Tee-hee. Ass is in the title...TWICE!!!

Today's Mini-Game was actually raved about from a few people on the cblogs and in the forums. I passed by the game a few times, thinking it would be completely awful. I mean, seriously, how could they possibly shrink the experience of Assassin's Creed down small enough to fit it into a damn cell phone?

I'm not sure, but they did it, and did it well.

First of all, the game starts out by telling you that, if you enjoy this cell phone game, you should check out the other versions on the 360 and PS3. Do they honestly think there would be, anytime, anywhere, someone who would hear about the cell phone game before hearing about the console version? Seems rather idiotic to me. Anyway, the game tells the same story as the console versions; you get stripped of your assassining powers and weapons, have to go across a very, very condensed version of 12th century Holy Land, going across Jerusalem, Acre, Damascus and Masyaf, killing 8 important people 'cause some bearded douche tells you to.

And, much like the console versions, many of the abilities and tricks you have as an assassin are put to use here. There's the crazy acrobatics you can pull off, the ability to blend in with the monks, and the general bad-assness that comes from being an assassin lile Altair in the 12th century. For the first time in my Mini-Games reviews, I'm gonna say something I thought I'd never say about a cell phone game:

You Need To Play This.


I just killed a boss. Oh, and I came.

Honestly, I never thought I could get so much pleasure, and become so amazed, at a CELL PHONE game before. Everything that went well in this game was amplified that much more because all of this cool shit was pulled off ON A CELL PHONE! Almost every minute of gameplay was just mind-blowing to me as I wondered how the hell such a great game could be packaged like this. For instance, one of my favorite moves occurred in the first level, when you have to take a ladder, and somehow spin it around your body, while still being attached, and have it stay up against the wall you're currently on. Then, I had to climb up the ladder, stab a guard in the back, and flip up a wall. I then fell over the top of the wall, and caught myself between 2 walls, then dropped myself (sword first) onto a guard below me. Yes, it's a bit too badass to be described in writing. The game is filled with moments like this.

Right here's where I talk about the problems with the game. I was gonna say combat was nothing more than just mashing the attack button. Then I proceeded to run up a guard's shield and stab him in the face. Here I was gonna talk about how the assassinations (while having amazing animations) never really provided a challenge. Then I came upon the 3rd assassination where I fought my enemy in a Mega-Man-boss-style fight. Here I was gonna talk about how the sword, and other weapons aren't utilized as well as they should be. Then I proceeded to use a grappling hook to drag an enemy into a stack of spikes, and kick off his body...IN MIDAIR...to complete a jump I was making. Seriously. Every time I had an objection to this game, it gave me an awe-inspiring moment that made me shut my mouth. Well, except for the horseback riding levels. They were shitty and monotonous.


Fucking horses.

Even if you've never bought a cell phone game in the past, it will do you good to pony up the $8 to get this mobile gaming masterpiece. It's that damn good.

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Previous Mini-Games:
Turok
Dead Rising
Final Fantasy Snowboarding

Doom RPG