Well the adulation for the Wii was nice while it lasted, a US problem has yet again travelled over to our fair (yet rapidly expanding) island and guess which paper has picked the story up. Here's come choice quotes from the people interviewed for the article.
"I'm absolutely aghast that children are being told they are fat,"
Tam Fry (ironic name #1,452), National Obesity Forum
"She is solidly built but not fat."
The outraged father, where have we heard this excuse before?
Another thing worth pointing out is the comments on the article, clearly the gamers have struck pretty quickly on this one. The usual assortment of Mail idiots are present but some of the comments are pure comedy gold.
Has no one at Nintendo got a sense of humour? The game could have responded with something like..."One at a time, please" or "Please return this whale to the nearest ocean.
Most people however point out that its a GAME (some using the caps), some pointing to the inaccurate nature of the BMI measurement, some using the same 'solidly built' joke as me, some showing sympathy at how this EVIL GAME has destroyed a small (well, sort of) girl's delicate sensibilities. Yeah, its pretty much back to the old routine for the Mail.
Obesity experts condemn Nintendo's Wii 'Fit' game after it tells 10-year-old girl she's fat (Daily Mail Online)
>NJ
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Last year's Hanabi Festival finished with a massive bang in the form of the awesome Sin and Punishment. So we've got another awesome import N64 game that justifies the price hike and keeps me going for months right? Nope.
Game 1 - Gley Lancer
Sega Mega Drive - 900 Points
Its a shooter, it looks like something I'd play.
Game 2 - Digital Champ Battle Boxing
Turbografx-16 - 700 Points
Yeah, the Turbografx has gotten a lot of love out of this festival but its a bit of a shame that the games uploaded have been kinda poor. I have no idea what this is by the way except that its a boxing game.
Game 3 - Star Parodier
Turbografx-16 - 900 Points
PARODIUS!! Some top cute-em-up action right there.
So that's your VC lot, we're back to domestic releases next week with the occasional import. Also I think the race is on now for who's getting Earthbound first. In the meantime there are 2 games for your enjoyment on the PSP store.
Wipeout Pure has gone platinum and downloadable for a nice £15 so if you don't have that yet its a good time even though you'll probably find it cheaper on UMD. Then there's some damn fine unintentionally hilarious cutscene action with Command and Conquer: Red Alert, purists might scoff at the PS1 port of an RTS but I like the PS1 version of this game.
Oh and don't forget to load up the Wii points, WiiWare Europe launches on Tuesday.
Attached photos:
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We have 8 games over your 6, we're not getting Defend Your Castle or VIP Blackjack but we are getting awesome.
Is it just me or does Nintendo really love us Europeans when it comes to downloads?
Our launch line-up will have TV Show King, My Life As A King, Pop and the game that seems to be justifying Wii purchases all over Destructoid, LostWinds at the same prices as the US, but the 4 extra games are:
Dr. Mario and Germ Buster (1,000)
Hell yes, we get Dr Mario!
Pirates: The Key of Dreams
No idea about this one, but it sounds interesting.
Star Soldier R (800)
Shooter goodness from Hudson.
Toki Tori
Anyone who's played the Game Boy Colour version of this excellent puzzler will know exactly what to expect. Fluffy yellow chick, lots of different items and a lot of potential for Wiimote smashing when it gets too hard.
Worth noting that the service does appear to be carrying the WiiWare title here as well, rather than the Wii Software tag we'd been expecting.
European WiiWare launch line-up (Eurogamer)
>NJ
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The excellent Bravo show Gamer.TV which was needlessly canned last week has now had its successor named and screened. The abysmally named Playr, presumably without the E to avoid references to the Challenge spinoff that crashed and burned 2 years ago, debuted on Bravo this weekend. I didn't see it but given that the same producer is behind both series and they appear to have the same basic remit it brings to mind again the question of why Gamer.TV was cancelled in the first place if a near identical show is going to replace it in damn near the exact same timeslot. Proper judgement will have to be reserved for when I actually see the programme next week.
Playr is on Bravo2 on Saturdays at 2:30pm and repeated Sundays on Bravo at 11am. There are 2 spinoffs in the form of Playr2 (Gamer.TV Extra) and Playr Guide (I'm thinking GameFAQs TV).
New Games TV Series Unveiled on Bravo (Digital Spy)
Just bring back Gamepad or Gamesmaster already.
>NJ
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Trackmania is among the greatest racing games ever made, however its also one of the greatest games with the most that can be improved. Having been a die-hard fan since the very first iteration of the game I thought I'd step up to the plate and suggest some of these changes in convenient 5-step form.
1) Put in collision detection
This could get ugly
This is my most outright rewriting of Trackmania's rules, though I'm not asking for it across the board. I would however like to see a new mode in the next TM game that gives us proper collsion detection enabled racing coupled with the insane track design that we've come to know the series for. This might also help to make the multilap tracks a more appealing prospect both for racers and designers. I'd even take this as a separate version, just do one version with collision detection in alongside the next normal game at a lower price. Or even just release it on Steam.
2) Take the editor back to basics
Back to this please
The track editor has been something I've had serious issues with ever since Sunrise. I'm not talking about the blocks or environments here, those are easy enough to get my head around. I'm talking about the interface itself. That picture up there is the original editor and it works brilliantly, there are some seriously tricky camera issues that I've had to wrestle with in United and those shouldn't exist. Give us a free look button by all means but also give an option to snap the camera back to its default position. Another thing I'd like to see is better labelling of the track block groups, as the blocks get more and more numerous its becoming harder and harder to find the block you want when getting to grips with the editor for the first time.
3) Put coppers back into the editor
I once made something like this, it took 2 hours and was awesome
Coppers are awesome. They enable buying of new tracks, cars, skins etc but their role has changed since Sunrise. In TM:O they are used to restrict the blocks that can be used in the editor, giving tracks a theoretical size limit. This therefore gives the single player campaign a point beyond the leaderboards, something that I think is seriously lacking in United and Nations. The best solution I can think of for this issue is to either remove the official time mechanism (a single timed run, screw it up and you have to pay coppers to try again) or create a new currency. Coppers can be earned from training and used in the editor alone while Silvers can be earned from official runs and used to buy stuff in Manialink.
4) Dial up the bonkers
These blocks are awesome
Trackmania is already rather insane, but its insanity is still grounded in basic reality. This is more of a graphical request that anything else but how about truly going off the hook for the next game? Chariots in ancient Rome? Supercharged Segways? Trackmania in space? Give us something truly insane.
5) PUT IT ON A BLOODY CONSOLE ALREADY!!
Trackmania DS, a step in the right direction
Trackmania is a perfect example of something I hate, a natural console game confined to the PC. The keyboard controls for the editor have proved to me that they can be converted to the console. Manialink can provide the custom tracks and cars like the Rock Band music store, there aren't any online barriers now and it could potentially make the game more beautiful than ever without worries about framerate issues. It would probably have to be a PS3 exclusive though, hopefully TM:DS proves to Nadeo that the game will work outside the PC.
So there, those are my 5 main ideas for improving Trackmania. Collision detection, a simplified editor, more restrictions on the editor, increased insanity and a console version. With these changes, I believe Trackmania can become one of the biggest franchises in gaming. Its starting to get that way already.
>NJ
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Everyone's favourite game hating excuse for a newspaper the Daily Mail has reviewed its arch nemesis, GTA4. A few choice quotes.
Prostitution, drug-dealing, criminality and breath-taking levels of casual violence do not so much punctuate the action as constitute almost every second of it.
The knifing of one GTA enthusiast, queueing up to buy his copy this week, has only reinforced the belief that such games are a deeply malign influence on society.
So far, so predictable right? Well if you thought Atlas is Fontaine was a major twist, you ain't seen nothing yet.
In fairness, though, the makers have for the first time utilised something that resembles a moral compass.
Killing is occasionally optional, dialogue and cut scenes are devoted to Niko's inner turmoil and while criminality and violence are certainly glorified, its perpetrators are somehow not.
It got 5/5. A perfect score from the most unlikely of allies even if it was slightly reluctant.
Big question time, is the Mail actually starting to get it? Has the self proclaimed voice of Britain, with a villlage named in its honour (though ironically populated with Guardian readers) realised where the money is now?
Grand Theft Auto IV: A game so slick its criminal (Daily Mail Online)
>NJ
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With Time Crisis 4 the series has sort of come off the rails as far as the home console versions go. With this in mind I'm going to give Namco 5 ways in which the series could return to the former glories that made the games into one of my favourite series'.
1 - Make it about time again
In Time Crisis running out of time meant game over. In Time Crisis 3 running out of time means you lose a life. Given that in TC3 the army you're fighting are going to launch missiles if you run out of time I don't think just losing a life is worthy. Also put the clock back to a starting value of 60 seconds with a maximum of 99, the length of the station should then determine how much time is added at the time extend. The series is still fun to play but the 40 second timer that's refilled after every station completely removes the challenge of time, this is compounded by removing the feeling that time running out is the worst thing that can happen.
Time Crisis, the original, one of only 2 TC games with an actual time focus.
2 - Remove the life bars
Flamethrowers and machine gunners in Time Crisis 3 have health bars. Given that these enemies are very rarely a threat it seems pointless to give them health bars when more lethal enemies like rocket launchers and the dreaded red soldiers go down in one hit. I'm no fighter for realism but I want a guy to go down like a sack of hammers when I nail him in the head. This is linked to the point about time, whittling down a health bar only serves to artificially lengthen a station and that's something we really shouldn't have time to be dealing with.
Time Crisis 3, free health bar enemy at every station.
3 - Spinoff like mad
My favourite Time Crisis game is a spinoff. Time Crisis: Project Titan which follows on from the special PS1 only mission. If Time Crisis is to succeed outside the arcades its vital that these spinoffs are created to give a point to the gun once the main game has been dealt with. Its also a chance to try out new things for the series and see that way how they're recieved by the fanbase. Best case scenario its an innovation that works and is refined before being added to a later entry (the hiding system in TC4 first appeared in Project Titan), worst case scenario its an idea that doesn't work and the spinoff is discarded by the fans with no damage dealt to the series as a whole. Personally this is how I would've liked to see the FPS mode in TC4 dealt with, and on that subject...
Project Titan, the reason spinoffs need to exist in this series.
4 - Stop giving us shite extras
Here's the deal, either you enhance the home version from what came in the arcade with extra areas or a completely new mission or you just release the game as just the arcade port at a budget price (normal game price with the gun). I don't want that crap FPS mode in TC4 any more than I want herpes. The Special mission from TC1 though, and the rescue mode in TC3 however are excellent. That's what we as the fans want, just a new challenge to reward us for splashing out on an arcade port in 2008.
Time Crisis 4's FPS mode. What the hell were they thinking?
5 - Treat the G-Con with respect
The G-Con 45 is one of the greatest pieces of gaming hardware ever created as far as I'm concerned. The G-Con 2 is an improvement on a masterpiece. The G-Con 3 is an unholy sin. I'm not talking here about the HDTV sensors, I'm talking about the 2 analog sticks. We only need 1 for an FPS like you were trying to give us, we've been taught that by the Wii. Then there's another issue, its now 11 years since Time Crisis was ported to the PS1 so why the fuck does the home version of the G-Con STILL not have recoil? This is the feature I want more than anything else. Keep giving us shit extras, refuse to spinoff, keep the time limit how it is and keep life bars, but for the love of god give the gun what it has been sorely needing for years.
The G-Con 3, seriously what the fuck?
So there's my 5 step plan for bringing Time Crisis back to the glory it has always enjoyed in the arcades. Please Namco, I believe in you as a developer and a hardware maker so take at least one of these on board. I know Time Crisis can be a worthy franchise in this generation of consoles, I say that because I know that we as gamers will never truly tire of the joys of a lightgun, stupidly named heroes and villains and some of the most unintentionally hilarious voice acting ever.
>NJ
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While I've been trying to keep it retro for this series, there's one recent innovation in the control world that deserves recognition. Demoed at the Gamestars Live event in November 2003, released in October 2004 and finally killed in 2006 it was the perfect example of right product, wrong time. Welcome to Control Freaks.
Episode 4 - The Gametrak
The 1st generation Gametrak, later models used a bulkier unit and a more solid button.
The Gametrak worked using those gloves you see. By using those coupled with the wires they were attatched to the unit could detect where your hands were, this enabled it to provide motion control before we even thought about what Nintendo were doing. It also ended up working quite well by going with the games that would make the most of the technology. Given that there were only 3 games for the device its really something that never quite reached its full potential in its short life, the games that came out were actually quite good though. Where developers In2Games went wrong was in releasing those shite RealPlay games, but before that their mistake was in charging £80 for the Gametrak. No matter how good the games were and no matter how well the control worked no-one was going to pay £80 for this thing.
The Games
The first game released and bundled with the system at launch was Darkwind, a first person fighting game that was a very fun game to play entirely due to the Gametrak's abilities. Punch with the left, punching with the right and blocking enemy attacks in the time honoured sense of just putting your fist in the way. Darkwind was an excellent game severely restricted by the price of its hardware. I have actually never been able to find a copy of this so if you have a PAL copy I would actually be very interested.
Darkwind, possibly the best first person fighter ever made.
Second out of the traps was Real World Golf, a golf game that in the current tradition of golf games came bundled with a little club. Aside from that however it was and still is one of the best recreations of golf I think currently exists and for me it will remain that way until someone finally works out how to make a decent Wii Golf game. A sequel was released alongside the 2nd generation Gametrak as Real World Golf 2006 and actually made it to #3 in the UK game chart.
Real World Golf, still the best motion controlled golf game.
The Gametrak launched at the wrong price and failed to gather support as it slowly inched towards the grave. A new version entitled Gametrak Freedom is rumoured to be in development but with the Wii currently eating all the motion control pie I think its impossible for a device like that to be successful now. At the time however it had the potential to be great, but middling reviews and a high price point kept the Gametrak from any kind of success. There is an upside though, the device can now be found quite easily for quite cheap so if you have a PS2 I highly recommend hitting up ebay and getting one. As a 6th generation peripheral it was derided but it did its job well and if it had been successful could've stopped this generation developing the way it has. In my mind that makes it unique among batshit insane devices, it also makes it a worthy Control Freak.
>NJ
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