Check out Josh Hayes, a name Charlie uses for journalism on the internet so that he can say silly personal things without the fear of them being exposed openly. That and to hide from people he knew who he don't want to find him, not no way, not no how.
October has been an interesting month, Bonerquest was supposed to release this month, but time makes fools of us all. As I assembled this together this afternoon, Iím in the midst of a vicious cold. My head hurts, Iíve thrown up, and I missed work again last night. Not a lot of video games when Iím feeling this rough, I can barely deal with my stupid dogs.
I shared an old thing I did with everybody this month, go read it! I like the werewolf story, Iíd love to do more with it, but Iím busy with Bonerquest. Iíll try to blow it out into a real comic book another time.
And by busy with [i]Bonerquest[i/], I mean I played every game ever instead of writing.
Here is what I played in October -
Yakuza: Dead Souls - PS3
"It's been a while."
"Time to kick some ass!"
This is actual dialog a guy says, after a zombie bites his metal arm that then turned into a Gatling gun. Also this is a bad guy from the Yakuza 2 who now you play as.
I finished up the last but with Majima, who was a rival/villain in all the other games but is now playable here. Love that character, his part of the game was excellent, and I wish I had dozens of hours to just explore the city with him and do all his side quests, but I don't.
So I finished the next story mission, which was a boss battle that ended wit Majima batting a grenade into a giant cockroaches mouth! Yakuza games are wild. I love it.
Playing as the Gatling gun guy went by fast, I ignores all side quests, just barely tripping over one where these guys wanted blondie to be in a movie. I finished his quest and started the next main character, Kazuma Kiryu the dragon of dojima. He was the main guy from all the othe games and fights zombies, with his bare hands. I love this game.
Borderlands - Steam
I am not a fan of borderlands. I've nearly finished it, and here I am playing it. I used the world warp for the first time, the fast travel stuff feels a little unnecessary, but it was nice to have to walk a thousand miles back to the junkyard guy and deliver the two stupid quests I did for him.
Total War Shogun 2 - Steam
My wife bought every Total War game on steam, simply to get outfits for Team Fortress.
I loaded it up, got into a historical mission and was overwhelmed by the amount of troops I had. After clicking around for a few minutes, I gave up. I just couldn't play with it.
Civilization V - Steam
Rather than finish up my domination of a small map, I decided to start over and play as America, but do so with a world size map with countries all over the world. My goal was to play so much that I end up in a nightmare scenario like that Civilization 2 player, who has has a game going for twenty years! His country and two other computer opponents are locked in an apocalyptic death world, where few humans survive on the patches of Earth not irradiated. I love that, that hell speaks to my heart.
X-Com: UFO Defense - DOS
The old X-Com is butthole difficult. I love it.
As I start my game, I found an alien base. I tried approaching it from different angles, until finally I thought to get a couple guys better armor and to better equip my guys, heavy plasma and flying armor aren't things everybody has, but the dudes that do, don't fuck around, they're killers.
I also discovered that proximity grenades are among my favorite things ever.
Not since Goldeneye 64 have I lived in a world so full of explosives. Every match turned into camping sessions, daring one another to step into our territory. As one of us pointed out they had the lead, you see the other three players make a mad dash to try and get past a wall of mines, dying, or even better being baited into the bathroom and then being shot with a rocket launcher. I love it!
That is pretty well my strategy with these aliens. I'm camping and baiting these bastards out. At this point, I am openly angry at the aliens. I've been destroyed by crystallids one time too many. They fucked with the wrong guy!
I managed to dominate that base with minimal casualties, then kept upgrading my dudes equipment. I also managed to capture their leader alive, and now I am researching a solution to the Martian problem, or as Larry Flynt said, "Fuck all you, mother, fuckers."
I actually flipped off the screen and said out loud, "I am coming for you fucks."
To my surprise, I am then told I need an alien commander, which I had, but already researched which accomplished nothing. Around this time, Brazil made a pact with the aliens. So now, fuck Brazil! I should have known they were up to no good, these cunts let them build that first base, and now I have another to deal with. I entered and exited quickly after meeting much harsher resistance than I wanted to meet.
I then followed an alien craft that landed, where I encountered Mutons for the first time.
These green bastards took a guy out before he even stepped off the damn shuttle! He took a full rocket and heavy plasma to die. Then I began spreading my dudes out and found the entrance to the ship, where I laid a trap that I wish I took a picture of.
I had six guys surrounding the door, they were well enough away that they wouldn't shoot each other or get but by the proximity grenades I laid down for just out front of their door. As a guy steps out, he steps on the mine, then my guys with heady plasma, laser pistols, and plasma rifles just lit him up. I destroyed maybe nine guys that way.
The reason I did this was for the elliruim-115, which I need for better airplanes and armor. I got a shitload, more than enough to build planes to nuke the world four times over. Also, I can now build stun grenades and probably the blaster thing that just decimated my dudes.
Now I can fly above everybody and shoot missiles at the ground, blowing the butts out of everything. I love it, all I need is more time to throw at the game and work my way to having my guys all have jetpack and plasma rifles.
But that. Didn't work, my base got invaded just after I saved. I can't avoid it, and I tried to save my base multiple times. Can't do it, I'm done, they win! Again!
I played the day after as Dtoid people, that turned out awful.
XCOM Enemy Unknown - Steam
This game might be one of the best new games I've played in a long time.
It is modern, it is by no means a masterpiece or perfect, but it is a fun thing to play. I did so for ten hours in a row. I only quit because this happened.
I was losing when that happened, but I felt like I could bounce back and pull off a stunning victory.
But things were not looking good for my Xcommandos.
All my veteran soldiers had been slaughtered by mutons and heavy floaters. A very hard mission I took, thinking their experience and advances weapons and armor would be helpful to them. That was not the case, as I desperately tried to revive them, a car was lit on fire. My two remaining guys, a heavy and a newer support trooper, I had them book back to the jet to take off, but I hit the wrong button so the mission didn't abort.
Things got worse from there, cyber disks killed so many of my guys with their grenades and support drones, my veteran soldiers who were wounded in a previous battle, before the other group was slaughtered. The laser shotgun assault trooper and sniper were both, wait I messed up, this battle happened before the other, because I managed to save the sniper by aborting the mission. Part of why I lost all my other dudes, all who were majors, was that my sniper brought his regular rifle not his laser rifle. I got so frustrated when I saw that, but I thought I was on iron man and couldn't reload. I found out later, that I didn't check that box, so my save from just the mission where everything boned up is there, my heavy and the support still alive.
But the mission continued without these veteran soldiers. Their presence was missed.
Every new guy I had sucked, horribly. They kept dying, the ones that lived were not winners, all of them were support guys. I brought in some new guys, a couple were heavys which I needed. Unfortunately, I just didn't have the weapons to give everybody and nobody seemed to like living, so when I too the base assault, I wanted to bring along a robot with us, which the game gladly wouldn't let me do.
The alien base was rough, full of mutons and beserkers, and right up front I fought a cyber disk, those are the worst. All my guys attacking it brought it down, a cautious advance splitting my guys up, I did fairly well. Until I opened a door and out ran three mutons at my three guys.
I know I wrote it somewhere, maybe on my other computer, but Iíve gone on way to long about XCOM. I played a ton of it, finishing it on normal and getting pretty deep into the classic difficulty. I like it a lot.
Little Big Planet 2 - PS3
I wasnít a huge fan of the first game, this one lost me after a few minutes too. Iíd love to build my own level, but going through so many tutorials isnít a thing I want to do. The alternative is something like RPG Maker, which just turned me loose to attempt to make something worthwhile. I mean the one on the Playstation, which I bought new and found exciting. Without that experience, Bonerquest wouldnít have been made on the PC years later, but I look back at that version of RPG Maker as horrific. It was just awful and a pain to try to do anything.
Back to the topic, I played a Ninja Warrior themed level, which made me giggle.
Mrs. Bullseye likes this game more, she played a lot of the single player beyond where I quit. I only got a few stages in, she made it more than a dozen or so before quitting.
Pac Man Championship Edition - PS3
PS Plus has done me a lot of favors. This is another game I liked the demo of, but just never bought. Iím really happy with it, the speed at which I can get in and get out is pretty awesome. My pac man scores are pretty good, I donít suck at Pac Man, and I like this bite size championship version quite a bit.
Retro City Rampage - PS3
I like it. The gameplay is fun, Grand Theft Auto style gameplay with a lot of referential humor. The only crutch of the game, are these refrences. Iíve experienced a lot of media, and even I have had trouble following everything. In the first mission alone, youíre playing out a scenario where you rob a bank with the ďJester,Ē that goes a lot like the opening of the The Dark Knight, including school busses. As you make your escape, youíre fighting the A-Team, Ninja Turtles, and the guys from Contra all in a matter of seconds. Itís a lot of fun, but I donít love it. The storyline leaves a lot to be desired, a series of mcguffins leading to more references, like riding a giant Donkey Kong.
The game pulls from everything, but lacks an identity of itís own. Aside from a geniune feeling of chaos and that anything can happen at anytime, from Time Travel to suddenly having a tank with nitro boosters.
Also, going with a look like that of the first Nintendo Ninja Turtles over world, sort of hurts the game.
I want to play more of it, I laughed at a lot of it and the gameplay was amazing. Every mission felt unique and interesting, which I love.
Minecraft - PC
I wasted too much time playing this, again. I built a pumpkin patch and kept letting myself get killed when I went mining stuff. Also, my big railway system is starting to really take shape. Theyíre only made of iron, not rearden steel like Iíd really want. Sorry Dagny!
Rock of Ages - Steam
Wasted an evening playing a few levels of this. I need to set aside time to really get in deeper. I still havenít played these dudes other game, the really weird one, beyond the demo. I bought it, I have it, but I just havenít touched it since.
Double Dragon Neon - PS3
Playstation Plus is a service I found worth my twenty dollar investment, just for the games currently available. I would have bought Double Dragon Neon on itís own, this is definitely my type of game. I like it a lot, but Iíve only made it to the third level. Beating up dudes in this feels great, as does the upgrade system that uses mixtapes that are remixes of old Double Dragon music. I love that too.
Tokyo Jungle - PS3
The most interesting rouge like Iíve ever played. Iíve only unlocked a handful of the story mission, but it is a fascinating game that to say anything else about, would spoil it for yourself. I got it for twelve dollars, and that investment got me tons of laughs. Thatís the only currency I really care about, laughter.
Katamari Forever - PS3
While showing off Tokyo Jungle to a group of friends in town from Boston, I showed off this. Such a lovely and fun game, shame I couldnít play it more. I have no idea how many levels are actually in this thing, but Iíve unlocked a ton of them and the one I thought was the end, turned out not to be. It really could have ended with me rolling up the world, but it didnít. I know, most of the levels are from the other games in the series, but having them all in one package really works for me, I kind of like that. The sumo level is my favorite, which I didnít play this month or show off.
Warhammer 40,000 Space Marine - PS3
Plus gave me this for free, which I already had on Steam. It didnít run at a frame rate I found acceptable on my computer, neither did Darksiders, which Iím fairly sure uses the same engine. As I said about this game before, it is a blast to play. I did a little of the multiplayer, which seemed very functional and ok. Not really my thing anymore, Iím sort of done playing with strangers online. If I knew people who wanted to play with me, I would, but I donít. I joined Destructoid to find people to play with, but that hasnít worked out so well lately. Iím trying to rush back the point in single player I quit on the PC at, I think it was right before the big reveal that Chaos Marines are the bad guys where I quit. If they somehow arenít the bad guys, then my story senses are all wrong. There was a guy who was clearly going to turn out to be a bad guy introduced, that guy has final boss written all over him, but I donít know for sure. Curious to finish this up.
Skyrim - PS3
Going to sell this to a guy I work with, I had a bad experience trying to sell off Dragon Quest VIII, which Iíve since relented on. Iíve never sold off any of my games, I feel like theyíre precious or something, but I need money. Plus, I can probably buy Skyrim on Steam in five years for cheap, if I still care by then.
My relationship with this game has been upsetting. I loved it, hated it, and loved it again. As I tried to finish the game up, I finally just gave up. Iíve no interest in fighting the final dragon at all, I just donít care. I care so little, I didnít even go look up what happens at the end. I just, donít care. It isnít like he was Luca Blight and I was compelled to see this battle through to the end, the main villain is just a big dragon. Iím told heís mean, but never really witness anything worth getting interested in. Which describes Bethesda games, I never really see anything interesting, but occasionally story beats in one off sidequests or weird dlc are compelling.
Iíll miss this game.
Mortal Kombat - PS3
In my quest to make friends, I befriended a guy named Phil, whose real name isnít Phil. Iím pretty sure he was on one of the people who read Bonerquest, but I never brought that up while we talked over skype. Instead, I chose to talk like Vinnie Jones and attempt to play Mortal Kombat with him. Both our matches ended with the server dropping, then I decided to try a round online with some random person who beat my brains in. Fighting games require practice, I hadnít touched this since last year when I never successfully played multiplayer. Just as I was getting my butt whipped online by this one guy, the game lagged up again and I just quit. Why bother?
King of Fighters XIII - PS3
This was free on PS Plus as well, so I tried it out. I traditionally have always hated SNK fighting games. I find the look of the sprites great, but the actual art design lacking. There was a karate man, one of the ikari warriors who is now completely roided out, and the chick with a rack that dangles that I picked for my only run on the arcade mode. For some reason, you pick a team of three and play. I saw in my five or six matches characters that I couldnít connect with at all. Guys who looked like girls, guys who looked like Street Fighter characters, and characters that just looked crappy to me, with nothing interesting about them. At least the big guy from Ikari Warriors and Metal Slug is now roided out with giant muscles and stands about two feet taller than other fighters. His moves mimicked Zangief, but I felt with the controller I have, I couldnít play him all that well. The karate man wore a gi like a Gracie brother, but seemed to do more traditional striking rather than jiujitsu. Mai Shrinrui shot fireb and fans out, all while her breasts bounced in the most exaggerated manner. I recall the name because a friend of mine was obsessed with SNK fighters and talked about her all the time, Iím not friends with that guy anymore and I donít ever want to play King of Fighters XIII again. The sprites had something wrong with them, the clean lines of Street Fighter 2 HD Turbo Remix maybe spoiled me, but I donít ever want to see the weird lines around sprites again, which is partially why Iím not sure if I want the Darkstalkers remakes that got announced this month.
Zen Pinball and Another Pinball Game with a name I forgot and also deleted - PS3
I played both of these out, they had trials that practically gave the games away for free. I played an avengers table, that seemed ok in Zen Pinball. The other game, whose name I forgot, had licensed tables based on real life ones Iíd actually played, like the Elvira one or Bride of Pin-Bot table. I really liked that, but Iíd rather spend a couple hundred dollars and actually buy an Elvira pinball machine than have a fake one that isnít taking up lots of room and isnít nearly as loud as a real pinball machine. Thatís my favorite thing about pinball, how god damn loud they are. Theyíre always set to the highest volume, which always amuses me.
NFL Blitz - PS3
PS Plus gave me this, but I donít know why I played it. I thought maybe I would like it, I guess. I played as the Giants, whom Iím not a fan of. Iím not a fan of any sports team. I donít know anyone on any of these teams personally, I know somebody who had a nephew who played for the Jaguars, who according to wikipedia is drafted to the Steelers now, but I donít know these people. I donít have a favorite animal or any allegiance to any of these teams at all. I donít understand sports fandom at all, it isnít like the players, coaches, or owners are from that area, they donít give a fuck about the area theyíre from. Thatís how the Great Lakes Lakers became the Los Angeles Lakers.
I realized after playing this, that I donít need to play everything just because itís free. Bloodrayne whatever was ďfreeĒ on PSN Plus, but that demo left me upset. It juts wasnít good. I donít feel like playing Scott Pilgrim again, maybe some other time I will. I donít know, this service is interesting, but it seems like a mixed bag. It isnít that Blitz is a bad game, it just isnít a game for me.
Infamous 2 - PS3
If the Doomguy suddenly had a voice that was as lispy and snarky as Cole from Infamous, I doubt Iíd ever play another DOOM with the same level of satisfaction Iíve had with it for twenty years. The same with Mario, if suddenly he had a shrieking high pitch voice saying only a couple phrases, Iíd probably not like him as much. Oh wait, that happened, and suddenly my reasons for not liking Mario 64 have a basis in reality that I can ground an argument onto.
Regardless, Infamous 2 still plays like a fun game. Moving around this city is fun, collecting power ups and giving your guy more electrical powers, thatís fun.
Trying to decipher this storyline, hurts. Iím actually feeling physical pain trying to figure out why things are happening and who these characters are and why theyíre suddenly important or not important. Allegiances seem to not matter at all, a bad guy from the first game is now your best friend again. I donít know who wrote this, but they fucked up. There is also a female character introduced sloppily in a comic book cutscene, who everybody seems to know really well, but I have no idea who she is or why I should.
That and I keep dying a lot, have made my couple hours with inFAMOUS 2 less than favorable, but when I'm running up buildings and shocking dudes or monsters with electrical powers, it sort of works enough that I can have fun. The level design, or open world design, is especially good. Compared against Assassins Creed and how they copy and paste their world designs in such a piss poor way that I can't figure out where I'm going or what I'm doing, infamous 2 has a much better city. And furthermore, the sense of momentum you can get rushing around buildings is a lot of fun. Too bad the story is as silly as it is.
Later characters are introduced sloppily as well, villain characters from the first game who lived have vanished from existence and are never mentioned. That bothers me too, if you're trying to establish a canon, why forget everything that happened the first time around, barely referencing major plot points, like the fact that the main bad guy in the first game was your character from the future who came back in time somehow, then killed your girlfriend to motivate you to fight "the beast" who turned out to just be Cinder from Killer Instinct.
If I hadn't got this for free, probably wouldn't have played it.
In fact, that sort of goes for everything on PSN Plus, which wasnít Ēfree,Ē but as a package Iíll take a dozen mediocre games for twenty dollars for three months. I want to finish Infamous 2 and give it a score, as it has a lot of problems besides the storyline.
Payday The Heist - PS3
Tried this again, still donít like it.
This is like Left 4 Dead with bank heists, but I donít like Left 4 Dead either.
Diablo III - PC
There was some kind of promotion to play this for free, so I did. Turns out, I didnít like it. That was on Halloween, where I was hours late for work and couldnít sleep, but managed to watch the ending of Son of Frankenstein and the very beginning to The Wolf Man. I feel like seeing the ten minutes of Frankensteinís monster throwing things into a volcano and then being kicked into said volcano, was much more fun than my time with Diablo 3, which was over an hour of nothing interesting, boring gameplay, and generic designs. Even the blown out computer graphics cut scenes, which Blizzard usually delivers on, felt lackluster. The stuff from Civilization V looked so much better, I feel bad for Blizzard. I loved their games, Rock N Roll Racing, Lost Vikings, Blackthrone, and both Starcraft and Warcraft hold special places in my heart, but theyíve lost me as a fan. I donít like MMOs, because they all feel like Diablo clones and I donít like Diablo, because it feels like Iím wasting my time powering a guy up to beat a final boss who isnít as tough as the tougher difficulties Iím expected to keep playing through to. Everyone explains that to really enjoy the game, I need to invest hours upon hours of play time into this thing and finish it on the tougher difficulties. To those people, I say fuck you. Persona 3 was an excellent waste of time that compelled me to finish it, the one god damned time. It is awesome that it had a new game plus, but Iíll never play it, just like Disgaea, Makai Kingdom, and Dragon Quest VIII. I really would love to sink years of my time into these games to explore their content, but I just donít have that time.
I waste my time writing user submitted articles to an internet gaming website, where Iím notorious for being an asshole, hilarious, and unpredictable.
Not sure if I'll publish the handful of articles I wrote, as always I write way more stuff than I actually publish. I've a couple of Old School Games articles that I'm feeling proud of and want to publish and I wrote some thoughts about what Athiestium is having happen to her. It looks like the internet has unloosed hell on her. I've not contacted her, nor plan to, but I feel sympathetic to her being talked to viciously through the internet. I'm not sure what she did or didn't do, nor do I plan to look into it any further than what I hear on podcasts while I'm at work. Alls I know is, she was a member of our internet community and we should stick up for each other.