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8:10 PM on 09.13.2007

64 Bits of Mega Power!

Ben likes the jaguar, and Ben likes chili mac.


Who would want to play this game after seeing a commercial like that?   read

10:44 AM on 09.13.2007

Uwe Boll gets a new project, doves cry

The third B in the unholy triumvirate of talentless hacks (Bay, Bruckheimer, Boll [featuring special guest Paul Haggis]) has bought the rights to the yet-to-be-released RPG Legend: Hand of God.

“I think Legend will be very successful because of its unique blend of high fantasy and dark atmosphere. The world of Legend contains major crossover potential and was already adapted as novel and audio book” says Boll from the set of Far Cry, which he currently works on in Vancouver with Til Schweiger, Ralf Möller and Udo Kier.

Seriously, I know it's a business, but why do people let this asshole ([email protected]) shit all over their creations? The sad thing is, I've got a friend who is in Postal, and now I want that to be good. Anyway, here's a little synopsis of Legend for those of you who, like me, have never heard of it.

"For decades, the Order of the Keepers of the Holy Flame has watched over the portal that once allowed demons to invade Aelfal. The ever-burning Holy Flame prevents another invasion - until one fateful night: The flame is extinguished and demonic hordes descend on the Order’s abbey. The last surviving member of the Order, who is ordained as a Keeper that same night, sets out to find the legendary "Hand of God." Accompanied by a Bright Elf, he searches for the shards of the powerful artifact – and in the process uncovers a sinister plot. The flame wasn’t extinguished by accident – somebody wanted to open the door to the demonic realm forever. The hero and his unusual companion form an unlikely team as they set forth to keep the impending invasion at bay."

I can only imagine what this will be like in Uwe's Midas-like hands.   read

12:24 PM on 09.12.2007

Bob Molinaro is a Fucking Douchebag

Just got reading Sterling's post about resident cuntwaffle Bob Molinaro tying videogames and Kevin Everett's injury together. I shot over to the full article because I had to check the whole thing out. Molinaro's drunken ramblings have to be some of the most baseless, retarded, fear-mongering-style journalism I have ever read. I posted a comment on the Virginian-Post's website, but it's up for review, so I'm posting it below as well. I want to encourage everyone to go the article page, sign up, and post some educated retorts to this shitnozzle's excuse for journalism. Then go back to blowing shit up and respawning your "jacked-up players."

"Have you ever played Madden? Compared to a real NFL game there is no violence at all, cartoon or not. Yes, injuries are simulated, but you don't see bones breaking like in real life. In football there is an inherent risk on every play that you can be hurt. Professional players accept this risk every day, and are (for the most part) extravagantly overpaid. Everett made a mistake by putting his head down while tackling (something they teach you not to do in 4th grade) and he paid the price. Do I feel bad for him? Yes, like most people do, gamer or not. To randomly call out one segment of the population and essentially claim they are not human (4th paragraph) is poor journalism at it's best and pointless sensationalism at it's worst. Pathetic"

Also, cocks.   read

4:38 PM on 08.27.2007

Angry Video Game Nerd: Atari Porn

I always knew about Custer's Revenge but have never seen it in action. AVGN shows a bunch more weird Atari porn games that I've never heard of, half of them being ports of others where gender roles are switched.
Oddly enough, my Sunday routine is exactly like Beat 'em & Eat 'em. Go figure.   read

1:51 PM on 08.26.2007

Uwe Boll-trayal

Lance Martini over at FilmDrunk has posted Uwe Boll's email address along with a hilarious anecdote that lays out just what an egotistical shitstain Boll really is.

"I was talking to [name withheld], trying to convince him to have a Uwe Boll film night, because I thought it would be pretty hilarious for him to analyze his work. Anyways, he got all quiet and then told me that Uwe Boll cast his wife (a pretty awesome actress) in one of his films. So about a week before they were supposed to start shooting, he told her she was going to do a nude scene...she said she wasn't, he said "You will do it because I am Uwe Boll" so she told him to go fuck himself, and then he told her she would never work for him again so she laughed at him. And I guess the girl he replaced her with almost had a breakdown because when she was doing the nude scene he kept telling her how awful her body was and how he should have found someone more attractive."

Email little Ewey at [email protected] and tell him what douche he is.

Also, my header sucks cocks!   read

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