; and (c) whether the work, taken as a whole, lacks serious literary, artistic, political, or scientific value
Now let’s get really personal!
For the record, I’ve considered myself a transexual for many years. I tell people that all the time, but nobody takes that serious. As a humorist, I have a lot of trouble being taken serious. I recently had it out over twitter, discussing the ideas of transsexuality and being told that I couldn’t understand and that I was an idiot for thinking I could ever. I tried opening up about myself to these people, which was a mistake I won’t ever do again.
Oh fuck.
I like to think of myself as only a few dozen operations away from being a woman, but I haven’t the motivation or money to do it. Plus I don’t think I would make a beautiful woman as I am now, but I really want to be one. If technology can make it so that I can be considered pretty, I’m becoming a woman that day. I’ll sign up and be so happy. Until then, I’m keeping my dick and balls. If I ever really feel like it, the option will be available to me to have them removed. I don’t know how openly other people talk about this stuff, they don’t seem to be as uncouth as me about it, but that’s how I feel. I like women. I like having my dick and balls, but if the day comes that I can be a beautiful woman, I want to be that.
For the record as well, I also consider myself black, libertarian, goth, a pelican, an economist, a professional writer, and up for consideration as a nominee for a Nobel prize. How am I supposed to know for sure that they aren’t thinking of me right now?
When I start publishing books, I will send copies to the Nobel committee with a post it not saying “for your consideration.” For the purposes of comedy, I consider myself Jewish but I find myself following a lot of buddhist ideologies I read off wikipedia and take things the Dali Lama says seriously, even though he’s a man with dick and balls who wipes his ass like I do. Maybe I’m joking, maybe I’m not, and I think that’s where the line needs to be drawn. If anything I ever say offends you,
fuck you. I stand by what I say, unless I can be made to feel bad about it. Good luck doing that to me, I openly challenge anyone to make me regret what I say, so that I can be a better, more understanding person. As someone who has trolled the internet for over a dozen years in the darkest crypts of the internet, yes, I used to post on webcomic forums, I’ve become stone cold.
Just the other day a guy I work construction with told me I couldn’t have a day off work I already cleared with the guy in charge. He asked, “Who do you think you are?” I yelled from on top the ladder I was on, “I’m Charles, a god damn tax payer and a grown fucking man. Fuck you.” Later, he apologized for being on my ass about taking some days off work. I apologized, saying “I probably shouldn’t have told you to go fuck yourself. I’m sorry I said that.” We shook hands like men, shared some laughs that night, and now I’m on my days off work writing about people I don’t know on the internet. For legal reasons, I almost wrote a redaction of that statement. I don’t necessarily love the job I’m working at so what am I defending by saying this garbage?
I did not actually tell my superviser to go fuck himself, I merely made that up for the purpose of making myself sound cooler than I really am. What kind of maniac yells something like that, while standing on a step stool in the cereal aisle, then goes online and brags about it like it was cool?
I am a grown fucking man who stands by what he says. If it gets me in trouble or not, great. I still have to live with words. We shook hands and both apologized. I did the same thing as a kid, but somehow this behavior is childish? People say dumb shit all the time. That’s what twitter was made for! People are human. That’s a realization we all have to try to wrap our minds around, I still don’t know for sure if I’m human or a person, but I know I’m capable of hurting other people’s feelings and having my own hurt. I’m not looking for trouble, I’m merely here to do diligence as a talented professional writer.
If you really think I’m joking about wanting to be a woman, when that technology is perfect and I’m beautiful, I won’t let you see my tits. They’ll be as big as my balls too.