Hello, folks, and welcome to Mini-Games. Here, I'll be reviewing the miniaturized versions
of some of your favorite games. Most of these will be reviews of cell phone games that are
reissues of better console games. Basically, I'll let you know if it's cool to shell out the $10
for a game you've already played, but can carry around in your pocket.

Today's review is of the much talked about cell phone FPRPGS Doom RPG.



When I tried to come up with a proper explanation for this game, my head almost
exploded. Right before I lost consciousness, the best explanation I had was this: Take the
characters, weapons, and story of Doom, make all of the gun fights turn-based, but in real-
time, and put in upgrades just for the hell of it.

Confusing, ain't it?

Yeah, but it's also pretty damn fun. For a while, at least.

You start out the game as you'd expect : There's a station on Mars. They've been fucking
around with teleportation. They think they've opened up a portal to hell. You've gotta kill
demons and seal hell back up. Same old same old.

New to the game is a central hub level, composed of an area to buy ammo, health, and get
into new levels using good ol' keycards. Plus, a few new weapons have been added. The
douches at Fountainhead Entertainment thought it would be AWESOME to take out the
chainsaw (which makes me want to find a chainsaw to use on them) and replace it with a
damn fire axe. Sure, kinda badass, but, COME ON!!! NO CHAINSAW!?!?! Ridiculous. They
also added a fire extinguisher (not making that up) that puts out fires you might run
across, and can do minimal damage. Pretty damn useless.

Enemies are a little mixed up, too. When I came into the first level, I stumbled upon a
green Imp... A DAMN GREEN IMP!!! As I found out latter, each creature in the game has 3
difficulties, each with a different name and color. So, when you're destroying a YELLOW
CACODEMON or an ORANGE PINKY, you'll probably feel the same sense of confusion and
rage as I did. I was also surprised when, in the first level, I was attacked by some weird
dog called a Hellhound...wait...where in Doom was there a dog? There wasn't...

THEY PUT THE FUCKING DOGS FROM WOLFENSTEIN IN DOOM RPG!!!

Interesting choice. But, not a bad one. Later in the game, you get the ability to catch the
dogs with special collars and use them as close-combat items. (Ok, I take back what I said
about the cainsaw; this is fucking awesome!) As for all of your favorite items, the're back
in full force, but a little better. You can still pick up invincibility orbs and Berzerker
powerups, 'cept now you can choose when to use them. Pretty nice idea.

Overall, the game is pretty fun. Especially if you like games a 6-year-old can beat. The
difficulty level in this game is so completely sad. I actually spent the entire final boss battle
of the game using just the damn Pistol, and I beat him with almost no problem. The
game's a bit of a joke later on. I'd really only suggest this game if you have a phone that
has a good screen, since the game was a bit hard to see on my Verizon POS, and if you
enjoy the old dungeon crawling, first person RPGs of yesteryear.

Just don't come crying to me when you face those goddamn Apollyons (sorry RED
ARCHVILLES). I FUCKING HATE THOSE THINGS SO HARD.