Whilst perusing through my daily publication-of-choice (The BG NEWS, my campus' newspaper), I came across a story about how professors are taking everyone's favorite tiny baby guitar and putting it to good use. Prof. Tom Cody and Ass. Prof. Ann Clements have been teaching their music education students proper techniques for teaching begining guitar players the basics. This spring, Penn State students who sign up for MUSIC 112 will learn all about guitar basics, Star Power, and how to properly defeat the devil with the power of rock. Ok, it's not that awesome, but the GH controllers will be used to teach proper coordination and guitar handling. Since most K-12 students are being brought up with gaming, and most teenagers have alreaqdy had interactions with these sort of games, Clements believes that it will attract more kids to picking up their own six-string. "It's something more than a game," Clements said. "It's more than pushing buttons."
What makes this article more interesting is a poll done in this musical education class. Of the 35 students in the class, when asked if video games were a viable form with which to teach music, only 20% said that they were. Once the class was over, and the students had learned about how the game can be used in an educational fashion, roughly 90% agreed that this was a good method to use. It just goes to show that some of the naysayers (such as the ones Harmonix talks about) might be wrong about dismissing these rhythm games.
Because, within 5 days of asking for a tattoo design, not only did the community (including the beautiful, awesome Mikey) oblige, but Niero fucking agreed to fully pay for it. Awesome.
10. It's portable: do you realise what this means? YOU CAN DRUM. ON THE GO. Well, as long as you also have some sort of portable 360 and television.
9. It works better than the GH drums: God, what a horrible peripheral the GH drums are. Whoever created those needs to have them surgically attatched to him/herself, so that they must always live with that shame.
8. If the portable drum kit was a useable item in Yakuza 3, you could probably use them to kill someone. Probably.
7. The footpedal: it's adjustable, big, and won't snap in half when your Uncle Morty (and his gigantic feet) try and use it.
6. The red drum head: Seriously, that fucking kicks ass.
5. Fat Princess does more for feminism...wait, shit, that's a different list.
4. When configured properly, the portable drum kit looks like an intergalactic super squid.
3. The hidden classic controller: all 4 drum heads and the foot pedal get connected to a center console, that looks a bit like a SNES controller. Amazingly, you can actually use this console LIKE AN SNES CONTROLLER. Seriously, the dpad is pretty good, and I love playing Mega Man 9 with it.
2. It's basically a custom drumset kit creator, as the drum heads can be arranged any way you want them. That means you can have a head by your balls, 2 across the room, and one behind your head, replicationg the drum set up Neil Pert uses.
Hey. You's. Is you going tO PAX? Oh, well then, you might wanna be around for thisss.
On Thursdaay, septembber 3rd, at 'roundg 5 p.m. I wil be getting my Destructoid tatoo at Apolcypse Tattoo which is about 8 blocks from the convention cnter. Any scommunity suppert would be appreciated. I also beileve the good man Rey will be on hand to do some recording, fo rthae sad few of you that won't be able to make it to pAX . I should also be showing offf my tat round the convention cen ter throughout the event showing of the tattttoo , so you can see it in erson.
Also, in less interetsing news, Fallout 3 is the greattest RPG i've ever played. Shocking es, but seriously it's beaetn Skies of arcadia as one fo the best rpgs i've ever witnedsed.
OH OH. Imade a sale on my perler etsy store, and need to mkae more sprited a.s.ap. If you'd like too sea nything perlerized, just give me a ring via coments. I'll rpobably make it, and sell if in my store! Whereeeeeeee!!!
I can't weait to see Inglouirious Batards friday. Amirite?
It seems the end is in sight. After days upon days making my way through this treacherous kingdom, I’ve made it to the Industrial Castle, holding place of the Princesses I was tasked to retrieve. Before me stood a bastion to all things mechanical, an obstacle I’ve had yet to face on my quest. Not knowing what lay before me, I rushed in, ready for battle.
…and was immediately stopped with a big metal plate. At the entrance to the castle, my eyes came upon the lovely Princess. Then, the King of the strange castle came in and grabbed her! I knew I had to move fast. Charging the keep, I ran headfirst into the castle door…only to be knocked back by it’s sheer size and weight. A few slashes, which would normally do the trick, made hardly a dent in the massive piece of metal.
Trying everything at my disposal to break down the front door, the king of this strange castle cackles wildly while proclaiming “You aren’t beefy enough to break this door!” Finally, I’m left with the only item I have yet to find a use for; a peanut butter and jelly sandwich a demon sold to me in the lava caves I had just passed through. Consuming the delectable treat, I instantly feel imbibed with some sort of fantastic power. Somehow, I’ve grown 3 times in size, becoming a hulking behemoth strong enough to rip the door apart at the seams. Witnessing my act of destruction, the king shrieks and runs back into his castle, princess in tow. And I follow.
In the first wall of the castle I come across a handful of Fencers, the assumed protectors of this lair. Eager to defeat them, I rushed in, sword wielded, and began battle. The Fencers were unlike anything I had seen before; knights with sharp blades and the innate ability to summon forth metal blades from the ground. Getting caught with even one of these attacks would juggle me in the air for a bit, making the battle that much harder. Eventually, each fencer met their demise at the end of my blade.
The next obstacle was a host of traps the King had set for me. First was a row of cannons that shot out poisoned magic rounds in rows. A few well-timed jumps took care of them. Next was the perilous walkway. Extending over a pool of poison, the walkway was bombarded by huge mechanical maces hanging from the ceiling. Oddly enough, the maces had a rhythm at which they fell, meaning I had to devise a route through them. After nearly getting hit a few times, I stand face-to-face with my final hurdle; walls made of lightning. Before me were columns topped with strange spectral orbs which emitted electricity. Much like the mighty maces, these walls had a similar pattern to figure out. Realizing the true path, I made it through the lightning with ease.
Next I fought my way through more enemies on top of a moving platform, rising to the top of the castle. At the top, through more Fencers, the king awaited, with some sort of death machine he thought capable of defeating me. Walking in front of a wall, it instantly sprang to life with demonic, glowing red eyes, and a glass window protecting the king. As I stepped in front of the control room, the king turns on his diabolical device: columns pop up out of the ground, shooting orbs of electricity. An elemental cannon drops down on the right side, shooting everything from ice and fire to more poison. Finally, a robotic hand drops out of the left ceiling, “kicking” at me with its fingers. To make matters worse, the area I was stuck in was flanked by floor tiles seemingly made out of lava, or super-heated through some sort of mechanical process.
The columns were easy enough to dispatch of; as soon as one popped out, I’d focus all my magic on it. As soon as the 5th column was destroyed, I focused on the right-side cannon, a trickier foe. As the cannon panned from left to right, I could easily determine when it would release its magical payload. But, the fact that it was constantly moving, and could retract into the ceiling, mad it a bit hard to hit. Finally destroyed, all I had left to contend with was the robotic arm. Much like the cannon, it was constantly moving (this time, coming straight at me), and could retract if necessary. Using a constant barrage of jumps and magic projectiles, I crippled the arm, and the entire device, for good.
With his evil mechanical contraption finally bested, the King rushes out of the control room. Outside, the Evil Wizard has appeared, seemingly to save the King and take the Princess! How could I have been so careless? But, as the King tosses his prize to the Wizard, the Evil one disappears. I now stand, eye to eye, with my adversary. A decision arises; do I end his life, kick him off the keep walls, and gather my prize, or let him cower in fear as I take the final item needed to continue my journey?
…what do you THINK I chose?
[P.S. This is one of my favorite levels in Castle Crashers. The design of the castle, the music, and the types of obstacles are immensely enjoyable in this type of game. Plus, this is the level where you get one of my favorite Animal orbs, Cardinal! And, yes, it’s interesting that there’s a kind of “moral choice” at the end of this level that most people might not eve know about. Believe me, this is a great level, and it DEFINITELY won’t be the last time I mention CC in this column. See ya next week, folks!]
[Finally, after a long, unintended hiatus, welcome back to Level-Headed, showcasing the best levels in gaming! As usual, I’m your lovely host Pendelton. Now that things have gotten to be a little less hectic in my life, I’m coming back on a weekly basis to talk about the best of the best in level designs. I thought that, since this is a long time coming, I should start off this new “season” (if you will) with the level that first made me want to start this series. So, without further ado…]
Psychonauts. The mere mention of that game brings out fits of pure, school-girlish joy for many gamers. Not only one of the best Tim Schaefer games ever created, but quite possibly the greatest platformer ever. A phenomenal story, great powers and abilities, and amazing levels of humor make this a much-loved game.
And the levels. My God, the levels. Each level in the game represented the psyche of whomever’s brain you happened to enter at that time. You literally play in someone’s mind: fight their demons, sort out their emotional baggage, and find out things about the characters you’d never know otherwise. While this isn’t the last time I talk about this game on Level-Headed, I’d like to show you a level that, after playing it, literally changed the way I thought about gaming. What level you might ask (or not, if you read the goddamn blog title)?
The Milkman Conspiracy.
As I said, each level is housed within someone’s brain; every thought of theirs was manifested in some way. The most demented level, belonging to the most demented character in the game, is inside the head of security guard Boyd Cooper. When you first meet him in the game, at the entrance of the insane asylum where your girlfriend is being held, Boyd is scribbling random shit on the walls, and mumbling about the most random things (if you have some time, stand near him and take a listen). Eventually, you find out that he's got the secret to getting into the asylum. How do you get that secret? By making an entrance into his mind (via a small wooden door item) and entering his subconscious. This is where things get truly interesting, as if they hadn't already been.
I bet it is, Boyd. I bet it is...
It turns out that Boyd is a bit of a conspiracy nut; your psychological journey starts in Boyd's house, where Boyd is working on a conspiracy based on someone called The Milkman. When you first enter his brain, you get to see Boyd talking about all kinds of random conspiracies, such as the G-Men, The Rodeo Clown Cartel, and the fact that the intelligence community is in league with cows to overthrow the tenderizer market. If you haven't caught on, Boyd's insane. After leaving his house, and gaining the new psichic power of Clairvoyance, you're treated to one of the most surreal levels in gaming history.
The level design, if you aren't fully prepared, might make you feel dizzy at times, Since Boyd's head is filled with convoluted, intertwining, and twisted theories, the level reflects that. Basically you're in Dali's version of the perfect neighborhood. Streets bend wildly around themselves. The road cracks open to reveal nothingness. Up becomes left, right becomes backward, and even something as a simple jump can have you falling into oblivion. Hell, even the architecture in the level is stupendous. Each house, from the outside in, looks like it was cut and pasted from an episode of Leave It To Beaver. The lighting fixtures, the topiary-cut shrubs, and even the lawn furniture is reminiscent of the late 50s.
lol wut
Conspiracy bleeds into every niche of the level. Eyes peer out at you from behind closed blinds. Men in trench coats with hidden faces wander around the scenery. Hell, one area of the level is a friggin' book depository with a sniper chilling at the top. Plus, if you're quick enough, you might just realize that what you thought was a fire hydrant is REALLY a hidden camera. Sure, it's an interesting way to belabor the point that Boyd thinks the world is out to get him (i.e. everyday objects are just instruments of the government). But, this shows the inherent beauty within each level in Psychonauts; when you get into someone's head, their head gets into yours. For instance, as you walk along the roads looking for your next objective, a camera might pop out of the bushes. You think to yourself, "Wait, did I just see that?" Not sure of yourself, you walk along, until it happens again. Now, you're freaking out a bit, because you have no idea if what you've seen is real or just in your head. Then you begin eying all kinds of scenery, trying to find a camera hidden in them. Welcome to the mind of a conspiracy theorist.
The most common "enemies"/obstacles in this level are the men in trench coats mentioned earlier. As you progress, you'll come across groups of the G-men holding different objects, such as flowers, telephones, and hedge shears. To sneak past them, you must be holding the same item they are, so that they'll believe you're just like them. For instance, to get an extra life token, you have to walk into a group of G-men holding a rolling pin, while doing so yourself. Then, by using the Clairvoyance power given to you at the start of the level, you can look through their eyes to see that they see you as nothing but a common housewife. The same happens at a cemetery, when you have to hold flowers so the G-men think you're just another grieving widow. Also, if you get the time, talk to the G-men while disguised. They speak to you, in the most heartless monotone voice ever, as if you're who you're disguised as. Holding a plunger around other plunger-wielding G-men will let them talk to you about being a plumber, and talking about how they've seen you "at the last union meeting".
Eventually, you come to find out that this milkman Boyd keeps going on about is some powerful, god-like person being protected by the neighborhood children, a gang called The Rainbow Squirts. Basically stereotypical government workers merged with The Girl Scouts, The Rainbow Squirts have taken a "pledge of purpose" to protect the Milkman at all costs (which you can read on my sidebar). So, the final area of the game has you fighting the scout leader, an evil woman who wields deadly God's eyes. Once she is defeated, all of the secrets of The Milkman are revealed to you.
Seriously, God's eyes.
Seriously, you need to play this level. I've left out a few key points about the level, but only because they have to be experienced to be truly enjoyed. The trial of Boyd Cooper stand out as one of the greatest levels in history. And, I hope you'll take time to find that out for yourself.
My name is Pendelton (well, not really, but it sounds cool).
I have thoughts on Video Games.
You will listen to them.
Then your panties will melt.
I know, because I saw all this happening in a dream.
Top 10 Loved Games Evar:
1. Psychonauts
2. Skies of Arcadia
3. Okami
4. Mega Man X
5. Zombies Ate My Neighbors
6. The World Ends With You
7. Chrono Trigger
8. Super Mario RPG: Legend Of The Seven Stars
9. The Legend Of Zelda: The Phantom Hourglass
10. Space Channel 5
Bottom 10 Games:
10. Diplomacy
9. Shaq Fu
8. Halo
7. Draconus: Cult of the Wyrm
6. Castlevania 64
5. Backyard Hockey
4. Magical Starsign
3. Spawn Armageddon
2. Simpsons Wrestling
1. MTV Sports: Skateboarding
And now, the sacred oath of The Rainbow Squirts:
To promote niceness.
To make the world prettier.
To share candy with everyone.
To obfuscate the true nature of the Milkman.
To protect the Milkman at all costs.
To eliminate all who threaten to reveal his secret objective.
Amen.
Destructoid is an independently-run publication forged by our love of video games and the gaming community's need of accountable enthusiast press living the dream since March 16, 2006
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