ooktar's Profile - Destructoid

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Somewhere in the backwoods of California, in a cabin with 5 cats and little contact with the outside world. Locked away with nothing but a PC, a guitar, and an near limitless supply of spam. A small yet courageous man works day and night in order to make sense of humanity's greatest secrets. Using his abilities as a skilled video games player, amateur musician, and wannabe film connoisseur, he manages to keep himself busy with his work of saving the world through his studies of Heavy Metal, Silly Pop Culture, and Raccoons.
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Hi Everybody. Some people in the blogs lately have been opening up a bit about what's going on in their lives and I just wanted to take a moment to do the same. I've been having some ups and downs lately and I just wanna get some stuff off my chest as well as interact with you guys a bit. I've said it before a couple of times, but I really want to tell everyone here that I love you and appreciate every single one of you. People have been making lists of their favorite 9 Dtoiders the past couple of weeks, but you probably won't see a list from me because there's no way I could narrow down only 9 of you and I'd honestly feel bad if I ended up leaving someone off of it. Even anyone that I may have had some negative interactions with on here. At the end of the day,  I wish no ill will towards anyone here as we are all just people that love games and playing games and talking about games and..... cocks.

So to start out with I've been helping my dad deal with a lot of big issues lately. First off, I absolutely love my dad. I'm not exaggerating or just blowing smoke up his ass when I say that he is honestly the smartest person I know. He has taught me so much from how to read and write to major life lessons that I will take with me throughout my life. He has been through more stuff than most people have in several lifetimes and I am proud to be his son. So right around christmas time, my dad started seeing a new doctor in order to help with some problems he had. He's had both diabetes and Hepatitis C for several years now and he had finally planned to go through treatment to hopefully get rid of his Hep C. He had some tests done and was told that everything looked good for him to go. So cut to a couple of days after new years eve, my dad gets a call informing him that he needs to make an appointment with the radiology department to stage his cancers.

Yes that is cancers, plural. Apparently my dad not only has a large tumor in his liver, he has a rare type of tumor in his esophagus as well. As I said, my dad has been through lots of things in his life, yet finally when it seems like he's finally gonna get a break, he gets its all slammed back in his face. So now the past couple of months have been him going through stress and frustration as he goes through the process of getting ready for whatever they plan to do about it. From what he's gathered so far, they've caught them both in pretty early stages and his odds currently are pretty optimistc. He is now going to Stanford hospital for his treatment and is actually working with the head of the Liver department there as well as working with a myriad of other doctors which gives us more confidence. I still live with my parents so I've been at least around to help him out but it is definitely getting hard to see him go through this.

Meanwhile, I'm going through my own medical issues as well, though not nearly as drastic. I don't know if I've talked about this, but I've been going through some medical treatments to help with a condition I have with my teeth. To put it simply, I have a condiion that causes me to grow extra rows of teeth. About 5 years ago now, I had a surgery to remove most of them and in the passing time, I've had two other surgeries to remove more. As of now I have had over 26 teeth removed from my mouth with possibly even more to go. Right now I'm currently wearing braces to straighten my teeth out, but I may likely be going in for another surgery to fix my underbite, which from what I've heard, isn't a very pleasent experience.

My Teeth.... Not Really

Besides all of this, I've been going through my usual bouts of depression, of course amplified with all of the current situations going on. I'm finding it harder and harder for me to wanna get out of the house and when I do I for some reason find it so hard to focus. I have so many things constantly running through my head that It's hard for me to just stop and focus on one. I tend to smoke weed to help relax me a bit, something I'm not exactly ashamed nor proud of to admit, and it does help me cool down a bit and tackle one thing at a time, but I feel I'm getting to a point where I may be relying on it a bit too much which I don't want to do.

To try and turn this depressing tale around, things aren't entirely bad on my end. I'm currently working on getting my license and have saved up enough to hopefully get myself a car. Once that happens I'll hopefully be able to get a new job where I'll feel a bit more secure and confident. I've been working on my music a bit more, not enough to where I'm quite ready to share it yet, but enough that I feel I'll have something worth posting in the near future. I finally got a new internet hooked up at my house which is way better than what I was using. No more ridiculous bandwidth caps or shitty upload. I was even able to play a couple of rounds of Team Fortress 2, though I don't think it's good enough for something like Titanfall or Mario Kart 8. I still have a lot of hope for my future. I'm turning 23 at the end of the month and I still have a long life ahead of me. I only have vague plans and dreams on what I want to do, but I'm confident that I'll accomplish them no matter how long it takes.

So now that I've been a downer, I wanted to do a little bit of AMA. I don't feel that I interact with you guys as much as I'd like to and I'd like to try and open up a bit more to you. I have some time off coming up, so I had a couple of plans of things I kinda wanted to do. I have my Secret Santa game I'm nearly finished up with and need to write about still, and I had some plans in possibly following in our resident Dreamweavers footsteps with some Hentai/Doujinshi related blogs. Also thinking about maybe writing some game reviews basically just to see if I can.

So don't be afraid to ask me any question you want. Don't think you have to ask something serious either because of the initial tone of my blog either. Like I said, I love you guys and I'm open for anything.

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Note: There's no actual nudity in the photos, but some are still somewhat risque and the overall subject matter may be offensive to some so the NSFW tag is just a precaution.

Okay you heathens. I've finally broke down and decided to post up my top 10 list of stuff that  gets me off. While the list is actually pretty tame for the most part (at least what I consider tame),  it certainly isn't something you should share with your children and some stuff on here might  be a little surprising to some. I talked about how I hate doing favorite lists of any kind in my last blog since I have so many tastes that are always changing, but I did my best to break my fetishes and fantasies down to this selection here. I should also note that I may or may not have been wearing pants when I compiled this list, take with that what you will. I'll try to start with the tamer stuff and work from there.

First of all, here's some honourable mentions:


I don't normally go crazy over female video game characters (at least not since I was 14), but  my recent foray into Final Fantasy X has got my head wrapped around the games female black mage  character Lulu. Her incredible statuesque beauty and figure, her affinity towards accessories (she attacks monsters with stuffed animals, how awesome is that?), her seductively calm voice, her intelligent stern personality, she is pretty much my dream girl.

Girl on Girl

Pretty generic and common, but something that I've always been interested in. Seeing two (or more) females engage in various forms of debauchery is something that never gets old to me. Whether it's the taboo of two females together, or just getting to see multiple girls naked at one time.

Rough/Punishing Sex

This one is only something I'm into once in a blue moon. Seeing girls get sexually punished and get a little rouged up is something that every now and then entices me. I for the most part am pretty submissive instead of dominant when it comes to sex, but every now and then I like the opposite and want to watch some women take a little punishing. Now I don't condone rape or abuse against women and I would never attempt to force myself on a woman, but porn for the most part is about fantasy, and there's nothing wrong with getting a little rough so long as she is okay with it.

Now, the actual list.

15: Milfs/Mature Women

This one's also pretty generic and basic, but it definitely is one of my #1 turn ons. I've always been attracted to older women. While my friends are always checking out the younger teeny boppers, I'm always looking around for the cougars on the prowl. I tend to relate to people older than me and I'd gladly take an older experienced woman who could teach me a thing or two over most of the chicks that are around my age who have zero personality.

14: Latina/Spanish Women

¡Dios Mios! For some reason, I've recently grown a great attraction to women originating from  south of the border. Between their golden tanned skin, sexy thick accents, seductive eyes, and  their propensity on having very voluptuis features all make up for my ideal woman. My dream one  day would be to settle down with a beatiful Spanish girl who'll love me all during the day, and  then punish me into the night.

13: Tattoos

I hear a lot of guys who don't like tattoos on girls. I don't know why, personally I think it's  incredibly hot. It's not very common to see girls with a lot of tattoos outside of Suicide  Girls. I can't describe it without sounding silly, but it gives girls a "Bad Ass" appeal which also sorta goes in hand with another turn on of mine I'll get into later.

12: BBW

A number of people here listed BBW's on their fetish list, and I'd like to throw my hat into the ring as well. I'd gladly take a girl with some extra fluff over some skinny girl who's bones stick out like an ethiopian child. I'd love a chubby girl to ride on top of me smothering me with her tig ol bitties.

11: Girls with Abs/Muscles

A vast change from the last entry are girls who got some extra muscle on their bones. To quote Cowboy Bebop "I love a woman that can kick my ass". Girls working out is a big turn on and having a fit girl who can take charge is a fantasy of mine.

10:  Girls talking casual or on the phone during sex

This might be seen as kind of out there, but sometimes I'm more turned on hearing a girl talk casually when she's engaging in sex instead of the standard moaning and wailing. Seriously, even hearing a girl talk about the weather while she's getting plowed is strangely captivating or even her chatting to her friends on the phone. I can't describe exactly why it is, but it just is,

9: Clothes on during sex/CFNM (Clothed female, nude male)

Following up girls talking during sex are girls wearing casual clothes during sex. No these are not joke entries, these are things that I actually jerk off too (how do you like that image in your head?). Girls stripping few if any clothes off in order to have a little afternoon delight is another strange turn on I can't really describe. I guess it's the idea of girls wanting to have sex in a hurry or some weird thing like that.

8: Public/Car sex

Going along with Girls with clothes on is people nude or having sex in public or the back seats of their car. I lost my virginity in the back seat of a car (a story that I plan on sharing eventually) and have always found it very titilating. Also people having sex out in public where just about anyone can come across them is a nice taboo that I'm very much into.

7: Female Domination

Going somewhat hand in hand with my fetish for muscular women and girls with tattoos are women who like to take control of their men. I said above I'm pretty submissive myself when it comes to doing the dirty, so I prefer it when a woman wants to take charge. Not so much to the point of wearing gimp masks while some mistress stomps on my balls with her stilettos, but I certainly don't mind her breaking out the hand cuffs and whip and if I really like her, I might be willing to break into a little strap on play.

6: Glory Holes

Yep, the infamous mystery holes of debauchery. Mind you I'm mainly turned on by the act of seeing girls engage with them as opposed to sticking my own member in one. Watching a girl work on a strangers cock sticking through the wall is a very captivating taboo. Because I'm 100% positive that the first thought on a girls mind when she see's someones dick sticking through the wall is "That thing should've been in my mouth already like 5 minutes ago".

5: Squirting

Girls who can squirt has become a pretty popular fetish in recent years, and I am amongst those who are fascinated by these human bellagio fountains. Girls squirting is something that I've been fascinated by since I first witnessed it. Most girls orgasms are rather visually unappealing as there's not much flair visually, so seeing a girl squirt 5 feet across the room when she climaxes is a bit more satisfying to see.

4: Rimjobs

The Rusty Trombone, Tossing the Salad, Analingus, whatever you want to call it. Both giving and receiving rimjobs is something that I have been fascinated by. Admittedly it ties in with my virginity story, but the idea of someone sticking their tongue in someones dirty hole is very much a turn on.

3: Incest/Mothers and Daughters

Now I myself am not attracted to anyone in my family, but the idea of family members getting it on is a very exciting thought. I actually know some friends whom are brother and sister that I've fantasized about them having sex sometimes. My main Incest fantasy though is Mother and Daughter incest. Mom's "teaching" their daughter's about sex or putting them through various sexual situations is very arousing in a forbidden sort of way.

2: Golden Showers

Probably the "Grossest" thing that I'm into is peeing. While I personally wouldn't pee on a woman (unless she requested it, which even then I might have some reservations), and I wouldn't just let any woman pee on me, but watching a woman let loose her bladder is something that I somewhat shamedly am turned on by. If I knew a girl well enough and we were both cool with it, I'd let her go ahead and let loose on me face like Chuck Berry. I've dealt with enough fluids and gross substances that pee is a pretty minor thing to deal with. Blood and Scat however are completely out of the question.

1: Transsexual girls/Futanari

Probably the number 1 fetish I've been fascinated with are Transsexuals. Beautiful girls packing something a little extra between their legs, I just can't describe my adoration with T girls. Maybe I'm just fascinated by cocks but not really interested in guys so Trans girls are just a way to get to look at cocks with the benefit of an attractive female body attached to it. Whatever it is, I can honestly say I would be more than willing to hook up with a beatiful Transsexual girl who would take me both ways. Hentai futanari girls definitely fall under here too (Bible Black anyone? Dreamweaver?). To make it weirder, I actually dig some of the ridiculously huge cocks featured in futanari hentais.

So there it is, my filthy dirty list of things that get me rock hard. Let me know what you think in the comments.

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2014 was a pretty good year for me as far as Video Games are concerned. I picked up a Wii U  back in June which has given me an excellent selection of games thus far with many more  promising titles to come. A number of games I was really looking forward to came out this year  and for the most part they all managed to meet if not exceed my expectations. while there were  a few disappointments throughout the year, I can't say there were any games that I outright  hated as opposed to previous years.

I generally have a hard time choosing any one favorite anything let alone 10 as my tastes are  ever changing. What I choose this week may very well be completely different the next. There  were a lot of games I played that I really liked and to only choose 5 or 10 games would mean  omitting other excellent games I want to highlight. So fuck it, I'm breaking the format and  just gonna list a bunch of games I liked from this year in no particular order.

Death Skid Marks

You wanna know how awesome this game is. I only bought it just last week and it's already one  of my favorite games of the year. Take the fun arcade action of Spy Hunter, load it up on some  Booze and Meth, and toss it in a heavy metal bar and you get Death Skid Marks. A roguelike  arcade action game that puts you in a world where you got to traverse a  long treacherous  highway filled with crazy religous fanatics, intolerant rednecks, crazed female groupies and a  slew of other undesirables in order to get to your favorite bands gig.

Pick up hitch hikers on the way and load them up with weapons and drugs to help you out and  upgrade your ride to take more damage and push other drivers off the road. A fantastically fun  silly and addicting game that I see myself playing over and over for a long time to come. As  soon as I saw this come out I knew I had to play it and I am not disappointed in the least.

Far Cry 4

While Far Cry 2 was a pretty vast departure from the first game in the series and Far Cry 3 a  pretty vast change as well, Far Cry 4 doesn't do as much to change up the formula this time  around as the previous two entries did. It feels more like an expansion upon the previous game  rather than a full sequel which some might view as a bit lazy.

Thing is though, Far Cry 3 was a fantastically fun open world action game game and Far Cry 4  expands on it just enough to manage to make a fun formula even better without overdoing it.  Additions like the Buzzer copter, Autodrive, special syringes, elephants and more make an  already fun experience even funner.

Fract OSC

I've talked about how much I love music in the past, so Fract OSC is a game that's right up my  alley. A game where you have to solve puzzles with music, Fract OSC puts you inside a TRON like  world where you explore the inside of a musical synthesizer. Progress through the world by  manipulating the landscapes by composing music on various sequencers.

As a big fan of both TRON and musical synthesis, this game resonates with me incredibly.  Exploring the world and watching it pulse to the music is a fantastic experience and the bonus  of an unlockable interactive studio makes for an incredibly unique game.

Captain Toad's Treasure Tracker

In my unpopular opinion, Super Mario 3D World was a tad underwhelming for me. It certainly  wasn't a bad game in any way but for some reason I didn't feel it was as fun as the reviews I  saw seemed. Funny enough, the biggest highlights for me though were Captain Toads bonus levels.  The fun little puzzles were a unique and fun experience in their own right and when I heard  that they were making a whole game based on his levels I was ecstatic.

I can honestly say that this is the most fucking adorable game I've ever played. Hearing  Captain Toad say "Ready for Adventure" never gets old and him and Toadette are the cutest  couple I've ever seen. The levels are all fun and the puzzles are the perfect combination of  relaxing and challenging. I hope to see more of Captain Toad's adventures in the future.

Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes

Ground Zeroes is regarded by many as a overpriced demo, and while I can't really blame people  for that based on the length, I feel calling it a demo is still a little harsh. To the average  gamer, Ground Zeroes may be pretty underwhelming, but to fans of Metal Gear Solid, there's a  lot more on offer than what's on the surface. For the avid Metal Gear Solid fan who tend to  take multiple playthroughs through each game to check out all the options available, the one's  who like to beat the game on every difficulty and find all the secrets, or the one's who just  like to have fun in the world, there's a little bit there for everybody.

Ground Zeroe's map is ripe to explore multiple times through to try and perfect your strategies  and learn the ways of the new mechanics the upcoming game will have. It does exactly what it  was meant to do, to give players an idea at how The Phantom Pain will play out helping it  solidify itself as my most anticipated game of 2015.

Middle Earth: Shadow of Mordor

They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and Shadow of Mordor wears that quote  in spades. While many of Shadow of Mordor's mechanics come straight out of other popular games  like the Assassin's creed and Batman Arkham series, it at the very least manages to competently  pull them off and pour enough of it's own personality into the mix to still make for a unique  game experience in it's own right.

The story melds itself into the lore of Middle Earth well enough and save for a few appearances  from Gollum, doesn't go overboard with fan service or anything like that. Plus the Nemesis  system makes for some interesting moments and unique encounters and overall Shadow of Mordor  was a fun game regardless of the originality of its mechanics.

Senran Kagura: Shinovi Versus

Senran Kagura is one of the breast and funnest games I have on the Vita. It's mechanics are similar to that of the Dynasty Warriors games and are simple enough to grope and master but challenging enough for more experienced players to have fun with. The plot is silly and fun and the character's all have unique charms and personalities.

Tit's hard to think anyone could be offended over something that so clearly doesn't take itself  seriously. Between this and Senran Kagura: Bon Apetit, I hope this means we'll get to see more  games like this reveal themselves in the west.



Jazzpunk is Pop culture references done right. While something like say Family Guy or recent  episodes of the Simpsons rely on Pop Culture as a cheap way to try and stay relevant, Jazzpunk  takes pop culture references to an extreme that it never get's old. Recreate Cape Fear in a  movie theater, Punch a car to death Ala Street Fighter II or play some Wedding Quake.

They say Humor is the hardest thing to pull off in a video game and Jazzpunk managed to make me  laugh from beginning to end. Some reviewers said that the games gags wear thin towards the  second half, but I myself was engaged throughout the whole game and would go as far as to call  this one of the funniest games I've played. Plus you can spray Cheese Whiz all over Jim Sterling.

Road Redemption

Road Redemption is currently in early access on steam and yet is more fun and addicting than  most finished games I've played. Road Rash is one of the few racing games I enjoyed as a kid and when I heard that a spiritual sequel was in the works I was immediately all over it and in no way am I disappointed. One of  the few games I've backed on Kickstarter, this is everything I've wanted so far in an updated Road Rash game and it's not even done yet

With fantastic graphics, fun driving mechanics, a slew of different weapons like swords, C4 and  sawed off shotguns and ridiculous scenarios including racing across roof tops and raining cars on the road, Road Redemption is a fantastic arcade style racing games that even people who don't normally dig racing games will enjoy.

Alien: Isolation

The Creative Assembly definitely had some pressure put on them to deliver the goods this time  around after last years disaster, and boy did they. Alien: Isolation is a nice return to form  for AAA Survival Horror games. With it's fantastically accurate representation of the Alien  universe and it's gripping and intense gameplay, it may easily become my favorite horror game  of all time.

The main thing for me is that after all these years of seeing the famous Alien so many times in  the movies and different games and such, I wasn't sure if I'd really find the Alien  intimidating. Creative Assembly however managed to make the Alien a truly formidable foe that I  was constantly on the edge of my seat when trying to avoid it. A true testament to both the Alien franchise and Survival Horror games.

The Wolf Among Us

Telltale's The Walking Dead was a fantastically gripping game that had me engaged from  beginning to end, but this years The Wolf Among Us really solidified Telltale's talent for me.  With a cast of wonderfully written characters and an interesting back story and world, Fables  gritty take on classic fairy tales resonates with me a lot as a fan of fantasy.

Telltale have solidified themselves as one of the best narrative writers in games today and I  really hope to see much more of The Wolf Among Us down the line. So hurry up and finish  Borderlands and Game of Thrones god dammit.

Final Fantasy X HD

I don't give a shit if the game actually came out 12 years ago, Final Fantasy X HD is a prime  example of HD editions done right. I missed the game back when it was initially released, and  though I did own X-2 I never got around to beating it either, so bundling both games in their  definitive versions together in one package is perfect for someone like me who missed out  inititially.

With a slew of extras and enhancements thrown in and all sorts of new endgame content, I'm  still chipping away at the game after nearly 9 months and haven't even started X-2 HD yet. Between  these and the Kingdom Hearts HD collections, I hope this is the start of more remastered games  being made for new audiences.

Super Time Force Ultra

Capybara games over the top game about travelling through time and causing mayhem across the  world is one of the funnest sidescrolling shoot em up platformers I've ever played. Using time  control to use past versions of yourself to progress through levels and beat bosses, Super Time  Force Ultra is a truly original experience that for me came out of no where.

With an incredibly funny plot that had me laughing out loud and a whole ton of unlockables and  extra's, Super Time Force Ultra is definitely going to be in my memories for a long time.

Mario Kart 8

8 games later and the Mario Kart series manages to feel fun and fresh in arguably the best  entry in the series since Double Dash. Admittedly, I haven't kept up on every entry in the  series, but Mario Kart 8 feels definitely has the vibe earlier entries in the series which as  someone who still plays the classic N64 version regularly is fantastic.

Similar to Road  Redemption, Mario Kart 8 is the perfect racing game for people who generally don't like racing games. A bunch of unlockable drivers and customizable karts make for a fun replayable experience and  the combination of new levels and updates of classic levels make for what seems like the Greatest Hits of Mario Karts along with some excellent DLC done right.

Hyrule Warriors

Combining Dynasty Warriors and Zelda sounds like an awesome formula on paper, but could've  easily gone awry if not done right. Tecmo Koei manage to combine their Hack and Slash formula  with Zelda's universe in a way that they meld perfectly. The Dynasy Warriors formula works  perfectly with Zelda's universe and there's plenty of fan service for Zelda fans

With a fun story that contains my favorite Zelda antagonist to date, several game modes and  tons of unlockable content, and some excellent DLC to check out, Hyrule Warriors is an incredibly content rich game that I'll be playing for quite some time.

South Park: The Stick of Truth

South Park is one of the few TV series that I've watched consistently since it aired. I  remember watching it with my family during christmas time and the shock they were in when  Cartman proceeded to sing "Kyles mom is a big fat bitch". So when I heard that the creators  were working hand in hand with Obsidian to make a full fledged South Park RPG I was absolutely  stoked.

While I agree with the most common complaint that the game is a bit short, fact is there's at  least a full season's worth of content in the game and it is in every way shape and form what I  wanted from a South Park game. Explore the whole town, interact with it's characters, fight  zombie nazi's and homeless people, everything that someone who follows the series would want to  see is there.

Shovel Knight

While I may not have been born in the 80's or grew up during the so called "Golden Age of  Gaming", I nonetheless started out on the classics while many other kids my age had already  moved on to the age of polygons. Duck Tales, Mega Man, Super Mario Bros. 3, Castlevania, I grew  up on all those games and each one had their hand in influencing Shovel Knight. A fantastic  love letter to the 8-bit era of gaming.

Taking classic simple video game mechanics and updating them for a whole new generation, Shovel  Knight is a game that'll appeal to those who grew up on the classic platformers of old as well  as a whole new audience of gamers.

Olli Olli

While the Tony Hawk series took a steady decline towards the end, I was loyal to the combo  based skate boarding series through and through. I still go back and play the first couple of  games with my friends for fun and even later entries like Underground and American Wasteland  were fantastic as well. So now during a time when skateboarding games are as dead as Western  Movies, Olli Olli comes out of the blue with a fresh take on the classic combo based skating  games that I grew up on.

While the game may only take place in a 2D perspective, there's just as much depth to the  tricks as any one of the Tony Hawk games and makes for both a challenging and addicting game.  Another game that I hope to see more of in the future.

Octodad: Dadliest Catch

I said above that Captain Toad's Treasure Tracker was the most adorable game I've ever played,  but Octodad comes in a pretty close second with his fatherly antics. Just the idea of a game  where you play an octopus trying to go about an average persons day to day life without people  finding out is already an incredibly ambitiious idea on paper. To actually pull it off though  is something else and they managed to pull it off.

Dragging your tenacles one by one trying not to attract attention is just an incredibly  humorous and silly experience.

Super Smash Bros.

Super Smash Bros. is a series that I've adored since the beginning. My friends and I grew up  and still smash on the N64 version to this day and Super Smash Bros. for the 3DS and Wii U is  just about everything we've wanted to see in a new Smash Bros. game. An incredible roster of  characters, customizable moves, A slew of game modes, more fun and unique arenas, and 8 player  battles all make up arguably the best entry in the series.

Like Mario Kart 8, Super Smash Bros. almost seems like a Greatest Hits collection for the  series taking all the best elements (except unfortunately the Ice Climbers) and combining them  into one amazing game.

Bayonetta 2

I know I said that I had a hard time choosing one single favorite game, but I'd be lying if I said that Bayonetta 2 wasn't the game I was most looking forward to this year. Not only did she  exceed my expectations, she took them, slapped them around a bit, did a nice sexy dance, and blew my expectations out of the sky.

I don't think I've talked about my adoration for the Devil May Cry series, but next to Metal  Gear Solid, it may be my favorite game series of all time. When I was a kid, Dante was the most  bad ass character I had ever seen and hacking and slashing enemies was my favorite thing. The  series went on to become my favorite action game series and while games like God of War were  fantastic action games in their own right, none of them quite had the flair the Devil May Cry  series had.

While Capcom's been busy trying to reboot the series when it didn't even need one, Platinum Games went ahead and filled the void with Bayonetta. Bayonetta's combat and tone feel much more  like a proper Devil May Cry sequel than last year's disappointing reboot. The controls rock  solid, the difficulty challenging but fun, the character's interesting and memorable, and the  amount of content is incredible.

So Bayonetta 2 was obviously a must-buy for me. While I bought the Wii U for a number of  different games, the main reason was most definetly Bayonetta 2 and it was in every way shape  and form worth it. Thank's to Nintendo for making it possible and Platinum Games for being experts at their craft

So there you have it, my way too long list of fanastic games from this year that I played. If  you managed to get through all that let me know what you think.

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Yes, this is a real thing that is coming out.

I for one look forward to stepping on her big metal penis and making her squeal with my guitar.

Korg Hatsune Miku Guitar Pedal

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11:39 AM on 05.06.2014

10: I live in a cabin in the woods.

With Shitty satellite internet with a daily bandwidth cap, Fuck Hughesnet.

9: I'm an avid musician.

I play Guitar, Bass, Drums, and Keyboards, but my expertise is the Kazoo and the Rain Stick.

8:  I'm 22 5'4", 125 lbs, Long Hair, Hazel Eyes, and a nice trimmed 6.5 Inch....

oh wait, that was supposed to go in my craigslist ad.

7: My favorite game console is the PS1.

Followed very closely by the N64, but I had a bigger library for the PS1. Metal Gear Solid, Spyro The Dragon, Medievil, Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver, Crash Bandicoot, Final Fantasy IX.

6: Frank Zappa is the Greatest Musician Ever. Period.
If you don't know who that is, go to the record store right now and buy every album of his you can find. You will become a better human being.

5: I got 5 Cats.

Their names are Boo Boo, Kisses, Spooner, Fuzzy Butt, and The Claw.

4: On Second Thought, My favorite game console is the N64.

N64 had the better games. Goldeneye, Super Smash Bros, Mario 64, Paper Mario, Banjo Kazooie, Perfect Dark, all some of the most memorable games I've played.

3: This one time I was at a party, and me and my friend were drinking, and we were doing shots together when then we decided to make margaritas, but we didn't have a blender or any ice. So we just started doing shots of tequila and chasing them with Margarita mix. The last thing I remember is waking up on my friends couch wrapped up in a towel with no pants on. Apparently I had thrown up and fell on the kitchen floor, where I then started to roll around in my vomit. My friend kindly undressed me and layed me on his couch while he washed and dried my clothes.

You know you have a true friend when he's willing to wash your puke stained clothes and let you crash on his couch in nothing but your boxers.

2: I have a metal plate holding my hip in place.

I was born with my hip pretty much backwards. I can walk and run fine mostly, but it does feel sore every now and then.

1: You know what, fuck it, its all about the Virtual Boy.

Wario Land for Life!

3:18 PM on 12.25.2013

Just figured I'd add in my Christmas Wishes to the wonderful people here. I've only been here a short while, but in that short time I've come to love the community here and am very fortunate to find a place as welcoming as Destructoid. Thank you all!

And now as a special Christmas Treat, I Present the Christmas Miracle that is the origin of ooktar. Enjoy.