My name is Pendelton (well, not really, but it sounds cool).
I have thoughts on Video Games.
You will listen to them.
Then your panties will melt.
I know, because I saw all this happening in a dream.
Also, I've got a Destructoid tattoo.
Top 10 Loved Games Evar:
2. Skies of Arcadia
4. Mega Man X
5. Zombies Ate My Neighbors
6. The World Ends With You
7. Chrono Trigger
8. Super Mario RPG: Legend Of The Seven Stars
9. The Legend Of Zelda: The Phantom Hourglass
10. Space Channel 5
Bottom 10 Games:
9. Shaq Fu
7. Draconus: Cult of the Wyrm
6. Castlevania 64
5. Backyard Hockey
4. Magical Starsign
3. Spawn Armageddon
2. Simpsons Wrestling
1. MTV Sports: Skateboarding
And now, the sacred oath of The Rainbow Squirts:
To promote niceness.
To make the world prettier.
To share candy with everyone.
To obfuscate the true nature of the Milkman.
To protect the Milkman at all costs.
To eliminate all who threaten to reveal his secret objective.
One of the most important things in life and gaming is being well-fed. In life, a good meal regenerates you, makes you feel whole, and heals what ails ya. Same for games. Without foods in games, you’d never be able to gain additional hit points, find out corporations are trying to eat your species, or charge your flashlight. So, I’ve decided to create my own gaming restaurant, filled with some of the best delicacies from around the console world. Here’s what I’ve got on tap for a wonderful 4-course gaming meal:
Nuka Cola - Fallout series
Let's start you out with a drink. Nothing is more refreshing than a soda, and what better soda is there than the greatest soda available before, during, and after the Great War? Served flat at room temperature, just like the residents of the wasteland are forced to drink it. Betcha can't have just one!
Russian Glowcap – Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater
In an article about gaming food, MGS3 needs to be talked about. With so many meal options available in the game, from fruits and veg to snakes and goats, there’s many different ways to keep up the stamina of Naked Snake. Then, there’s shit like the Russian Glowcap, the coolest almost-real food item. The glowcap is a type of mushroom found around various areas in Snake Eater, and are described as fairly tasty. I myself am a lover of all mushrooms, from the mightiest portabello to the lowliest enoki. So, glowing Russian mushrooms sound delightful, especially when they come with the bonus these glowcaps have; the ability to recharge your electronic equipment. How awesome would it be to have a plate of mushroom ravioli, which causes you more playtime with your DS? Any food that can also increase battery life sounds amazing in my book.
And to start off your meal, try this recipe for a delightful salad (not guaranteed to power your cell phone): Italian Mushroom Salad
Tricolor Gnocchi – Odin Sphere
Ok, this is a bit of a cheat, because Tricolor Gnocchi is actually a very common Italian dish; gnocchi are small pasta balls used in many different dishes (my grandma’s dynamite gnocchi are awesome), and the 3 colors come from adding tomato and spinach to your dough. But, the recipe in Odin Shpere is an interesting one, since it uses a common ingredient in the game, mandragoras. Mandragoras are these little creatures you pluck out of the ground that take on the appearance of some sort of vegetable. The OS gnocchi recipe calls for Carroteer and Habaneristo mandragoras, instead of spinach and tomato. This sounds delightful, as the carrot would add a little more sweetness than the spinach, and the pepper would add kick the tomato couldn’t offer. And, since each food in the OS would gives you health AND experience, you’ll feel full, refreshed, and more powerful after this meal. Plus, you could get a cute little Pooka to cook it for you!
In the world of Paper Mario, food recipes are everywhere, giving you access to better healing items than you’d have before, like the odd delicacy Roast Whacka Bump. This is on this list mainly out of pure wonder: what in God’s name would this taste like? Let’s look at the facts:
1) The bump itself is created when you beat the crap out of a Whacka, so it’s basically a craineal hematoma, or blood collecting under the skin on your head.
2) Somehow, the bump has BROKEN OFF from the Whacka.
3) It’s roasted, hands-down the most delicious method of cooking.
Even though it’s basically a blood-filled sac, it’s roasted, apparently quite tasty, AND cures poison, meaning that the risk from food poisoning is very low. It’s just such a strange, unique dish, who WOULDN’T want to try it?
Here's your main course, a wonderfully roasted lamb (because, seriously, how am I gonna find a Whacka Bump equivalent) with the world's greatest ingredient: Roast Lamb with Anchovies and Bacon
Meech Munchies – Oddworld: Abe’s Oddysee
First, before we talk about these edibles, take a look at the creature being used for these treats:
Sweet Lord that is a gruesome creature. Why would anyone want to eat that? Well, here’s my take. These things look like giant bugs, akin to cockroaches or other types of beetles. Around the world, insects tend to be delicacies, be they caterpillar or cricket. Hell, in some US cities, you can pick up chocolate-covered praying mantises, if you’re so inclined. Having actually tasted a few insects in my time (on purpose and accidentally), I wouldn’t mind trying out these delightful…delights. Plus, these munchies sold so well, they made Meeches EXTINCT. Any food good enough to cause the complete destruction of an entire race MUST be undeniably delicious.