"Yippie!!! Dead Rising for my cell phone!!!"

That was, verbatim, my reaction when I saw this game listed, mainly because sarcasm is
my best trait. Seroiusly, though, I thought "what kind of stupid shit is this?" I don't own a
360, but have wanted to play this game for a while. And, until I get the monies necessary,
this is my best bet for playing this game everyone raves about. So, with a very, very
reserved optimism, I decided to download Dead Rising for my cell phone. And, instead of
Dead Rising, I got something I didn't expect.

A Zombies Ate My Neighbors clone.

For those uninitiated, Dead Rising is the story of name-and-demeanor-straight-out-of-
a-shitty-western Frank West, photojournalist. Also, there's some zombies. I'd like to thank
Wikipedia for that info on the story, because the cell phone game tells you none of this.

In the cell phone game, you're just randomly placed in the mall, with little to no reason,
and you don't have a 3-day timer going against you, like in the main game. But, from what
I've figured out, the rest of the story is kinda the same; some crazy Mexican dude tries to
kill you, and he's the reason shit has gone awry.

Now, crappy, hard-to-follow story aside, this game, as I said before, reminds me a fuck-
ton of that amazing, zombie-slaying game from my youth, Zombies Ate My Neighbors. The
3rd person perspective, the weapons, the zombies themselves; it's all very
reminiscent of ZAMN.

Control-wise, the game plays out much like you'd expect coming from a cell phone: it's
sloppy as hell. Using the little arrow buttons is a bit tedious, and it's confusing at first what
does what. Whoever decided it would be a great idea to put action games like this on cell
phones should be run through with an auger.

Which brings me to the weapon selection of the game. I have never seen a game bring on
such random, awesome ways to kill sombies before. Of course, there are a few guns
(pistol, sub-machine, and the worst, most God-awful shotgun I've ever used in a game)
that Frank West, photojournalist, can use. But, the fact that you're in a mall opens up the
possibilities of armament that much more. Weather it's whipping hockey pucks ay a brain-
eater's head, running through a crowd with an up-turned lawnmower, or hacking and
slashing along with a sword that could make Seph blush, you'll never find a dull way to
eviscerate the formerly living. This fact alone reminded me of the good ol' days of soda
can and tomato bombardment I experienced on the SNES.

The enemies in the game aren't really that special. You only have about 4 kinds of zombies
to take on: The regulation zombie, the tall regulation zombie, the fat one, and the cut-in-
half, dragging-itself-across-the-floor one. Also, you fight a few boss battles (for,
seemingly, no reason other than the fact that these people are batshit insane), the best
being one in which you act as matador against a guy with a souped-up grocery cart.

Other problems include a completely unnecessary and unused camera mode, wierd and
annoying sound effects, a map that doesn't show you dick in the fucking mall, and
objectives that you have no idea how to complete. But, if you just need a little time to rip
apart some formerly living while waiting at your bus stop, this game will be perfect for you.