Well…seeing as some of you decided to degrade me for my Flash of choice last week, today’s Hot Piece of Flash is a rather new offering from the lads and lasses at [adult swim]. Amateur Surgeon is the newest in their line of amazing flash games based off of old gaming concepts; FPSs (Candy Mountain Massacre), beat-em-ups (Viva Caligula), and others. This is the best of the bunch mainly because it bases itself off of one of the coolest games to come out on the DS:

It’s almost an exact replica of Trauma Center, with an [as] paintjob.

You begin the game as Alan Probe, a pizza delivery boy with aspirations of being a surgeon. AS he’s delivering pizzas one night (and reading an article about getting into medical school quick and easy), he runs into Dr. Ignacious Bleed. Of course, the good doc is impaled by glass from the windshield, and suffers a break on his FULL RIBCAGE.

Yes. Every god damn rib is broken.

So, it’s up to you to help Doc Bleed. But, not without his help. HE INSTRUCTS YOU ON THE GAME WITH HIS OWN BODY WHILE HE’S DYING WTFBBQ?!?!?!

Whoa, sorry about that. Got a little crazy there. Anyway, you realize that you must use tools around your car to help fix Dr. Bleed. So, using the Doc’s advice, you cut him open with your PIZZA CUTTER, reset his bones with PLASTIC TONGS, suture him back up with A BIG ASS STAPLER, and cauterize his open wounds with a GDMF ZIPPO. Needless to say, you magically fix him in perfect condition, and ready to help you with any other surgeries you wish to perform. And there are many, many more. In the first episode released, there are 10 surgeries, each one with a different ailment. The best one in my opinion is Insurance-fraud Claude, who drinks paint and shoots himself with a nailgun to get money from the paint and nailgun companies. Surgeries are also spent on picking window glass out of a robber why just tried to rob you and picking porcupine quills out of a hick’s lungs. You also get new items, such as a wine opener that acts as a syringe, a chainsaw (perfect for amputations), and an Etch-A-Sketch you use as an X-ray. There are 3 planed episodes in total, and 3 secret surgeries that can only be performed when you unlock them.

And no strange alien cancers to fight off. Which is a nice change of pace.

(Side note: just go play the game. The stuff down here is boring.)



I’d like to congratulate the [adult swim] Flash department, mainly because of how awesome these guys are. Out of nowhere, these designers took what could’ve been a wasted opportunity (mediocre flash games based on [as] properties), and instead created an impressive cache of original property that rivals better Flash-based websites. Seriously, though I highlighted one of their brilliant Flash games (there best one, IMO), I’d give high marks to any of the games on their website.