Judging from a few trailers or isolated clips, Speed Racer may appear to be a veritable cornucopia of visual delights. On closer inspection, the film relies on a very limited number of tricks and milks them beyond any conception of dry. Every possible object is used as a wipe, so that the film often folds in on itself in a jumble of images, with totally unnecessary flashbacks peppered throughout the entire affair, probably confusing the hell out of the kids in the audience. The inspiration of the color scheme for the film seems to be not any particular aesthetic but the rainbow itself, meaning anything could be pretty much any color for no good reason; thus the screen ends up looking the way I imagine unicorn vomit to be. Between the frantic transitions (it's not the speed of the cuts or the action that gives you a sense of vertigo) and the eye-gouging palette, my eyes actually felt reality-challenged as I tried to readjust to the world outside the theater, which I suppose is something the film could be proud of.

While the races have the potential to be exciting, there's so much visual excess that the real drama of the contests become obscured in the CG candy coating. However the biggest problem might be the plot, which takes itself entirely too seriously and eats up too much precious screen time (the movie is well over two hours long). I'm a fan of a good narrative, but the amount of brooding about the past and stilted character development here just drags the entire experience down, especially for those of us who wanted to see an action film (read: everyone). And if you hadn't gotten the drift already, the plot is bad, and thus not worthy of such a colossal effort on the writer's part. The huge potential for having some good campy fun is only partially realized and snuffed out by the constant attempts at gravitas (oh my beloved dead older brother, I must avenge you! etc). What's worse is that the annoying fat kid and his monkey pal are in pretty much every fucking scene doing something retarded, instilling a ravenous desire to wreck theater property like you would Scarlett Johanson's asshole if given the chance. Too bad she wasn't in Speed Racer, because at least then there'd be some real eye candy to write home about.

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