Story 1) The story of Chloe Sagal makes me feel awful, but I read a lot about it.
†A person who developed an independent game I never played, has some medical issues. Some sort of metal lodged in their person requiring surgery to be removed. This person sought funding on indiegogo, which functions much the same as Kickstarter. These sorts of ďcrowd fundingĒ operations are in vogue currently with video games and starting to be a thing for movies. The idea is, a project you want to produce can be funded by a people interested in that work. Kickstarter has a rule that you canít keep all your money if you donít make your goal in thirty days. Indiegogo works much the same, except that it has international crowd funding and allows you to keep all the money if you donít meet your goal.†
The problem is, Chloe Sagal did not want to produce a product. The money from her project was refunded to those that backed her. She was unable to afford the operation she had wanted. According to†Eurogamer, the surgery was not for metal poisoning but for something else entirely.†
†Using my super power of investigation (google searching indiegogo) I looked up the rules on their website:†
Indiegogo is a crowdfunding platform where people who want to raise money can create fundraising campaigns to tell their story and get the word out. Indiegogo is also a place to discover what people all over the world are passionate about and how to get involved.
That certainly clears up every concern I had.
Wait a second, that language could be used to argue† anything. Well, where is the problem then?
The story gets a little foggy for me here. The story as I understand it is that Chloe Sagal needed this money for this operation, but didnít have a project so indiegogo refunded the money for the project that didnít exist. Thatís easy to understand. I recently read a story†of a girl who made a simple experiment that got her into trouble, in this story it mentions how the NASA engineer from West Virginia, the one depicted by Jake Gyllenhaal in the movie October Sky. That movie meant a lot to me, being from West Virginia and not being a complete idiot, it made me think, well, maybe someone can actually do something from here. What he did was start a campaign to send this to space camp, where I assume she will learn real chemistry. The service used, was specifically for fundraisers, called Crowd TiltI commented of this story, that merely all that needed to be done was for the donations to go through another service, be it paypal or this thing I didnít know existed. Some people on twitter, implied I was insensitive for suggesting that.†
That very night I was reading about this, a story came up that Chloe had attempted suicide on a web cam.†
That I have no opinion of, other than this statement about suicide: If someone wants to kill themselves, I will not stop them nor encourage them to the best of my ability.† As a believer that all life is suffering, I cannot judge the action of taking your own life. If thatís what you want to do, I canít stop you. A well motivated person will do whatever they want regardless of how much I try to help or donít try to help. This is a lesson Iíve learned the hard way. I have reported this story based upon†Destructoid's post about the indiegogo and the incredibly buried forum post†where Niero, the founder of Destructoid talks about this story.
I wonder why people want to kill themselves? I want to die, because I feel like I donít belong. I feel aliened at every turn. I think that perhaps in death, I can get some sort of peace. I don't think about this as often as I used to, ever since I had a real moment of†clarity.
This is a foolish thought for many reasons. No religious doctrine has ever suggested suicide leads to any sort of paradise. In fact, I donít think it leads to any sort of limbo or purgatory either according to any scriptures. There is also the thought that, perhaps consciousness doesnít extend beyond death. That once we die, thatís it. The light switch is on, then it goes off forever. The thought I had a few years ago, as I wrestled with the idea of death was simple: What if I lived my life, like I was in an alternate universe, where I was successful. Where instead of being an idiot, I attempted to learn and grow as a person in every way I could. That in this alternate world, where I didnít die that night, I have an infinite potential to anything I want.† Iíve spent a lot of this time playing video games and watching cartoons, but I do so with more glee than I had since I was twelve when my older cousin was murdered and a downward spiral of depression set in, that still haunts my soul. The idea that your soul exists and can be in pain, that hurts a lot. If someone wants to kill themselves, why try to stop them.†
According to the law, suicide is a felony in a lot of the United States of America. Even if you have cancer and a mind full of sorrow, legally killing yourself or having someone kill you, is illegal.†
But if you really want to, I canít stop you. Like when I googled suicide and hit images like an idiot, I can't unsee what I just saw.†
Beyond my simple letter of the law examination, the Destructoid community†has had some talks about it. Iím fascinated by this story and how it continues to spark discussions about a lot of things.
As the forum thread talks about, the author of the Destructoid front page post first detailing this story, came under fire for allegedly posting messages on twitter about the alleged transsexuality of the indie game developer. This, I can have an opinion on. I do not think it is okay to out anyone who is gay, lesbian, transgendered, or anything. I still love discussing who is and isnít what, but thatís different from outing someone. This is not the right thing to do, so I now attempt to avoid such discussions. It is rather catty to talk about people, especially people I donít know. I do not judge anything Chloe has done. I donít own indiegogo, I did not send money to her crowd funding, I havenít played their video game, nor do I know them at all.†
However, as a community member of Destructoid in bad standing, I have engaged with Alister over twitter, commented on his posts, and probably skimmed a majority of his writing.
†I also judge the action of outing anyone a harsh one. A lot of people canít accept who they are, they arenít confident enough, you can get so broken down by the people around them, that they canít talk about how they feel. I donít like that. I want everyone to be open with me. This is why I have a policy, if you want to talk to me at any time about anything, you can contact me. I wonít judge you or your actions. Iím just looking for someone to talk to. E-mail is the best way to contact me: [firstname.lastname@example.org]email@example.com[/email] If I ever get a cell phone, Iíll publish the number publicly so anyone can call me.†
Now that Iíve told you I wonít judge you, let me judge someoneís actions.
What Alister did was an unethical thing to do. According to Destructoid founder Niero, he informed Alister not to talk about Chloe being transgendered. Alister wisely kept it real, posting messages to twitter that I have yet to find. If this is wrong information, correct me. If anyone has the actual messages, please show them to me in the comments section below. I want to judge them for myself. I judge this as unethical based on second hand knowledge, the information I read He was punished with a suspension, on Monday morning a meeting is being held to decide his future according to that forum thread, but I imagine a large percentage of the internet wonít be satisfied until he is physically crucified on a mountain top, also castrated. This exaggeration is probably not enough for some people.
A pound of flesh isnít the answer.†
Was it obvious from the video in the first Destructoid post about this, that this woman was transgendered? I didnít comment on that. I donít think I did. It would be mean to mock someone sick, but we are all dying. At no point can any of you reading this stop yourselves from dying, so why canít we all be sympathetic to each other all the time?†
In my younger and less nobler days, I would have said dozens of mean spirited comments thinking no one who would be effected by them would read them. Iím sure Morgan Webb appreciates me comparing her to a dog.†I donít know why I thought that was funny or how it got published. I think about my time as a new toys journalist with my jaw dropped. Maybe I saw her on TV while I was writing that and thought that would be silly? Saying silly things on the internet can be fun, but the reality of today is that anything you say about someone isnít anonymous. Google alerts mean that if I mention certain people, theyíll know Iím talking about them. Me saying Alister did a unenthical thing, will get back to Alister. In fact, Iíll message him myself and tell him that, as if no one else said anything to him.† He has gone dark on the internet. I will try to reach him and talk to him about this, even if it is a year from now when no one else cares, I wonít forget. I try to never forget anything, if something was important a year ago, if it really was worth talking about, shouldnít we recall what it was?
Thing is, if what he did was so bad, why spread it around the internet on other websites? It really looks like other websites are jealous of Destructoid and want to be the first to condemn us for anything. The features editor said something on twitter that they deleted. If you really want to keep that information close to the vest, if it really was such dangerous information, why put it all over the place? Gilbert Godfreyís jokes about the Japanese tsunami were repeated on news programs, I was offended. They butchered his material and never attempted to imitate his voice at all.†
That isnít to say I want the guy fired. I imagine he understands he upset some people, knowing is half the battle. Learning from a mistake is the other.†
It isnít like Destructoid hasnít fired people before! One gentleman wrote comments to a pretty haired girl making light of how she didnít do anything worth note. It was never really brought up on the site. Maybe it was buried on the forums somewhere, but an open discussion of the gentleman and his words never really materialized. We celebrate the success of guys like Reverend Anthony, but we never the failures of others. Perhaps my belief in learning from every mistake is not something most people consider important, but to me, learning from failure might be the most important thing I ever realized.The gentleman merely disappeared without trace. He was news on other websites for a day or two, then that story fades away, like every story. Except for the people involved in those stories.†
†If weíre supposed to buy into the idea of Destructoid as a personality driven website, when these personalities disappear are we not supposed to notice? There is never a front page post saying ďoh hey, uh, that guy who wrote stuff and was an intern, like heís not around now.Ē Some people get goodbye posts, while others fade out without mentioning that they left. Maybe they were on bad terms, maybe there was a horrible fight, or maybe it isnít news everyone needs to know.†
The fact that the forum thread discussing this is locked, I find unethical. I donít know who did it, but I judge that action much harsher than I do what Alister deleted off his twitter. Maybe when I find the actual words, Iíll be really pissed off or rethink the issue completely.†
I donít know what is kayfabe and what isnít. Did Colette really return her powerglove three times? Did Jim Sterling really hear someone yell out, ďdonít stomp his face in!Ē while walking down the road in Britan? Did Chad really live next door to a rich kid who had every game ever? Does anyone ever know what I'm talking about?†
I donít know for sure. These stories are part of a canon that is Destructoid. Like it or not, negative or positive, the people here and what they do or donít do is a part of that narrative. Some argue Iím wrong to refer to someone dying as ďtheir story ending,Ē but my story keeps on going and Iím the hero in my story.
Could that make me a villain in another story?
†Iíve tried to write ďin characterĒ as a trash talker of low intelligence.† The exaggeration of my own joker personality online has been monstrous. Iíve rolled across the place like Ganghis Khan. Iíve salted the earth like the romans, but Iíve had some failures. Whenever I try to get really real, I think people tune right the fuck out. Well sorry, thatís how itís going to be. Iím long winded, I circle around topics, and I like to mention my genitals as much as possible.†
†I donít think I want to do that anymore. I think my heel to face run is about to get some real heat, making me a bigger heel as a face.†
At what point does reality set in? Will I realize that professional wrestling tropes donít define everything? When can I say anything and be safe? Tracey Morgan, a comedian, said things on stage he had been saying for years, but people got mad about that. Daniel Tosh, a comedian,† was savaged by women across the internet for making a rape joke when prompted by the audience to make jokes about things he couldnít joke about. The exact joke was great too, he made his rape joke, then someone stood up and said they thought rape was never funny. Daniel Tosh yelled back, ďI hope you get raped tonight!Ē The idea of a person being raped is funny right? Why am I not smiling or laughing as I write that out and read it back to myself. If I say the N word right here, nerd, and get away with it and feel like I really done something, could I ever use the N word for nerd and not nig ger and have that be funny again? I do a poor Chris Rock impersonation†that uses this routine. As I watch that tape, I start imitating him repeating all the racist things he says to an applauding audience. Does that make me a nerd? What is the appropriateness of language? Can words really hurt? I donít exactly know where the line is, but luckily, there are obscenity laws! I love that for any problem, thereís a law on the books to be argued with.
I was about to publish a research paper here in the middle of all this about such laws in America, the comstock law, the hicklin test, and so much more information that I donít want to share with you. Iíll publish this piece, with the thought in my mind does this make the Bonerquest obscene?†
'the average person, applying contemporary community standards would find that the work, taken as a whole, appeals to the prurient interest, (b) whether the work depicts or describes, in a patently offensive way, sexual conduct specifically defined by the applicable state law; and (c) whether the work, taken as a whole, lacks serious literary, artistic, political, or scientific value
Now letís get really personal!†
For the record, Iíve considered myself a transexual for many years. I tell people that all the time, but nobody takes that serious. As a humorist, I have a lot of trouble being taken serious. I recently had it out over twitter, discussing the ideas of transsexuality and being told that I couldnít understand and that I was an idiot for thinking I could ever. I tried opening up about myself to these people, which was a mistake I wonít ever do again. Oh fuck.
†I like to think of myself as only a few dozen operations away from being a woman, but I havenít the motivation or money to do it. Plus I donít think I would make a beautiful woman as I am now, but I really want to be one. If technology can make it so that I can be considered pretty, Iím becoming a woman that day. Iíll sign up and be so happy. Until then, Iím keeping my dick and balls. If I ever really feel like it, the option will be available to me to have them removed. I donít know how openly other people talk about this stuff, they donít seem to be as uncouth as me about it, but thatís how I feel. I like women. I like having my dick and balls, but if the day comes that I can be a beautiful woman, I want to be that.
For the record as well, I also consider myself black, libertarian, goth, a pelican, an economist, a professional writer, and up for consideration as a nominee for a Nobel prize. How am I supposed to know for sure that they arenít thinking of me right now? When I start publishing books, I will send copies to the Nobel committee with a post it not saying ďfor your consideration.Ē For the purposes of comedy, I consider myself Jewish but I find myself following a lot of buddhist ideologies I read off wikipedia and take things the Dali Lama says seriously, even though heís a man with dick and balls who wipes his ass like I do. Maybe Iím joking, maybe Iím not, and I think thatís where the line needs to be drawn. If anything I ever say offends you, fuck you. I stand by what I say, unless I can be made to feel bad about it. Good luck doing that to me, I openly challenge anyone to make me regret what I say, so that I can be a better, more understanding person. As someone who has trolled the internet for over a dozen years in the darkest crypts of the internet, yes, I used to post on webcomic forums, Iíve become stone cold.
Just the other day a guy I work construction with told me I couldnít have a day off work I already cleared with the guy in charge. He asked, ďWho do you think you are?Ē I yelled from on top the ladder I was on, ďIím Charles, a god damn tax payer and a grown fucking man. Fuck you.Ē Later, he apologized for being on my ass about taking some days off work. I apologized, saying ďI probably shouldnít have told you to go fuck yourself. Iím sorry I said that.Ē We shook hands like men, shared some laughs that night, and now Iím on my days off work writing about people I donít know on the internet.† For legal reasons, I almost wrote a redaction of that statement. I donít necessarily love the job Iím working at so what am I defending by saying this garbage?
†I did not actually tell my superviser to go fuck himself, I merely made that up for the purpose of making myself sound cooler than I really am. What kind of maniac yells something like that, while standing on a step stool in the cereal aisle, then goes online and brags about it like it was cool? †
I am a grown fucking man who stands by what he says. If it gets me in trouble or not, great. I still have to live with words. We shook hands and both apologized. I did the same thing as a kid, but somehow this behavior is childish? People say dumb shit all the time. Thatís what twitter was made for! People are human. Thatís a realization we all have to try to wrap our minds around, I still donít know for sure if Iím human or a person, but I know Iím capable of hurting other peopleís feelings and having my own hurt. Iím not looking for trouble, Iím merely here to do diligence as a talented professional writer.†
If you really think Iím joking about wanting to be a woman, when that technology is perfect and Iím beautiful, I wonít let you see my tits. Theyíll be as big as my balls too.view gallery