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Community Discussion: Blog by nakedstud | Whoring Around With Sega... a tale of lust, betrayal, and disappointmentDestructoid
Whoring Around With Sega... a tale of lust, betrayal, and disappointment - Destructoid

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So around 93 or 94 i had grown tired of playing my snes (rather super famicom with a converter... check my previous post). i had played through all the great games the system had to offer... link to the past, starfox, mario world 1 2 3, royal rumble, the list goes on and on. It still didn't lose its ability to constantly amaze me though. I remember playing top gear for the first time. it was the first time i had seen a 2 player split screen in a racing game. i have never been so turned on in my life...

Anyway the excitement of playing snes games was dying down but i did keep on playing it. One fine day I got a call from my older cousin. I was the youngest in my entire extended family from my moms side... so when i was only 10 most of my cousins were 35 +. Anyway she stated that her kid was really into mario and she had gotten a sega while on vacation. The kid was extremely upset and was causing havoc all over the house (i could hear him yelping in the background). Clearly she didn't know jack shit about games and the kid just wanted mario. so i made them an offer - my NES with all its games for her sega genesis... she accepted.

Now let me tell you something about myself. Even though i always kept a Nintendo at home i had always whored around with other systems ever since i was a child. I would go to my cousins and friends houses and play Commodore 64 or Atari while my NES waited up at home for me. When the SNES came out i would have one night stands with Sega Genesis while i was over at my cousins for sleepovers. But up till that point i had never brought another console home with me.

When i got home with the genesis the first thing i did was wrap up the snes and put it away in my closet. I just couldnt have it watch me plug in the genesis and push its buttons with glee.so sega its only me and you now... show me what you got baby... lets see that famous "mega drive" of yours mmmmmm yess...

For the next few months i completely forgot about my SNES and indulged in everything the Genesis had to offer. my cousin had only gotten one game for the genesis - Fifa 94. boy did i rape that game. i even had gang rape sessions with 5 or 6 of my friends going at it 2 at a time. Then i borrowed crackdown... the main reason i had agreed to the exchange... my first split screen experience.. my fucking favorite game on the Genesis. Oh did i enjoy that game... i would grab anyone and everyone i could to play that game with me. fuck i even had my cook give up his cooking duties and tried to teach him how to play so i could have a partner.... he sucked ass at it btw.

I was enjoying Sega so much that i even had another Sega move in with me. this time it was the Game Gear. my cousin, who was a Sega fanboy, had one sitting around collecting dust which i borrowed. This time it was the game boy which got booted into the closet while i had the Game Gear pleasure me in all corners of the house. i was so aroused by its huge, high resolution, colored screen. But i soon found out what the game gear lacked. stamina. the fucking thing drained batteries so fast that it wouldn't even let me finish with it. selfish piece of shit. sometimes fresh batteries would be drained within 30 - 45 minutes of playing. portable my ass. My brief love affair with Sega was all downhill from there...

I decided to plug in the adapter of the lil piece of shit game gear and play it. After about 45 minutes i could feel the heat from the adapter which was plugged in about 8 feet away from me. The fucking thing was so hot that it scalded my hand when i touched it. Fucking piece of shit.. what a goddamn turn off. But i still had the genesis and good ol crackdown... which by now i had raped the shit out of.

I was done with crackdown. I had played sonic and most of its spin offs or sequels or whatever the fuck they were (sonic & knuckles?).. wasn't too impressed. I played michael jacksons moon walker... yeh pretty cool... michael jackson was hot shit back then. still it wasnt anything like zelda or starfox. so i tried playing the genesis version of royal rumble. i had already fucked the shit out of the snes version and was kind of excited to play with a fairly different line up of wrestlers... i mean it had papa shango and the model, the two most irritating wrestlers to ever grace the ring. Who wouldn't want to beat the shit out of them?!

So i put it in and after a few minutes i realized the goddamn controls were too confusing. the snes controller utilized all its6 buttons into the game. the shoulder buttons did the special moves and i forget the order of the other buttons but yeah it utilized all its fucking buttons. now how the fuck would i play royal rumble with a sega controller which had 3 buttons. well I soon found out. for grapple you had to press two buttons together. for special moves it was 3 buttons or i dont even fucking know. I've found out recently that genesis also had a 6 button controller but these things came in very limited supply to Pakistan and most of the kids got their games and console accessories from their parents when they went abroad. Sega controllers also had another fucking problem. After a while buttons would get jammed inside their sockets making the controllers useless. Now that i have better common sense i know that i should have opened the controllers with a screwdriver and unjammed them manually. But being a fat spoiled, lazy, kid as i was, and all my friends were , that option didn't even cross our minds. Parents were too busy to give a fuck about our petty gaming dilemmas. The button jamming issue was goddamn annoying as shit to say the least. and just like that i was done with sega.

After throwing Game Gear and Genesis out of the house (gave them back to their rightful owners... poor bastards) I went crawling back to my SNES and Gameboy. never again did i ever touch a Sega... but my whoring ways were far from over...



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