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About Me


I'm Nick. Most of the time online, I go by Phantomile, a reference to my favorite game from my childhood.
A reference that no one will get, but I don't care.

I'm 21, I'm from Connecticut, and I currently play games on PS2, DS, PSP, and Wii.

My favorite childhood classic is Ninja Gaiden II (NES). It was one of the first games I ever played and continues to give me a huge nostalgia rush every time I play it.


Twitter: Sevenisyellow

Youtube: Zero10999

Front Page Articles:

I Suck at Games: And That's the Way I Like It

I, the Author: A First-Hand Account of a Katamari Victim

Currently Playing:
Hatsune Miku: Project DIVA
Shin Megami Tensei: Strange Journey
Breath of Fire 3 (PSP)
Pokemon Soul Silver
The Misadventures of P.B. Winterbottom



Looking Forward To:
Metroid: Other M
Super Mario Galaxy 2
Persona 3 Portable
Kingdom Hearts: Birth By Sleep



Recently Completed:
Braid (for the seventh time)
Touhou 8: Imperishable Night
Prototype
The Longest Journey
Kingdom Hearts: 358/2 Days


Here's a picture that Manic Maverick drew for me which is amazing:

Gamer Profile
3DS friend code:
Steam: Phantomile
Battle:
PSN:
Mii: 6734 0879 6112 4537
Gamertag: sevenisyellow
Following (26)
Aaron Mxy Yost
Anthony Burch
Ashley Davis
blehman
CblogRecaps
Ckarasu
Dale North
Dead Pixel Society
Diverse
Drunkcast
Freefall
Hamza CTZ Aziz
Jesse Cortez
Jim Sterling
Joanna Mueller
Katamaya
Krow
MellowBunny
Monodi
naia-the-gamer
Nick Chester
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Is this post awesome? Vote it up!

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Those who have fapped:  Mark Mahon  


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33 comments | showing # 1 to 33
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Gilthalas's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/28/2010 19:53
Gilthalas
Damn that WAS long, but definitely interesting. Great write up Phantomile. Enjoyed reading it.
low tech's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/28/2010 20:02
low tech
Wow Phanto, I never knew about this side of you. I can relate because I've tried committing suicide before as well. And while there are many moral and logical arguments to be made against the act, none are as convincing as the revelations made on one's own.

You have your silly text message and I had the death of a friend to truly solidify how valuable life is. That simple, self-evident truth can often get lost in the torrents of emotion, but I hope that I (and by extension, you) never forget it.
mollygos's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/28/2010 20:07
mollygos
I never listen to those "DON'T READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T PLAYED THE GAME " warning and sometimes end up wishing I had. I'll still play it eventually.
I can imagine that's a really difficult experience to explain to people, but it was really kind of a touching story. Also, glad you're over your depression and that you worked things out with that girl. :)
phantomile's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/28/2010 20:13
phantomile
Yeah, I figure most people would ignore the warning, but I put it because my experience with the game would have been SO much different if that death was spoiled for me.

@low tech: Very few of my "real life" friends even know this side of me; that's why I was nervous as hell about posting this. But it feels really good to finally explain it fully.

Glad you guys enjoyed the read.
LawofThermalDynamics's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/28/2010 20:53
LawofThermalDynamics
this is me crying. Really, it is. There is no world's smallest violin here (I can only play the piano. Thanks for sharing
Roager's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/28/2010 20:54
Roager
Fapped. I never got much into Yume Nikki. Only ever played it once, and quit cuz it freaked me out too much. Amazing way to end the game, though. Definitely dark. Pretty fitting. Almost makes me wanna go back and try again.
MellowBunny's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/28/2010 20:56
MellowBunny
We all have those dark moments in our lives that are depressing as fuck. Some normally come to the realization that not everything is as bleak as a person may see it. I never really had a connection with a video game on that kind of emotional level nor connected to a character so well. Well it's a good think you didn't kill yourself because you wouldn't be able to tell everyone here about Yume Nikki, Which I have to play now thanks to your write up about it! Also it's great that you work things out with that girl, because the ending was really sweet.
Naim Master's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/28/2010 20:57
Naim Master
Fapped for delicious suicidal psychopathic loli.
Elsa's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/28/2010 21:33
Elsa
Fapped.
This was a really touching blog and shows the power of a game... but also in a rather scary way. An incredible read.
ace of knaves's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/29/2010 00:24
ace of knaves
This is probably one of the ten best blogs I've ever read on Destructoid. Thanks so much for sharing.
Jurgs's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/29/2010 01:10
Jurgs
All I can say is fapped, and *brofist*

That was an intense read, and thank you so much for sharing your experience with us.
lyfeforce's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/29/2010 07:20
lyfeforce
Fapped as hard as I can. Helluva read, man.
Cataract's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/29/2010 10:49
Cataract

I know, I know. I'm an awful human being.
phantomile's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/29/2010 10:56
phantomile
Hahaha, I <3 you Cataract.
Cataract's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/29/2010 10:57
Cataract
I only post it because I know that you know it's a joke.

But really, I tried playing Yume Nikki a while back, but I never really got into it. I don't think the version I played was in English though, is there a patch floating around?
GamesAreArt's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/29/2010 11:17
GamesAreArt
:( I teared up a bit.
garethxxgod's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/29/2010 12:03
garethxxgod
I read every word. I won't lie but that's rare for me (and I'm sure for alot of people) since we all tend to ramble and think what we have to say is important. However with this I read every word.

I think the closest I ever came to atleast understand where you are coming from was when I contemplated suicide after the death of Kurt Cobain. In all honesty it feels weird to read about someone connecting so much with a video game character considering a game never felt real enough to get any kind of real
Personal connection but that's me. I'm more effected by movies. I recently watched the movie the Lovely Bones ( highly recommended) and the murder of the main character effected me in a way that had me think about it for days since she was murdered at 14 years old, not really given a chance at life. Here for a moment then gone again. Another was the murder of Kevin Spacey in American Beauty, a character that was just starting to make changes in his life that would make him happier but you still sensed he wanted to do things right by his family if they embraced his change. You have no idea how many times I've rewound the part where he relives his life in flashbacks and talked about how utterly meaningless the trivialities of our lives really are. Even if it's some stupid movie it'll stick with me the rest of my life.

As far as suicide goes I've figured, things would have to get pretty bad for me to ever consider it because i'd be too afraid to plus I realized suicides are almost always cries for attention/help and blogs like this are always good ways to express this in a way that helps you understand yourself.
Discarded Couch Sandwich's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/29/2010 12:40
Discarded Couch Sandwich
Wow, I'm quite touched. <3

I think my stupidly positive outlook on life has been in some ways formed by my gaming as a child, ever since I first saw Hyrule floating above the clouds in A Link to the Past, or caught the view of the entire world from the top of Death Mountain (lovely name). Looking at a game was like staring into a different universe to me, full of wonder and mystery. It was long after I'd finished my first Zelda though that I discovered the real world was as beautiful as some of those digital realms I used to surround myself in.

I've always lived by the thought that no matter how bad life gets you down, there's always so much beauty still to experience that makes it all worthwhile (I'm currently in my incredibly stressful coursework deadline period, I like to go over to the local nature reserve and watch the sunset to ease some of that pain). And if life gets far too bad to handle, I'll just run away somewhere on an adventure and see how long I last outdoors!
phantomile's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/29/2010 12:59
phantomile
@garethxxgod: I totally know what you mean. I don't usually get too connected to movies (games definitely affect me more), but The Lovely Bones sure as hell touched me. I second your recommendation.

@cataract: The Megaupload one I linked to in beginning of the blog should be in English.
Jonathan Holmes's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/29/2010 16:59
Jonathan Holmes
Almost all of my favorite videogames make me feel like I'm entering someone's dream. It's why I prefer videogames to movies or books. Only cartoons and comics come close to recreating the dream world.

The idea that our dreams go on after we die is beautiful, but not entirely realistic. We'll find out one way or the other someday, but until we're forced into death, we might as well find out about as many other people's dreams as we still can.

I'm glad you made it through that realization, and I'm glad you wrote this blog. Thank you.
Jesse Cortez's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/29/2010 17:29
Jesse Cortez
I love you
garethxxgod's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/29/2010 17:37
garethxxgod
This is an amazing blog I thank you for writing it. I may infact download this game and play it even just to explore.
sandorasbox's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/29/2010 18:47
sandorasbox
I originally got sucked into Destructoid because of articles like this, and I just wanted to thank you for giving me yet another reason to love video games.
phantomile's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/29/2010 19:24
phantomile
@Holmes: Yeah, I'm the same way, with cartoons and comics. I'd never thought of them as being closer to the dream world before, but I think you're absolutely right. That must be why I like them so much.

@Everyone else: I LOVE YOU TOO. :D
HiddenAHB's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/29/2010 21:30
HiddenAHB
Seriously, this is probably my Top 5 blogs i've read on Dtoid all my life(and i have read quite a lot).
Congratulations, for the awesome writing and for surviving reality.
oryharakestrel's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/30/2010 00:55
oryharakestrel
Maybe this will help to those who want to find a different place to download or still want to know more about the game :P

Anywho, look at what you made me do. I stayed up till 2 playing this game and even know you still got me distracted with all this talk and mumbles and sad stuffs that makes me think about more sad stuffs... Ffuuu, I still have to finish a paper due tomorrow and it's already 1 AM in the morning. Balls.

AGAIN ANYWHO, you turned me on to an amazing game-NO, you turned me on to THINKING about where I am and how I am or some other mumbo-jumbo I don't know or can place. Mainly how thinking about it now... I still hide myself from my troubles in my dreams as well, and here I am 20 and finishing school and I'm still trying to run away. Deep.
oryharakestrel's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/30/2010 01:05
oryharakestrel
Wait... in my crazy no sleep I didn't see you posted that same link I found...Ignore this crazy as he has eaten too many bagels after midnight... or pudding.
that1dude24's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/30/2010 01:37
that1dude24
This is an incredible blog. Yume Nikki was an interesting game, to put it bluntly, but the fact that you were able to connect with it at that deep of an emotional level almost makes it more than a game. I really should play through the rest of it at one point.
grasslunatic's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/30/2010 19:54
grasslunatic
Thank you so much for sharing. This is probably one of the best blogs I've ever read on Dtoid.
de BLOO's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/25/2010 22:43
de BLOO
Jeez Phant, even though I think you're a fucking douchbag this was a pretty damn good read.

Come bakc to the forums.
Cynthia Aki Suou's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/27/2010 20:42
Cynthia Aki Suou
She is only 10 or 11 at the least
kkickflip's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/08/2011 16:56
kkickflip
This article isn't showing up for me for some reason and I really want to read it because Yume Nikki was a game that I played during a tough time in my life and really got me through it as well.
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