Tim Schafer called me rude. Probably because I was rude. I'm not exactly known for being subtle. Within two seconds of him posting about two new games on XBLA, without thinking I sent him a message about making another game and what he probably took this as bashing his two new games, which I sort of was I guess. I feel so stupid.

So read and laugh about how dumb I am.

Here is what Tim says on Twitter that starts this exchange:



"It was bound to happen sooner or later! We are launching TWO things tomorrow on XBLA: Happy Action Theater, and Rise of the Martian Bear!"

I tweet back at him, this statement:

"God dammit, I don't care about either of those. More Costume Quest is a thing that should happen. SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!"



I'm always amazed at how Twitter takes down whatever filters, lines, or blocks that would usually happen when trying to talk to somebody. Finding his e-mail to contact him about Costume Quest is a thing that could happen, but I'm sure that would require a couple google searches or going through a person to filter out stupid comments like mine.

I really feel stupid about this, but I don't have a kinect and I never bought Trenched, so why would I care about the DLC? If I had a way to play them, totally would. I wasn't thinking at all here, which is usual for me, and just sent him a note with a big smile on my face. I say god dammit all the time, with the conviction and joy that any battering ram statement that I throw out. You guys that talk to me know this, but Tim Schafer doesn't know where I'm coming from. I'm nothing to him. To me, this is a big fucking deal, to him, it is literally just a Tuesday.

His response, within a minute of my tweet at him just as the delayed thought enters my head that I probably shouldn't say stupid things to developers, let alone dudes like Tim Schafer who are the greatest. For all I know, this guy worked on the best game of all time. I'm pretty sure he did. God dammit, now I'm feeling really embarrassed and stupid. I think he was in the developers room when you beat the game and I'm starting to panic and feel so silly.

So here is his message back at me:



"@randombullseye You are so rude I'm going to make a new CQ game just so I can ban you from it."

My face turned ghost white and pale for a second, just before bursting with laughter. I pissed off Tim Schafer. Of all the sacred video games dudes to be rude to, I was rude to this guy. I loved the premise of Brutal Legend so much, and god dammit, Costume Quest is among the best games this generation. Now the dude who made these wonderful games hates me forever, I've made an ass of myself, and confirmed another Costume Quest game and that Tim Schafer's learned from Electronic Arts how to ban people from single player games! I'm fucked!

I write all this with a laugh by the way. Tim Schafer didn't block me, so I can only assume he doesn't actually hate me, despite me being completely juvenile and messaging him on the internet with profanities and requesting things. I always feel dumb when I talk to people, because I am dumb when I talk to people. I talk to everybody like we're in a firehouse breaking balls with each other, even women. I've completely fallen into madness now.

Still blows my mind that this sort of thing can happen. I said procedural stories like those in Far Cry 2 were a waste of time to Rev Anthony on twitter. He responded back, "Like a bonerquest waste of time?" I felt crushed and laughed hysterically about that. I'm such a stupid fuck, I'll keep doing stuff like this. I can't help but say the first thing that comes to mind with this delayed, "probably should delete that, oh they, they already responded," reaction. It happens all the time to me on twitter, I really feel like I should give it up, but its so much fun saying stupid things about games and posting angry dinosaur stickers.



I've had Erik Larson have multiple twitter messages back and fourth with me, and that blows my mind. He's one of the heads of Image comics and creator of Savage Dragon, the longest running Image comic still drawn and written by its original creator. I hear nothing but good stories from comic book people talking about him, and still, I feel like every message I send to the guy has that twinge of busting chops that I can't help but do. Suddenly I realize I've called millionaires butt holes over the internet. How can the guy who runs one of the biggest comic book companies not be loaded? The fucking guy is living the dream, drawing and writing his own stories and publishing them, and I've said silly things to him.

I think I told him I didn't read Savage Dragon and liked the bad USA cartoon when I was a kid. And when he wrote about having done all the DC work he wanted, I said without thinking at all, "Why not do some god damn Aquaman!" Which replied back telling me he had already done a year long Aqua Man set of comics. I still haven't read any of those, and this exchange was probably a year ago. I feel like a dick.



God dammit, I'm stupid.

I found This thread which confirms Tim Schafer was involved tangentally in the best game of all time. His contribution was minor according to him, but in my mind, he contributed the best name to any level within a game full of great level names. He came up with "Mars needs cheerleaders" which I often have mentioned when I bring up that game.

I actually put my hands on my head and yelled out with as much anguish as I could, "oh fuck me! He named the best name in the game! Fuck!"

That's it.