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"I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than a sex symbol." - Words of wisdom from the deity Steven Seagal

"Existence is random. Has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it too long. No meaning save what we choose to impose." - Alan Moore from Watchmen



My own writing reflects the opinion of every corporation, company, individual, monsters, and gods. Also, cocks!



Coming soon as an actual book you can buy The Bonerquest. Hopefully you'll buy a copy when I'm done with it.

Will you accept The Bonerquest?



Zombies Ate My Neighbors is the best game ever.

Read fun articles Josh (Charlie) wrote for Tomopop or Nukezilla! Professionalism! Also I did some news for Destructoid. Sort of a real writer!

Check out Josh Hayes, a name Charlie uses for journalism on the internet so that he can say silly personal things without the fear of them being exposed openly. That and to hide from people he knew who he don't want to find him, not no way, not no how.

Twitter, or Tumblr!

Old School Games articles are pretty much worth reading. They say write what you know.

X-Com UFO Defense

Zelda 2

X-Men Mutant Apocalypse

Dragon Warrior III

Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse

Final Fantasy 3 (Final Fantasy VI)

Way of the Samurai

Nick Arcade

We Love Katamari

Ninja Gaiden

Toejam & Earl

River City Ransom

Mega Man X

Pokemon Red/Blue

Yakuza series

Operation Darkness

Emultion

X-Men 2: Clone Wars

Sweet Home

Legend of Dragoon

Clock Tower

Mystal Ninja/Ganabre Goemon series

Onimusha Warlords

Rockin' Kats

Karnov

Spawn games

God Hand

Blood Will Tell

Super Godzilla

Junction

Animal Platformers

Robot Alchemic Drive (R.A.D.)

Buck Rodgers Countdown to Doomsday

Darkwing Duck

Shin Megami Tensei games (Persona, Devil Summoner, Devil Survivor)

Jurassic Park 2

Disgaea & other Nippon Ichi Games (Phantom Brave, Makai Kingdom, La Pucelle Tactics, Soul Nomad)

Twisted Tales of Spike Mcfang

Resident Evil

Legend of Kage

Lost Vikings

Devil May Cry

Comix Zone

X- Men

Threads of Fate

Mutant League Football

Mega Man 7

Castlevania 2

Sonic 2

Dragon Warrior 2

Donkey Kong Country

Spider-man & X-Men Arcades revenge

Vectorman

Sonic

Actraiser

Splatterhouse 2

Elevator Action

Mega Man 6

Mega Man 5

Dig Dug

Mega Man 4

Mega Man 3

Mega Man 2

Rock Roll Racing

Castlevania

Mega Man

Beat Em Ups PART 6: Future

Beat Em Ups PART 5: Playstation 2/Xbox/Gamecube

Beat Em Ups PART 4: Playstation/Saturn

Beat Em Ups PART 3: Sega Genesis Super Nintendo

Beat Em Ups PART 2: Nintendo

Beat Em Ups PART 1: Arcade

Smash TV

Ghosts & Goblins

Paperboy

Werewolf Last Warrior

Battletoads

Dragon Warrior

Ducktales

Rolling Thunder

Splatterhouse 3

Doom Troopers

Demons Crest

Primal Rage

Zero Wing

Chakan

G. I. Joe

__



Listen to Josh "randombullseye" Hayes on Destructoid's #1 bullshit podcast, Bulltoid! There were nearly fifty episodes in total, good luck.
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What started as a simple allegation of a game creator having exchanged sexual favors spiraled into everyone becoming aware of how terrible people are online. Yes, this is a human problem. I'm not sure if the game developer in question did or didn't do anything wrong.

Get Medieval

Here is my opinion:

I love laughing and seek novelty in all things, I'm looking for humor and love video games because they're stupid. Of course I read gaming websites and news outlets, so when stuff like this comes up and I've heard hours of someone involved, I feel like I'm taking it personal. Zoe Quinn's been on Giant Bomb's morning show quite a bit, so when she suddenly became the target of the internet's rage, I kind of feel terrible. This isn't funny at all. 

This is a witch hunt that started because of an accustation of an unethical sexual relationship. 

Game developers, public relations workers, and journalists are way too chummy. I don't know if they're blowing each other or not, but being a human being myself, it only makes sense that everyone likes sex. At one point in time president Bill Clinton was in some trouble, over a blowjob. I don't know who jammed who or what, the evidence presented by Zoe Quinn's boyfriend would convince me if I was on a jury.

It's the exact same thing as Roy Rice. Yes, it was a crime. There are punishments for a crime. The word "apology" exists so that people can apologize. A pound of flesh isn't necessary for an apology, just like my thoughts on former reviews editor from Destructoid getting in hot water over a transgendered person's finacing gender reassignment surgery with game development.

Shouldn't the punishment fit the crime? If there even was a crime, which I'm not entirely convinced anything crimanal went on. 

SHAME THE WITCH!

In my head, the punishment for consumer product press sleeping with someone whose product they're covering, is shame. They apologize. They hang their head. Occasionally dickheads say dickhead things to them in their comment sections, life goes on. As for Zoe? The same thing. She apologizes, admitting it was all a mistake, goes on making games and everyone moves on with their lives except a few dickheads who bring it up during interviews or in comments.

The problem is, it depends on what the meaning of the word 'is,' how few is a "few? A couple dozen really dedicated truth seeking journalists? Maybe a handful of internet trolls laughing it up in their troll holes online, where they assume nobody is watching as they yuk it up to one another with lots of mean jokes. What's a handful? Is it more than a mouthful?

What happens when the few people who would be silly enough, mean enough, and just plain out motivated enough to give someone shit on the internet is a few hundred people? What if it was a few thousand? What if a million people, all day everyday, sent you death threats and called you names online? What if they dug up tasteful nude photographs and posted them, discussing them in their troll holes online?

Living in the world of the internet, your real name and real address aren't that hard to find. It's fun to play like you're a pro-wrestler with this great kayfabe image to hide behind. I'm doing it right now by posting this as randombullseye, that's me. That's who I want to be. This weird character that loves difficult video games and hates hypocraspy in anything. I love transparency. I'll always break the rules when I feel necessary to say what I have to say about something, I'm not an intellegent man at all. I'm very foolish, I feel like I only have half the story and am always behind on everything.

I'm just concerned for humanity if this is what we keep doing over and over again and again. 

Prank phone calls are one thing, they're bad. Especially unfunny obscene phone calls, there's no humor to someone just calling with threats at all. Neither is their any humor to prank pizza delivery. Imagine if a million people sent a million pizza delivery men to your house with a million pizzas each. While there is humor to pizza delivery pranks, it's childish. Imagine seemingly the entire world descending on your phone all at once.

I feel sympathy for everyone involved, including the trolls doing the "pranking."

What if they made death threats with your address? That's scary. That crosses the thing line from humor to creep. I'm the creator of Bonerquest, I know what creepy is. I've been online a long time, I've said some terrible things to people as a teenager, but death threats and threats of raping people, that's a line too far for me.

What if everyone involved is simply accussed of unethical behavior that they didn't even commit in the first place?

That's the real issue. I maintain that Michael Jackson could have been innocent. I was a big fan of his work in 1991. He was the man everybody loved. Then he was accussed of something so heinous, it could never be forgiven just that he was accussed of it. Maybe he is a monster.

Also involved in this whole story is Anita Sarkasaan, whom I've written negatively about in my troll hole on Destructoid. The thing is, you assume no one you're talking garbage about with your friends is going to read it. Well, what if she did read my mean comments about her outfits? I feel bad that she could read that, but I'm not pulling down. I stand by what I remember writing, I'm sure it was terrible. She's getting the same nonsense that Zoe Quinn is simply because she's pointing out all the ways video games depict women negatively.

I could argue that her pointing out all these negative depictions of women is depicting women negatively.

I for one love witch hunts, exposes humanity.

Also also, the "everything is racist" game.

I feel like I talk about that. My black friend, who doesn't want to be called African American because he is, an American who is black, loves pointing out how everything is racist. We would flip the TV channels landing on things that were innocent of any crime, but he would then do ten minutes of material about how racist cartoons and tampon commercials are. If he couldn't find anything legitimate, he would then mention black things in the room and how the white people had black curtains just to keep black people hanging in their mind. It was the rantings of a lunatic and I cried laughing everytime. That's funny.

The answer is yes, these are racist sand witches.  GET IT SAND WITCHES!

If you can't see the humor in any of this, that's a real issue. The problem is there isn't humor in harassment on this scale. A million people calling you an asshole all day every day would drive the sanest person crazy. How do you beat it? Just don't look. It's why I don't like responding to comments. I block people on twitter who would talk nonsense, if I felt justified giving them a hard fuck you, then I would. I've yelled you fuck you at people in real life. It's great telling people to fuck off.

But what if they're motivated and just keep making proxy accounts, again and again. You'll never know how many people are after you. Years from now, when everyone has forgotten, that kind of person won't forget. It's why I like commenting on something former reviews editor of Destructoid once said about the true community only being in the comment sections of their posts. If you don't call bullshit where you feel it necessary to do so, then why have a voice? I feel being mean with trolling and crossing lines is uncalled for, always.

In the past I said of the poor guy who knowingly sold a broken controller to a Penny-Arcade fan, that I hoped people keep calling him. His phone number was put online and people were calling and asking to buy a controller. That's funny. That guy was mean about something. I bet that guy still gets calls about that.

I'm also concerned about Athiestium, a member of Destructoid's community. Even though she hasn't posted here in a long time, she's still family right? Once we are a group, aren't we a group forever? She was getting heat about tweeting for a game console contest, because she had consulted with a game company years earliar. That happened over a year ago, she's still getting shit for it. I don't think she should be, at least not at the volume she's getting it.

Here is her talking about GamerGate and all her trouble. I feel terrible for her. 

I hope Jeff with a G doesn't listen to anyone who hates him.

That's the real problem with trolling. One troll can have a funny point and really bring something up to someone, but a million is just a swarm of hatred. I don't know how to feel about the mean spirited nature of the internet. My only advice for everybody getting shit on, ignore it. Maybe they'll find something more interesting to do somewhere else, hopefully not to someone else.

TL;DR - This isn't an issue of video gamers being dickheads, this is an issue of people being dickheads. Ever go to a public bathroom and see how people treat that? That's the internet. That's what human beings really are. They're after money, sex, and love. We're also capable of hatred. I hate humanity and ashamed to be alive.

This is some real witch hunt, crucible bullshit. Right down to the fact that there's secret sexual deals going on. Instead of land it's mindshare, advertising, and downright favortism. I doubt any of it is true, but as a spooky Mulder type, I believe the truth is out there and am always going to be skeptical of what anyone tells me. 

Realistically, the story should have been easy to cover. Ask Zoe her side of the story, ask the guys accused of exchanging things for sexual favors their side, let people decide what they want. I feel like I would take Zoe's side of the story, an admittance and apology is great, denial is also great. Either way is better than the misinformation swirling around online.

If only enthusist press had journalists.

Maybe whoever buys Destructoid will have balls?

 

What do you think?

Photo Photo Photo










Hi my name is randombullseye, I play video games.

Blood Will Tell - Playstation 2

Longtime readers know I really liked this game, but never finished it. Luckily I lost the yellow memory card that had my save on it, so I got to start all over again.†

You play as a frankenstein like man. his father pledged pieces of him to forty eight demons, as you play through the game fighting demons you recover body parts. Each adds better stats onto your guy, as well as practical abilities. The easy example is the game starts in black and white, when you get your eye back it goes to color.

Oh and instead of being a slow Frankenstein, you're a samurai with sword arms.†

Sometimes the game has a strange localization. I plan on tracking down whoever did this "press buttons" translation. Cause damn.,

What a wonderful premise. I want to read the Japanese comics and watch the cartoon. I really love the way the story flows, curious how the original version of it went.†

Front Mission 4 - Playstation 2

I'm a fan of strategy games. Tactics Ogre and Final Fantasy Tactics are very important games to me, Front Mission is like that with robots. I messaged Yojimbo telling him I really loved the†Three Kings†robot soldiers stealing gold plotline. The campaign is divided between two factions, like all†Front Mission†games, but this time you swap back and fourth at set points throughout the story.†

So you would only have to play this super long game once if you wanted to see the story. Here's hoping I finish it, but I haven't touched it in three weeks. That's usually a bad sign for me finishing a game. I've played every†Front Mission†I think. I never finished any of them. Oh I should probably pick up the shooter that came out on Xbox 360? I have a feeling it could be the kind of fun bad that I like.

The reason I been playing so much Playstation 2, it's what I have at my parents place. It's been a tough year.†

Dead Space 3 - Playstation 3†

I really loved Dead Space 2. There weren't that many great games this generation, but it certainly hit all the right notes. It varied enviroments, had solid gameplay that constantly had interesting changes thrown at me, and it had some genuinely great moments of storytelling and presentation. The first game was a rental that really wanted to be resident evil 4. By the last few chapters, I was ready for it to end. Dead Space 2, I felt like I could've played another couple hours shooting bad guys and been okay.†

I enter dead space 3 with trepidation.†



It got a mixed reception critically, it had bad in app-purchases laid into the game. It also added co-op, which is what soured me on resident evil 5. It's cool playing games with someone else, but I'm often alone. I'm a single player in a world where everyone wants to make massive multiplayer worlds. †I'm anxious to see if this is worth it or not. I loaded it up once and just watched the previously on dead space video.†

I must say, parts of dead space 2 weren't great. The scene that really stuck with me as great was when the hero of the game slinks against a wall in failure, as a ghost sits beside him and talks to him. He just looks like he wants to give up. It was a perfect moment in fiction. Forget video games, literature, or movies, fiction. It was such a great moment. Dead Space 2 might be one of the only big releases I really loved this entire generation. Sure, it built off Resident Evil 4, but it splintered in it's own way. It added some powers like the freeze thing you could do and some basic lifting power, I loved that. The dismemberment went so much further than Turok 2, which I recall fondly being impressed by almost twenty years ago. The thing that I loved most was the roller coaster way †the game progressed. If you did the same thing twice, it usually had a different twist on it, but the backbone of the game, shooting monsters, it felt so great.

My first experience with dead space 3 was extraordinarily negative. I chose hard, thinking that would be where I should start off. Wrong. The first two guys you fight killed me over ten times. On normal I quickly destroyed both bad guys easily. After a really great start, it final fantasy twelves me. Everything I just did was bullshit, but probably super important.†



When I played that, it was so cool sliding down a mountain. I had control of my gun, so I assumed I would get to shoot something. Unfortunately, not so much. Leads me to believe I will slide down something later.†

The main story picks up with the lead character of dead space swept into fighting humans? I did this for a short bit and quit. Not becasue I wanted to, I just got busy with other things.†

X-COM - Enemy Within†



The game is now working much better. I say better, because I still had two hard locks.

I finished a campaign on classic for the first time. Enemy Unknown classic isn't so bad, I can pretty well destroy that, but Enemy Within got me eight times. I didn't just whoop the game, I decimated it. By the end I had an army and a back up army of killers. This was my second full completion of Enemy Within, I'm still not sure exactly how the headquarters invasion works. I spent time making a B-Team who were replaced by rookies for no reason.

†I don't think I'll be doing that again.†



Now I'm playing impossible. Things have gone better, but I made a character named Stone Cold this time around. He's bald and has a bad goatee, like the real stone cold. I'm only a few council members away from losing the entire game, but I have lasers.

Tomb Raider - PS3

Well this was actually pretty great. It's a lot like Uncharted, but I actually like the parts where I'm killing guys. So it feels more like Uncharted 2 that way. Big set piece exploration levels and scenes of enemy encounters seem to leap frog one another quite nicely. Much like the Resident Evil 4 model I say all games should go for, it continually mixes things up. It has some interesting archeology mechanics where you find artifacts and can examine them in a 3D space, like in the first Resident Evil. It seems to only be information that unlocks.†



I really love shooting people with the bow. That's kind of awesome to shoot guys using machine guns with an arrow.

Dark Souls 2 - PS3

My wizard play through continues past iron keep, but I got sidetracked on a high dexterity character doing the player versus player combat. I really enjoy that. This game is definitely a step backward from previous games content wise, but the accessibility is so much better.†

Make no mistake, this is an amazing piece of video game that shouldn't be missed by anybody. The problem is me. I finished Demon Souls at least a year after I got it. Dark Souls took me almost three weeks. Dark Souls 2 took two weeks. I'm wondering if I'm getting better at video games? I certainly feel like I'm grasping the stat mechanics.†

Minecraft - PC

I †built this big castle, way past everything else I built on a rail system that goes across a river then over a forrest the last time I played. Now I tripled the size of that castle and made the rail system go even longer. †This is one of the most fun wastes of time I can find.

Company of Heroes - PC

Somehow, I picked the nazi campaign. I guess my save from the first American campaign erased, so I picked the next one. Surprise! I'm playing as nazis. Kind of feel conflicted in doing that. I mean I really want to play the best that I can, but even if I'm the greatest nazi ever, they still lose the war.†

Super Nintendo !

I played some Super Bases Loaded and Super Mario Kart one day. Those games are awesome. I also played through three worlds of Mario World on All Stars, because that game is also awesome.†



I also spent some time watching pro-wrestling on the iPAD and playing one of the Super Adventure Island sequels. Not a great †game, but something of a hidden gem. I really enjoyed the way you upgrade your character. It really made me want to replay†Demon's Crest†again, but I didn't get around to doing that.†

Civilization V - PC

The less said about the night I spent playing this the better. It was not going well, then the game crashed. The same happened when I tried out the Sims 3. What a night that was.†

Sid Meier's Alpha†Centauri- PC

Having never played this, I was a bit surprised by how clunky it was. I don't know what I was expecting. I also tried out Sid Meir's Railroads, but with even less success. I at least managed to do something in Alpha Centuari, I made a colony, New Mongolia, I picked the despot as my character who looked Mongolian enough to me. My goal was to try and kill everything I could, space fungus seemingly immediately killed me. I tried again another day, but was equally confused and overwhelmed the choices I could make in the game. I hope the new†Civilization version†has a tutorial.†



That's it!











Blood Will Tell - Playstation 2

Longtime readers know I really liked this game, but never finished it. Luckily I lost the yellow memory card that had my save on it, so I got to start all over again.†

You play as a frankenstein like man. his father pledged pieces of him to forty eight demons, as you play through the game fighting demons you recover body parts. Each adds better stats onto your guy, as well as practical abilities. The easy example is the game starts in black and white, when you get your eye back it goes to color.

Oh and instead of being a slow Frankenstein, you're a samurai with sword arms.†

Sometimes the game has a strange localization. I plan on tracking down whoever did this "press buttons" translation. Cause damn.,

What a wonderful premise. I want to read the Japanese comics and watch the cartoon. I really love the way the story flows, curious how the original version of it went.†

Front Mission 4 - Playstation 2

I'm a fan of strategy games. Tactics Ogre and Final Fantasy Tactics are very important games to me, Front Mission is like that with robots. I messaged Yojimbo telling him I really loved the Three Kings robot soldiers stealing gold plotline. The campaign is divided between two factions, like all Front Mission games, but this time you swap back and fourth at set points throughout the story.†

So you would only have to play this super long game once if you wanted to see the story. Here's hoping I finish it, but I haven't touched it in three weeks. That's usually a bad sign for me finishing a game. I've played every Front Mission I think. I never finished any of them. Oh I should probably pick up the shooter that came out on Xbox 360? I have a feeling it could be the kind of fun bad that I like.

The reason I been playing so much Playstation 2, it's what I have at my parents place. It's been a tough year.†

Dead Space 3 - Playstation 3†

I really loved Dead Space 2. There weren't that many great games this generation, but it certainly hit all the right notes. It varied enviroments, had solid gameplay that constantly had interesting changes thrown at me, and it had some genuinely great moments of storytelling and presentation. The first game was a rental that really wanted to be resident evil 4. By the last few chapters, I was ready for it to end. Dead Space 2, I felt like I could've played another couple hours shooting bad guys and been okay.†

I enter dead space 3 with trepidation.†



It got a mixed reception critically, it had bad in app-purchases laid into the game. It also added co-op, which is what soured me on resident evil 5. It's cool playing games with someone else, but I'm often alone. I'm a single player in a world where everyone wants to make massive multiplayer worlds. †I'm anxious to see if this is worth it or not. I loaded it up once and just watched the previously on dead space video.†

I must say, parts of dead space 2 weren't great. The scene that really stuck with me as great was when the hero of the game slinks against a wall in failure, as a ghost sits beside him and talks to him. He just looks like he wants to give up. It was a perfect moment in fiction. Forget video games, literature, or movies, fiction. It was such a great moment. Dead Space 2 might be one of the only big releases I really loved this entire generation. Sure, it built off Resident Evil 4, but it splintered in it's own way. It added some powers like the freeze thing you could do and some basic lifting power, I loved that. The dismemberment went so much further than Turok 2, which I recall fondly being impressed by almost twenty years ago. The thing that I loved most was the roller coaster way †the game progressed. If you did the same thing twice, it usually had a different twist on it, but the backbone of the game, shooting monsters, it felt so great.

My first experience with dead space 3 was extraordinarily negative. I chose hard, thinking that would be where I should start off. Wrong. The first two guys you fight killed me over ten times. On normal I quickly destroyed both bad guys easily. After a really great start, it final fantasy twelves me. Everything I just did was bullshit, but probably super important.†



When I played that, it was so cool sliding down a mountain. I had control of my gun, so I assumed I would get to shoot something. Unfortunately, not so much. Leads me to believe I will slide down something later.†

The main story picks up with the lead character of dead space swept into fighting humans? I did this for a short bit and quit. Not becasue I wanted to, I just got busy with other things.†

X-COM - Enemy Within†



The game is now working much better. I say better, because I still had two hard locks.

I finished a campaign on classic for the first time. Enemy Unknown classic isn't so bad, I can pretty well destroy that, but Enemy Within got me eight times. I didn't just whoop the game, I decimated it. By the end I had an army and a back up army of killers. This was my second full completion of Enemy Within, I'm still not sure exactly how the headquarters invasion works. I spent time making a B-Team who were replaced by rookies for no reason.

†I don't think I'll be doing that again.†



Now I'm playing impossible. Things have gone better, but I made a character named Stone Cold this time around. He's bald and has a bad goatee, like the real stone cold. I'm only a few council members away from losing the entire game, but I have lasers.

Tomb Raider - PS3

Well this was actually pretty great. It's a lot like Uncharted, but I actually like the parts where I'm killing guys. So it feels more like Uncharted 2 that way. Big set piece exploration levels and scenes of enemy encounters seem to leap frog one another quite nicely. Much like the Resident Evil 4 model I say all games should go for, it continually mixes things up. It has some interesting archeology mechanics where you find artifacts and can examine them in a 3D space, like in the first Resident Evil. It seems to only be information that unlocks.†



I really love shooting people with the bow. That's kind of awesome to shoot guys using machine guns with an arrow.

Dark Souls 2 - PS3

My wizard play through continues past iron keep, but I got sidetracked on a high dexterity character doing the player versus player combat. I really enjoy that. This game is definitely a step backward from previous games content wise, but the accessibility is so much better.†

Make no mistake, this is an amazing piece of video game that shouldn't be missed by anybody. The problem is me. I finished Demon Souls at least a year after I got it. Dark Souls took me almost three weeks. Dark Souls 2 took two weeks. I'm wondering if I'm getting better at video games? I certainly feel like I'm grasping the stat mechanics.†

Minecraft - PC

I †built this big castle, way past everything else I built on a rail system that goes across a river then over a forrest the last time I played. Now I tripled the size of that castle and made the rail system go even longer. †This is one of the most fun wastes of time I can find.

Company of Heroes - PC

Somehow, I picked the nazi campaign. I guess my save from the first American campaign erased, so I picked the next one. Surprise! I'm playing as nazis. Kind of feel conflicted in doing that. I mean I really want to play the best that I can, but even if I'm the greatest nazi ever, they still lose the war.†

Super Nintendo !

I played some Super Bases Loaded and Super Mario Kart one day. Those games are awesome. I also played through three worlds of Mario World on All Stars, because that game is also awesome.†



I also spent some time watching pro-wrestling on the iPAD and playing one of the Super Adventure Island sequels. Not a great †game, but something of a hidden gem. I really enjoyed the way you upgrade your character. It really made me want to replay Demon's Crest again, but I didn't get around to doing that.†

Civilization V - PC

The less said about the night I spent playing this the better. It was not going well, then the game crashed. The same happened when I tried out the Sims 3. What a night that was.†

Sid Meier's Alpha†Centauri- PC

Having never played this, I was a bit surprised by how clunky it was. I don't know what I was expecting. I also tried out Sid Meir's Railroads, but with even less success. I at least managed to do something in Alpha Centuari, I made a colony, New Mongolia, I picked the despot as my character who looked Mongolian enough to me. My goal was to try and kill everything I could, space fungus seemingly immediately killed me. I tried again another day, but was equally confused and overwhelmed the choices I could make in the game. I hope the new Civilization version has a tutorial.†



That's it!
Photo Photo Photo








So according to a wired interview, the xbox one will only use discs to install games one time. Then those discs are locked to your account. If you pass those to a friend a "fee" will be charged to them to install that disc.†

This is video games now.†



I'm really upset about this. I love sharing games and borrowing them. Without renting games or buying games at yard sales, I wouldn't have had access to nearly as many games. These days, piracy and file sharing are definite problems. Locking users out of sharing games legitimately would likely lead to a widespread amount of those issues.†

I really don't like what video games have become. It's like a subscription service.

Things like Netflix and Hulu are full of people sharing accounts, I fully expect this to be an early and easy way for people to share their content, with dummy accounts that they pass games around amongst friends. Especially if you can play a game without the disc, why wouldn't people just pool together on a single account for the majority of games? Not everyone is looking to play first person shooters or any sort of online game. I'm bothered as shit by this.
Photo










This case is very interesting for several reasons.†

Iíve been searching around trying to find a legal precident for this, but I canít find one. If this goes to court and is ruled on, then say goodbye to letís play videos. We would be one step closer to the internet that Lamar S. Smith wrote about for the SOPA bill. An internet where sharing anything is a finable offense. Iíve written about piracy before and how piracy isnít piracy, it is file sharing. How does that relate to video of a copywritten material?†

The idea that you own a game you own, is false. You own a license of that game. Using a modified console or a copy of that game is somehow a bad thing. †

If I was to sit down and read a book word for word onto you tube, would that be the same as a letís play? When does it become an audiobook? When I sell that? Well what about sprite comics?

One of the more interesting things I found on the internet in the year 2001, was the idea of sprite comics. These are created using art assets from video games as stock art, that are manipulated to tell stories. You can make Sonic & Knuckles a gay couple who hate Mega Man. You do like I did and make ďChronic Sonic,Ē where Sonic the Hedgehog uses jokes from the film How High and Cheech and Chong films. For some reason, I found this type of humor funny. The idea of adults who are idiots is funny. Thatís why Three Stooges, The Marx Brothers, Laurel and Hardy, or Abbot and Costello work well for comedy. Theyíre all men behaving in idiotic ways. Using drugs as the catalyst for these adventures makes sense. With characters who are stoned, theyíre free to be as stupid as possible. A great irony of Cheech and Chongís Up in Smoke is where they ride a van made of marijuana looking for marijuana. Thatís funny.†

What isnít funny, is that there are a lot of people using these game art assets to create, ďoriginal characters.Ē Simply painting Sonic green and swirling his eyes does not make him an original character. At best, these are elaborate palette swaps that serve for author inserts into these comics. At worst, these are people using other peopleís content to make their own content. Legally, this is not okay. Ethically and morally? I have no qualms with it at all.†

But if I draw a cartoon of Mickey Mouse or Spider-Man as a gay couple, will I get in trouble? What if I drew the cartoon of Mario feltching Princess Peach over the course of several weeks. Iím sure someone out there has done that. This brings one of the golden rules of the internet, rule 34. If it exists, there is porn of it on the internet.†

The gag is, surely there isnít pornography of this! Followed then by pictures of cartoon characters with exaggerated genitals engaged in acts of sodomy.†

What about fan games! I like those!

There are a lot of classic games that donít get new games produced. Chrono Trigger has been reissued on several platforms now, but a few years ago it wasnít. It was as rare as aids in the seventies, when it was just grids. A few people decided to make a 3D remake of the game, it looked amazing too.†Recently†more of the game has been shown off, but it was cease and desisted years ago. Is it legal to continue making something, then leak the complete game declaring you had no intention of releasing it that it was stolen or any other excuse, in spite of being told not to?It looked incredible†why†couldnít Square just bring these developers in and make this product? They don't understand how to make and market a product,†several big games all sold millions, but are considered failures.†You can't make money by spending all your money. That's simple†business. The thought of making smaller, affordable titles is lost on bigger developers and publishers. They all want to go with big bets, where if they keep failing like this, they won't exist. They need to invest in some fan projects, if only to keep their fans. To†actively†push your fans away from you aggressively is the dumbest strategy I've ever heard of, there are ways to say you want to protect your copyright without being a dick about it, but game companies haven't figured that out yet.

The same goes for the amazing Streets of Rage fan game SEGA had taken down off the internet. Thing is, wanting something off the internet means people are going to spread it around. †

The legality surrounding copyrights is troublesome. After seventy years, you can do with a work whatever you like, as it becomes public domain. I can write Frankesenstein marries the Tin Man and sell it, but is it ethically right to use characters I didnít come up with? I love Frankenstein and the Tin Man, why wouldnít they fall in love with each other isnít the issue, the issue is simply that they arenít mine to use. That if I was asked, by someone who was in control of them to write their stories, then I could ethically feel okay about that.

But what if I read someone who wrote a story where Frankenstein and the Tin Man fall in love, in a you tube video? I call it a ďletís read.Ē Now what if I read from more contemporary literature, like Chuck Palahniuk or I donít know, letís say Fifty Shades of Gray.†

As we all know, Twlight is a book series where a woman wrote about herself falling love with a Dracula who isnít really an evil Dracula at all. There are also wolf men involved, I saw that in a movie trailer where all the werewolf boys took off their shirts revealing how masculine they are. Someone wrote fan fiction for that, somehow, that became Fifty Shades of Gray, another series of books. I say books, but I mean multimedia franchise. These stories are now movies, games, books, and any other product you can apply them to. Iím sure there hallowen costumes and action figures of all that stuff, but do they own those ideas, since they used properties someone else created?†

If I write a story about a robot, does that mean I owe something to whoever invented the concept of robots? Even just an acknowledgment that the idea of metal thinking machines that act and think on their own isnít mine, is that okay? Where is the line there?

When it comes to video games, the content of them now depends not just on seeing it, but on playing it for yourself. Unless it is just a cut scene, a video that just plays that informs you of the story around the game.†

When Bioshock came out, I rented it and played through it to completion. I got a good ending, but this being video games, the possibility of a bad ending was there. I was curious, what was that like? Then it hit me, like everything hits me, why not just look it up online? I wouldnít have time to play the game all the way through before I had to take it back to Blockbuster, so this was perfect. I just watch the tape online and be done with it forever.†

Why do I feel like I robbed myself of something, by doing that?

Another example is Demonís Crest, one of the greatest games ever made. It contains several boss battles that I would say are among the most challenging ever. It occured to me, why not watch how to beat it and see if I can do it myself based on their knowledge. Then it occurred to me, why do I have to play the fights at all? Then the real shocker hits.†

If you can just watch someone play through all the latest video games, why would you buy and play them all?

Iíve a friend who I did a podcast with that did this. He would watch playthroughs of games and be up to date on everything. Some people are intimidated by long RPGs, but watching someone else play through these games and watch them struggle, thatís fascinating. Even if Iíve already played a game, I like watching people play thinking games. Anything that involves strategy over skill, I really want to watch that. I say that, but then, I love seeing truly skilled game playing.†

]Here is a guy beating Mario 3 in eleven minutes!

In just eleven minutes, he does what took me a summer as a kid. I went back and fourth between Contra 3, Mystical Ninja, Zombies Ate My Neighbors, and Mario 3 that summer. I remember that so clearly. I wanted to go legit through every level, without using warp whistles.†



Now I can complete it in an afternoon or two. I wonder, how much of this game did they have to play to get that good at it? The thought also enters my mind, to discuss speen run and save scumming. The idea of using software that pretends to be a video game console on a computer, where you can save anywhere, eliminating luck from the equation and making the absolute best possible move. Playing a game this way is mind numbing. I saw people play Mario 3 save scumming, saving over their save in a spot where they constantly died, or worse erasing progress by save scumming in Mario 3.† Such a different way to play a game, isnít it.

Nintendo and any game developer or publisher, isnít making these videos. They shouldnít be entitled to ad revenue from these videos, but should people who didnít make these games be able to video tape themselves playing these games? Even if theyíre playing legitimately, errors and all? That is a question I canít wait to hear the answer to.

My opinion on it is extraordinarily clear: It is okay to do a letís read. It is okay to write about robots. It is okay to video tape yourself playing video games, even ones that came out a day ago. There are entire websites devoted to watching people play games.†

The legal precedent this could set, could really hurt video games. It could have the potential to end any gameplay videos that arenít officially released, through official channels. The problem with content, is where it is. As I like to point out Destructoid examples, Jim Sterling does a video series for the Escapist, that you can find on Destructoid. The same with Hey Ash What You Playing, which is made for Gametrailers, which is owned by Viacom. For some reason, Viacom also owns MTV Multiplayer which produces similar content to Game Trailers. Why would a company want to own two different publications that focus on the same enthusiast content?

Using video from a film is easy through fair use. Youíve seen documentaries where clips of Predator are played and Arnold and Apollo Creed lock wrists and Arnold calls him a son of bitch, all they have to do is put the studio that made the film, the year, and the name of the film and you can use that clip. How much of a clip is too much? Iím not exactly sure the legality of that either.†

The real issue, is that Nintendo isnít just wanting to take these videos down. That would be easy, Prince proved you can do that on YouTube, but not the entire internet. If you really want to see a Prince music video start looking around the internet, someone puts up everything eventually, just look up the Striesand Effect. They want to take these videos and the ad revenue generated by them as their own. That is unethical. I immediately am offended by this. To take someone elseís content and make money off of it, without profit sharing, is insane.† The problem is, who is insane here? The videos are of Nintendo products, but they arenít being produced by Nintendo. Who should share profit with who and how much profit should be shared, if profits are to be shared anyway?
Iím very curious to see how this story plays out. Nintendo have put themselves in a very Dreamcasted position with their video game console. Hand held consoles are losing to phone games. In fact, I think console gaming is losing ground to phone gaming. The future for Nintendo, Microsoft, and Sony isnít bright. I donít think any of these companies will exist forever, nothing can. I know my own personal thoughts on it. If I made something and you want to steal it, I canít stop you.†

Thatís†

I told Hamza I wanted to write articles for the website, the words I used was ďsling dick.Ē

†Consider my dick slung.
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Story 1) The story of Chloe Sagal makes me feel awful, but I read a lot about it.



†A person who developed an independent game I never played, has some medical issues. Some sort of metal lodged in their person requiring surgery to be removed. This person sought funding on indiegogo, which functions much the same as Kickstarter. These sorts of ďcrowd fundingĒ operations are in vogue currently with video games and starting to be a thing for movies. The idea is, a project you want to produce can be funded by a people interested in that work. Kickstarter has a rule that you canít keep all your money if you donít make your goal in thirty days. Indiegogo works much the same, except that it has international crowd funding and allows you to keep all the money if you donít meet your goal.†

The problem is, Chloe Sagal did not want to produce a product. The money from her project was refunded to those that backed her. She was unable to afford the operation she had wanted. According to†Eurogamer, the surgery was not for metal poisoning but for something else entirely.†

†Using my super power of investigation (google searching indiegogo) I looked up the rules on their website:†

Indiegogo is a crowdfunding platform where people who want to raise money can create fundraising campaigns to tell their story and get the word out. Indiegogo is also a place to discover what people all over the world are passionate about and how to get involved.

That certainly clears up every concern I had.

Wait a second, that language could be used to argue† anything. Well, where is the problem then?

The story gets a little foggy for me here. The story as I understand it is that Chloe Sagal needed this money for this operation, but didnít have a project so indiegogo refunded the money for the project that didnít exist. Thatís easy to understand. I recently read a story†of a girl who made a simple experiment that got her into trouble, in this story it mentions how the NASA engineer from West Virginia, the one depicted by Jake Gyllenhaal in the movie October Sky. That movie meant a lot to me, being from West Virginia and not being a complete idiot, it made me think, well, maybe someone can actually do something from here. What he did was start a campaign to send this to space camp, where I assume she will learn real chemistry. The service used, was specifically for fundraisers, called Crowd TiltI commented of this story, that merely all that needed to be done was for the donations to go through another service, be it paypal or this thing I didnít know existed. Some people on twitter, implied I was insensitive for suggesting that.†

That very night I was reading about this, a story came up that Chloe had attempted suicide on a web cam.†

That I have no opinion of, other than this statement about suicide: If someone wants to kill themselves, I will not stop them nor encourage them to the best of my ability.† As a believer that all life is suffering, I cannot judge the action of taking your own life. If thatís what you want to do, I canít stop you. A well motivated person will do whatever they want regardless of how much I try to help or donít try to help. This is a lesson Iíve learned the hard way. I have reported this story based upon†Destructoid's post about the indiegogo and the incredibly buried forum post†where Niero, the founder of Destructoid talks about this story.

I wonder why people want to kill themselves? I want to die, because I feel like I donít belong. I feel aliened at every turn. I think that perhaps in death, I can get some sort of peace. I don't think about this as often as I used to, ever since I had a real moment of†clarity.

This is a foolish thought for many reasons. No religious doctrine has ever suggested suicide leads to any sort of paradise. In fact, I donít think it leads to any sort of limbo or purgatory either according to any scriptures. There is also the thought that, perhaps consciousness doesnít extend beyond death. That once we die, thatís it. The light switch is on, then it goes off forever. The thought I had a few years ago, as I wrestled with the idea of death was simple: What if I lived my life, like I was in an alternate universe, where I was successful. Where instead of being an idiot, I attempted to learn and grow as a person in every way I could. That in this alternate world, where I didnít die that night, I have an infinite potential to anything I want.† Iíve spent a lot of this time playing video games and watching cartoons, but I do so with more glee than I had since I was twelve when my older cousin was murdered and a downward spiral of depression set in, that still haunts my soul. The idea that your soul exists and can be in pain, that hurts a lot. If someone wants to kill themselves, why try to stop them.†

According to the law, suicide is a felony in a lot of the United States of America. Even if you have cancer and a mind full of sorrow, legally killing yourself or having someone kill you, is illegal.†

But if you really want to, I canít stop you. Like when I googled suicide and hit images like an idiot, I can't unsee what I just saw.†

Beyond my simple letter of the law examination, the Destructoid community†has had some talks about it. Iím fascinated by this story and how it continues to spark discussions about a lot of things.

As the forum thread talks about, the author of the Destructoid front page post first detailing this story, came under fire for allegedly posting messages on twitter about the alleged transsexuality of the indie game developer. This, I can have an opinion on. I do not think it is okay to out anyone who is gay, lesbian, transgendered, or anything. I still love discussing who is and isnít what, but thatís different from outing someone. This is not the right thing to do, so I now attempt to avoid such discussions. It is rather catty to talk about people, especially people I donít know. I do not judge anything Chloe has done. I donít own indiegogo, I did not send money to her crowd funding, I havenít played their video game, nor do I know them at all.†

However, as a community member of Destructoid in bad standing, I have engaged with Alister over twitter, commented on his posts, and probably skimmed a majority of his writing.

†I also judge the action of outing anyone a harsh one. A lot of people canít accept who they are, they arenít confident enough, you can get so broken down by the people around them, that they canít talk about how they feel. I donít like that. I want everyone to be open with me. This is why I have a policy, if you want to talk to me at any time about anything, you can contact me. I wonít judge you or your actions. Iím just looking for someone to talk to. E-mail is the best way to contact me: [email=randombullseye@gmail.com]randombullseye@gmail.com[/email] If I ever get a cell phone, Iíll publish the number publicly so anyone can call me.†

Now that Iíve told you I wonít judge you, let me judge someoneís actions.

What Alister did was an unethical thing to do. According to Destructoid founder Niero, he informed Alister not to talk about Chloe being transgendered. Alister wisely kept it real, posting messages to twitter that I have yet to find. If this is wrong information, correct me. If anyone has the actual messages, please show them to me in the comments section below. I want to judge them for myself. I judge this as unethical based on second hand knowledge, the information I read He was punished with a suspension, on Monday morning a meeting is being held to decide his future according to that forum thread, but I imagine a large percentage of the internet wonít be satisfied until he is physically crucified on a mountain top, also castrated. This exaggeration is probably not enough for some people.

A pound of flesh isnít the answer.†

Was it obvious from the video in the first Destructoid post about this, that this woman was transgendered? I didnít comment on that. I donít think I did. It would be mean to mock someone sick, but we are all dying. At no point can any of you reading this stop yourselves from dying, so why canít we all be sympathetic to each other all the time?†

In my younger and less nobler days, I would have said dozens of mean spirited comments thinking no one who would be effected by them would read them. Iím sure Morgan Webb appreciates me comparing her to a dog.I donít know why I thought that was funny or how it got published. I think about my time as a new toys journalist with my jaw dropped. Maybe I saw her on TV while I was writing that and thought that would be silly? Saying silly things on the internet can be fun, but the reality of today is that anything you say about someone isnít anonymous. Google alerts mean that if I mention certain people, theyíll know Iím talking about them. Me saying Alister did a unenthical thing, will get back to Alister. In fact, Iíll message him myself and tell him that, as if no one else said anything to him.† He has gone dark on the internet. I will try to reach him and talk to him about this, even if it is a year from now when no one else cares, I wonít forget. I try to never forget anything, if something was important a year ago, if it really was worth talking about, shouldnít we recall what it was?

Thing is, if what he did was so bad, why spread it around the internet on other websites? It really looks like other websites are jealous of Destructoid and want to be the first to condemn us for anything. The features editor said something on twitter that they deleted. If you really want to keep that information close to the vest, if it really was such dangerous information, why put it all over the place? Gilbert Godfreyís jokes about the Japanese tsunami were repeated on news programs, I was offended. They butchered his material and never attempted to imitate his voice at all.†

That isnít to say I want the guy fired. I imagine he understands he upset some people, knowing is half the battle. Learning from a mistake is the other.†

It isnít like Destructoid hasnít fired people before! One gentleman wrote comments to a pretty haired girl making light of how she didnít do anything worth note. It was never really brought up on the site. Maybe it was buried on the forums somewhere, but an open discussion of the gentleman and his words never really materialized. We celebrate the success of guys like Reverend Anthony, but we never the failures of others. Perhaps my belief in learning from every mistake is not something most people consider important, but to me, learning from failure might be the most important thing I ever realized.The gentleman merely disappeared without trace. He was news on other websites for a day or two, then that story fades away, like every story. Except for the people involved in those stories.†

†If weíre supposed to buy into the idea of Destructoid as a personality driven website, when these personalities disappear are we not supposed to notice? There is never a front page post saying ďoh hey, uh, that guy who wrote stuff and was an intern, like heís not around now.Ē Some people get goodbye posts, while others fade out without mentioning that they left. Maybe they were on bad terms, maybe there was a horrible fight, or maybe it isnít news everyone needs to know.†

The fact that the forum thread discussing this is locked, I find unethical. I donít know who did it, but I judge that action much harsher than I do what Alister deleted off his twitter. Maybe when I find the actual words, Iíll be really pissed off or rethink the issue completely.†

I donít know what is kayfabe and what isnít. Did Colette really return her powerglove three times? Did Jim Sterling really hear someone yell out, ďdonít stomp his face in!Ē while walking down the road in Britan? Did Chad really live next door to a rich kid who had every game ever? Does anyone ever know what I'm talking about?†

I donít know for sure. These stories are part of a canon that is Destructoid. Like it or not, negative or positive, the people here and what they do or donít do is a part of that narrative. Some argue Iím wrong to refer to someone dying as ďtheir story ending,Ē but my story keeps on going and Iím the hero in my story.

Could that make me a villain in another story?

†Iíve tried to write ďin characterĒ as a trash talker of low intelligence.† The exaggeration of my own joker personality online has been monstrous. Iíve rolled across the place like Ganghis Khan. Iíve salted the earth like the romans, but Iíve had some failures. Whenever I try to get really real, I think people tune right the fuck out. Well sorry, thatís how itís going to be. Iím long winded, I circle around topics, and I like to mention my genitals as much as possible.†

†I donít think I want to do that anymore. I think my heel to face run is about to get some real heat, making me a bigger heel as a face.†

At what point does reality set in? Will I realize that professional wrestling tropes donít define everything? When can I say anything and be safe? Tracey Morgan, a comedian, said things on stage he had been saying for years, but people got mad about that. Daniel Tosh, a comedian,† was savaged by women across the internet for making a rape joke when prompted by the audience to make jokes about things he couldnít joke about. The exact joke was great too, he made his rape joke, then someone stood up and said they thought rape was never funny. Daniel Tosh yelled back, ďI hope you get raped tonight!Ē The idea of a person being raped is funny right? Why am I not smiling or laughing as I write that out and read it back to myself. If I say the N word right here, nerd, and get away with it and feel like I really done something, could I ever use the N word for nerd and not nig ger and have that be funny again? I do a poor Chris Rock impersonation†that uses this routine. As I watch that tape, I start imitating him repeating all the racist things he says to an applauding audience. Does that make me a nerd? What is the appropriateness of language? Can words really hurt? I donít exactly know where the line is, but luckily, there are obscenity laws! I love that for any problem, thereís a law on the books to be argued with.

I was about to publish a research paper here in the middle of all this about such laws in America, the comstock law, the hicklin test, and so much more information that I donít want to share with you. Iíll publish this piece, with the thought in my mind does this make the Bonerquest obscene?

'the average person, applying contemporary community standards would find that the work, taken as a whole, appeals to the prurient interest, (b) whether the work depicts or describes, in a patently offensive way, sexual conduct specifically defined by the applicable state law; and (c) whether the work, taken as a whole, lacks serious literary, artistic, political, or scientific value

Now letís get really personal!†

For the record, Iíve considered myself a transexual for many years. I tell people that all the time, but nobody takes that serious. As a humorist, I have a lot of trouble being taken serious. I recently had it out over twitter, discussing the ideas of transsexuality and being told that I couldnít understand and that I was an idiot for thinking I could ever. I tried opening up about myself to these people, which was a mistake I wonít ever do again. Oh fuck.

I like to think of myself as only a few dozen operations away from being a woman, but I havenít the motivation or money to do it. Plus I donít think I would make a beautiful woman as I am now, but I really want to be one. If technology can make it so that I can be considered pretty, Iím becoming a woman that day. Iíll sign up and be so happy. Until then, Iím keeping my dick and balls. If I ever really feel like it, the option will be available to me to have them removed. I donít know how openly other people talk about this stuff, they donít seem to be as uncouth as me about it, but thatís how I feel. I like women. I like having my dick and balls, but if the day comes that I can be a beautiful woman, I want to be that.

For the record as well, I also consider myself black, libertarian, goth, a pelican, an economist, a professional writer, and up for consideration as a nominee for a Nobel prize. How am I supposed to know for sure that they arenít thinking of me right now? When I start publishing books, I will send copies to the Nobel committee with a post it not saying ďfor your consideration.Ē For the purposes of comedy, I consider myself Jewish but I find myself following a lot of buddhist ideologies I read off wikipedia and take things the Dali Lama says seriously, even though heís a man with dick and balls who wipes his ass like I do. Maybe Iím joking, maybe Iím not, and I think thatís where the line needs to be drawn. If anything I ever say offends you, fuck you. I stand by what I say, unless I can be made to feel bad about it. Good luck doing that to me, I openly challenge anyone to make me regret what I say, so that I can be a better, more understanding person. As someone who has trolled the internet for over a dozen years in the darkest crypts of the internet, yes, I used to post on webcomic forums, Iíve become stone cold.

Just the other day a guy I work construction with told me I couldnít have a day off work I already cleared with the guy in charge. He asked, ďWho do you think you are?Ē I yelled from on top the ladder I was on, ďIím Charles, a god damn tax payer and a grown fucking man. Fuck you.Ē Later, he apologized for being on my ass about taking some days off work. I apologized, saying ďI probably shouldnít have told you to go fuck yourself. Iím sorry I said that.Ē We shook hands like men, shared some laughs that night, and now Iím on my days off work writing about people I donít know on the internet.† For legal reasons, I almost wrote a redaction of that statement. I donít necessarily love the job Iím working at so what am I defending by saying this garbage?

I did not actually tell my superviser to go fuck himself, I merely made that up for the purpose of making myself sound cooler than I really am. What kind of maniac yells something like that, while standing on a step stool in the cereal aisle, then goes online and brags about it like it was cool?

I am a grown fucking man who stands by what he says. If it gets me in trouble or not, great. I still have to live with words. We shook hands and both apologized. I did the same thing as a kid, but somehow this behavior is childish? People say dumb shit all the time. Thatís what twitter was made for! People are human. Thatís a realization we all have to try to wrap our minds around, I still donít know for sure if Iím human or a person, but I know Iím capable of hurting other peopleís feelings and having my own hurt. Iím not looking for trouble, Iím merely here to do diligence as a talented professional writer.†

If you really think Iím joking about wanting to be a woman, when that technology is perfect and Iím beautiful, I wonít let you see my tits. Theyíll be as big as my balls too.
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