Games played this month: January 2012

Remember when I wrote every week what I was playing? Now I'm doing that every month.



I've a confession to make to you people. Anyone wondering why Bonerquest isn't out yet? The novel version I started writing last year. I can tell you why. I work like all the time, at night. I'm a night man. Even typing this stealing company time, I'm sitting on the toilet at work wearing a three wolf moon shirt laughing.



Work isn't the reason I'm not doing work, video games are. I play a lot of stupid video games, here is what I've done in just January! I missed a bunch of dumb stuff I played for twenty minutes like F-Zero, I played the original F-zero and laughed about how basic it was and how mind blowing all the mode-7 was back when it was new.

-- Dragon Quest 8

I hate not calling it Dragon Warrior, but I'm set in my ways.

This game is better than so many games I've played. The amount of customization for your four person party assures that if you played it, you might do things totally differently. I like using boomerangs, but maybe you wouldn't lean toward that and have your main dude use spears? You can specialize the magic girl to use swords, or do like me and take her hard down the magic route. Just all magic, all the time.



When I quit today, I just made it to the dark world. Most of the later Dragon Warriors have a dark world as a final area. If I'm not within five hours of the final boss, surely I'm within ten? This weekend could be it for me and Dragon Warrior 8.

I took the worst picture of m DQ figures, somehow when I moved, I lost the staff from the hero from five. It isn't like that bothers me to much. I'll just buy another one and set it in the mantle.

The extra dungeon stuff from Five is starting to call out to me. I've decided that I want to do all the post game super bosses for eight. I like it enough that I may roll straight into that from here.

-- Gears of War 3



Everyone said this closes the series. I don't think so. It resolves the fight with the locust, but the characters I like are still around. The further adventures of these burly men will happen eventually, I assure you.

Run. Hide. Shoot. Big dudes with salty language. I laughed at all the melodrama of the story, one moment features the song from Donnie Darko like the old Gears commercial, but overall this was more of the same.

Ice T is in this game for no reason and I loved it.

I played with the multiplayer just a tiny bit. I actually bought xbox live to play online games again, but I really just don't like that stuff anymore. I don't know anybody online, even you buttholes never are online when I am, and actually getting a group of friends to play is troublesome.

--Shin Megami Tensei 3: Nocturne

I will finish this game!



But not anytime soon!

I find that as I get a sense of where to go, I end up as lost as can be. I made it out of a dungeon I was lost in, then just got as lost as could be wandering the world looking for where to go next. A couple new demons fused up and a couple level ups for my main guy and I feel like I've made no progress at all.

The entire time I played I was scrambling through gameFAQs trying desperately to decipher this god damn game. I bumbled my way through that dungeon I was stuck in without the guide then I got lost in a side dungeon for the rest of my time with the game. Beelzebub is waiting for me at the bottom, as is Dante from Devil May Cry.



It's been two years on and off, I'm still struggling with this sucker.

-- Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 4

I beat it and got the true ending! I was so sour on it, as the first ending I got was such a downer I can't get it out of my head. This true ending feels like an alternate reality, where the exact same shit happens are you ready for the spoiler?

Main character just leaves on a train as everybody days goodbye.



This true ending was a bit interesting, as it sort of answered what the origin of the mystery was, but I was such a badass at the end I bear their super boss without too much trouble. First try, right down to the wire, I had lost my three other party members and there my main guy, random bullseye, was with just a sliver of life. I manage to whoop the final final boss, and that's it.

You know how I said Persona 3 was a must play with an ending that left me feeling like I had accomplished the impossible? Not so much in Persona 4. Closure is there, and the ending is upbeat, even the "bad" ending I got wasn't a total downer, but I'm still not as into it.

However, everything leading to the end, less moments where I had to wander a town looking for a specific character to talk to, Persona 4 was excellent. The characters all felt like my friends by the end of the game, the bad guys were really bad and creepy, and parts of the game felt challenging which I'm always appreciative of. The main plot with the murder mystery was a great choice to differentiate from the apocalyptic story from other Shin Megami Tensei games. Great game was great, I'm almost sad to say goodbye to this world I spent a hundred hours in.

I'm anxious for 5. I'm betting Japan gets it this year, next year America will.

-- Saints Row The Third

I loved moments of this game. It was so silly and wild, that no game would dare sink to the levels this game does.

However, the storyline does nothing to keep me interested. They've taken out the usual drive somewhere pick someone up or shoot some guy missions, for just not having missions. They have missions, but their almost all the many activities from previous games, what little new there was is hilarious. Deckere Die and the Murderbowl were great levels, but they were over so fast I felt let down. All the humor is as filthy and potty like as possible, which I enjoy immensely.



Zombies just show up and take over a sectio of the city at one point, getting the late game weapons from other video games is great, and leveling yourself up is wonderful.

But they limited the customization drastically from two. I feel like this game is in many ways a step backward. I love the tone and atmosphere, but the takes itself too serious story from the first Saints Row seems like a distant memory.

I'm disappointed, but I got to play as a toilet with a mega buster.

I don't know if that means this game was amazing or if it was a lackluster follow up to an amazing game. I enjoyed it, but I'm bothered by so much of it! [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_TttT5t4TUI'm so torn![/url]

You're tearing me apart Lisa!

-- Orcs Must Die

My wife bought this during the tale end of the steam sale, which I'm doubtful she will ever play. Just like everybody who buys things during a steam sale, nobody bothers to play all these damn games except for the most fanatic maniacal video game enthusiasts.

So I played and beat Orcs Must Die, bought and played all the DLC. I really want people to play this game.



Tower defense is usually a dumb genre relegated to flash games or used in very basic ways, not so much here in this game. You build Tecmos Deception like traps to flip and push and burn Orcs. Pretty much the entire game is building traps, building archers & knights, and trying to help them out with your crossbow. This game is just a blast to play, I got it for less then ten dollars and played it for two days straight, I like it.

-- Portal 2

Everybody loves portal! I like portal. I like Valve. I'm not in love with them like a lot of gaming enthusiasts. I just like their stuff in short bursts, if I sit down with a game of theirs for a few hours or loses me. Left 4 Dead, Half Life, and even Half Life 2 all lost me completely after just a couple hours.

So I got a couple hours into Portal 2.

I got to meet Wheatly and GladOs and solve some portal puzzles. I hate the load times, they're as frequent, maybe more so than the first Red Faction. I hate that. This is the future and I keep hitting loads. They might be hidden with elevators, but that still bothers me.

Otherwise, another Valve game Valving it up. Wife got this one on the steam sale, she hasn't played it or the first Portal she bought years ago.

-- Bastion

Hey steam sale, quit having my wife buy games from you. Even if they are incredibly good games that I totally didn't expect to be good. I like Bastion. It is interesting and the gameplay is this weird mix of Diablo with this bright colored story based game.

Bastion is pretty cool.



And my wife actually played it. I'm curious if my game save was deleted by her or not?

-- Mega Man X2

So I was or still am developing a retro gaming focused podcast, people like Mega Man X a bunch do for our first pilot show I thought covering the nearly perfect Mega Man X would be a thing to do, another guy who since left the project suggested we do all the X games and I got through X2 finding myself loving it, but still feeling lukewarm. I started X3 but I just don't love it as much either. It isn't that I hate either sequel, but Mega Man X brings the heat in terms of design, music, scope, and genuinely pushing the Mega Man franchise foreword creating its own sub universe instantly. X2 and X3 just give more of that, which isn't a bad thing, these are definitely top one hundred games of all time material, but Mega Man X is in the top twenty for me on my own persona best of all time.

I find that I like the NES Mega Man games better, maybe not all of them were winners, specifically four was a bit stinky, but I still love the series. The fact that two games in that franchise were made in the old style has to say something to the enduring legacy of this games.

But dammit, I found myself having a ball with X2.

-- Final Fantasy 3

Since the Super Nintendo was hooked up, why not waste more time in the world of ruin? Eventually I will make my way to the end of the game, I just got Setzer back, I like him now. I felt like he just joined up with me, just for the hell of it before the world ended, but the stuff I just finished showing the origins of this specific airship were using and how his attitude was formed from his past traumas really made me like him.

I basically was at the boss of a dungeon, swapped some equipment around, and beat the boss after a couple tries. I feel under leveled and lost, a very bad combination for an RPG. Our airship let me chase a bird to a town where I got lost and quit, trying to find another party member.

-- Dustforce

Wife bought this, I didn't like it. Felt like Super Meat Boy, but it demands you play in a certain way. I hate time limits and I'm not adverse to clones of games, especially when they feel different like this to meat boy.



I didn't hate it, but I don't want to play it again. Wife had some trouble setting he buttons on the Xbox controller for the game, I have a PC hooked up as a game console, do I got to help make the buttons feel right. I beat like a level.

-- X-Men Arcade

I felt like playing some online now that I have Xbox live again, but I'm shooters out. I'm done with military shooting and that same old thing. I like Gears for the co-op and stupid weapons like a chainsaw gun and a digger gun that shoots rockets underground. I'm a beat em up man, and this is the second time I've touched it since I bought it over a year ago. I feel like writing about the experience playing online with five strangers.

But that isn't this article.

-- Watchmen movie game end is neigh and something else



When I'm throwing images into this thing, I feel bad that I ever thought about playing this shitty game.

I played a full level of the first game, then played a little bit of the second half of this games fest level. This was two separate games on the same disc, and boy is it just awful.

I would say it is Jericho awful. Especially for having such disregard for the source material and making a clunky game that looks dull and wet. Everything looks oil covered or something slippery.

This rail was awesome for throwing dudes off. Like eight guys were judged that day.


This thing got long fast. I didn' bring up watchmen a crummy movie game I rented, thinking it wouldn't be crummy as a rental. It has shades of the two Batman games Warner Brothers put out, but the Watchmen game is unfavorably comparable to those systems. I really wanted to beat up dudes as Rorshach, but this game was so bad they fucked that up too. He was a god damn boxer. Didn't anybody working on this actually read the book?

That would have required some actual effort rather than a couple pictures and a fact sheet. I always want movie games to be like The Warriors, this is no Warriors by fucking far.

I can't recommend never playing this r thinking it would be anything more than garbage to anyone. I feel like I wasted a gamefly rental on this piece of shit.



I did throw a bunch of bad guys to their deaths off a rail. I liked that.

-- iOS stuff

Kairosoft has me. Game Dev Story called me back in and I made the worst games ever that somehow became popular hit games. Halfbrick have me as well. Jetpack Joyride is fun in quick bursts, as is the dollar monster dash. I just got the zombie game they made and I like it too.

I think Mrs. bullseye bought legendary wars, I've played a lot of this by the numbers flash-game like game. It is simple, sort of tower defense and a little rtsy, but with some light platforming levels to break things up. I don't love it, but it was free so why not.

-- Baroque

Still as opaque as when I bought it. I have no clue what I'm doing or what is going on, but god dammit I want to find out. I'm almost ready to just look up what the deal is with this bad let it out of my head forever.

There was an iOS port I tried to play but it was of the original Saturn release with a first person view. It ran slowly as well, so no thanks to that.

-- Sonic 2

Coming off Generations, I still love old sonic so much more. I made it to the usual spot without dying, the boss fight for casino night almost always stops me cold for at least one life. I quit after dying and started Sonic 3. But I quit at the first boss, just because.

-- Vectorman



I love this game. I did not beat the first level while playing this time. I suck at games.
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That's it.