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randombullseye avatar 9:46 AM on 07.12.2008  (server time)
Old School Games - Zero Wing

In this series of articles I'll spotlight an older or rare game. Sometimes it will be worth playing. Other times the game will be cringe inducing. Would you like to know more?

For great justice, I thought I would write about a fun genesis shooter. Nothing really fancy here, just a basic horizontal shooter. You collect [color=violet]]colored [/color]power ups for lasers or homing shots. You get two options on the side of your space ship that fire out bullets with you. One cool feature other games don't have is the grabber.

You reach out and grab an enemy, push the button again and they fly out killing other enemies. There really isn't much more to say about the gameplay. It is pretty standard for shoot em ups. If you like flying around dodging things and shooting bad guys, then go ahead and play this one. The major thing that attracts people to Zero Wing is the awesome cinematic story. Its known internet wide as being better than Metal Gear. Better than Grand Theft Autos. Better than those Final Fantasy or Zelda games everyone loves. Zero Wing has the most epic storyline ever in a video game.

Nothing is as old school online as Zero Wing. If you don't know why, watch the video below. One of the first classic internet jokes. You may have heard of it before, but here it is in all its glory. Zero Wing is the game All Your Base Are Belong To Us comes from. So many other great quotes in that opening cinematic, and yes, they really appear in the English version of the game.

Now for something you might have missed. A Fox News report on the horror of All Your Base and the evil internet. They seemed to think it was all real pictures instead of just from some goons. Serious journalism if ever there was any.

I can't find the other original one that has a song set to a guy yelling "somebody set up us the bomb!" That one was also funny.

Update - Found it. On the original site no less. They also put a third one that is a bohemian rhapsody version of All Your Base. Internet, you always surprise me. Just when I think an almost ten year old dead horse couldn't be beaten in a funny new way, you give me a queen version of all your base. Why someone thought to do that or would actually spent time to make this, I will never know.

Thank you internet.

If you like this sort of unintentional comedy, there are lots of poor translations in games to talk about. Here are some more:

And last, this one which I just found and I can't stop laughing at.

Wow thanks! You can always count on whales!

Previous Old School Games Articles -

G.I. Joes

Chakan The Forever Man

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