Samus Aron had the hook ups. She could run, jump, and shoot her way out of any situation. Why was that? Besides a well-used gym membership, it was the Varia Suit. It essentially made her a one-person Special Forces squad and then some. The wearer of this suit becomes highly mobile, versatile, protected, and a veritable firestorm of pain.

The most important thing a combat unit can do when going into a situation is gain every possible advantage before the rounds start flying. This may not always happen, but it is always sought. If only our boys had Varia Suits. What we actually have on the way is impressive in its own right, but pales in comparison.

Awareness is needed for any and all scenarios, and I do mean all possible uses of the word. One has to know where they are, what’s in front of them, what they’re up against, tools at their disposal, and any number of other factors. Well, just pop on a helmet and read. The Varia Suit features zoom-in infra vision. X-ray vision would be the only step up from that I can imagine. Even better, though, the suit features a built in computer that offers fully 3D maps – color coded for your convenience. Oh, it gets even better. An encyclopedia is gathered as you go, consisting of all pieces of technology, biology, and documentation you come across. Never be caught unawares again. Hey, it can even translate other languages for you! Officers would fight tooth and nail to the death for one of these.



Mobility is key in battle. It’s kind of a double-edged sword with armies. You want a bunch of troops ready to rock, but moving a large amount of troops is rough. Thus, special forces were created. Next, you want them to be outfitted for anything, but you don’t want them passing out from the weight. Enter sci-fi. The Varia Suit would be heavy as all hell, but it obviously uses some sort of advanced technology for the joints that makes its weight inconsequential. Samus can jump higher, run faster, and squeeze into impossible spaces. Because all of her gear actually is the suit, I’d say getting around is fairly easy. Added bonus: there is literally no chance of losing anything.

Protection? Yep. The suit has resisted extreme heat, cold, acid, and lots of ballistics. Not even radiation, biological, chemical, or gas weapons can harm the wearer (well, at least not for a while). It even protects the wearer’s identity. There are almost no outward signs of even the wearer’s gender. This could also be used to bring about a certain intimidation factor.

This baby’s also got versatility. Hack into any database by jamming your arm somewhere, or even just looking at a computer terminal. Whatever technology does that, I want it! I’m going to assume the suit has some sort of, er… waste disposal capabilities… Woo, versatility!



Last, but most certainly not least, is firepower. Like I even need to mention this part, but I really want to. The suit can fire bolts of energy to an infinite capacity. Said bolts are assisted by some sort of amazing targeting system linked to the helmet. They can be released in a rapid single shot, or charged up for one massive blast. Not good enough? Try an infinite amount of handy-dandy energy grenades that basically equate to bright claymore mines. You can place one in the center of the room, without having to worry about little snags like gravity. Still not good enough? Okay, let’s throw in rockets that fire out of the same targeting system. Still not good enough? Fine, we’ll throw in extra powerful green rockets. But that’s all you get… Fine! The suit can meld with alien technology, thus allowing you to freeze targets and even shoot light and dark matter, thus giving you access to the very fabric of all existence, thus making you the most dangerous being to ever live! Geez!

In short…I want a Varia Suit.

The announcement that many knew was coming has been made on the promised date. Tuesday, October 21st, BioWare proudly announced along with Lucas Arts the MMO titled Star Wars: The Old Republic. The official site is already loaded with backdrop information, screenshots, concept art, fan art, and a fast-growing message board.

BioWare has stated their goal and it is exactly what I was hoping for: an MMO where the story matters. From what I gather, players can or will have NPC companions that will react to the moral decisions made in the game (a la nearly every other BioWare game). This intrigues me. They also mention teaming up with other players, which makes me wonder how crowded the screen will get in-game.



Many people are commenting on the screenshots stating they dislike the look and feel. I have to agree with them. The exaggerated proportions and bright colors are not what I was expecting at all. I understand they may be trying to make the game seem more accessible to as large of an audience as possible (WoW has a very similar style and boasts 10 million subscribers), I think they have gone about it all wrong. Trying to capture a new generation of Star Wars viewers, the Clone Wars crapped out of theaters having grossed a grand total of over $66 million world-wide. I do not know the budget of that movie, but I do know that’s just over $467 million less than Empire Strikes Back, the former lowest-grossing Star Wars movie (incidentally, my favorite).

I really hope that BioWare delivers on gameplay. I want this to rock so very hard. But, the look? My Star Wars does not need to look like World of Warcraft took some lighting tips from Joel Schumacher, thank you very much.

Here’s hoping this will be the MMO that Star Ware lore deserves!

No matter which way you slice it (I kill me), it all started with Star Wars: A New Hope in 1978. The moment Luke Skywalker pulled out Anakin's lightsaber in Obi-Wan's home, every person in the theater wanted one of those things. And, why not? The raw cutting power is undeniable. There's also a massive cool factor that has been tailored over and over again. It doesn't matter whether you call it a lightsaber, laser sword, beam katana, or an energy sword because you're still going to be bringing on the same hurt.



First, let's acknowledge that this weapon can never, ever be made. It breaks just about every science there is. What most people don't realize is that the word "laser" is actually an acronym for Light Amplification by Simulated Emission of Radiation. Most of us do know, however, that a laser is really just a whole bunch of light packed down into a single beam. So, all that cutting power is actually just from an indescribable amount of heat. Why does this make it impossible to build? Well, light doesn't just stop (much less curve on its own), as Ubisoft acknowledged with their design in No More Heroes. It needs something strong enough to stop it. I don't know what is in the end of a beam katana, but I guess it works. Since these weapons are specifically made to cut through anything, you might want that handy-dandy invincible tip. Can we also acknowledge that you better just completely stay away from reflective surfaces? Also, light doesn't collide with light. Duels would go more like this:



Ah, I love that bit. Okay, so let's say that the only way this is possible is by having a plasma beam held in place by a magnetic field that is highly unstable and could spill plasma onto the wielder that is thousands upon thousands of degrees. Enough science. It ruins the fun.

The best thing these babies bring to the table is versatility. No one can ever truly know which way combat is going to swing, so you want to be ready. These can cut through anything, are set to all sorts of different lengths, and are seemingly great defensive weapons (assuming you are actually skilled enough to get the beam in front of an oncoming projectile). On top of that, the blade can be shut off and reignited as much as you want, so you can come in with an element of surprise. Once ignited, though, kiss your stealth abilities goodbye. All iterations I've seen make a fair amount of noise and generate light. But, hey, I guess you can stack "instant light source" onto the list of perks. Like I said, versatile. Need I mention the fact that it's like a universal skeleton key?

Intimidating? Oh, yes. I feel sorry for the fools that didn't run after watching their buddies get cut to shreds in any of the games. In fact, why do those morons always continue to close in? Every game, movie, and animation dealing with laser swords deals out the dumbest enemies ever. Tip: if engaging with someone who has a laser sword, snipe them. With explosive rounds.

If there is one advantage that every weapon seeks, it's ease of use. Ever see an AT-4 launcher? On the side is a diagram that shows how to properly hold the weapon and says, "Fire this way." I kid you not. Laser swords are essentially point-and-click. Point where you want the business end to go and hit a button. Also, since the blade is weightless, it'll take a lot longer to get worn out. Fighting is tiresome. But, that also presents a level of danger. With no counter-weight, it'll be hard to gauge where the blade is at first. Since it literally doesn't have to touch anything to begin cutting, this can be a dangerous scenario.

Basically, the laser sword is nearly everything someone could want in a melee weapon. If getting down and dirty, I'd rather have one at my side.

This is a new regular blog post I'll be doing. Due to past experience, I have a decent knowledge of weapons, and I thought it might be fun to do entries like this that explore game weaponry. Screw Attack has a good one going and IGN (damn them for already hopping on the bowcaster) recently started their own, but I feel I can do it particularly well.

To start off with, I'll be exploring what is probably the most effective video game weapon ever made: Metal Gear REX.



According to game lore, REX was first drawn up in 1964 by the character Granin, but it would be another forty years until development, much less further design. This is something that I enjoy about the Metal Gear series: the writers' ability to show historical knowledge when it comes to weapons development and the like. Most of the best real-life vehicles and weapons today were actually designed in the 60's and 70's. I had to mention this simply because awesome story backdrop only makes this even cooler.

The well laid storyline is one of the things that made Metal Gear Solid for the PS1 one of the most celebrated games of all time. Since REX is a hinge on which nearly everything in the game swung, it managed to gather a certain mythos that stands today. REX has appeared in more games than all the other Metal Gears combined, and this includes third party games, such as Super Smash Brothers Brawl.



Now, let's get down to the meat.

Realistically speaking, REX should not be equipped with bipedal mobility, which is essentially just controlled falling. Not only is it clunky, but it would be very jarring. When you build something that big, momentum can be a bitch, so you'll want as smooth of a ride as possible. However, the idea is still cool. It's highly mobile and, with a little creativity, can be camouflaged well. The oh-so-neato hydraulic claws on the toes are not only devastating weapons against troops and light vehicles, they can also help with climbing and stabilization.

Of course, stomping the crap out of enemies wouldn't be possible without good armor. REX has the best. I'm not aware of any details on the armor, but I do know anything short of HEAT rounds isn't going to make a scratch. Since RPG's don't do crap in the game, I can only assume that it's slightly better than Chobham/depleted uranium armor, which is currently equipped on the M1 Abrams tanks.

As if grounds troops weren't already screwed, it's also equipped with an underside laser cannon, two vulcan machine guns (beautiful for anti-air if it can aim that high), and radar-guided anti-tank missiles. This is all well and good, but it's not where the true beauty lies.

There is a shoulder-mounted rail gun. You can't miss it, and it's what makes REX the most deadly of all Metal Gears. For those who have never been clear on the subject, a rail gun uses two magnetic metal rails to accelerate a highly electrified round to incredible speeds. In fact, the Navy has managed to fire a projectile at seven times the speed of sound. That's approximately 2,382.03 miles per second! Imagine being able to fire a round from Los Angeles that reaches out and touches someone in Tokyo in just 2.3 seconds... Granted, we have to keep in mind that REX is going to stay fictional for one main reason: it takes waaay too much power and generates waaay too much heat to be armed on a ground mobile device.



The minds at Kojima Productions decided to make it even worse. This is something that I believe is impossible with today's technology, but could actually be feasible in the future. What if that rail gun could fire nuclear warheads? It would get around all international treaties and agreements because it is a round that would have be aimed with suborbital flight, but is not self-propelled like a missile. Though, it's not like the target would have time to prepare any possible defenses, much less know it's coming. On top of that, the game proposed an armor-piercing shell over the warhead so that underground bases could be taken out as well. There's only one metal I know of that would be able to do that, and that is depleted uranium. If designed right, the kinetic energy gathered would sharpen the round and even possibly increase its effective range. No one would ever be safe.

REX is highly mobile, easily hidden, and can take out any target in the world. That's why it's my favorite video game weapon.

Last night, I was fortunate enough to see Jim Gaffigan perform at the Midland in Kansas City with my wife. Not only was he great, but I very much enjoyed his opening act, Rich Brooks. Rich is an interesting character who seems to have one of those lives that is based on bad decisions. When he mentioned that he started doing comedy after he lost his last job, which was apparently due to a cocaine deal going bad, part of me believed him. His comedy was more controversial than Gaffigan's, but certainly wasn't vulgar or crude. I always appreciate a comedian that can produce good laughs without constantly mentioning testicles or various bodily fluids.

I found myself wondering why Jim's show was called The Sexy Tour. The only remotely sexual jokes we got were from his encore, which I loved. The rest of it was pretty much the regular Jim fair. Food, laziness, and observations about stuff we take for granted (such as food and laziness). Though, he was not above pointing out his own repetitiveness while on stage. In that strange high-pitched voice he does. Nearly the whole performance was new material.

One thing that surprised me, and I don't know why, is that he actually provided some fan service. Every time the words "hot" and "pocket" were said, the crowd would cheer like mad, obviously wanting him to perform his most popular skit. This led to him performing it in its entirety as the finale. Perhaps he meant to in the first place, but that doesn't sound right considering it's a whole new tour that will lead to another CD and maybe even some television recordings.



Seeing comedy performed live is nearly always great. And, this was a really good show. If you have the chance, I recommend catching it.

There are many, many rumors surfacing about Baldur's Gate III being in development. I honestly don't know whether or not it is. But, I do know that there's a good chance. Last time I saw rumor-flying of this caliber was before EA and BioWare finally confirmed (almost admitted, it would seem) that there is a new Knights of the Old Republic in the works and it is an MMO. So, I'm willing to give this BG3 rumor a little leniency. A guy can dream, right? After all, someone has to make up for the comparatively craptacular Neverwinter Nights series.

For those youngins that need some education in this field, Baldur's Gate is one of the greatest game series ever made. Period. (Okay, I admit that I don't like the two console hits, but whatever.) That's not to say that it's for everyone, however. With today's multitudes of fast-paced game junkies, I can understand some trepidation. So, before I go into exactly what rumors are surfacing, allow me to help others get as excited as I am.



You may see an old-ass game. What I see is a game that revolutionized the field. TSR, Inc. (Tactical Studies Rules) was the company that owned Dungeons & Dragons before Wizards of the Coast bought them out in 1997. Their company was already on thin ice because the gaming business is something that is in constant flux. When a then-brand-new developer called BioWare began working on a computer game based on their AD&D 2nd Ed. rules and put it in the decade old Forgotten Realms setting, it was a bit of a gamble.

The young guys at BioWare had already smashed their way into the gaming world with Shattered Steel, which is supposedly the first game to allow deformable/destructible terrain. First-person shooter junkies can thank them for that. They took on Baldur's Gate with as much enthusiasm and decided to bring new things into the gaming world again. The result was a huge game that had kids upgrading their PC's so they could install the five disc game. Everything was rendered with 16-bit color, so we could enjoy unique 3D height maps with each screen. Real-time weather effects, day and night progression, lighting effects. This game toted stuff that developers are still bragging about to this day. I won't even begin to describe how awesome the soundtrack is.

More than that, the game offered an engaging storyline with complex relationships that you actually and truly control. Are you tired of that noisy wizard? Kick him out of the party and then kill him. Then, watch as your other party members either praise you or condemn you for your act of destruction. You can even go on a killing spree and fight the law, though your party may straight-up abandon you (there are still evil NPC's that dig that sort of thing). Not to mention, there is a tactical aspect to the game as you can control six characters in a pause-n-play manner that only D&D can offer.

Baldur's Gate won Game of the Year from six publications and RPG of the Year from twice as many despite criticism from some D&D enthusiasts because of a number of rules modifications.



I think you get the point. So, I'll merely say that Baldur's Gate 2 was released in 2000, just two years later, as a great sequel. It upped the ante gave us 3D enhancement, which sometimes worked and sometimes didn't. I daresay that the story was even better with more interactivity as well. (This is my first blog post and it is ending up much longer than I meant it to be.)

In 2002, we got to revisit the Forgotten Realms with Neverwinter Nights, under the somewhat new D&D 3rd Edition rules released by Wizards of the Coast. Despite it being a well-designed game that received loads of positive reviews, I have to say it was a step down. They gave up artistically realized visuals in favor of 3D environments and characters that were very bland. Processing power was only so much, so you could only have one party member at a time. This hampered the story greatly, thus it was basically a series of dungeon crawls that took you from one location to the next. It literally didn't matter who your character was or which, if any, party member you chose to hire. Yes, I said hire. It costs gold to convince these punks to accompany you. You can eventually unlock their history, but it does little to soften the blow. The story is the most important part of an RPG, and this one sucked. Nonetheless, it was praised and loaded up with very impressive modules and consistently large updates.

Neverwinter Nights 2 expanded upon the grounds that the first one set. However, it is a strife of unfulfilled promises and clunky gameplay. There are more characters with better stories and progression, though they still fail to interact with the main character in a manner that correlates with the story. So, you really get to just sit back and watch all of these humorous or dramatic social engagements, rather than take part. The influence system has little to do with it all. I won't get into the system requirements that don't back up what is visually brought to the table. However, I will say that the character creation is impressive.

Here's the cute part, though. This game was developed by Obsidian Studios, as though it was handed down almost exactly like Knights of the Old Republic 2. I don't mean to say that Obsidian is a bad developer, but it is odd that they catch what BioWare drops. I look forward to future titles that Obsidian is releasing from under their own hood, but loathe anymore hand-me-downs.

Now, you may understand where I am coming from. So, when I say that Baldur's Gate III, if it is truly being made, will not be developed by BioWare, I become scared. If anyone should be making Baldur's Gate III, it's the original designers. I want them to create and bring new things to the table again. I want to feel like the tactical and emotional decisions I make in the game matter. I want the game to actually have a style, because I'm tired of bland 3D environments. I believe that games are an artistic expression much in the same vein as film. A film without style and feeling is no film at all. For me, the same goes with games.

Please let them make Baldur's Gate III. And, please, let it captivate me as the series once did.