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Old School Games - Zero Wing - Destructoid

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"I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than a sex symbol." - Words of wisdom from the deity Steven Seagal

"Existence is random. Has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it too long. No meaning save what we choose to impose." - Alan Moore from Watchmen



My own writing reflects the opinion of every corporation, company, individual, monsters, and gods. Also, cocks!



Coming soon as an actual book you can buy The Bonerquest. Hopefully you'll buy a copy when I'm done with it.

Will you accept The Bonerquest?



Zombies Ate My Neighbors is the best game ever.

Read fun articles Josh (Charlie) wrote for Tomopop or Nukezilla! Professionalism! Also I did some news for Destructoid. Sort of a real writer!

Check out Josh Hayes, a name Charlie uses for journalism on the internet so that he can say silly personal things without the fear of them being exposed openly. That and to hide from people he knew who he don't want to find him, not no way, not no how.

Twitter, or Tumblr!

Old School Games articles are pretty much worth reading. They say write what you know.

X-Com UFO Defense

Zelda 2

X-Men Mutant Apocalypse

Dragon Warrior III

Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse

Final Fantasy 3 (Final Fantasy VI)

Way of the Samurai

Nick Arcade

We Love Katamari

Ninja Gaiden

Toejam & Earl

River City Ransom

Mega Man X

Pokemon Red/Blue

Yakuza series

Operation Darkness

Emultion

X-Men 2: Clone Wars

Sweet Home

Legend of Dragoon

Clock Tower

Mystal Ninja/Ganabre Goemon series

Onimusha Warlords

Rockin' Kats

Karnov

Spawn games

God Hand

Blood Will Tell

Super Godzilla

Junction

Animal Platformers

Robot Alchemic Drive (R.A.D.)

Buck Rodgers Countdown to Doomsday

Darkwing Duck

Shin Megami Tensei games (Persona, Devil Summoner, Devil Survivor)

Jurassic Park 2

Disgaea & other Nippon Ichi Games (Phantom Brave, Makai Kingdom, La Pucelle Tactics, Soul Nomad)

Twisted Tales of Spike Mcfang

Resident Evil

Legend of Kage

Lost Vikings

Devil May Cry

Comix Zone

X- Men

Threads of Fate

Mutant League Football

Mega Man 7

Castlevania 2

Sonic 2

Dragon Warrior 2

Donkey Kong Country

Spider-man & X-Men Arcades revenge

Vectorman

Sonic

Actraiser

Splatterhouse 2

Elevator Action

Mega Man 6

Mega Man 5

Dig Dug

Mega Man 4

Mega Man 3

Mega Man 2

Rock Roll Racing

Castlevania

Mega Man

Beat Em Ups PART 6: Future

Beat Em Ups PART 5: Playstation 2/Xbox/Gamecube

Beat Em Ups PART 4: Playstation/Saturn

Beat Em Ups PART 3: Sega Genesis Super Nintendo

Beat Em Ups PART 2: Nintendo

Beat Em Ups PART 1: Arcade

Smash TV

Ghosts & Goblins

Paperboy

Werewolf Last Warrior

Battletoads

Dragon Warrior

Ducktales

Rolling Thunder

Splatterhouse 3

Doom Troopers

Demons Crest

Primal Rage

Zero Wing

Chakan

G. I. Joe

__



Listen to Josh "randombullseye" Hayes on Destructoid's #1 bullshit podcast, Bulltoid! There were nearly fifty episodes in total, good luck.
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In this series of articles I'll spotlight an older or rare game. Sometimes it will be worth playing. Other times the game will be cringe inducing. Would you like to know more?



For great justice, I thought I would write about a fun genesis shooter. Nothing really fancy here, just a basic horizontal shooter. You collect [color=violet]]colored [/color]power ups for lasers or homing shots. You get two options on the side of your space ship that fire out bullets with you. One cool feature other games don't have is the grabber.



You reach out and grab an enemy, push the button again and they fly out killing other enemies. There really isn't much more to say about the gameplay. It is pretty standard for shoot em ups. If you like flying around dodging things and shooting bad guys, then go ahead and play this one. The major thing that attracts people to Zero Wing is the awesome cinematic story. Its known internet wide as being better than Metal Gear. Better than Grand Theft Autos. Better than those Final Fantasy or Zelda games everyone loves. Zero Wing has the most epic storyline ever in a video game.



Nothing is as old school online as Zero Wing. If you don't know why, watch the video below. One of the first classic internet jokes. You may have heard of it before, but here it is in all its glory. Zero Wing is the game All Your Base Are Belong To Us comes from. So many other great quotes in that opening cinematic, and yes, they really appear in the English version of the game.



Now for something you might have missed. A Fox News report on the horror of All Your Base and the evil internet. They seemed to think it was all real pictures instead of just from some goons. Serious journalism if ever there was any.



I can't find the other original one that has a song set to a guy yelling "somebody set up us the bomb!" That one was also funny.

Update - Found it. On the original site no less. They also put a third one that is a bohemian rhapsody version of All Your Base. Internet, you always surprise me. Just when I think an almost ten year old dead horse couldn't be beaten in a funny new way, you give me a queen version of all your base. Why someone thought to do that or would actually spent time to make this, I will never know.

Thank you internet.

If you like this sort of unintentional comedy, there are lots of poor translations in games to talk about. Here are some more:















And last, this one which I just found and I can't stop laughing at.



Wow thanks! You can always count on whales!



Previous Old School Games Articles -

G.I. Joes

Chakan The Forever Man
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