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Community Discussion: Blog by randombullseye | Games Played This Month - September!!Destructoid
Games Played This Month - September!! - Destructoid




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"I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than a sex symbol." - Words of wisdom from the deity Steven Seagal

"Existence is random. Has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it too long. No meaning save what we choose to impose." - Alan Moore from Watchmen



My own writing reflects the opinion of every corporation, company, individual, monsters, and gods. Also, cocks!



Coming soon as an actual book you can buy The Bonerquest. Hopefully you'll buy a copy when I'm done with it.

Will you accept The Bonerquest?



Zombies Ate My Neighbors is the best game ever.

Read fun articles Josh (Charlie) wrote for Tomopop or Nukezilla! Professionalism! Also I did some news for Destructoid. Sort of a real writer!

Check out Josh Hayes, a name Charlie uses for journalism on the internet so that he can say silly personal things without the fear of them being exposed openly. That and to hide from people he knew who he don't want to find him, not no way, not no how.

Twitter, or Tumblr!

Old School Games articles are pretty much worth reading. They say write what you know.

X-Com UFO Defense

Zelda 2

X-Men Mutant Apocalypse

Dragon Warrior III

Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse

Final Fantasy 3 (Final Fantasy VI)

Way of the Samurai

Nick Arcade

We Love Katamari

Ninja Gaiden

Toejam & Earl

River City Ransom

Mega Man X

Pokemon Red/Blue

Yakuza series

Operation Darkness

Emultion

X-Men 2: Clone Wars

Sweet Home

Legend of Dragoon

Clock Tower

Mystal Ninja/Ganabre Goemon series

Onimusha Warlords

Rockin' Kats

Karnov

Spawn games

God Hand

Blood Will Tell

Super Godzilla

Junction

Animal Platformers

Robot Alchemic Drive (R.A.D.)

Buck Rodgers Countdown to Doomsday

Darkwing Duck

Shin Megami Tensei games (Persona, Devil Summoner, Devil Survivor)

Jurassic Park 2

Disgaea & other Nippon Ichi Games (Phantom Brave, Makai Kingdom, La Pucelle Tactics, Soul Nomad)

Twisted Tales of Spike Mcfang

Resident Evil

Legend of Kage

Lost Vikings

Devil May Cry

Comix Zone

X- Men

Threads of Fate

Mutant League Football

Mega Man 7

Castlevania 2

Sonic 2

Dragon Warrior 2

Donkey Kong Country

Spider-man & X-Men Arcades revenge

Vectorman

Sonic

Actraiser

Splatterhouse 2

Elevator Action

Mega Man 6

Mega Man 5

Dig Dug

Mega Man 4

Mega Man 3

Mega Man 2

Rock Roll Racing

Castlevania

Mega Man

Beat Em Ups PART 6: Future

Beat Em Ups PART 5: Playstation 2/Xbox/Gamecube

Beat Em Ups PART 4: Playstation/Saturn

Beat Em Ups PART 3: Sega Genesis Super Nintendo

Beat Em Ups PART 2: Nintendo

Beat Em Ups PART 1: Arcade

Smash TV

Ghosts & Goblins

Paperboy

Werewolf Last Warrior

Battletoads

Dragon Warrior

Ducktales

Rolling Thunder

Splatterhouse 3

Doom Troopers

Demons Crest

Primal Rage

Zero Wing

Chakan

G. I. Joe

__



Listen to Josh "randombullseye" Hayes on Destructoid's #1 bullshit podcast, Bulltoid! There were nearly fifty episodes in total, good luck.
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I made the mistake of checking out twitch.tv on the Destructoid community channel. It worked well enough that I want to invest in equipment and show you guys how awful I am at video games. If you've played online with me, you've seen how terrible I am. But, I always have a ball when I'm playing games, just laughing and doing silly voices constantly. If I had a call in Skype channel open and streamed games, that would be fun. Especially if I showed off my weird games, like Robot Alchemical Drive. That game needs to be seen and I want a reason to play it more, just so I can imitate those voices again.

Anyway, here is what I've been playing in September!!

Dragon Quest III - Super Nintendo

Ive decided that Dragon Quest games are some of the best I've ever played. The sense of scale and growth, even when every game follows the same formula with enough differences to keep things fresh, I feel so good playing these. Especially when I find my rhythm and my team of dudes becomes killers.

This game allows you to change jobs, something I knew over a year ago, but forgot when I played it these last couple months until, suddenly I was presented the option to change jobs. My wizard became a fighter and fighter became a cleric, while my cleric stayed a cleric for much longer than they should have. It wasn't until many hours later, that I realized I had the thing to make the cleric a sage that I did so. This makes them learn healing spells as well as attack magic, but I didn't know until I was in so deep that I felt silly. My Mage, whose name is mageb because the one I named Mage had crappy stats early on, stayed a fighter and the fighter who was a cleric, whose name was fighter so I wouldn't forget, is now a warrior.

Now that your confused, I'll try to explain all the things I did. Ive reunited lost lovers, used a magic staff that changes my party's sprites - seemingly changing my Mageb into a cat forever, which I like. I've beat up pirates, I've let my dealer(whose name was dealer) move to a new town, then laughed as they jailed him and my characters who are killers, not helping him. I got a boat, I flew on a bird, I did all kinds of cool shit.

More than anything, I wandered around fighting battles. It was rather calming to do actually. I listened to some Joe Rogan podcast, and had the laptop playing Burn Notice on another occasion. Just fun, easily accessible gameplay. I love that.

One of my favorite things in an RPG is to over extend myself against a boss I haven't fought yet, in the hopes that I might be better than him. The big bad guy, whose name was beramos in this translation, was pretty well and ferocious. I had just changed fighter to a warrior, so he wasn't at about half the levels of my other three dudes. My team got wiped down to just him and the Mage fighter, and neither could revive my other party members. I made a choice to simply attack for a couple rounds, see how that did for me. Mageb got took out, and it was just the warrior all on his own. I hit him about four times, his health drops to the red. My final attack and then I would bare the shame of losing a fight, however, he survives that round and on the next round, with barely any health left, I kill the boss.

That is why I play video games.

I had lost my faith, my strategy failed when the only two guys who could revive somebody died. Unless I'm wrong, this was the boss that kills my main characters father in their volcano battle. This was the entire motivation for my quest in the first place, and I just barely whipped this son of a bitch. I love that

Of course, like most all Dragon Quest games after beating that guy, a second guy who was already mentioned briefly appears, just as the king of the first town is giving my team medals or something, opening up a dark world where my map doesn't work, all the enemies are much tougher, and I'm back to where I was before, wandering around trying to find my way with just my wits.

And the Internet when I get stuck, which is where I'm at now. I got four of the six orbs I needed with no help, which was awesome, but now in this dark world with no map, I'm sailing blind. Everything looks the same world wise, and I feel lost.

After looking at a map, I feel much more confident. The dark world is literally the world from the first Dragon Quest and I'm so invested in this. I had to gather three more mcguffins together, creating the same rainbow bridge as that first game, and then, enter into the big bad guys castle, and beat the freaking game! It turns out, this might be the best of the Dragon Quest series. I loved it, it was incredible. I considered trying to beat the extra dungeon, but after seeing what it actually was on youtube, I don't think I'm going to do that. Still cool that it exists, and I had a ball playing this game.

This was my jam.

Godfather 2 - Xbox 360

Another weekend, another game that was here, that I just played because I have it. I beat this when it was new, I liked it a lot, and here I am playing it again. The idea is to play as a mafia godfather, taking businesses from computer controlled mafia godfathers. You assuage their goons, and occasionally there are story missions sort of related to the story of the movie. But really, this has almost nothing to do with any movie, it is a mafia game where you can do single button executions, much like my beloved volition's Punisher game. All of these are amazingly violent, years after this came out, I still look at certain ones as I do them, and think I've done something horrible.

Your basic execute move is balling your fist up, then just repeatedly slamming a person in the face. You can do that to female characters, including topless dancers, which allows for just a ludicrous level of violence. Fun times!

The mindless mechanics of trying to outsmart the computer mafia is fun for me, as is all the violence. This is one of the better b-tier games that exist, easily a cheap game by now, go pick up a copy! This game is actually fun, but not because it is well made or tells a deep narrative. Don't go in looking for that, but it delivers levels of violence and a sadistic level of control most games don't deliver, when I drive around with a bunch of dumb computer goons, I feel powerful. I feel silly slapping people in the face, and more than that, I feel entertained by a simple video game. This game is butt ugly, controls a little loose, doesn't fully explain the mechanics of capturing enemy bases, and isn't very friendly with your time, but in short plays I had fun with this thing this month, when I had nothing else to play around. I was somewhere else for a couple days, and nearly grabbed my copy of Dragon Age Origins to try another intro and see what they were like, as I only played through the two elf characters origins, that would be all new content t me. But that would tempt me to try and play that game again, bad idea.

Borderlands - Steam

This song describes how I feel. So lonely from team America. I just can't get into this thing, I give up. Fighting a giant octopus and jumping in his mouth sounded like something I really want to do, a gentleman named Chet who now writes for Touch Arcade described this and I want to do it.

The game opened up, letting me cruise around in a vehicle, but it feels shallow. I don't know why exactly, but I really don't dig this game and have pretty well decided not only that I don't want to play it anymore, but that I'm probably going to pass on the sequel as well.

Here's a picture that I laughed at. Has nothing to do with Borderlands.


After writing all this, I played the game more and still have a distaste for it. It feels like busy work, I feel less like my character isn't substantially more powerful, nor have I been to interesting locations or done anything I haven't done in another shooter. Yes, the guns have levels and special properties, which amount to burning or shocking bad guys. Nothing I haven't done elsewhere, like in Bioshock, but much much more interestingly.

I'm just a guy in a dessert collecting guns doing fetch quests, until I fight a boring boss fight with a no-personality character who I simply shoot at until they die. I love the simplicity of shoot at until they die bosses, however, I expect something. Maybe they taunt or introduce themselves to me, but all I get is barely a text introduction and then they just show up. It's dumb and I feel dumb for playing it. I'm in an area called new haven, someone I asked said I was near the end. "I've made it this far. Might as well see the end."

Secret of Mana 2 - SNES

My save works now, I'm back baby! I really thought I had erased it like an idiot, but I didn't! I loaded this up, ready to start as another set of characters, when I found out that my save worked!

The point I'm at, I just got a second party member. So my werewolf has teamed up with a ninja! Video games can be amazing.

That's about it. My two dudes just ripped through a cave, met the third party member who didn't join yet, and that was it.

I'm sort of curious about starting over as different characters, just to see how different this game can be. It seems really neat! Areas don't stretch forever like in the first secret of mana, which is appreciated.

When I quit, I was in the next town and spent all my gold buying equipment I didn't need. This game has a horrible menu, among the absolute worst I've ever seen anywhere! Just dreadful controls for it on top of that, makes for lots of confusion. Game is still a recommend, still fun to play in spite of that. I spent a short my time playing in these menus, just barely using them at all in hours of playing.

[i]Earthbound! - Super Nintendo

I just noticed NESS in the top of this giant robot on the box. Spoiler!



I got to Fourside, my main guy was over leveled by about ten levels. He is level forty while the other two characters are barely level thirty. I found my way into the gold mine and found where to take the gold, all I have to do us come up with time to actually play this. I really enjoyed my time with it, but it still doesn't light my life up or make me feel like it is a life altering experience as many I talk to describe. I wish I had that experience, I really do.

I just haven't had that with this game.

That isn't to say it isn't a great game, easily a very well made and polished game that nobody should miss. I've put it off and put it off, and like Secret of Mana, I just never found the right time until now to actually play this. I did the same with Mario RPG and Final Fatasy V & VI. When I find the time, Fourside will be waiting for me and I'll have this as a record, telling me where I was and what I was doing.

Why did I put this off so long? Well, are they making new super Nintendo games?

Team Fortress 2 - PC

My wife loves Mann va machine, we play this together with random people we don't know on servers we don't know. If only I was on an Internet website full of people, and explained that team fortress is completely free now. That it wouldn't take much for you to play it wit me, but why bother looking for anybody to partner with. You don't want to do it, I'm tired of asking. I like playing with people, but I donít know anybody and much as I try to wrangle people together for anything, it seems to never work. Boners!

Phantom Brave - PS2

I got kicked away from Dragon Quest 3, thanks wife, and so I started playing my ps2 back in the back room. Shadow Hearts was left in here, I'm so deep into the other game, I feel better playing something I can just dip into. Like, Phantom Brave!

I tried to level up, but I'm confused how to do anything. I'm unsure if just having guys on the field levels them up, if they need to attack, and I'm unsure how to get more items. I'm lost. About two hours of this, across a week, and I'm just done.

Also, it froze on me. I think it was my new special PS2 that can play import games. For some reason, these machines break so easily. I'm just pissed off. Fuck everything, dammit to shit.

Kingdom Rush and 8bit Ninja and Grand Theft Auto III - iOS

Two silly iPhone games I've played a ton of. Both were free, couldn't be more different games. I dodged fruit and defended towers on the iOS. Also, I stole cars, shot people, and drove over people listening to the soundtrack from Scarface. Not a bad thing to do at all.

F.T.L. - Steam

Finally, a game I actually like!

This sucker was ten bucks and allows me to live out Star Trek fantasies of diverting power from engineering to shields, blasting aliens, and the realization of a dream Iíve had since Alien: Resurrection. Iíll explain what the game actually is first of all.

Your view is locked on your space ship, showing you only the information that you really need to see. Your ship is separated into different rooms, which I imagine are the ďdecksĒ mentioned on many space shows. Some of these rooms contain different systems, like shields or weapons. You control your crew, moving them from room to room which applies boosts to those rooms, having a guy actually at those controls. Plus some rooms wonít work unless your crew are there, such as the medical system or your pilot system, which makes sense. You canít heal your guys unless theyíre standing in the medical bay and you canít fly a ship without a guy standing in that room with the controls, if I can figure all that out, anybody can.

What makes this game interesting, is the way that it plays. This game has you traveling across a galaxy map, jumping from one star point to another. Each ďjumpĒ costs one space gas, which you can purchase from convenient ďstoresĒ located in these star maps. What propels you foreword is that youíre being chased by a rebel fleet, which slowly advances behind your ship on these star maps. Each system has an exit which once you hit, lets you travel to the next system. System travel diamonds out, allowing you some choice of where to go, like visiting an alien controlled system or a rebel controlled system. I mentioned all this stuff was randomly generated too right?

Every time you play, the maps are totally different, as are the things you do.

What makes this game really great, is the way you battle enemies. It feels like a classic sci fi TV show, maneuvering my guys around and firing the different weapons you can pick up at enemies. As you defeat enemies or make allies, you gain more of the gameís currency, scrap, which lets you purchase more weapons or upgrades for your ship. By the time you hit the final star system, you should have a decked out spaceship with lots of weapons and armor, capable of taking on this giant rebel flagship, which serves as the final boss of the game.

Iíve yet to kill it, but Iíve come close a couple times.

Now I didnít mention the aliens yet. There are a handful of different aliens, some of which Iíve barely encountered after playing the game more than a dozen times. Some Iíve managed to have become my crew members, which I find pretty awesome. The weak humans have no extra talents, while the praying mantis like mantis aliens can run much faster inside a ship as well as have a bonus to attack invaders on board your ship. Yes, your ship can be boarded and you can board enemy ships. Yes, this is awesome, but wait, it gets better! You can control all the doors on your ship. Letís say an enemy is inside your medical bay shooting it, why not open up the outside doors leading into the medical bay, so that all the oxygen slowly gets sucked out, letting these buttholes die a painful space death? Because can totally do that.

Also, you can target an enemy shipís life support, watching as they dash from their weapons to repair that, leaving them vulnerable. Iíve managed to take out an enemy ship or two by just repeatedly knocking their oxygen out, letting me salvage their weapons and collect more scrap.

Also also, you unlock more spaceships the more you play, and the achievement system within the game allows you to unlock a variant of those space ships with different starting crew members and weapon systems.

This game is dope, buy a copy if you like outer space bullshit.

Civilization V - Steam

Nothing like a free game to make me feel good, when I bought X-Com: Enemy Unknown this was a free bonus for pre-ordering it!

My history with civilization goes deep. I had the Super Nintendo version of the first game with the mouse, one of a handful of games that actually supported it. There I spent far too much time conquering the world with military dominance, in spite of the limited graphics.

Civilization IV I got a copy of, and played the hell of it and maybe had one of the expansions. It was pretty much all I wanted to do, until somebody told me about Rome: Total War, which I got a copy of and promptly never looked back at Civilization IV. It was slow and boring, compared to the faster pace and real time combat in Rome: Total War. Plus, I could ride war elephants and watch as they squashed little soldiers, thatís pretty awesome.

The simulation aspect of world dominance I like, but the slow pace of Civilization has always been a big put off.

Thankfully, Civilization V plays a lot faster than the older games, I like that.

DEMOS! DEMOS! DEMOS!

XCOM: Enemy Unknown - Steam Demo

Everything I've seen of this made controlling with a controller look easy, but that was not the case. My analog sticks felt like I was pushing far uphill to try and move around my guys. I found out, that the system couldnít be changed to use my controller once the game had actually started, so I played through the entire demo with the keyboard and mouse, then with the controller, then a couple days later, played again with the controller.

Well, this game is fucking awesome.



I want that as a quote on the back of a box, Destructoid.com's randombullseye says ď....fucking awesome...Ē

Because this game is fucking awesome, I canít understate that.

Itís a strategy game that takes the ideas from the original game, streamlines them, and adds a lot of cinematic polish to make the game more dyanimic to look at and a lot friendlier to play, but keep in mind this is, ďThat’s XCOM baby!Ē Your soldiers will die and youíll probably lose the game a couple dozen times trying to get anywhere with it. I love that, I love how as I played the demo, I learned from my own experiences with the aliens, one enemy I fought exploded into a poison cloud. Didnít know that was a thing until I was standing in that poison cloud.

I'll talk more about this next month, when I've played the piss out of it.

I pre-ordered the game from Steam, so weíll see how the full version handles in two weeks. Iím going nuts watching video after video of this game, I havenít done that in years. I actually want a new video game and am not disappointed when I had my hands on it.

It's times like this I wish I was in the press a little better than I am, so I could get my hands on some preview code or a review copy. I want to review games, but I'm too mean and dumb to get taken seriously.

Double Dragon Neon - PS3 Demo

Everyone seems to have said this was a terrible game, that it was awful. The Destructoid review explains this, which bothers me, much like with that Ninja Turtles from a few years back, I feel everyone is wrong, that this is actually good.

In fact, I think I might go buy a PSN Card and buy this thing, I really want the full version. If it can play just like this, with big bosses and lots of dudes to whoop on, that is worth the price of PSN Plus, where the game is actually free this month.

Adding light RPG stuff with mix tape power ups and special moves really makes the game interesting to me. The fact that the game is actually funny, that helps too. Combat is based around a duck dodging mechanic, that I'd you time properly, powers you up Bruce Leeroy style. Yes, this game was influenced by The Last Dragon, one of two amazing American kung fu movies I watched constantly as a kid. The other flick? Sidekicks with god damned Chuck Norris! I still say the Karate Kid sucked, I hate that flick, fuck Ralph Maccio, Iíd rather watch Sidekicks.

While I'm on a tangent, why is there a Double Dragon board game?


This pushed me to pick up Playstation Plus, because it retails for ten dollars, with Playstation plus I get it and a bunch if other shit like, Infamous 2 and little big planet 2, plus I'm only committing to twenty dollars worth, which is three months. Although, as I type this I do the math and think a fifty dollar card for a year might be better, but thats the price of a new game I'll own forever, but if I, I'll stop right there. I'm going with the three month card, let's see if they can convince me ps plus doesn't suck.

I did not buy the PSN card as of me publishing this article. However, the plan is to still do that, almost entirely for Double Dragon: Neo. I really should write about how much the first two games influenced me and my love of video games, but Iím so busy all the time.

Resident Evil 6 - PS3 Demo

I did not expect the reaction I had to this, but I should have known it would turn out this way.



I never published my initial reaction to the big trailer everyone commented on, because I never watched it. I was told about it, that the president shows up and there are now three protagonists. Leon, Chris, and a third guy who used hand to hand combat. The article I tried to write exists somewhere, I'll see if I can find it.

First, positively, the damage models on enemies is much improved from previous games. Seeing bits of gore fly off as chunks now visibly become removed from enemies, that is awesome. It reminds me of House of the Dead and how flesh seemed to melt away as it got shot. Enemies also feel more zombie like, at least in the Leon section. I played the first games because they were about fighting zombies.

Unfortunately, things are so visibly dark that I could only sort of see what I was looking at. Even adjusting the brightness up all the way, couldn't see what I was doing.

Leon's section felt like it wanted to be interesting and more like a horror flick, but it was so dark, and the president character I am unsure who he was or why he was at this college this section took place in. Waste the president of the country? Of the school? I don't know, I didn't like the forces co-op once again, and I especially hated scenes full of furniture and me being stuck on them when trying to move around while shooting dudes. It had some awful moments too, like having to defend a door, it was awful!

Chris's level was worse, but funny. I cackled with laughter as I joyfully blasted bad guys, only to find them nearly impervious to bullets. They laughed as I shot full clips into them. Some guys even grew giant arm shields? I'm just upset by it. I liked the slide move I accidentally did, I believe the other characters could do it too. Stallone does this in a movie, where he slides in his back and fires a gun. I like that, but it felt so out of place. I liked that a giant monster showed up, but I couldn't tell if I was actually killing it or not, and I don't think even when I killed it that it died. This section? Also a bad piece of video game. Now that the winter snow level is set during the day, I can see how blocky the animations are and just how crappy a job anti-aliasing characters are. They all seemed to have a white outline.

New guy Jake and for some reason Sherry from Resident Evil 2had a very dumb section where bad guys would turn to stone, then burst out of those statues as lizards. From the way weapons felt to the almost pitch darkness of this stage, and even the powers this new guy, Wesker Jr. he sucks. I hate him. I hate all this Code Veronica bullshit. I've no idea what is going on here, it is just awful. If this was all this game would have been, holy shit is it a turd of a game.

I'll sum up why I hate this with quick hits:

* Dark! This game is sitting in obstructed view the entire time. * Shooting enemies doesn't seem to effect them, I blew enemies to pieces and they kept coming at me. * Quick time events are worse than ever, thanks Capcom. I mean fuck you. * The storyline is incomprehensible and gave me no context for anything in this demo. Why am I with a president? Why am I fighting a winter war? Why am I Wesker Jr. why does he have Sherry with him? * The gameplay interface, your health bars, are over designed messes. * The characters all play the same. There is no reason to be anybody else, they're unique special attacks all do about the same things. * New "characters" are worthless, as worthless as the black chick forces on the last game. * Also cocks!

Dragon's Dogma - PS3 Demo

This is different, slightly from the other one.

Once I got to town, I chose the knifes and bow class. What makes this game incredible is jumping onto monsters, why wouldn't I want the class that does that? But, I has the thought, "this is probably the full games opening, wouldn't things be simpler to just play it the one time when I actually get a copy of this?" Which is what I decides upon. I like that auto correct wrote decides.

I want to buy this, for fifteen dollars. See you next year Dragon's Dogma! Hell, if I wait until 2014, I can buy the complete version with all the DLC for that price! Video games!

NHL 13 - PS3 Demo

Iíve played a fair share of hockey games in my day. The classic SEGA Genesis games being among the better ones, although Electronic Arts has put out some decent games, seemingly every other year or every three years. As with most sports games, some years are better than others, some add features that are easily exploited by maniacs who only play this one game everyday for a year, but Iíll take my chances. The game Iím presented with is a recreation of the Jersey Devils and LA Kings for the championship, Iím going to defy history and play as the Kings for the loss, as every game of hockey Iíve played in the last year has been a losing game.

I managed to trip a guy from behind, which was pretty awesome to me. I pulled all kinds of fouls and penalties, slamming dudes from behind and just being an awful player. At one point I rocked a guy flipping around face foreword, landing that guy on his head. In real life, he would be brain damaged forever, if he was lucky enough to not be paralyzed from such a hit. Physics engines are the best part of video games.

Oh fuck, look at us being all legitimate! E3 awards or any pre-release awards are always bullshit. Theyíre more adverwards than actual real awards that mean anything. But still, every time I see Destructoid somewhere on anything, it makes me feel good. I wonder who gave it this award? Was it Samit, whose no longer working for Destructoid? Does that still count?



Now Iím not much for sports, I bore of them easily. I much prefer watching martial arts like boxing or MMA to a traditional team sport. Rooting for a team based on geographic location always seemed like the dumbest thing in the world, especially when the players and coaches arenít even from that location! So, I donít especially like watching hockey, but playing it is very satisfying. Even if I lose spectacularly, I can slam players into the wall, using my Mutant League Hockey strategy of taking out the other team, unfortunately I canít seem to kill ice skaters in this game. Not that I didnít try in this demo, I did. I really, really did. I wanted to try and break the glass with a hit as well, thatís something Iíve always wanted in a hockey game. It was supposedly added in NHL 12, but I own NHL 11, which doesnít feature that.

Much like all my other passwords to everything, I somehow have an EA account but have no idea how to actually acess the son of a bitch. It connects automatically on every sports game, but if a gun was put to my head, under penalty of death, I couldnít even guess what this password could possibly be. Modern video games are the worst!

But this seems like a pretty solid hockey game, but not one Iíll buy.

Sleeping Dogs - PS3 Demo

Ok, installed and ready to rock! Iím curious if this is the open world game with martial arts that Iíve always wanted. That feature has been really poorly presented across many games, at this point, the best game I can think of to feature hong kong martial arts is Kung Fu for the Nintendo. That game rings authentic, even with the snakes and leprechauns! You remember in those old Bruce Lie movies, when he fought a leprechaun throwing snakes? No I didnít make a typographical error, several gentleman posed as Bruce Lee in movies that appeared similar to his, there was a Bruce Lie, a Bruce Li, and in the film The Last Dragon a Bruce Leeroy! Sho nuff!
I decided not to listen to any of the dialog, instead blasting techno music into my head, which seemed like a fit for martial arts. One thing Iím noticing is that the Asianís actually look oriental. That is to say, not like the vaguely Asian lady whose supposed to be Japanese back in the X-Com Enemy Unknown demo. Video games never seem to represent these people right, they always look more like mutants or crack addicts, but not here. This adds a level of, ďoh yeah, this is a kung fu movie,Ē to this that most games of this nature lack.



I accidentally just changed a guys race, by pressing square. Let me explain what I just did!
As the demo starts, a cutscene played that I didnít pay any attention to at all. I mean really, I was looking at the subtitles, but if I could never recall a single thing mentioned there, other than the name dogeyes, which means nothing to me and sounds silly. I started off in a fast food resteraunt, which I promptly punched out the windows of, then jumped back across with a cool contextual press of the x button. Then I pressed square, kicking a guy in the face until it morphed and blood soaked it. I grabbed him with circle, then pressing square again, slammed him into the ground killing him.

This is a pretty bad ass game. After killing a few civilians, I then walked around the city streets and bought a soda from a vending machine, like any wild maniac killer would do. Then a nice lady sold me a soda that increased attack damage, while another guy sold me some noodles that gave me regenerating health. Virtual Hong Kong has all sorts of interesting things to see and do, I like that.

I feel bad for this game, it started off as some awful female protagonist having martial arts B-tier bullshit, then morphed into a True Crime game, which is somehow lower than the new IP no one wanted Black Orchid. When I think of what this could have been, Iím so surprised it turned out as amazing it has. This is actually a good game, one that I need to buy and play through.

----

Games Bought This month! How much money did I waste?

F.T.L. - $9.99 Steam
XCOM: Enemy Unknown Steam $49.99 Steam preorder
Total War Franchise - $29.99 - Steam

___

Iím looking to get into streaming videos, if anybody knows anything, let me know in the comments or email me at randombullseye@gmail.com and if you want to read some Bonerquest, ask me in an e-mail. Probably wonít finish the book this year, but next year this thing will come out. Just imagine had I knuckled down, it would probably be out in October instead of needing more polish and pieces of it scattered across my ipod, my email, and my laptop. I did get back a draft from the editor of the book, she seemed to think it was clever and funny. I hope I explained that factual information definitely influenced the book, but that it is a fantasy world, so when things arenít exactly realistic, itís done for comedic purposes. Iíve tried to layer the book in such a way that it means a bunch of different things, but first and foremost, it has to be funny. I canít put out something that isnít funny and ask you or anybody else to pay for it.

Oh and I'll be putting out some videos to promote Bonerquest



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