From time to time I’ll have ideas. Most of them are not very good. Most of them would not translate well into a video game. However on magical days when the moons and the planets align and my monthly sacrifices to the Incan Gods pan out. I will have an idea so good that it not only astounds me, but it knocks down old women in a 3 mile radius. Today I humbly present to you one of these ideas. Ladies and Gentleman I present to you… Chris Stopher: Angry Manager of a Local Grocery Store.

You play as Chris Stopher. A man on the edge. Maybe he’s a Nam vet. I don’t know yet. Either way he’s pissed off all the time. His hopes and dreams of a meaningful career have been dashed as he is forced to manage the local grocery store. However the boring life of a grocery store manager would not be very fun. So we’re going to play during the time period that Chris snaps.

Basically my premise for the game is essentially Dead Rising in a Supermarket. Instead of zombies they are just terribly, terribly annoying customers. There would be tons and tons of voice over for these annoyances. They would spout off the classic phrases of “This was less expensive last week!” “I’m going to get you fired!” and my personal favourite “ Grandma just pissed on the floor!”.

Everything in the Supermarket could be used as a weapon. Want to smack Mother with 6 Screaming Kids in the face with a baguette? Go for it! Give those kids a whack too! Old woman complaining that the font on the cereal boxes is to small for her mostly blind eyes? Open that box of Frosted Flakes up and just start force feeding them to her! That’ll learn her for not being able to see!

Maybe your staff could see it fit to help out with learning these customers a thing or two as well! Hold back a complaining man while the Deli Manager smacks him around with a side of beef. Get the custodians to wax all the floors and start sliding children across the floor into massive pyramid can displays! It’s fun for the whole family! Except the kids…

The possibilities are literally endless! If this game was ever made however every game company would just shut down because the game would be so good that no one would ever want to play anything else ever again. In fact it might lead to the downfall of the entire human race because people would be too busy playing it to want to have to deal with their screaming kids annoying cries for attention and food, and because children are stupid they wouldn’t have the common knowledge to feed themselves and the population would just die out.

Ladies and Gentleman I know that you are either moist/erect just hearing about this game but just hearing about it is going to have to do. Because even though it would be incredibly awesome to just stick it to every annoying customer stereotype that ever walked the earth. The massive feelings of joy and empowerment that it would cause would inevitably lead to the downfall of planet Earth. So take this as a warning. If this game is ever made for the love of God do not play it. It could be the ruin of us all.

On a side note I have never managed a grocery store.