You don�t need to go far on the internet to find people that think Final Fantasy 7 is one of the greatest games ever, if not THE greatest. The story, the characters, the gameplay; all of it is seen as a gift sent to us from the gods to make our lives better. The game also had a lot of fun games within it, such as Chocobo Racing and Fort Condor. One of the cooler minigames, and the subject of today�s Mini-Games segment, was the Snowboarding minigame. A simple little game, the snowboarding minigame involved Cloud (*girly screams*) carving down the side of a mountain. Nothing too important. But, when you went to the Golden Saucer (the in-game Chuck-E-Cheese), you could play an upgraded version of the game, with balloon grabbing, and time trials. Which, of course, I wanted SO FUCKING BADLY to be in the snowboard game the first time around.

So, a few years back (3 years; yes, I know, this review�s a little fucking late), Sqeenix decided to port the Golden Saucer staple to cell phones.

And, boy, is it bad.

First of all, in the original game, the control wasn�t as tight as some would want it to be. But, what would you expect; it was an RPG side game. Not a whole bunch of thought went into them at the time. So, translate half-assed controls to a CELL PHONE, and what do you get? A 3-minute meeting with the snow embankments. Handling is just completely wrong, and, for some reason, almost every time he jumps, Cloud (*girly screams*) has to do a 360. Thanks for showing off, buddy, but I totally think you�re a badass already. Seriously, the controls are so horrendous I wanted to shove my phone into a Mako reactor, hoping it would mutate into some crazy living creature, just so I could beat the shit out of it.
The track selection wasn�t that great either. With only 3 tracks (beginner, middle, and advanced courses) that looked almost exactly the same, and a time trial, saying the content was sparse is like saying that Cloud�s (*girly screams*) sword is kinda big. Though, the same could be said about the game in FF7. The one saving grace of the game is that, while playing, it�s fun to have the Chocobo Racing minigame music blasting over your phone speakers.

But, hell, I�d rather just buy the damn ringtone.