My name is Pendelton (well, not really, but it sounds cool).
I have thoughts on Video Games.
You will listen to them.
Then your panties will melt.
I know, because I saw all this happening in a dream.
Also, I've got a Destructoid tattoo.
Top 10 Loved Games Evar:
2. Skies of Arcadia
4. Mega Man X
5. Zombies Ate My Neighbors
6. The World Ends With You
7. Chrono Trigger
8. Super Mario RPG: Legend Of The Seven Stars
9. The Legend Of Zelda: The Phantom Hourglass
10. Space Channel 5
Bottom 10 Games:
9. Shaq Fu
7. Draconus: Cult of the Wyrm
6. Castlevania 64
5. Backyard Hockey
4. Magical Starsign
3. Spawn Armageddon
2. Simpsons Wrestling
1. MTV Sports: Skateboarding
And now, the sacred oath of The Rainbow Squirts:
To promote niceness.
To make the world prettier.
To share candy with everyone.
To obfuscate the true nature of the Milkman.
To protect the Milkman at all costs.
To eliminate all who threaten to reveal his secret objective.
Saying that I�m thankful that Fallout 3 exists is putting it lightly.
After having a run-in with it last year, I picked up the GOTY edition earlier this month. The game has taken control of my life. So much so that on the day that I should be spending time with my family, I�ll instead spend it in the desolate D.C. plains. But that�s not a bad thing. In fact, I can spend my time in the Wasteland just as I would any other Thanksgiving, with these yearly traditions.
Stuffing your face
Getting fat on soda and beetle carcass.
Food choice is important and abundant in Fallout. Rather than spending your days filling up on stuffing and dark meat, you can get full up on irradiated macaroni and mutated steaks. Now I�ve already discussed the problems with eating the Wasteland�s bug population. But that doesn�t mean the rest of Fallout 3�s food is bad. Hell, look at Yao Guai meat; on top of being a lean meat (I�m assuming), you get a friggin� health boost from it! And all you have to do is shotgun one of the fuckers in the face. Ain�t that better than trying to cook a turkey for 15 hours?
Sleeping off food sickness
Like this, but in your colon.
During Thanksgiving you�ve got to be ready for the onslaught to your vitality that is tryptophan. An essential amino acid, the chemical is known for making you pass out after large festive meals. For most, this isn�t a problem; it�s a holiday meant for eating and sleeping. But if you want to do shit for the rest of the day/night, you�re shit outta luck. In Fallout, your biggest food-based foe is radiation poisoning. Luckily battling it is as easy as popping a few Rad-X, getting an injection of Rad Away, and taking a short nap. And if you�ve completed a certain mission early on, you can actually get healed from advanced rad poisoning! I�ll take that over some knock-out chemical any day.
Spending time with family
I LUV YA DADDY
I�m especially thankful for the opening sequence of Fallout 3. It�s the most ingenious and well-developed intro/tutorial level I�ve ever seen. Following you from birth until your escape from Vault 101, your introduced to various customization methods in interesting ways. More important than all that is the interactions you have with your father. This loving, kind man (with the voice of Liam Neeson *squee*) teaches all you need to know about the Vault and helps facilitate you leaving the Vault for good. You then spend the rest of the game trying to find your father again, fighting anything and everything the Wasteland throws your way. At least it�s better than being grilled by your relatives at the dinner table.
Imposing your will on natives
Too bad they won�t get casinos.
Yes, I realize that this was kind of a one-off Thanksgiving tradition for most. The original pilgrims came to this country to find freedom, all the while squelching the freedoms of its natives. Well, why not do the same to the many denizens of future D.C.? As an outcast of the Vault, you�re in the same boat as the pilgrims; in a dangerous and unknown land, with little or no help from your past home. So you have a grand opportunity to show your dominance over the various Ghouls and Radiers peppering the Wasteland. Some Slaver giving you a sideways glance you don�t like? Blast his goddamn head off and steal his clothes. Have a few Enclave fighters chasing you? Mini-Nuke them�then steal their clothes. At least you�re not giving them irradiated blankets to kill them off.
Whether or not you spend your holiday with your real or virtual family, I hope all you lovely Dtoiders have a great Thanksgiving. I know I will.